OT - 8 year old home alone?

[Leajess99]

There is no way I would leave an 8 year old home alone as there are just too many things that could happen.

 

[sunshineNJ]

I would never leave an 8 year old home alone!! NO WAY!!!! This age is way too young in my opinion.

 

[nchulka]

A couple of years ago my oldest and I read several books about children in colonial America and children whose families were part of the westward expansion. I was struck by how much responsibility these kids had at an young age and how much they were able to do -- and do well. It also made me think of how little I expected of my own kids. Even though these were book for children, they really changed the way I looked at my own kids. I have raised my expectations of them, and they have risen to meet them. Another bonus is how proud they are of themselves.

My girls (now 10 and 8) are fine at home while I go run an errand or something.

Exactly! Just look at what kids in other countries today do at young ages. In America we are paranoid and allow that to affect our parenting. My kids are 6 and 8 and there were a few times last year that I got home 5-10 minutes after the bus dropped them off. They figured out how to pull the recycle bin over to the garage and stand on it to reach the code box to open the door, they were so proud of themselves. The other night I was running late and asked my daughter to make dinner, she was beaming when she called us in to a meal of spaghetti (browned ground beef with ragu) and noodles (which I did pour in the strainer for her because she couldn't lift the pan) and butter bread. The more freedom my kids have the more responsible they become and the more self-confidence they have. I can let my 6 year old run around the neighborhood with his friends because I know I can always count on him to be home right on time. So yes, let your 8 year old stay home for a half hour.

 

[letsgoagainsoon]

No, I would not, 8 is too young.

 

[luvmy3]

I just started leaving my dd alone this year, she is 12. I have 2 other kids and I think that is the age where I feel comfortable enough to let them stay alone too.

 

[fakereadhed]

I wouldn't. Mine weren't home alone until 12. I think it's a really bad idea for a single child to be alone in the house in case an accident happens that they aren't able to handle- a bad cut or broken limb, fire, stranger at the door, storm or power outage. Yes, colonial children were given greater responsibility, but it's 2010. In my opinion if they can't be trusted to babysit, they are truly too young to watch out for themselves.

 

[gr8mommy]

My kids are 6 and 8 and there were a few times last year that I got home 5-10 minutes after the bus dropped them off.

This isn't the same as what the rest of us are talking about, I don't think.

Planning to leave an 8 year old alone on a regular basis for any period of time is, in my opinion, irresponsible bordering on neglectful. If something happened, you could be charged with neglect, endangerment, etc. Teaching your kids what to do in case they get home a few minutes before you when it happens a 'few times' isn't the same.

I bet if you asked most 8 year olds if they'd want to be left alone, they'd say no.

 

[tmarquez]

It's funny how times change.

When I was 12 (many of you said you would only start letting your child stay home alone at that age) my friends and I were already babysitting.

 

[luvmy3]

It's funny how times change.

When I was 12 (many of you said you would only start letting your child stay home alone at that age) my friends and I were already babysitting.

I agree, when I was 8 there were many latch key kids where I lived. Our parents worked and we would stay home for an hour or so before they got home, it wasn't a big deal at all or seen as neglectful, irresponsible or almost illegal.

 

[SaraJayne]

It's funny how times change.

When I was 12 (many of you said you would only start letting your child stay home alone at that age) my friends and I were already babysitting.

Same here. It's interesting laughing to see how smothering and paranoid some parents have become.

I wonder why.

 

[crisi]

I wonder why.

Because we are really bad at risk analysis and weigh unlikely occurrences as likely. Moreover, we have poor lookahead depth. We see today as risky, and don't see today as preparing our children for an even riskier tomorrow when we won't be there for them.

Because we have time now to worry and hover. If you were a colonial woman, you had to let your kids have a lot of freedom early, you had more babies to care for, food to grow and preserve, a family to feed, wool to spin, clothes to sew - you didn't have time for helecoptering over your children - if you did, you would ALL die. This despite the risks to a child back then were a LOT higher. Even pre-WWII, it just took that much longer to do housework and feed a family. The start of the cult of the child happened post WWII, when we had to get women out of the workplace, gave them tools that made it easy for them to have HOURS in a day after housework (washers, dryers, vaccuum cleaners, clothes than didn't require ironing), and they needed something to do. So we encouraged them to hover, and started to blame them for anything that went wrong. There was a backlash against that trend in the 1970s - when I'm guessing a lot of us grew up - but it came back. (The Feminine Mystique is still interesting reading).

