Parents - PLEASE be reasonable!

[Reese]

Taking a mathmatical approach to this. I have five children one of which is under two. He generally has 3 to 4 meltdowns in a day- not long ones in his home environment but still they are there. My 4 and 5 year old are still prone to maybe two to three meltdowns a week each. The older two are generally meltdown free but with puberty fast approaching I will book in atleast one meltdown for the oldest. Now with my pregnancy hormones I think we can put DH and me down for one meltdown each (that is a conservative answer ).

When you add them all together that makes for about 38 meltodowns in a week for my family. We are an average family, my kids are great kids and if you look at the meltdowns in a week I think that seems like a very average outlook. Now multiply that by how many families will be in Disney on any given day and you are bound to encounter a couple meltdowns. This does not mean bad parents or over worked children it just means your surrounded by happy, real life families .

 

[lucincia]

AT TIMES we have to do the opposite from you. Like when ONE of our kids cries because they disagreed with where we are eating lunch. I cannot up and leave, because then the other three get no lunch and the acting-up kid gets her way (we don't eat at that restaurant). Would I let her have her fit and disturb other guests for a long time? It might seem long, but I would not let it continue over a couple of minutes. In fact, I wouldn't look her in the eye after my initial "talking to," I would keep on quietly playing with the other kids. Then, when she calmed down, after figuring out that her ploy was not going to work, she would join back into our games while the food cooks.

Has this happened? Yes, that is how I could give an accurate scenario. Why didn't ONE parent take her out of there? Because there was only one parent there that day. I guess whether a parent "should" let the kid scream in a public place depends on WHY the kid is screaming. My kids had to learn that sometimes we DID have to go grocery shopping, even if they didn't want to. And that their screaming was not going to get them what they wanted (to leave). Yes, if the kid is having a fit and removing them is NOT what they wanted all along, it would work. But that is not always the case.

Once again, this does NOT mean we let our kids scream in a restaurant throughout dinner!! A few minutes has always worked just fine!

Beth

Well, at least you're trying. I am talking about the parents who said they'll let their kids cry throughout the ENTIRE meal.

 

[taximomfor4]

Well, at least you're trying. I am talking about the parents who said they'll let their kids cry throughout the ENTIRE meal.

LOL. I hear you!

After 15 minutes, ANY loud constant noise for 15+ minutes could get annoying!


Beth

 

[justhat]

Very good analogy Reese! And I think it's a pretty accurate assessment.

I was a parent who posted that we let my 19 month old daughter cry throughout about half of our lunch at Pinocchio Village Haus on Sunday. I would not do this in a sitdown restaurant since you'd be able to hear her well and she'd annoy others, but in a counter service place that is so loud I have to yell to the cashier to place my order, I have no problem letting her ride out her tantrum at the table. What else could I possibly do? As it was a woman was waiting so deparately for our table that she sat down before my husband was totally out of his chair, so had we left with her she would have had no place to finish eating (nor would we). I'm open to suggestions as to how to get her to stop crying about not eating a French fry, but I really have no other solution than to let her cry. In a sitdown restaurant we don't get fries so that wouldn't even be an issue, but if it were (she's never cried in a sitdown meal so far) we'd find a way to distract her and get her to stop. I never really find that leaving and returning works well with her as then it's a battle to get her back in the highchair (have experienced that after a diaper change). Once they get that bit of freedom to run around they don't want to be tied down in the chair again.

 

[mill4023]

Really, I can't recall seeing even one. I know my own children have cried from time to time but I really cannot recall seeing one screaming child. Maybe I just have Disney block!

I'm with you. We were there for 9 days and I have no memories of screaming kids. We rode the buses, had quite a few table service meals, etc.
As for our kids, the two oldest have more energy than DW and I, and the two youngest nap in the stroller if they are tired.

 

[pandora174]

Very good analogy Reese! And I think it's a pretty accurate assessment.

I was a parent who posted that we let my 19 month old daughter cry throughout about half of our lunch at Pinocchio Village Haus on Sunday. I would not do this in a sitdown restaurant since you'd be able to hear her well and she'd annoy others, but in a counter service place that is so loud I have to yell to the cashier to place my order, I have no problem letting her ride out her tantrum at the table. What else could I possibly do? As it was a woman was waiting so deparately for our table that she sat down before my husband was totally out of his chair, so had we left with her she would have had no place to finish eating (nor would we). I'm open to suggestions as to how to get her to stop crying about not eating a French fry, but I really have no other solution than to let her cry. In a sitdown restaurant we don't get fries so that wouldn't even be an issue, but if it were (she's never cried in a sitdown meal so far) we'd find a way to distract her and get her to stop. I never really find that leaving and returning works well with her as then it's a battle to get her back in the highchair (have experienced that after a diaper change). Once they get that bit of freedom to run around they don't want to be tied down in the chair again.

