Parents of teens ~ question

[Bluestars]

Only if the item was left in the car. If not, then no. I work and would not have time to run home for something. They would just have to do without it until the next day.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

I'm a teen. My school is about half an hour away. So no, I don't drive myself to pick up anything I forgot.

Now, when I was in middle school, my mom may have been nice to me once or twice.

 

[spaceacewannabe]

Everyone forgets once in a while. Can you imagine telling your husband, "Sorry you forgot your wallet but it was your responsibilty. So even though I could run it up to you, I'm not going to because you need to learn a lesson."

Jess

I was thinking the same thing. Kids don't have the power to fix it when they forget something other than calling parents. They can't run to the gas station to get lunch if they forget theirs. As a teacher, hungry kids or kids who forgot really necessary materials are an inconvenience to me (and often the other kids) as well. If you can bring something without major inconvenience and it's not habitual for your child, I think everyone deserves to be cut some slack. Also, if your child is missing lunch, it might end up that a teacher ends up providing it. I know I would be making sure the child was fed (I have a stash in my office for hungry students).

 

[cheermom1]

I was thinking the same thing. Kids don't have the power to fix it when they forget something other than calling parents. They can't run to the gas station to get lunch if they forget theirs. As a teacher, hungry kids or kids who forgot really necessary materials are an inconvenience to me (and often the other kids) as well. If you can bring something without major inconvenience and it's not habitual for your child, I think everyone deserves to be cut some slack. Also, if your child is missing lunch, it might end up that a teacher ends up providing it. I know I would be making sure the child was fed (I have a stash in my office for hungry students).

So does several of dd's teachers..My dd has low blood sugar and she normally carries snakes but sometimes she doesn't have any and the teachers all know about this so they give her snakes if she needs them...I am so glad and happy and thankful for all the teacher at our school they are all awesome...

I even had a teacher call me several times about issues with my son (ADHD and not on meds my choice) b/c they were concerned and we worked things out over the phone...The teachers didn't take it any further than that either and they could have but b/c they know me so well and know I'll take care of things they always call me first...Thank you teachers

 

[mhsjax]

I would take my kids lunch money. They get up too early to eat breakfast. They can't stand food that early in the am. There is no way I would let my kids go until 3:00 without food. They will give them a cheese sandwich but my kiddo is allergic to cheese and the other one can't stand it.

I agree with the other pp that stated you wouldn't tell your hubby no it is your responsibility to remember it that is crazy. I drove 1 hour to bring my hubby an extra car key because he locked himself out of his car at work.

As far as forgotten homework or books, easy decision, our schools won't let you bring it in for them, They have to suffer the consequences for that, but they will let you bring in lunch money. Even they realize that letting your kid go without lunch isn't a real good idea.

 

[MrsPete]

Truth be told, I'll probably run the money up there before lunch because I don't want her hungry all day and sluggish, but it definitely irks me.

I'll take the other side of that coin -- no pun intended: I would not take it to school.

Going without lunch one day will be unpleasant, but it won't hurt a normal, well-nourished child. However, it will make her appreciate that she'd better be a little more mindful of details tomorrow. Also, she's old enough to problem-solve and borrow some money or share someone's lunch. The average kid doesn't do enough "figuring it out" on his own today.

Another parent of not yet teens (mine are 8 & 9) who leaves it on the kids shoulders to make sure they have what they need for their day at "work." That being said the lunch money is never an issue because our school system has an account system so I load their accounts with x amount of dollars and at lunch time they enter a pin code to deduct the cost from their accounts.

Well, actually, my kids have lunch accounts too, so in theory they "can't" run out of lunch money; however, they're responsible for bringing plenty of other things to school: gym clothes, calculators, homework. The concept is the same. If you want to raise a responsible adult who'll be able to manage his own life as an adult, you teach them early that they must stop and think about things.

My daugther is a sophomore, and I'm trying to remember if she's forgotten anything in high school. I don't think she has. I can't recall a single time. I do remember a couple times in elementary school when she forgot things, and we didn't "bail her out". So she learned the lesson, and it ceased to be a problem. When our children were younger, we emphasized that bookbags were to be packed the night before and left by the door. We checked to make sure that they had their notebooks, a coat, etc. laid out with the bag. As they grew older, they took over the chore themselves -- and it became easy for them. Organization and responsibility are learned behaviors.

