When dd14 was home alone yesterday, she was making something in the toaster over, and the over went on fire. She calmly unplugged it. She's been home alone since the age of 10 or so, and has only been allowed to cook for the last couple of years. I think the fact that she's been allowed to be home alone for so long helped her not to panic.
OT - 8 year old home alone?
- Thread starter tmarquez
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When dd14 was home alone yesterday, she was making something in the toaster over, and the over went on fire. She calmly unplugged it. She's been home alone since the age of 10 or so, and has only been allowed to cook for the last couple of years. I think the fact that she's been allowed to be home alone for so long helped her not to panic.
CruisinEars
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We started letting ds12 stay home alone for short periods at about age 11. I would not leave my dd9 home alone yet. She is a bit of a "scaredy cat" when it comes to that. But, I do leave them home alone together. We don't have a home phone so we got my ds a cell phone. Well, we also just got my dd a cell phone a week ago too. I actually feel much better with them each having a phone.
It started last fall when I got a new job and had to catch my bus early in the morning 3 days a week. We don't have a bus to go to school (private school) so a distant neighbor with kids at the same school carpooled them. They were home alone for an hour each morning and had to get ready for school and make their own breakfast and lunch. Now for the summer, my ds12 "babysits" for several hours until I get home from work about 2 in the afternoon still only 3 days a week. They both get paid too. My ds gets paid to keep his sister safe and my dd gets paid to mind her brother. If I get calls or texts "whining" about things, they don't get paid. It has worked remarkably well. They have both become much more capable and independent. My dd is learning to cook. The only thing they don't do is clean up or do chores. A whole other issue.
It started last fall when I got a new job and had to catch my bus early in the morning 3 days a week. We don't have a bus to go to school (private school) so a distant neighbor with kids at the same school carpooled them. They were home alone for an hour each morning and had to get ready for school and make their own breakfast and lunch. Now for the summer, my ds12 "babysits" for several hours until I get home from work about 2 in the afternoon still only 3 days a week. They both get paid too. My ds gets paid to keep his sister safe and my dd gets paid to mind her brother. If I get calls or texts "whining" about things, they don't get paid. It has worked remarkably well. They have both become much more capable and independent. My dd is learning to cook. The only thing they don't do is clean up or do chores. A whole other issue.
NEV2OLD4DIS
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I wouldn't let my 8 year old stay home alone. I personally believe that even though they might have the skills to do what is necessary if feeling endangered, that in many kids this age fear or panic would might keep them from making rational decisions if needed in an emergency. Heck, at my age I'd have a hard time coping with extreme fear. Kids this age can be coerced by someone wanting to do harm to a child very easily.
My children have never been allowed to stay home alone until 6th grade, and then only if they were comfortable with the situation. If going to a neighbor or friend's home, I have to feel comfortable with the adults home and know that one will always be present. I do not allow him to ride his bike down the street alone unless I can see him all the way.
You truly never know everyone in your neighborhood completely. We live in a mid income residential neighborhood, and I considered it pretty safe. However, just up a few houses an older woman (old enough that my oldest kids graduated from h.s. with their grandchildren) that has done daycare for many, many years saw her husband arrested last spring for exposing himself to a child, among other charges. This boy was a young teen, but I haven't heard details on whether this boy was ever in their daycare. You have to wonder what else MIGHT have gone on with so many kids going in and out. This is a place that I would have considered looking into had I been forced to work and put my child in daycare!
In my opinion an 8 year old just isn't mentally and physically able to handle anything that they might encounter when alone, home or down the street.
My children have never been allowed to stay home alone until 6th grade, and then only if they were comfortable with the situation. If going to a neighbor or friend's home, I have to feel comfortable with the adults home and know that one will always be present. I do not allow him to ride his bike down the street alone unless I can see him all the way.
You truly never know everyone in your neighborhood completely. We live in a mid income residential neighborhood, and I considered it pretty safe. However, just up a few houses an older woman (old enough that my oldest kids graduated from h.s. with their grandchildren) that has done daycare for many, many years saw her husband arrested last spring for exposing himself to a child, among other charges. This boy was a young teen, but I haven't heard details on whether this boy was ever in their daycare. You have to wonder what else MIGHT have gone on with so many kids going in and out. This is a place that I would have considered looking into had I been forced to work and put my child in daycare!