This reminds me of my DS when we took him to Disney & he was about 20 months old. He behaved wonderfully at all the table service restaurants when we took him when he was 1 so we thought that he was older & it would be a breeze ? NOT ! As we sat down at the Mexican restaurant & ordered he proceeded to throw the mother of all tantrums. Nothing we did calmed him so my DH & I took turns eating. I ate & he took our precious screaming darling to the shops outside the restaurant & then when I finished I went & switched with him. The waitress was kind enough to re-heat my DH's food. It was a very stressful meal but I couldn't of subjected everyone around me to his screaming through an entire meal. If I can get him away I do but sometimes he just wants to get on the ride RIGHT NOW & I just try & stick it out if I can. But I do expect to see crying, whining, & even some screaming at Disney & I totally sympathize with the parents.

 

[Disney with Triplets]

My biggest impression with families at WDW (and I have a son, aged 5) ... We saw 4 parks in 6 days. Went on many rides more than once. Fireworks ONE night (son had a 2 hour nap - had not napped for past 2 years but in the heat it was a welcome thing!) and we had a great time. CM's commented at restaurants how well-behaved.

I'm always amazed that parents with ONE child seem to know how to remind parents with more than one child how easy it is to have a happy, well-behaved child all of the time. When I take any ONE of my THREE out by themselves...I know just how she feels. And most of the time, my three are well mannered, well behaved kids. But any one of them can have a melt down a day over not getting their way, being tired, or whatever, but sometimes, we have to go with the flow for the better of the family and not for that one child.

 

[crisi]

This reminds me of my DS when we took him to Disney & he was about 20 months old. He behaved wonderfully at all the table service restaurants when we took him when he was 1 so we thought that he was older & it would be a breeze ? NOT ! As we sat down at the Mexican restaurant & ordered he proceeded to throw the mother of all tantrums. Nothing we did calmed him so my DH & I took turns eating. I ate & he took our precious screaming darling to the shops outside the restaurant & then when I finished I went & switched with him. The waitress was kind enough to re-heat my DH's food. It was a very stressful meal but I couldn't of subjected everyone around me to his screaming through an entire meal. If I can get him away I do but sometimes he just wants to get on the ride RIGHT NOW & I just try & stick it out if I can. But I do expect to see crying, whining, & even some screaming at Disney & I totally sympathize with the parents.

You were lucky you could get him out. It may have been in this thread or another where I posted about my daughters meltdown in Boma. It WAS disturbing other diners, and ideally I SHOULD have removed her. But picking up a kicking screaming four year old and carrying them from the back of a very crowded restaurant seemed like a BAD idea. As disturbing as it was to hear her scream, it was less disturbing than getting kicked in the head.

Next time you are in a Disney restaurant, look at the back tables and think - "if my older toddler/preschooler (a fifteen month old pins and carries ok) threw a tantrum - how would I get them out of here?" Most restaurants are so crowded that they'd have to be having a well behaved and controlled tantrum to avoid knocking over someone's food or kicking them. I've noticed that at least for my kids "controlled" and "tantrum" don't usually go together.

And yes, one child in the family and you can move the world around making sure they behave and are dealt with when then don't. Add children and the problem gets harder.

 

[Bob NC]

When I asked them (politely) what they had been doing, I got the same general responses:

When you asked them that question, they REALLY said this:

up at 6am, quick breakfast in the room, dressed and out the door to get to X park for Early Magic Hours, or Character Breakfast; then agenda to do ALL the rides in the parks, eat quick meals so as not to miss specific shows, go ALL DAY in the heat, humidity, noise, and stimulation, eat dinner in a nice restaurant (with a child / children who have not napped or had any of their "own" time), go back to the park for more stimulation, sugared snacks, and noise, as well as heat, watch fireworks that are on much later than these kids' normal bedtimes, then stand in large crowds waiting for busses to take them back to the hotel, where some parents then let them swim at 11pm or feed them yet another high-calorie, low nutritional meal

How many folks really said that?

 

[DISLOVE]

You hit the nail on the head for me! We took my DD 3 to Disney for her third birthday last month. She is normally a very well mannered child, the envy of all my friends. We took her to Disney and by the second day she was a holy terror! And we did everything right (IMHO) including sleeping in, taking nap/swim breaks, and not rushing thru the parks. She was beside herself at 8 am on her birthday and I hate to carry her screaming from the CRT and back to the hotel. It was miserable.

