Parents let 10/11 year olds watch These Lovely Bones at a party - would you be upset?

[emer95]

I'm a little shocked at how calm most of you are about this. I have a 9 year old and an 11 year old. I would hit the ROOF if that movie was shown at a sleepover with my girls. Totally inappropriate for that age! I haven't seen the movie but I read the book and I was very disturbed by it. A friend of mine watched the movie and posted on her Facebook that she had trouble sleeping after, and she's 35!

My children are not allowed to watch PG-13 movies unless DH and I have watched them first, and there are very few that we find are appropriate for them. Last year my girls were invited to a party where a mother wanted to show 17 Again to a bunch of 8/9 year olds. My girls had to tell her that they weren't allowed to watch PG-13 so the mom (to her credit) didn't show the movie. We got the movie from Netflix just to see if it was ok for our kids or not. Nope! It had teen sex and pregnancy, foul language, crude situations, etc. Not ideal for 8/9 year olds, to say the least. I think my girls did that mom a favor!

To the OP- I am not a confrontational person at ALL, but I'd be absolutely livid and the parents of that kid would be getting a phone call from me.

 

[Magpie]

I would not cancel sleepovers over this! That's punishing your daughter for something she had no way of knowing ahead of time was going to upset you.

Your daughter won't be hurt by seeing a movie that's a bit too old for her - she'll be hurt by the knowledge that, because she accidentally watched this movie, she's not allowed to have any more sleepovers with her classmates. Poor kid - that's really harsh.

Call the parents. Tell them your concerns. Get to know them better! And in the future, when your daughter is invited over to a friend's house, ASK what movies they're planning to show, and what video games they're going to play. Remind your daughter to call home if she's concerned about anything that's happening at the party, and don't forget to assure her that she's absolutely forbidden to do anything she doesn't want to do (this is a useful get-out-of-trouble-free card for kids, when their friends are doing things that make them uncomfortable).

Oh, and you might want to actually talk to your daughter about the content of the movie. I teach Grade 5 sex ed - you might be surprise how much she already knows.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Do you think the parents were out of line to allow that??

Not sure. It's PG-13, but still rather heavy subject matter. As opposed to another PG-13 movie, like Iron Man, which is just dumb violence. They should have asked you first, I think.

 

[Mermaid02]

I wouldnt' be happy, for my 10/11 year old the subject matter is too mature. I actually think anyone with half an ounce of sense would ASK the parent of a 10 year old if their child could watch this movie. That house would indeed be off limits for a while- I wouldnt' ban ALL sleepovers though.

 

[handinpocket]

Isn't most of the violence implied rather than actually seen? Even so I think that they should have asked first.

Yes, the violence is implied. I let my 8 year watch it. I really did use it as a learning tool, that there are bad people out there and you have to be leery. I wouldn't show it to anyone else's child however.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I didn't realize it was pg-13. I wouldn't think twice about showing pg-13 to that age group.

I am always very careful about what kids are exposed to when they come to my house. It's not up to me to decide what other kids see. I would never show a PG-13 movie to a 10 or 11 year old without first clearing it with their parents. And I would be upset at any parent who decided what my son should see it. My son was allowed to play E-10 rated video games when he turned 10. He has an 11 year old friend who comes over frequently who isn't allowed to play anything rated higher than E. I see nothing wrong with the E-10 games, but his mother doesn't allow it. But it's her choice, not mine. So they stick with E games when he comes over.

I would hope another parent would think twice about showing a PG-13 movie to a group of 10 and 11 year olds without clearing it with their parents first. .

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i don't generally approve of young children watching rated R movies, but this one honestly didn't seem like it deserved the rating.

they didn't show much of the "assult" or "muder". there was one scene in a bathroom that was a bit graphic(blood in the tub) but aside from that, it wasn't anything that i would worry about.

i was watching the Scream movies when i was around that same age, so i wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am in the camp (with many) that this is not a great call by the parents but also not a "through the roof" thing either.

Personally I always called before showing PG-13 or R movies (now that DD is 13 if her friends are also 13 or over I do not call) even though I think the rating are often silly and I tend to find many PG-13/Rs that I have no problem with and many PGs that i do because I know that the rating is the standard that is set and therefore what I would go with.

I think it is wrong to change your rules regarding sleepovers due to this. You may want to just be a little more proactive about getting to know the parents a bit more before you send your child. That said, even in the daytime movies get shown and kids will be exposed to things you do not expect if they are allowed to get out and about. I tend to take the moments to talk to my kids about why WE do not watch the movie/play the game at our house (while respecting other views) and just reinforce our values (like for ME something like Ironman which a PP referenced would be more troubling--I do not think violence should be portrayed as "silly" or fun, etc--different views make the world go 'roud). I would also absolutely make sure she knows (as magpie suggested) that she can ALWAYS say she is "not allowed" to do something if it makes her uncomfortable (even if she is allowed to do it with you) and you will back her up 100%.