On the other hand, MANY of my students are constantly without this or that thing at school. Obviously, it isn't much of a problem FOR THEM. They call mom, who jumps into rescue mode, and it becomes MOM'S PROBLEM to run the item to school. Moms who allow their children to use them like this on a regular basis are rewarding and promoting irresponsibility.

I agree with the other pp that stated you wouldn't tell your hubby no it is your responsibility to remember it that is crazy. I drove 1 hour to bring my hubby an extra car key because he locked himself out of his car at work.

That's a little different. With no key, your husband really has no options other than to get your help. He can't stay at work forever, a lock smith costs a fortune. He's STUCK. On the other hand, a child who's forgotten her lunch money -- unless you bail her out -- faces a few hours of discomfort. Not really in the same ballpark.

A more realistic comparison for the key-less husband: A child who has become sick at school really has no option but to call you. She cannot drive herself home, she cannot make herself well . . . she has no real options. A sick child is STUCK, and there's no lesson to be learned.

 

[j's m]

When my DS got home yesterday, he was very grateful that I brought him his glasses.
His Chem teacher does put the extra credit for the test on the board, and he wouldn't have been able to read it.

 

[mhsjax]

I'll take the other side of that coin -- no pun intended: I would not take it to school.

Going without lunch one day will be unpleasant, but it won't hurt a normal, well-nourished child. However, it will make her appreciate that she'd better be a little more mindful of details tomorrow. Also, she's old enough to problem-solve and borrow some money or share someone's lunch. The average kid doesn't do enough "figuring it out" on his own today.Well, actually, my kids have lunch accounts too, so in theory they "can't" run out of lunch money; however, they're responsible for bringing plenty of other things to school: gym clothes, calculators, homework. The concept is the same. If you want to raise a responsible adult who'll be able to manage his own life as an adult, you teach them early that they must stop and think about things.

My daugther is a sophomore, and I'm trying to remember if she's forgotten anything in high school. I don't think she has. I can't recall a single time. I do remember a couple times in elementary school when she forgot things, and we didn't "bail her out". So she learned the lesson, and it ceased to be a problem. When our children were younger, we emphasized that bookbags were to be packed the night before and left by the door. We checked to make sure that they had their notebooks, a coat, etc. laid out with the bag. As they grew older, they took over the chore themselves -- and it became easy for them. Organization and responsibility are learned behaviors.

On the other hand, MANY of my students are constantly without this or that thing at school. Obviously, it isn't much of a problem FOR THEM. They call mom, who jumps into rescue mode, and it becomes MOM'S PROBLEM to run the item to school. Moms who allow their children to use them like this on a regular basis are rewarding and promoting irresponsibility. That's a little different. With no key, your husband really has no options other than to get your help. He can't stay at work forever, a lock smith costs a fortune. He's STUCK. On the other hand, a child who's forgotten her lunch money -- unless you bail her out -- faces a few hours of discomfort. Not really in the same ballpark.

A more realistic comparison for the key-less husband: A child who has become sick at school really has no option but to call you. She cannot drive herself home, she cannot make herself well . . . she has no real options. A sick child is STUCK, and there's no lesson to be learned.

Hubby could have gotten a ride home with someone, he just didn't want to leave his car there. And I am sorry, but I refuse to allow my child a few hours of discomfort because they forget their lunch money. They become ill if they don't eat. I wonder how many parents, if they forgot their lunch or didn't have money in their wallet at lunch time would just go oh well, my responsibilty I have to suffer. I think not, you just hop in your car and go to an ATM for the most part. Maybe these same parents should skip their lunch and see how they like it.

 

[AristocatFan]

Yes because it never became a habit and we live close to their schools. Now if I was busy and couldn't, then they were out of luck.

I don't know how many times I've heard a student say they didn't have their homework/permission slip/lunch/whatever because "mom didn't put it in my backpack." They always give me a shocked look when I tell them it's not Mom's responsibility!