When we came home, I brought her to the drs and found out that she had 2 massive ear infections (despite no fever) and the beginnings of pneumonia. Ahhh. Finally an answer...

The worst part is that a mother in the food court at our hotel said, "Wow. Somepeople shouldn't be allowed to have children!" when I was very calmly taking her out of the food court because she had lost her marbles.

The best part was a woman approaching me in Tusker House and saying that "I'm sorry to interrupt but I just had to say something.You are so patient and respectful to your daughter. I have 3 kids and you are the best mother I have ever seen." (This was after I held my daughter outside in a chair, singing, rocking her back and forth, as she again lost her marbles!)

I felt so good after that lady spoke to me... and so horrendous after the other witch spoke up. But I also realized that outsiders perspectives were not always accurate and that I had to do right by my daughter and that's it. But, truth be told, I was really glad to know I was the best mother alive! lol

 

[DISLOVE]

Okay... I'm putting on my flame suit. And I'm ready but really don't mean any harm. But if you can't control multiple children... you shouldn't have them. That is a poor excuse for having children run amock...

 

[pandora174]

You were lucky you could get him out. It may have been in this thread or another where I posted about my daughters meltdown in Boma. It WAS disturbing other diners, and ideally I SHOULD have removed her. But picking up a kicking screaming four year old and carrying them from the back of a very crowded restaurant seemed like a BAD idea. As disturbing as it was to hear her scream, it was less disturbing than getting kicked in the head.

Next time you are in a Disney restaurant, look at the back tables and think - "if my older toddler/preschooler (a fifteen month old pins and carries ok) threw a tantrum - how would I get them out of here?" Most restaurants are so crowded that they'd have to be having a well behaved and controlled tantrum to avoid knocking over someone's food or kicking them. I've noticed that at least for my kids "controlled" and "tantrum" don't usually go together.

And yes, one child in the family and you can move the world around making sure they behave and are dealt with when then don't. Add children and the problem gets harder.

Yup we were lucky that we were seating by the front of the exit & it was only a few steps & we were in the indoor indoor shopping area where he still was screaming. At this point I did let him scream as I calmy bought a few souvenirs. It was pretty loud around us so no one really was bothered I just got lots of sympathetic looks & anyway but I wasn't to let him get his way totally. My DH did the same & guess what, once we left the Mexican pavillion & got moving he was back to his old happy self. I guess he wanted to see more Disney. But I did stick it out in lines to some attractions (sorry for those in line behind us) because he will sometime (not always) get antsy & cry when he wants to go on the ride NOW, once he's on, he's happy as a clam. That's why I don't judge oterhs too harshly because parents should know their kids best, when it's a drama act or the real thing. & yup we're hoping to have another one & we've decided each parent gets one child to be responsible for at restaurants & hopefully we can go out ! We'll see though

 

[Disney with Triplets]

Okay... I'm putting on my flame suit. And I'm ready but really don't mean any harm. But if you can't control multiple children... you shouldn't have them. That is a poor excuse for having children run amock...

Wow...I'm pretty sure that you fit the mold of the "type" of parent I was referring to...you can identify: the parent of an "only" child who can adjust their world to suit the behavior pattern of the "one" child, the one with "one" who is certain that they can hand out expert parenting tips to those with more than one...you know...who are you really identifying with in this scenario?

No one said that it was an excuse to let multiple children run amuck and I'll put the manners and behavior of my kids up against most on this board.

My point was that if you have one child and he has one tantrum or melt-down during the week at Disney, then someone with three kids will probably be dealing with three tantrums (melt-downs) sometime during the week. All the while, the parent with one child can leave the park, head for the pool or a nap or whatever change of scenery is necessary, the person with three kids is not going to necessarily sacrifice the fun for the family because one child isn't having a good afternoon. It's life - and sometimes, we have to go with the flow instead of catering to the needs of one child - obviously something you are good at. It's called developing coping skills...I'll continue to handle the three that God blessed me with...wonder why?

 

[DISLOVE]

Wow...I'm pretty sure that you fit the mold of the "type" of parent I was referring to...you can identify: the parent of an "only" child who can adjust their world to suit the behavior pattern of the "one" child, the one with "one" who is certain that they can hand out expert parenting tips to those with more than one...you know...who are you really identifying with in this scenario?

No one said that it was an excuse to let multiple children run amuck and I'll put the manners and behavior of my kids up against most on this board.

