Parents let 10/11 year olds watch These Lovely Bones at a party - would you be upset?

[shortbun]

R rated film for 10 and 11yo girls.....nope, not an option unless all parents agreed. I don't take 14-15yo boys to R rated films unless parents agree AND there is NO graphic sexual content. I would be ticked off in a big way. That is a terrorizing and violent show for young girls. Unecessary and a good reason to keep your daughter home next time or at least express your need to approve anything that carries a strong PG13 or above.

 

[ilovejack02]

R rated film for 10 and 11yo girls.....nope, not an option unless all parents agreed. I don't take 14-15yo boys to R rated films unless parents agree AND there is NO graphic sexual content.

It is pg 13

 

[Magpie]

R rated film for 10 and 11yo girls.....nope, not an option unless all parents agreed. I don't take 14-15yo boys to R rated films unless parents agree AND there is NO graphic sexual content.

Arrgh! It's NOT R-rated, it's PG-13!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I do think the movie was inappropriate. I do not think the parents had a right to expose other people's children to questionable material without permission so in that respect you guys are 100% right. However, it would have been easy to avoid if someone had asked if they would be watching any movies, videos or TV, or playing any video games before she was dropped off. Usually, if a parent voices a concern another selection is made, I've never seen it play out differently. I have an 11 year old DD (and a DS12) and they are more than capable of recognizing where my limits sit for entertainment. If I were in your shoes I would be extremely ticked my DD didn't call me and have me come and get her once she realized the film would be off limits in our home. Part of growing up is being able to maintain our own set of rules regardless of whose company we are in, and in that department this was an epic failure.... but considering it was just a movie I'd be thankful it wasn't worse. In the end this situation happened because lots of people used poor judgment so the blame game is pointless. To me i would use the event as a jumping off point for conversations about other stuff that can go on at sleepovers or other people's homes like drinking, drugs, sneaking out, pornography... well really the list is endless. This event might prevent a much worse one down the road.

 

[Magpie]

R rated film for 10 and 11yo girls.....nope, not an option unless all parents agreed. I don't take 14-15yo boys to R rated films unless parents agree AND there is NO graphic sexual content. I would be ticked off in a big way. That is a terrorizing and violent show for young girls. Unecessary and a good reason to keep your daughter home next time or at least express your need to approve anything that carries a strong PG13 or above.

How many episodes of "Law and Order" (or anything similar) have the kids seen? Those shows terrorize me on a regular basis, but from what the children in my Grade 5 sex ed class say - lots of 10 and 11 year olds are watching them with their parents! (Or at least hanging out nearby and hearing every bloody scream while their parents watch.)

However, I agree absolutely about expressing your need to pre-approve movies - to the parents, before you send your child over. Anyone with a kid who has special dietary needs (like one of mine) is already in the habit of doing this.

I was thinking about this, because it seems to me that the parallel is very close. Most parents don't understand my son's need to watch his blood sugar. They think that because a food is healthy that is must be okay to feed to my son - and that's often not the case at all. So it's always good to have a chat with them before hand and find out what they're planning. Every parent I've talked to has been more than willing to make a few small adjustments, so that my son will have something available he can eat as well.

So if you feel very strongly that your child might be damaged by viewing certain movies, I think it's your responsibility to call the hosts and ask. Just as you would if your child had an allergy or a dietary requirement.

Yes, it would have been nice if the parents had called to ask ahead of time, but obviously they didn't think it was necessary. That doesn't make them bad people, or unfit parents.

 

[JESW]

Thanks for all the answers - it is always good to hear other opinions.

My dd & I have a close relationship and we talk about a lot of different things. I did use the movie as a teachable moment - stranger danger and all that. I know that she will be exposed to many things in her life that I am not crazy about but at this point I try to control what I can.

It was also a teachable moment for me as what to ask other parents about their rules of the house. I find it hard to believe that two parents (one who bought it and one who let them watch it) didn't know what the movie was about. I found out later that the Mom who had the party is more like a "friend" to her dd and lets her do things like that. Fine for her house, BUT, I still believe you should be careful on what you expose your guests to.

Oh, and I would never punish the birthday party girl - now I am just more aware. Our town mergers in 5th grade with another town for middle school so this year dd was with a lot of kids I didn't know. In previous years the parents all knew each other since our kids were in the same school from kindergarten to 4th grade. It gets harder to know the parents as your kids get older.

Thanks again!

Jill

 

[2Kds2K9]

Yes, I would be upset. This is a decision that a parent should make for their own child and I'd be upset if another parent made it for mine. When my kids were that age, they did see PG13 movies but it was with my permission and guidance.

I'm a realist. My kids have seen and heard things that are not age appropriate. I get it. BUT, they don't need to have this pounded into their heads all the time.

My DD14 was recently at a friends house where the girls wanted to watch an R movie. She told them she was not allowed to see R movies without my permission and persuaded the girls to pick another movie. I was floored that an R movie would even be offered. But then again, I look at that mother who wants to be more of a friend to her DD than a parent and that's her decision, not mine.

Again, I'd be upset and would have said somthing to the parent. But as I get older, I'm getting bolder and speaking my mind!

 

[SnowWhite607]

Dd11 was invited to a birthday party/sleepover for a friend from school and I had only met the Mom once before. When we picked her up the next morning we found out that the girls had been allowed to watch that movie. Dh was through the roof! We couldn't believe that parents would let these young girls watch a movie that involved the brutal assault and murder of a young girl - and that another parent would let her child buy the movie for the birthday girl!! What were they thinking!