In my opinion an 8 year old just isn't mentally and physically able to handle anything that they might encounter when alone, home or down the street.
Most of your neighbors have a problem with a 12 year walking 2 blocks to school on their own and you don't think parents today are smothering and paranoid? You don't sound like you are, but most of your neighbors do
My statement wasn't about my neighbors or in general, but because the comment was made using a quote from me = directed at me.
SaraJayne
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I was agreeing to tmarquez's post, not yours.
My 8 almost 9 year old niece and nephew were allowed to stay home alone after school for 20-30 minutes. My niece had the key to the door. My nephew's job was to call his father as soon as they got home. They were not allowed to answer the door or the phone and could have a snack and start homework until my sister came home. They were told if anything went wrong to walk across the street to their friend's house (the mom was sah and was friends with my sister).
One day my niece lost the key. They walked across the street to their friend's house. The mom put a note on my sister's door and the kids had a playdate. When dad didn't hear from the kids, he called my sister, who called the house and then the school. The bus was checked, the school was checked all while my sister was driving home (she work 10 minutes from home). When she got there she saw the note. It never occurred to her to call the neighbor. The principal was very understanding and says it happens more often then you would think.
I think depending on the maturity of the child, 9 is an ok age to be left alone for short periods of time. And I'm sorry I
at the idea that pedophiles are waiting in the bushes to pray on innocent children by kicking open their doors. That's up there with the worry that people drive around looking for the new baby signs on front lawns to break in and kidnap the babies to sell.
One day my niece lost the key. They walked across the street to their friend's house. The mom put a note on my sister's door and the kids had a playdate. When dad didn't hear from the kids, he called my sister, who called the house and then the school. The bus was checked, the school was checked all while my sister was driving home (she work 10 minutes from home). When she got there she saw the note. It never occurred to her to call the neighbor. The principal was very understanding and says it happens more often then you would think.
I think depending on the maturity of the child, 9 is an ok age to be left alone for short periods of time. And I'm sorry I
at the idea that pedophiles are waiting in the bushes to pray on innocent children by kicking open their doors. That's up there with the worry that people drive around looking for the new baby signs on front lawns to break in and kidnap the babies to sell.In a 1 mile radius there are at least 4 sex offenders with one having raped an 8 year old child. My kids are not smothered but they are watched and they are allowed to be responsible. I can see letting an older child stay home alone but a younger child is not always responsible enough to know how to react. Times have changed and it is not just because of the news. Technology is more advanced but there is still a risk of fire or other danger.
I wish we lived in an area where the kids could walk to school but here there are not enough sidewalks and my kids' schools are all 6 miles or more from the house.
Chelley00
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Same here. It's interestinglaughing
I wonder why.
I wonder how many incidents of child rape or kidnapping you heard about in colonial times, or in the 50's, or even when I was growing up in the 70's and 80's? Hardly any. Now you constantly have children being kidnapped from their own neighborhood, snatched from their houses. They are raped and their bodies dumped in woods or landfills.
My kids may are fully independent when they need to be. I have fully adjusted, responsible, independent smart teenagers to prove it. At the age of 12, they are left alone and babysitting their siblings. But at age of 8, they are not big enough to fight off someone, and not mature enough to quickly handle a bad situation should it arise. Call me smothering, call me paranoid whatever. I'm not going to take a chance with my young child's life for my convenience.
Constantly? Really?
Statistically, child abductions have not gone up. Abuse and molestation did go up, but most experts think it is a reporting increase, not an incident increase. Violent crime has gone down since the 50s and peaked per capita in the 1930s.
Awareness has gone up because we now have Nancy Grace breathlessly telling us about the latest tragedy.
Do what you want regarding your children, but don't fall for the "things are so much worse now" myth.
SaraJayne
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Age 12 is a good time to start letting kids show some independence by staying home.