My point was that if you have one child and he has one tantrum or melt-down during the week at Disney, then someone with three kids will probably be dealing with three tantrums (melt-downs) sometime during the week. All the while, the parent with one child can leave the park, head for the pool or a nap or whatever change of scenery is necessary, the person with three kids is not going to necessarily sacrifice the fun for the family because one child isn't having a good afternoon. It's life - and sometimes, we have to go with the flow instead of catering to the needs of one child - obviously something you are good at. It's called developing coping skills...I'll continue to handle the three that God blessed me with...wonder why?

I COULD be the type that you are referring to. But that depends... can you handle your children or do you make excuses? If you handle your kids, then you are not who I am referring too. But for those people who make excuses, well then, I stand by my comment about not having more children than you can handle.

I do have one child at the moment, will hopefully have one more. But my husband and I agree that we don't want to be "outnumbered" by our children.

 

[Disney with Triplets]

Double Post

 

[Disney with Triplets]

I COULD be the type that you are referring to. But that depends... can you handle your children or do you make excuses? If you handle your kids, then you are not who I am referring too. But for those people who make excuses, well then, I stand by my comment about not having more children than you can handle.

I do have one child at the moment, will hopefully have one more. But my husband and I agree that we don't want to be "outnumbered" by our children.

My DH and I were "outnumbered" by our children the day they were born - hence, the name, Disney with Triplets - No Excuses here! Do the best with what God gives you with His graces every day. Keep wondering until you've walked in the shoes of those you judge.

 

[gigi1313]

all i will say on the subject is "you raise your kids, and i'll raise mine"

 

[rjthkids]

I COULD be the type that you are referring to. But that depends... can you handle your children or do you make excuses? If you handle your kids, then you are not who I am referring too. But for those people who make excuses, well then, I stand by my comment about not having more children than you can handle.

I do have one child at the moment, will hopefully have one more. But my husband and I agree that we don't want to be "outnumbered" by our children.

Well, first of all, anyone who is making excuses about why they can't handle their multiple children probably couldn't handle their ONE child either. It's about parenting, not about the amount of children you have. Being "outnumbered" by your children doesn't suddenly render you incapable of parenting them because there are more of them than there are of you. I have never met a parent who had it "all together" with one child, and then had another one and *poof* now they just let their kids run amock with absolutely no attempt to control them. There are different expectations and different dynamics that come with multiple children that don't make it as easy to always accomodate everyone 100% of the time. But that has nothing to do with being able to parent.

If human beings were only capable of parenting until they were outnumbered by their kids, that would be a pretty sad and pathetic statement, wouldn't you think? We expect teachers in a classroom to watch 20 kids, we expect daycare providers to watch six kids, but somehow it's "too much" and we're not capable of parenting more than one or two children?

Personally, I see the opposite problem in our country. The large families I know (four plus children) have very capable and purposeful parents. I don't see all these people have more kids than they can handle. What I see is too many families who are afraid to have more children because they somehow think their whole worlds will fall to pieces with more than one child. They can't fathom what it is like and so they're afraid of it. I sat in church last Sunday with my r son, listening as two other mothers with only children in our circle talked about how they wouldn't start trying for a second child until their first one was in preschool, because they couldn't *possibly* take care of their older child and their new child at the same time. If it wasn't so sad, it really would make me laugh.

 

[crisi]

I COULD be the type that you are referring to. But that depends... can you handle your children or do you make excuses? If you handle your kids, then you are not who I am referring too. But for those people who make excuses, well then, I stand by my comment about not having more children than you can handle.

I do have one child at the moment, will hopefully have one more. But my husband and I agree that we don't want to be "outnumbered" by our children.

And hopefully you won't have twins. Or an "impossible" follow up surprise.

We only have two, so we aren't outnumbered. But they are way closer together than I would have ever planned or is ideal for handling them at all the time - my son is adopted due to infertility, my daughter a surprise that is only a year younger than he is.

Its always nice when people get exactly the family they planned. Although both my kids were wanted, neither of them is the child I planned to have when I planned to have them.

Someone once told me that people have one more child than they can handle - and I kind of have to laugh. If both kids were like my son, we wouldn't have stopped with two. If our first was my daughter (and we'd had choices) we'd have one!

And with two, you are outnumbered. Every time DH goes to the bathroom or runs into the store, or goes to work or.....my kids spend far more time with one of us or the other than they do with two adults in the house.

 

[Embel]

My husband & I are religious 1-2-3 Magic converts, and can find a time-out spot just about anywhere on earth. We think (hope ) that we manage to control the outbursts as best as possible. But they happen...to us & to others. I try to think of doing Disney with kids as a game of Russian Roulette. Every time I see someone else's child melting down I smile- because we're all human, and because I'm happy it wasn't my turn for the bullet.