 

[Pooh's Pixie]

I checked no. I certainly would not in your lunch money example. I would possibly if what the forgot affected several others. For example, DS11 was asked to bring in an American flag, photos, a candy cane, Christmas stocking, and chocolate chip cookies today as his class is learning about America. Had he forgotten those, I might have taken them in becuase his teachers had a lesson plan that involved needing those items TODAY and it would have thrown off a lesson for the entire class otherwise. Things that just affect my kids do not get brought in by me if they forget.

I honestly think it is much better for them to learn how to keep track of their things at a young age, while the "penalty" is low, than to keep saving them and when they get older the penalty could be a failing grade in highschool (where grades make a difference for getting into college), or college, or getting fired because you forgot your presntation when the CEO came to town, etc.

I totally agree with you. In fact, at our DS11's middle school orientation for parents, they discouraged us from doing it, and from bringing them back to school if they forgot homework, etc. It is about responsibility, and if you constantly save them, they don't get it. My DS would be forgetting everything if we didn't set up in the beginning of the year how he was going to remember everything (packing night before, note on the door, etc). We had a few weeks of adjustment where he DID forget stuff, had to bear the consequences, and he is on track now. Pay now or pay later. : )

 

[Pooh's Pixie]

As for the fact that it's lunch money, and they need to eat, we have a "cash-less" system where you put money into an account and they punch in their number, so it wouldn't be an issue for us. And if their account is out of money, they will let you get a basic cheese sandwich for that day. So I can't say what I would do for lunch money...although between the snack he eats in the late morning, and then he gets home at 2:30, so I would probably let him miss lunch and remember the discomfort.

 

[MichelleVW]

So does several of dd's teachers..My dd has low blood sugar and she normally carries snakes but sometimes she doesn't have any and the teachers all know about this so they give her snakes if she needs them...I am so glad and happy and thankful for all the teacher at our school they are all awesome...

I even had a teacher call me several times about issues with my son (ADHD and not on meds my choice) b/c they were concerned and we worked things out over the phone...The teachers didn't take it any further than that either and they could have but b/c they know me so well and know I'll take care of things they always call me first...Thank you teachers

What kind of teacher has extra SNAKES and why are they giving them to students!!!!!!!!!

 

[golfgal]

Hubby could have gotten a ride home with someone, he just didn't want to leave his car there. And I am sorry, but I refuse to allow my child a few hours of discomfort because they forget their lunch money. They become ill if they don't eat. I wonder how many parents, if they forgot their lunch or didn't have money in their wallet at lunch time would just go oh well, my responsibilty I have to suffer. I think not, you just hop in your car and go to an ATM for the most part. Maybe these same parents should skip their lunch and see how they like it.

Well, if I didn't have money in my wallet I would include not being able to go to the ATM but the point is I wouldn't be relying on anyone else to take care of me, I would have the means and the resources to do that myself. I think most people here agree that if it is a once or twice a year deal they would take things to school but if it was a daily or weekly occurrence they would not. Part of your job as a parent is to teach your child to become a responsible adult and by not letting your child learn valuable life lessons like "I forgot my lunch money, I am going to be hungry today" you are doing them a huge disservice.

Your house, your rules but perhaps the saying "prepare your child for the path, don't prepare the path for your child" is something you should seriously consider.

I have a friend that is up at his kid's school EVERY DAY picking up things they forgot. I have told him on a few occasions that those trips would stop if he would stop making them--the kids would be forced to learn their lesson. He doesn't want them to get a "bad grade" which is the least of his issues.

 

[golfgal]

What kind of teacher has extra SNAKES and why are they giving them to students!!!!!!!!!

I bet one that doesn't have to worry about students forgetting their lunch money very often

 

[mhsjax]

Well, if I didn't have money in my wallet I would include not being able to go to the ATM but the point is I wouldn't be relying on anyone else to take care of me, I would have the means and the resources to do that myself. I think most people here agree that if it is a once or twice a year deal they would take things to school but if it was a daily or weekly occurrence they would not. Part of your job as a parent is to teach your child to become a responsible adult and by not letting your child learn valuable life lessons like "I forgot my lunch money, I am going to be hungry today" you are doing them a huge disservice.

Your house, your rules but perhaps the saying "prepare your child for the path, don't prepare the path for your child" is something you should seriously consider.