I was not disagreeing about 8 being too young. For some, it is. However, in reading this thread, you see that even teenagers are not allowed to stay home alone.
Not letting your 12 or 13 year stay home alone is smothering.
I think the reason there seems to be more kidnapping etc is because the media focuses on them. A few decades ago you didn't have 24 hour news cycles, the internet, etc etc etc so if a kid went missing posters may have gone up, it may be mentioned on the local news and the police probably went with the theory that the kid ran away an would be home soon. The sensationalizing of kidnappings and other sex crimes makes it appear that they are more prevalent in todays society than before, but I doubt it. I have checked the sex offender registry (and did so before I bought my house) but I don't anticipate at any time a sexual predator breaking in my door. There are easier ways for him or her to get what he wants.
MomtoAlexnWilliam
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OP, I would not allow my child to stay alone at the house at 8. Too young emotionally and too young/small physically. Somewhere between 10 and 12 is when we will start lessons on independence in that arena!
To those of you who do let your kids stay alone -- please make sure you check your state law/policy/guidelines on this. Here is one website you can check: http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm
Some states have specific ages whereas others have "known" (by law enforcement and social workers) ages that the police won't call DHS if they find a child over that age alone. For example in my state we have neither a law or guideline but if the police are called to a house/incident that involves kids who are without supervision and over 10 and the house/area/circumstances are generally safe then no charges are filed. If the police are called and children under 10 are alone, it is much more likely that parents are going to be charged and/or kids will be removed from the parents' custody. Our family court judges do not take kindly to children under 10 being left alone except in very limited circumstances.
That said, whenever you do decide to start leaving your child alone, you should do it in steps -- increasing the level of responsibility and putting safe guards in place. That same latchkey kid website had some great suggestions on this process!
Too young emotionally and too young/small physically. Somewhere between 10 and 12 is when we will start lessons on independence in that arena!To those of you who do let your kids stay alone -- please make sure you check your state law/policy/guidelines on this. Here is one website you can check: http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm
Some states have specific ages whereas others have "known" (by law enforcement and social workers) ages that the police won't call DHS if they find a child over that age alone. For example in my state we have neither a law or guideline but if the police are called to a house/incident that involves kids who are without supervision and over 10 and the house/area/circumstances are generally safe then no charges are filed. If the police are called and children under 10 are alone, it is much more likely that parents are going to be charged and/or kids will be removed from the parents' custody. Our family court judges do not take kindly to children under 10 being left alone except in very limited circumstances.
That said, whenever you do decide to start leaving your child alone, you should do it in steps -- increasing the level of responsibility and putting safe guards in place. That same latchkey kid website had some great suggestions on this process!
Mommytwotwins
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Nope!
Magpie
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We emigrated to Canada when I was 9, and my mother immediately started working 2 jobs to support us.
I was a "latchkey kid" from 9 up. I even kept my housekey on a string around my neck, like lots of other kids in the seventies and eighties.
(BTW - molestations, rapes and kidnappings peaked in the seventies and have been falling steadily ever since, so it was a LOT more dangerous when I was a kid, than it is now.)
I was supposed to stay home and wait for my mother to get off work, but one day when I was 10 I decided I had enough time to catch a bus across town to the toystore and get back without my mother ever finding out.
Except I got hit by a car, while running across the street to catch the bus. Totally my fault, and I got the skin scraped off from my knees to my toes. Ouch! The cops put iodine and bandaids on, and then took me home. Where I flatly refused to tell them how to contact my mother, because I knew I was going to be in trouble.
Of course, they finally got it out of me, and my mom came rushing home from work in a panic. They told her that they'd let it pass this time, because there was food in the fridge and I was obviously well cared for, but that it was illegal to allow a child under age 12 to be left unsupervised.
Of course, that was the same night that the neighbour - seeing a cop car outside our house - decided to drop by and inform my mother that I'd been setting little fires in the alley.
Yeah, it wasn't a pretty picture at our home that night.
So... when my kids were 8 and 10, I would leave them to say, run to the corner store for 10 or 15 minutes, but no longer. And the corner store is in direct line of sight from our house.
