After our adventures in the Carribean, we crossed over and went on what is described as a silly safari boat tour and it is. If your read TwinkieMamas TR, I DID the Jungle Cruise for you already. You should be satisfied. But I know you want and deserve MORE! So, for YOU, with love:
As we approached the dock, there was a small-ish wait. I listened to the scratchy late 1940s/early 1950s era radio show playing on the old-school speakers. The décor is early African Queen starring Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart.
We boarded our vessel and were seated on the left towards the rear (aft). Which is the Port side towards the stern, FYI.
Our skipper is a nerdy, pooh sized, thinning haired guy with the giggles. As we all got comfy and situated, he kept switching ethnic accents punctuated with yet more giggles. (Do they do regular drug screenings at Disney World?) He went from German, Ve vill like it! to Irish, Theyre always after me lucky charms! to Italian, You no lika my cruise, I maka you swim! Capeesh? ((giggle
)) Reminded me of any Robin Williams performance.
He held the mic just a leeetle bit too close. Close enough to hear tonsils and heavy breathing and something rumbly in his tumbly.
I had to watch and re-watch and pause and play this little ride for you based on our expertly done vacation video. WITH Norah bugging me to death. She has a lip staph infection! Thanks to The Concourse Steakhouse paint-a-cookie! And it's staphy paint brush I used to paint "lip-gloss" on my toddler.
Back to our cruise.
Our Pooh-sized Captain with the mic held too close starts our tour. Were going to start our 2 and a half hour cruise and cross 3 continents and 4 of the Greatest rivers. Keep in mind, everything youll see is larger than life. Take those large butterflies over there. These are known as Plastimicous Machanicous (Spell Check is lovin me!) They have wing spans from any where from 12 impressive inches to a whopping 1 Foot!
After EVERY SINGLE JOKE, he says Just Kidding and giggles more!!!!!!!!!!
(Amateur!)
We are now on the
Amazon River. Which holds the most water of all the rivers in the world. A lot of it is due to waterfalls such as this one over here. We call it Inspiration Falls because the looooooonger you look at it the more it inspires you to move deeper into the jungle! Everybody say oooooh (oooooh). Everybody say ahhhhhh (ahhhhh). Oh you guys really inspire me! (giggle snort!) I laugh WAY too loud and he acknowledges me politely
.
Ok everyone, now we are in the Kongo River! We are now in the deepest darkest part of Central Africa. Weve arranged a pygmy welcoming party for ya! Everybody wave and say hi to the pygmies (HI PYGMieS!) Oh, never mind. I cant see any Pygmies, canoe? Looks like kind of a dead party doesnt it? I wonder what scarred them away?
Oh NO! Look at that! I hired these guys (apes) to help me break camp and it looks like they broke everything! Well, they did one good thing. I couldnt start that jeep- looks like they got it to turn over! I think they called Triple Ape! I heard they used a Monkey Wrench!
His delivery was off and he lacked timing so I laughed REALLY loud. He says, WOA! Looks like we have a Heckler on the boat! Can you swim, lady? (giggles) I say I forgot my trunks! and made everyone laugh. But I didnt want to be one of THOSE ride spoilers so I tried to shut up. Trying and Doing are two different things. I must say, there were a lot of folks laughing at his jokes. He was picking on me, I tell ya!
Were now on the Nile River. The worlds longest river at over 4,000 miles. If you think youre still in the Konga, you are in denile! Up here are rocks made out of sandstone. I mention this because some people take them for granite! (JUST kidding, giggle)
Next was some unfunny law of the jungle survival of the fittest set-up at the zebra scene. I like my sleeping zebra version much better.
That brings us to the 2nd law of the jungle, survival of the fastest! I warned that guy too! I told him a rhino can run as fast as him and his buddys but he didnt listen! I think hell get the point in the end! Ya, howd you like to be low man on that totempole?
Did I mention he said just kidding a lot? How about, after some jokes hed say, get it? ARRG!
We are nearly done and this poor fella is quite sweaty. And out of breathe.
We are now entering crocodile country. That big one is Old Smiley and that littler one is Ginger (Im now quietly saying the words with him
) Be careful of her, she snaps! Ya she is one Tough Cookie! (Get it? Tough Cookie? Giggle)
Well guys, its plane to see how I landed this job (crashed airplane). I took a crash course! (Ba Dum Bum!) and THAT is the tail end of that joke! (tail of crashed plane)
Uh-Oh
Look at those guys. Either thats a war dance or someone lost the key to the mens room again! But this is NOT a safe place to hang out. If you dont believe me, just ask my last crew over there, boneheads! (Ok, THAT WAS funny-ish!)
Alrighty, everybody get out your cameras! (with flourish
) Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you The Back Side of Water!!!!! (He rolled the r in present)
We are now approaching the entrance of an ancient temple. It was dedicated to the goddess Shir Lee, which is why we now call it the Shirley Temple. But its dark in there, so we now call it the Shirley Temple Black! I say, OOOOOH! and Pooh says, Lady, would YOU like to take the mic on the next cruise? If he ONLY knew! He had said it mock-snarky so I said, No, you did JUST GREAT! I loved your cruise! I think I made Poohs day!
Alrighty, as we pull into the dock, please remain seated and keep your hands, arms, and elbows all the way inside! Ok, were still having fun, were still having fun
.FUNS OVER! GET OUT! You have been a great crew! In fact of all the crews today, YOU have been the most
recent! Thanks for laughing today and if you didnt laugh, thanks for leaving! Welp, he finished strong, I must say!
Everyone except my DH and I exited the craft and I went up to Pooh and told him how wonderful he was (he DID entertain me!) and he posed in a picture with ME! With his hand still on the throttle
"ME and Pooh"...
My glasses look like bi-facals! EEEEk, I need cool new frames or contacts!
Next, a nice quiet dinner at Whispering Canyons...
, did laundry 
, and even cooked an actual supper 
. Surely you can get one installment posted, you have had like 3 days!!!!!! We are all getting very impatient, I think I am suffering from withdrawals 
- I actually considered drinking a Diet Pepsi 
Maybe ET posted something.
That whole thing just sounded painful. 
Another installment!! Keep them coming!! 
