OT - 8 year old home alone?

[blessedmom4]

An 8 year old should not be allowed/forced to stay home alone. The risk is too great. Children today grow up FAR too early and are forced to be in situations they aren’t mature enough to yet handle.

 

[bookgirl]

Depends on the kid. I don't think 15-30 minutes with very defined rules would hurt, but it would have to be a kid who WOULD follow the rules.

I don't know many if any 8 year olds I would trust to get into the house. Leaving them there while running to the post office or gas station for 15 minutes maybe, but it's the carrying a key, getting in the house and then leaving that would be the deal breaker for me.

I started this myself when I was 9 or 10 and my mother was a bit over protective.

 

[RMulieri]

First off...No I would not leave my child alone at age 8.I do let her go out to the neighborhood playground with her friends and she is only 6( the playground is behind my back yard fence and easily visible), but not if I am not watching.As for the pedophiles, Reading some of these posts you would think they are roaming the streets in packs and banging down doors.Sure they are out there, sure there is risk.But I think it is just as bad now as it was when we were kids the difference- MEDIA..Media and internet make stories that were once local now global.Everything is so publicized nowadays.Back then you didn't hear all that much.Be cautious but don't be smothering

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

my daughter will be 8 soon and is an older 8 emotionally, always has been older emotionally. given this, i would NOT let her stay home alone, no way as too many things can happen.

when your daughter goes out to play, she knows you are at home in case something happens.

NO WAY.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think that there are a lot of things that can and do happen that a 8 year old is just not ready to deal with. Pedophiles aside; fires do happen, security systems mal-function, a persistant saleman can come to the door, a crank call . All of these things an older child or an adult can deal with but maybe not an 8 year old. Sometimes there may be no choice or at least seem to be no choice, but I think it is never the BEST choice for a young child.

 

[tami82]

I didnt leave my girl home alone until she was about 10 years of age. I have 3 kids. Now looking at my 8 year old girl I dont think i would do it, maybe another year or two if i had to.

 

[Samar]

Nope, no way. Maybe at 12 or 13 I would consider running a quick errand and leaving them alone.

 

[here757]

LOL heavens NO!!!

my son is a busy body with adhd LOL

 

[crisi]

Our kids have been latchkey kids from about that age - getting off the bus by themselves and staying home for about an hour. One result is that I have two very responsible kids who are now eleven and twelve. I do not have special needs kids, I have kids who follow directions (for the most part), and neighbors who are home during the day that they know.

I'm a big believer in that you need to take little steps toward independence so that your kids will be ready to go off to college, hold a job, cook their own meals, and do their own laundry. There isn't a lot of time between eight and eighteen to teach them that - less if you continue to infantalize them because you are afraid of a statistically small risk. And that risk only gets bigger, a girl has a MUCH better chance of being sexual abused as a teen than as a child - you have to give them the skills to take care of themselves and trust them to do it.

A friend of mine had a twelve year old from France stay with her over the summer. Dad put his kid on a plane and sent him to the U.S. Their twelve year old has travelled all over the world meeting his grandfather in airports from Toyko to London to Rio. (Grandpa works for the U.N.)

Statistically, it ISN'T a different world. Abuse, abduction, drug abuse rates aren't that much different from when we were kids.

 

[mjkacmom]

Nope, no way. Maybe at 12 or 13 I would consider running a quick errand and leaving them alone.

By the time dd14 was 12, she was staying home for hours at a time, and sometimes watching her siblings! Heck, last year she couldn't understand why she couldn't stay home alone all night long. She was paid to babysit other children by the time she was 13.

I'd leave dd9 home alone for up to an hour. Ds7 will probably never be left alone . Of course, I'm the parent who let her kids start walking to school at ages 7 and 9.

 

[KRCMOM]

Nope, way too young. My oldest is 9 and I can't fathom it. I wouldn't even consider it until 11 or 12, and then in very short spurts.

 

[Britgirlus]

My son is 7 (June birthday) - and I have never left him alone, as there is no reason to (he walks 1 1/2 blocks to and from school, and I am always there, as I run a daycare). Having said that - he is such a rule follower, that I think that if I did have to, he would be just fine - I think it totally depends on the child (and the local laws).

 

[delmar411]

Nope, way too young. My oldest is 9 and I can't fathom it. I wouldn't even consider it until 11 or 12, and then in very short spurts.

My DD is 12 and she's been in charge of her siblings(6,5,4) for 1-2hrs at a time for over a year and starting at age 10 for 30mins or so. She also takes them to the local playpark and has even walked with them to McDs to get an ice cream a couple times (McDs is on the other side of the parking lot from the play park). Responsibility has to be earned and learned IMO. It's important for kids to get bits of freedom and responsibility and then layer on more as they grow into each extra step. At 12, my older DD is extremely responsible and I don't worry that she can can't handle the kids on her own.

With her earning more freedom, the little kids are also learning how to behave and control themselves away from other adults. So they are all working on their maturity levels when she's in charge.

While I see no need for the little kids to be on their own before age 10, at least I know they will have some experience to help back them up once they do get to the point that I can trust them home alone for a little bit.