Kids are idiots. You leave them alone too long and they get up to stuff. I started leaving them slightly longer (an hour or so) when they were 10 and 12, but then they were always in each other's company and I could trust that they'd keep an eye on each other. And happily rat each other out, if they stepped out of line.
My son is 12 now and I feel perfectly confident to leave him alone in the house for a few hours. He's proven himself reliable and sensible and capable of putting out small fires with a box of baking soda.
My daughter is 14 and currently touring Europe with her grandmother. She's not quite so reliable as her brother and has already managed to lose her wallet, but luckily a shopkeeper found it and she should be getting it back today, before they leave for France.
So... about the 8yo? 1. It depends on the local laws. 2. It depends on the child. 3. Generally, I'd say an 8yo by himself should not be left alone for more than a few minutes, but if he's with older siblings, it's probably okay.
I was a "latchkey kid" from 9 up. I even kept my housekey on a string around my neck, like lots of other kids in the seventies and eighties.
(BTW - molestations, rapes and kidnappings peaked in the seventies and have been falling steadily ever since, so it was a LOT more dangerous when I was a kid, than it is now.)
I was supposed to stay home and wait for my mother to get off work, but one day when I was 10 I decided I had enough time to catch a bus across town to the toystore and get back without my mother ever finding out.
Except I got hit by a car, while running across the street to catch the bus. Totally my fault, and I got the skin scraped off from my knees to my toes. Ouch! The cops put iodine and bandaids on, and then took me home. Where I flatly refused to tell them how to contact my mother, because I knew I was going to be in trouble.
Of course, they finally got it out of me, and my mom came rushing home from work in a panic. They told her that they'd let it pass this time, because there was food in the fridge and I was obviously well cared for, but that it was illegal to allow a child under age 12 to be left unsupervised.
Of course, that was the same night that the neighbour - seeing a cop car outside our house - decided to drop by and inform my mother that I'd been setting little fires in the alley.
Yeah, it wasn't a pretty picture at our home that night.
So... when my kids were 8 and 10, I would leave them to say, run to the corner store for 10 or 15 minutes, but no longer. And the corner store is in direct line of sight from our house.
Kids are idiots. You leave them alone too long and they get up to stuff. I started leaving them slightly longer (an hour or so) when they were 10 and 12, but then they were always in each other's company and I could trust that they'd keep an eye on each other. And happily rat each other out, if they stepped out of line.
My son is 12 now and I feel perfectly confident to leave him alone in the house for a few hours. He's proven himself reliable and sensible and capable of putting out small fires with a box of baking soda.
My daughter is 14 and currently touring Europe with her grandmother. She's not quite so reliable as her brother and has already managed to lose her wallet, but luckily a shopkeeper found it and she should be getting it back today, before they leave for France.
So... about the 8yo? 1. It depends on the local laws. 2. It depends on the child. 3. Generally, I'd say an 8yo by himself should not be left alone for more than a few minutes, but if he's with older siblings, it's probably okay.
Ava
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Took the words out of my mouth. I don't really understand the paranoia about random pedophiles. The majority of child molestation crimes are committed by someone the child knows - a relative, neighbor, family friend, teacher, etc etc. Not some random stranger who goes around breaking down doors to molest children who are home alone. I'm sure that type of thing HAS happened, but the chances are very very slim.
I wouldn't want my 8-year-old to be a latch-key kid, but I don't think I'd have a problem leaving an 8-year-old home alone for a short time while I ran errands (depending on the maturity of the child, obviously).
I started watching my sister after school when I was 11 & she was 6. My school day started & ended about an hour before hers, so I was home alone for an hour then she got home & we were together for another 30 mins to an hour until my mom got home from work. Sometimes my dad was home, although if so he was usually sleeping as he worked shift work back then. Nothing major ever happened, except one time I forgot my key so I was stuck sitting outside on the porch for an hour until my sister got home. When she got there I sent her to her friend's house down the road so she wouldn't have to suffer. I remember debating whether or not to leave a note for my mom & go to a friend's house myself; by the time I finally decided on it, she pulled up the driveway as I was sticking the note on the door. Obviously this was before cell phones - my worry was if the note fell off & she didn't see it, she'd think we were dead in a ditch somewhere and then I'd be in trouble for leaving the house when I wasn't supposed to, lol.