Because we have the luxury of extending childhood. Our children aren't generally productive members of society until their 20s. That gives them a lot of time to grow up. If you were likely to be married at around 15, that didn't give you a lot of time to grow up. An eight year old who can't care for children won't make much of a wife in another seven years (or less!), who will marry her and take her off your hands so you'll have one less mouth to feed? A boy of 14 who can't be trusted to drive the team twelve miles into town by himself and back to pick up seed isn't going to make much of a husband in six years. But if you don't expect them to hold a real job until they are 24, there really isn't any hurry to have them develop independence.

 

[mrsltg]

I've seen that laws regarding leaving a child home alone vary by state, with some states having no minimum age at all.

With that being said, knowing YOUR child, would you leave your 8 year old home alone after school? For 30 minutes? An hour? Longer?

.

Absolutely! Not only would I, I have. She's 9.5 now (close to 10) and I have no qualms walking out of the house and leaving her in it. I was a latch key kid (with my older brother) beginning at 6. We knew the rules, and so does my daughter.

The world is no different now than it was 30 years ago when I did it. People just watch the 24 hour news cycle and know more about what goes on in other areas.

 

[nchulka]

Because we are really bad at risk analysis and weigh unlikely occurrences as likely. Moreover, we have poor lookahead depth. We see today as risky, and don't see today as preparing our children for an even riskier tomorrow when we won't be there for them.

Because we have time now to worry and hover. If you were a colonial woman, you had to let your kids have a lot of freedom early, you had more babies to care for, food to grow and preserve, a family to feed, wool to spin, clothes to sew - you didn't have time for helecoptering over your children - if you did, you would ALL die. This despite the risks to a child back then were a LOT higher. Even pre-WWII, it just took that much longer to do housework and feed a family. The start of the cult of the child happened post WWII, when we had to get women out of the workplace, gave them tools that made it easy for them to have HOURS in a day after housework (washers, dryers, vaccuum cleaners, clothes than didn't require ironing), and they needed something to do. So we encouraged them to hover, and started to blame them for anything that went wrong. There was a backlash against that trend in the 1970s - when I'm guessing a lot of us grew up - but it came back. (The Feminine Mystique is still interesting reading).

Because we have the luxury of extending childhood. Our children aren't generally productive members of society until their 20s. That gives them a lot of time to grow up. If you were likely to be married at around 15, that didn't give you a lot of time to grow up. An eight year old who can't care for children won't make much of a wife in another seven years (or less!), who will marry her and take her off your hands so you'll have one less mouth to feed? A boy of 14 who can't be trusted to drive the team twelve miles into town by himself and back to pick up seed isn't going to make much of a husband in six years. But if you don't expect them to hold a real job until they are 24, there really isn't any hurry to have them develop independence.

VERY well said

I agree completely! People are shocked by the things I allow (encourage) my kids to do. They are more surprised at how capable and competent my kids are

 

[gr8mommy]

Same here. It's interesting laughing to see how smothering and paranoid some parents have become.

I wonder why.

Smothering? Paranoid? Wow, how judgemental.

I don't think I'm either one. Most of my neighbors think I'm crazy to let my kids walk to school on their own---and we live two blocks from the school! They don't even need to cross the street. They are, however, two of the only kids in a 1 square mile town that DO walk, and do it on their own. My 12 year old can go downtown unsupervised with his friends, go over to the next town to see a movie and and walk around with his friend. Will I let him wander around the mall yet without an adult at the mall? No. That will come over the next year or so.

You can't compare kids 200, 100 or even 50 years ago to now. 50 years ago I could have spanked my child in public and been congratulated for being a good parent. Now I'd be reported for child abuse.

I think perhaps there are also significant regional differences in opinion on this.