And now I am mad at myself for letting dd spend the night with people I didn't really know (we don't see the parents of her friends anywhere) and dd is mad at me because we have curtailed sleepovers at houses of people we don't know.
Do you think the parents were out of line to allow that??

Jill

Why would you let your daughter go to sleepovers at the houses of people you dont know in the first place?? I would NEVER let my child go sleep over at someone's house unless I knew the parents. I thought this was pretty standard procedure......

 

[mjkacmom]

Why would you let your daughter go to sleepovers at the houses of people you dont know in the first place?? I would NEVER let my child go sleep over at someone's house unless I knew the parents. I thought this was pretty standard procedure......

My dd13 has slept over at homes of people I don't know. Usually one of the parents I do know will vouch for them. Once she got to middle school, a few new girls joined their group.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks for all the answers - it is always good to hear other opinions.

My dd & I have a close relationship and we talk about a lot of different things. I did use the movie as a teachable moment - stranger danger and all that. I know that she will be exposed to many things in her life that I am not crazy about but at this point I try to control what I can.

It was also a teachable moment for me as what to ask other parents about their rules of the house. I find it hard to believe that two parents (one who bought it and one who let them watch it) didn't know what the movie was about. I found out later that the Mom who had the party is more like a "friend" to her dd and lets her do things like that. Fine for her house, BUT, I still believe you should be careful on what you expose your guests to.

Oh, and I would never punish the birthday party girl - now I am just more aware. Our town mergers in 5th grade with another town for middle school so this year dd was with a lot of kids I didn't know. In previous years the parents all knew each other since our kids were in the same school from kindergarten to 4th grade. It gets harder to know the parents as your kids get older.

Thanks again!

Jill

My oldest is 19 but we had some doozies of rules we had to put in place. I don't remember anymore but we got it together eventually.

As they get older it gets easier and harder. Wait until you hit the drinking, driving, boys, etc issue. Oh yes, more fun to come your way.

I have to say that open communication and learning how to text is how you keep in touch.

 

[LisaInNc]

I would have a huge problem with it.

It has that rating for a reason and if they Mom wanted to show it to the girls I think that mentioning it first would be the right thing to do.

I was a "crazy" Mom that wouldn't let her 6 year old go to a birthday party where they were watching Shrek 2

Lisa

 

[luvsJack]

Well, DD is 11 and goes to lots of sleepovers; she also watches lots of PG-13 movies (heck, HP and Twilight are rated PG-13). If she felt uncomfortable or scared (or even if she is not sure I would allow her to watch it) watching the movie she would have walked out of the room or started reading a book or something. If she wasn't scared or uncomfortable with it, then I don't think I would have had a problem.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I would be annoyed. YOU know I may of let my dd who is 10 watch it I don't think I did but I may have BUT that is my child I would NEVER let other kids that age stay over and watch anything like that at all.

 

[cats mom]

Why would you let your daughter go to sleepovers at the houses of people you dont know in the first place?? I would NEVER let my child go sleep over at someone's house unless I knew the parents. I thought this was pretty standard procedure......

If we're talking about an intimate sleep over with one or two friends, I'm right there with you.

But I admit that my kids have attended large parties, and yes, some included sleepovers, where I didn't know the parents well.

I do make sure I talk with my child about rules and expectations before they set foot out the door, and I also make sure they have a way to contact me, with strict instructions to do so, if they ever feel uncomfortable.

Of course I'm already a member of the bad parents club, and if that cements said membership, so be it.

 

[Aisling]

Yes, I'd be upset. I definitely wouldn't be happy with my 10 year old watching that movie...just too heavy for that age IMO.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Why would you let your daughter go to sleepovers at the houses of people you dont know in the first place?? I would NEVER let my child go sleep over at someone's house unless I knew the parents. I thought this was pretty standard procedure......

Unfortunately bad can happen either way... Good friends of ours allowed their 14 year old DD to sleep over a friends house. They knew the parents. Apparently the father put drugs in a smoothy that he gave to my friend's DD and raped her while she was passed out from the drink. It's been awful. He just got sentenced last week to 21-25 years in prison.

 

[HM]

I always told my DD that if she ever feels uncomfortable somewhere or she finds out she's going to be doing something that I wouldn't approve of, she is to call and we'll come get her no matter the hour. I think this might be a good thing for you to work out with your DD.

 

[*BTMRR*]

Unfortunately bad can happen either way... Good friends of ours allowed their 14 year old DD to sleep over a friends house. They knew the parents. Apparently the father put drugs in a smoothy that he gave to my friend's DD and raped her while she was passed out from the drink. It's been awful. He just got sentenced last week to 21-25 years in prison.

That's too disturbing for words.

 

[Magpie]

Unfortunately bad can happen either way... Good friends of ours allowed their 14 year old DD to sleep over a friends house. They knew the parents. Apparently the father put drugs in a smoothy that he gave to my friend's DD and raped her while she was passed out from the drink. It's been awful. He just got sentenced last week to 21-25 years in prison.

That's heartbreaking!

Unfortunately most of these attacks on children are committed by people you know and trust - the last people you'd ever suspect.

I try to think of stories like this as similar to being hit by lightening. Tragic, but thankfully rare. Because if we go overboard in trying to protect our kids, we can end up hurting them, too.

My 12yo son is always sleeping over at one school friend's house or another. He's a very sociable kid. I try to make sure I always have a phone number for where he is (his friends don't all have phones, so this can get tricky), I talk to the parents about his dietary restrictions, and I trust in his common sense and good judgment.

 

[maslex]

My son just told me that they're watching this movie tomorrow in class (8th grade) It's their last day (1/2 day) and all they're doing is watching a couple movies.