My kids became latch key kids at - if I recall - eight and nine. Before that they'd done the after school program. My son had really outgrown it - there aren't many kids in that program older than nine - its a lot of kindergartners, first and second graders. And my daughter, a year younger, was getting picked on. They were already there for two hours before school started (when there are more older kids) and really didn't like being there another hour after school. So they asked to be latchkey kids. I talked it over with both their teachers, the childcare staff after school, the school social worker - and all agreed my kids were ready for it.
I have a neighbor across the street who works from home and is an EMT, the neighbor next door is a SAHM, my daughters best friends is up the street and home - her mom teaches piano out of the house, she is ALWAYS home after school. We have a large dog who is a creampuff, but looks threatening and barks at strangers.
School is out at 3:30. They get off the bus a little after 4:00. I walk in the door from work generally around 4:30. Its had varying levels of success. Sometimes they are really good about "healthy snack and homework" - sometimes less good. And once in a while need to be reminded that they don't leave the yard or have friends in the house when I'm not home.
As they've gotten older (they are eleven and twelve now) the rules have changed. They can now call and get permission to leave the house.
It wasn't an ideal situation, but it was actually more ideal for US than leaving them in after school care.
Ava
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Oh obviously different things work for different families, I wasn't saying that an 8-year-old should never be a latchkey kid. And I may change my mind once I actually have an 8-year-old. My partner was a latchkey kid starting at 7. Her older brother (by 7 years) was supposed to be at home with her but he was less than responsible (to put it nicely) so she usually ended up alone.
I think it also depends a lot on where you live & how close you are with your neighbors. It sounds like your kids have people they could call on for help if they were to need it, which was how it was in my neighborhood when my sister & I were latchkey kids.
Jessica14
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No, I wouldn't (my DD is 7) because I think there is a big difference between knowing what to do and doing it. I'd be much more concerned with my child climbing on a chair and falling off or turing on the microwave with a spoon in it and not knowing what to do than a break-in.
This reminded me of two incidents:
I had a friend who was a latch-key kid when she was 8, some 30+ years ago. I would go over there when her mom wasn't home even though my mom said not too. She came in, called her mom, did her homework, etc. She was very mature and responsible. And then one day we were alone (we were about 10) and someone started pounding on the door and wouldn't stop. I remember running out the back door asking a teen neighbor for help. She said she didn't know what to do. I think we ended up calling my parents for help and they came for us. It turned out to be a friend of her brother's, but the point was that in a precieved "crisis" she had no idea what to do and had been very responsible for two years.
The other incident was when a teacher in my school, about 15 years ago left her sick seven year old at home because she already had been out for the flu and didn't want to jeopardize her job (which there is no way she would have). I kept thinking that if this hadn't been the upper middle class burbs, she would have been in major trouble.
So, no I wouldn't. My kids are not old enough yet to even consider it and they have no desire to be left alone, so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Jessica
This reminded me of two incidents:
I had a friend who was a latch-key kid when she was 8, some 30+ years ago. I would go over there when her mom wasn't home even though my mom said not too. She came in, called her mom, did her homework, etc. She was very mature and responsible. And then one day we were alone (we were about 10) and someone started pounding on the door and wouldn't stop. I remember running out the back door asking a teen neighbor for help. She said she didn't know what to do. I think we ended up calling my parents for help and they came for us. It turned out to be a friend of her brother's, but the point was that in a precieved "crisis" she had no idea what to do and had been very responsible for two years.
The other incident was when a teacher in my school, about 15 years ago left her sick seven year old at home because she already had been out for the flu and didn't want to jeopardize her job (which there is no way she would have). I kept thinking that if this hadn't been the upper middle class burbs, she would have been in major trouble.
So, no I wouldn't. My kids are not old enough yet to even consider it and they have no desire to be left alone, so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Jessica
rparmfamily
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No, but it's against the rules here. They have to be 13 (I think) before they can be left alone.
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