I have a friend that is up at his kid's school EVERY DAY picking up things they forgot. I have told him on a few occasions that those trips would stop if he would stop making them--the kids would be forced to learn their lesson. He doesn't want them to get a "bad grade" which is the least of his issues.

Ok, you don't know me so I assume you aren't judging my parenting. I am the person that lets my kid fall. When me kid wouldn't engage in Tea Kwon Do, we paid his instructor and his son to literally knock him around until he did engage. He did after engage and now he has no fear of it.

As far as the lunch goes, I have 3 kids the oldest is 13 then 11 then 9. I have taken the 11 years olds lunch once in all the time she has been at school and the 9 year old maybe once or twice since he has been in school.
I don't understand why you think you need to tell me how to parent my kids. I simply stated that if my child forgot his lunch I would take it to him or her. As far as anything else, Too bad, and even if I didn't think too bad, our school system agrees with me. Lunches can be dropped off but homeowrk and books can't. So please don't tell me how to raise my kids. You don't know what you are talking about.

 

[golfgal]

Ok, you don't know me so I assume you aren't judging my parenting. I am the person that lets my kid fall. When me kid wouldn't engage in Tea Kwon Do, we paid his instructor and his son to literally knock him around until he did engage. He did after engage and now he has no fear of it.

As far as the lunch goes, I have 3 kids the oldest is 13 then 11 then 9. I have taken the 11 years olds lunch once in all the time she has been at school and the 9 year old maybe once or twice since he has been in school.
I don't understand why you think you need to tell me how to parent my kids. I simply stated that if my child forgot his lunch I would take it to him or her. As far as anything else, Too bad, and even if I didn't think too bad, our school system agrees with me. Lunches can be dropped off but homeowrk and books can't. So please don't tell me how to raise my kids. You don't know what you are talking about.

Well, gee, maybe putting that in your first post would have been helpful vs bashing others for saying they wouldn't bring lunch money to their kid.

 

[mhsjax]

Well, gee, maybe putting that in your first post would have been helpful vs bashing others for saying they wouldn't bring lunch money to their kid.

And just where did I bash anyone, I said there is no way I would let my kid go without lunch. It seems you are bashing me for expressing my opinion which is what the op asked for. If others don't want to bring their kids lunch money then fine, I simply said that I would.

 

[5lilfish]

I'm quite sure I can teach my kids to be responsible AND take them something if they forget it. If it happens often, then yes, it is a problem and needs to be dealt with. If it happens once or twice a year then the kid is not irresponsible. The kid is human. I don't feel that I am teaching responsibility at that point. If I am available, all I am teaching is that mom is a jerk. That's the way I would see it if my DH said he wouldn't bring something up to me and I'm sure that is the way a kid would see it too.

Jess

 

[mhsjax]

I'm quite sure I can teach my kids to be responsible AND take them something if they forget it. If it happens often, then yes, it is a problem and needs to be dealt with. If it happens once or twice a year then the kid is not irresponsible. The kid is human. I don't feel that I am teaching responsibility at that point. If I am available, all I am teaching is that mom is a jerk. That's the way I would see it if my DH said he wouldn't bring something up to me and I'm sure that is the way a kid would see it too.

Jess

Exactly how I feel. Like I said for mine, the older one has never forgotten his lunch. The other two have forgotten one once or twice.

Just the other day hubby walked out of the house without something, It wasn't earth shattering and it wasn't work related. He wasn't far away, so I took it to him. No big deal.

 

[Momvic5]

I'm quite sure I can teach my kids to be responsible AND take them something if they forget it. If it happens often, then yes, it is a problem and needs to be dealt with. If it happens once or twice a year then the kid is not irresponsible. The kid is human. I don't feel that I am teaching responsibility at that point. If I am available, all I am teaching is that mom is a jerk. That's the way I would see it if my DH said he wouldn't bring something up to me and I'm sure that is the way a kid would see it too.

Jess

The other day I dropped my ds13 off at a friend's house. As he was getting out of the car, he realized he forgot his wallet. He put on his "sweetest" smile and asked me to go back and get it for him. We only live a few blocks away so I said "Oh alright...only because I love you." He replied, "Thanks Mom, I will remember this when you're an old lady and forgetful."

You gotta love 13yr olds.