 

[SaraJayne]

Smothering? Paranoid? Wow, how judgemental.

I don't think I'm either one. Most of my neighbors think I'm crazy to let my kids walk to school on their own---and we live two blocks from the school! They don't even need to cross the street. They are, however, two of the only kids in a 1 square mile town that DO walk, and do it on their own. My 12 year old can go downtown unsupervised with his friends, go over to the next town to see a movie and and walk around with his friend. Will I let him wander around the mall yet without an adult at the mall? No. That will come over the next year or so.

You can't compare kids 200, 100 or even 50 years ago to now. 50 years ago I could have spanked my child in public and been congratulated for being a good parent. Now I'd be reported for child abuse.

I think perhaps there are also significant regional differences in opinion on this.

I see you're "new" to the Disboards. Keep reading and I'm sure your opinion will change about parents being smothering and paranoid.

Not letting children out of your sight until they are teens or not letting them stay home alone until they are teens is smothering.

Children need to learn how to be independent away from Mom and Dad. Is it any wonder men and women are still living at home when they are in their mid-late 20's?? It's because they never learned how to be independent and grow up and away from their parents.

I have a 13 year old son. Yes, it makes me a bit sad that he's growing up and wants to spend more time with his friends than he does us. But I know it's normal, so I don't stop that.

He's becoming a young man and it's my job as his parent to prepare him for the real world he will live in in just a few short years.

Small steps to independence is how we get there. The first step is playing with friends away from Mom and Dad. The second is staying home alone.

 

[luvmy3]

Smothering? Paranoid? Wow, how judgemental.

I don't think I'm either one. Most of my neighbors think I'm crazy to let my kids walk to school on their own---and we live two blocks from the school! They don't even need to cross the street. They are, however, two of the only kids in a 1 square mile town that DO walk, and do it on their own. My 12 year old can go downtown unsupervised with his friends, go over to the next town to see a movie and and walk around with his friend. Will I let him wander around the mall yet without an adult at the mall? No. That will come over the next year or so.

You can't compare kids 200, 100 or even 50 years ago to now. 50 years ago I could have spanked my child in public and been congratulated for being a good parent. Now I'd be reported for child abuse.

I think perhaps there are also significant regional differences in opinion on this.

Most of your neighbors have a problem with a 12 year walking 2 blocks to school on their own and you don't think parents today are smothering and paranoid? You don't sound like you are, but most of your neighbors do

 

[crisi]

Oh, another reason - parenting - mothering in particular, has become a competitive sport. We almost all judge, and almost none of us want to be judged and found lacking. So many of us that have "free range children" (or freer range children) won't admit it because there really isn't a good answer to "oh, my God, what if your child gets abducted!" Our playground is chock full of eight year olds playing without their parents watching them on any given Saturday afternoon, yet talk to parents and that is unthinkable. You get the impression that letting an eight year old roam the neighborhood by themselves is "just not done." Yet, at least around here, someone is letting these kids out the door without a parent.

 

[kinntj]

At 8, no way! I have a DD8 and the only time she's alone is when she was home sick and I walked to the bus stop to get my Kindergartener. I could see the house and the sliding door to the deck and she was in view. I locked the front door and told her not to answer the phone.

I think 11 or 12 is a great time to start slowly letting them be home alone. Set specific boundaries and give them something to do like homework to be done and/or chores.

 

[DisneyNutMic]

My 8 year old is a very mature 8 year old but I wouldn't leave him alone. Not because I don't trust him to do the right thing or even that I don't trust the rest of the world but I know that he isn't equipped to handle an emergency alone. He knows what to do in many situations but I don't know that he is capable of following through in a real emergency. He is playing outside with friends for a short period of time but he knows that I am right inside the house if he needs me too.

 

[jodifla]

Well, I have an 8 year old. I think he's still a bit young. I could probably run to the store for something quick and back.

I can see some 8 year olds doing OK with it, if they say were getting home at 4 from school and a parent got home a bit after 5.

You go in, get a snack, watch a couple of tv shows and start your homework. Seems doable to me.

My son will likely be ready for this kind of thing closer to 10.