 

[persimmondeb]

I leave my mildly autistic DS15 at home alone for several hours in the daytime, and have since he was 12 or so (increasing the length or time as he gets older and more responsible). He is responsible (and a rule follower), but is more like a nine or ten year old in a lot of ways. He is not allowed to use the stove, and has instructions about not answering the phone, etc., but he does sometimes go out to play with the neighborhood children. I do worry, but you can't protect your children from everything, and he does need to learn how to fend for himself.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

My oldest is 10. I can't ever imagine leaving her home alone. She needs directions to get dressed. lol. That girl is just so lost in space sometimes. Now my 8 year old, I have never left alone, but if i were to leave one of them home alone, it would be her. She is so independent. I would never leave one or the other, they would both have to be together, but I could never leave them home alone together because they are too close and would probably kill each other trying to be the boss of each other.

 

[disfan07]

I stayed home by myself for between 1-2 hours when I was 9 while my mom was still at work. My mom worked at my school and a lot of the time I would just go home when she left but on days she had meetings or had to stay late to finish up some work I would walk home with my best friend (she lived across teh street from me) and my mom would get home about an hour or so later.

That beeing said, I also started babysitting when I was 11. My first babysitting job at 11 was watching a 2 and a 4 year old for up to 5 hours and sometimes as late as midnight so me being home alone for an hour at 9 was not so crazy.

My cousin is 12 1/2 and she is not allowed to be home alone for more than like 20 minutes. We live 45 minutes from them so I usually go to their house and hang out with her and sleepover when they go out. With her it's just really making sure she doesnt burn the house down. She doesn't really need anyone to watch her and they live in a very safe exclusive gated neighborhood but she doesnt necessarily think things through or thinks about what could happen, etc.

 

[luvdisney00]

I have an 8 year old - about the most alone he gets right now is if I go for a run around our neighborhood and leave him in the house (usually he and his sis 6 ride their bikes with me but sometimes he's drawing and wants to stay in). I have the house in my view for 80% of the time and only go out for a 1/2 hour or so total.

As for the pedophiles, etc. - honestly, when are you planning on leaving your kids? Even a 13 year old would easily be overcome by someone with bad enough intentions - but he/she is certainly old enough to be home alone.

Unfortunatley, bad things happen - but my view is that if someone wants my kids bad enough - they'll just hit me over the head with a shovel when I'm getting out of my car. A sad thought - but very true. I guess my point is that having my eyes on them 24/7 doesn't necessarily keep them safe, IMO.

My plan is to allow my kids short times at home by the age of 10 or 11...then longer periods at 12 and 13. I figure either or both will be babysitting by age 13 anyway - so I'll need to make sure they can handle being alone!

Oh and I don't think it's less safe....I just think we know WAY MORE about the bad things that happen due to technology - it was THERE when we were kids, we were just gloriously ignorant of most of it!

I have to say I agree with you. I don't think things are more dangerous now, we just know more. I also think that kids have to learn to be responsible and handle situations gradually. They do not just BECOME responsible to be home alone or babysit at the age of 13, they have to learn, over time. I think kids need to be given mature responsibilities slowly over time (like 15 or 30 minutes alone to make sure they can follow whatever rules the parents have set such as no answering the door or the phone no internet or whatever) BUT every child is different and every home situation is different. Some homes might have close by neighbors who are home and can be trusted, other homes might be isolated where no one is around in case of emergency. Some kids might be ready at 8 some more like 11 or 12. My youngest daughter is 7 and I really doubt that by next year she'd be ready to be home alone. Older DD's were ready for short periods of me running out to a store or something by 11. Keep in mind too, that by 13 kids want to go to the movies or the mall with friends which is probably more dangerous than staying home alone, and they have to be prepared for it. Parenting is never easy!

 

[lucyem]

I would not be comfortable with my 8 yr old getting off the bus daily and coming home to an empty house. But we have started discussions about what he should do if I am late getting home. At 8 the bus will leave him even if I am not home. If we had to make it a daily routine then he would not be allowed to go out, no friends, and would have to call and check in as soon as he got home.

I see no problem to leave him home alone for short periods of time if I have to run out on a local errand. He knows how to use the phone, he knows my cell phone number etc, we have a trusted neighbor who works out of the home across the street.

Will I feel the same way about my younger son, we will see in 3 years.

Honestly you have to start somewhere. I read the book Protecting The Gift and was impressed as how some moms are teaching their children independence and safety skills. I want my children to have these skills. While I would not go to the extremes some of the moms in the book do, I feel like I do need to do more.

 

[MiniGirl]

A couple of years ago my oldest and I read several books about children in colonial America and children whose families were part of the westward expansion. I was struck by how much responsibility these kids had at an young age and how much they were able to do -- and do well. It also made me think of how little I expected of my own kids. Even though these were book for children, they really changed the way I looked at my own kids. I have raised my expectations of them, and they have risen to meet them. Another bonus is how proud they are of themselves.

My girls (now 10 and 8) are fine at home while I go run an errand or something.

 

[hoosiergirl7]

I wasn't allowed to stay at home until I was nearly 13!!! Wouldn't happen in this house either until then. But as of right now, I have no plans to be anything other than a SAHM. I know it's not always doable for everyone. If I had to work, I'd find somewhere for my kid to go.

Does the school have an after-school program? I know ours does but it costs money, but it's not much. Only $8 for 3:30-6pm.