 

[allison443]

i don't generally approve of young children watching rated R movies, but this one honestly didn't seem like it deserved the rating.

The movie was NOT rated R, it is rated PG-13. Why do people keep posting that it was rated R?

 

[bananda]

i think it should have been cleared with all the parents first. and as for the whole "not realising what it was about" thing, how hard is it to read the back cover or check why it was rated the way it is. isn't that on the front cover?

 

[Sparx]

The Lovely Bones is rated PG13. I haven't actually seen the movie, but from what I've read about it, the violence is more inferred than shown. I think the movie would actually raise a good possibility of discussion with a child. The man in the movie is a neighborhood acquaintance and when the girl felt uncomfortable around him, but went with him anyway (I read the book, but I haven't seen the movie) and that could be a good opportunity to talk to children about kidnapping and being safe even in their own neighborhood with a fictional point of reference.

 

[MoniqueU]

Is it possible that neither parent knew that the movie was rate R or what it was about? Yeah, they should have asked, but I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

That could very well be. I don't really like TV or movies so don't know one from the other.

Also alot of rated R movies serve a purpose. I would not have a problem with my 12yo DD watching A Color Purple as it has a strong message.

 

[mjkacmom]

It wouldn't bother me, because my kids have watched PG-13 movies (ds12's teacher showed them The Boy in the Striped Pajamas last year in 5th grade, without telling the parents), but I can see how it would upset some parents. I think it was just poor judgement on the parents. Ds12 saw a Saw movie at a friend's home last year, I've known the parents since I was in middle school, they're nice people, but have different ideas of what is age appropriate. Ds wasn't scarred for life.

 

[cats mom]

The movie was NOT rated R, it is rated PG-13. Why do people keep posting that it was rated R?

Because most people open the thread, read the OP's post, glance down at the first line of post #2, which says the movie is rated R, then post their opinion; ala: I haven't read the entire thread, but...

You have to make it all the way down to post #6 to find out that the movie is actually rated PG13.

Do you think the parents were out of line to allow that??

Jill

Yes, I think it was inappropriate to show that movie to a group of 10-11 yr olds without clearing it with their parents first.

But it's always a bit of a leap of faith when you let someone else supervise your kids, especially someone you don't know well.

 

[Mermaid02]

The Lovely Bones is rated PG13. I haven't actually seen the movie, but from what I've read about it, the violence is more inferred than shown. I think the movie would actually raise a good possibility of discussion with a child. The man in the movie is a neighborhood acquaintance and when the girl felt uncomfortable around him, but went with him anyway (I read the book, but I haven't seen the movie) and that could be a good opportunity to talk to children about kidnapping and being safe even in their own neighborhood with a fictional point of reference.

This is possibly true- but it is up to the parents. I have seen the movie and it is very dark. Like I said, ANYONE with an ounce of sense would not let someone else's child watch this movie without asking the parents.

 

[DawnCt1]

Yes, the violence is implied. I let my 8 year watch it. I really did use it as a learning tool, that there are bad people out there and you have to be leery. I wouldn't show it to anyone else's child however.

If there was ever a message of "don't even trust your neighbor", this was it. Not a good movie for a sleep over, but not a bad message that there are bad people in the world. If the OPs child watched it against her wishes, than she could at least use this as a teachable moment about abduction.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

1. Personally, I wouldn't care.

2. Actually, this is an excellent movie for a sleepover. What with Bloody Mary and Light as a Feather and horrible ghost stories, I sort of thought that's what sleepovers were all about.

3. All that being said, it was a poor choice on the host parents' part because they should have known how sensitive other parents are to what their kids watch.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have not seen the movie so I cannot say really. Not a good pick for a sleepover though.

I would just use this as a teaching moment and come up with a plans, rules for sleepovers with my dd.

 

[cepmom]

I would not have been happy about it either; I watched the movie with DD20 and DD12 (almost 13) and we did not let DD10 watch it with us. IMO, its not appropriate for that age group. I'm not even sure I would have let DD12 watch it initially, but she saw most of the movie at a friend's sleepover already so I let her watch again to see the ending.

I thought it was great movie but very disturbing. There are times that something reminds me of the movie and it's all I can think about for a while....very sad and scary (not slasher scary, just scary from a parent's perspective)

 

[LukenDC]

When my brother was 8 or 9, he attended a sleep over at a friend's house and the parents showed Faces of Death to the kids. My mom was in tears when she found out.