OT - 8 year old home alone?

[DawnM]

Did anyone post this yet?

http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm

I feel comfortable leaving my 12 year old home alone for a while now.

My 10 year old has also stayed home alone, but never for more than two hours. I had a doctor's appt. locally and left him one day this summer.

But, I don't feel comfortable leaving my 6 year old home, even with the older ones to watch. This could be because my older two are boys and not very nurturing!

Dawn

 

[DeniseinNS]

I think an 8 year old is way too young to leave alone for any period of time. I don't think I would start leaving my kids at home alone until they are at least 11-12.

 

[abcboys]

I have a 5,8, and 11 year old. All boys. My 11 year old started staying home alone at age 9 for no more than 15 minutes at a time and now he can stay home alone for an hour or 2. I will also leave him with the other 2 boys for up 2 half an hour. I don't think I would leave my 8 year old home alone without his older brother yet, though. I'm a sahm so this doesn't happen very often but its nice like when say the youngest has a dentist appt. the other 2 can stay home and not have to tag along or a quick trip to the grocery store. The 5 year old can go places with the 11 year old as long as he promises to keep an eye on him. The first time we left the oldest home alone in the evening he called us every 5 minutes because he was scared. We come home and he's sitting in the dark. I'm like silly, turn the lights on!!!

 

[WINTER]

absolutely not

 

[Celidh]

I haven't yet had a chance to read all the posts here but no, I would not leave my 8 yr old home alone.

My ds who is 13 now, was allowed to come home alone after school when he was 12. He found the time long home by himself. My rule is you can go out and play but nobody is allowed in the house.

My ds who is 11 now wants to stay home. He hates going to the babysitter. I can't really blame him because most of the kids there are quite a bit younger than he is. The closest in age to him there is an 8 yr old girl. My big issue is that he and ds 13 fight all the time. I just don't trust the two of them in the house alone. I know my older son would pick on him or just take off and leave him alone in the house. Ds 11, gets a bit freaked out going to the basement alone, (no it's not all icky and creepy LOL, that is where their tv and ps3 are),what would he do in the winter when it is dark at 4:30, his brother has taken off with friends and I don't get home til around 5:30? I just don't think he is ready. He would have almost 3 hours in the house from the time he gets off the school bus till I get home. I told him we would talk about it next school year. I would save $ in babysitting fees but I don't think that is the answer as much as it would help.

That said, I have left the two boys alone in the house for up to an hour. They stay home for about 20-30 minutes each week when I take dd 7, to Brownies and sometimes I will run to the store during that time as well. Dd, 7 (will be 8 this summer), there is no way she is anywhere near ready to stay alone!!!

I do admit that all of my kids are a bit young acting for their age and I know other kids at the same age are way more mature. This is fine with me. I like the fact that my 13 yr old ds (will be 14 this summer) and ds11 still wants a hug and kiss every night! I love the fact that dd7 affectionately calls me mama. I hope they never grow out of it.

 

[Hannathy]

Knowing what to do when asked is quite different than being able to perform in a real situation. Developmentally speaking, kids don't have the judgement necessary to cross the street alone until 9 or 10. It has nothing to do with intelligence or maturity, but skills like visual perception and anticipation of risk.

I have just in the past 6 months started to leave my oldest alone, during the day, for an hour or two at a time.

Uh I beg to differ with you but I know kids can cross the street before 9 or 10! Heck by 9 or 10 they are crossing other kids. I fully expect my children to know how to cross the street by first grade. Do I mean an 8 lane boulevard of course not but an average street yes. By 9 and 10 they are on the school crossing guards.

I would let an 8 yr old alone during daylight hours for short periods of time like 30 -45 minutes and then increase it. By 12 they should be perfectly able to stay home alone a whole day if needed. They take babysitting at 11.

 

[scrapquitler]

With that being said, knowing YOUR child, would you leave your 8 year old home alone after school? For 30 minutes? An hour? Longer?

When my DD was 8, yes, we did leave her alone for short periods (up to about an hour) on rare occasions.

Now that my DS is 8, No way in hell I would leave him home alone for 5 minutes!

 

[Lees3rwe]

I have been faced w/ this similar situation this year and while my dd is home for less than 30 mins I am actually having trouble w/ it. She will be 10 next month and she knows not to leave the house, make sure the doors are locked, and as soon as she gets in to call me so I know she is home. It is only two days a week after school she gets off of the bus at about 4 and my younger daughter gets out of therapy at 4. It takes me about 15 mins to drive home and that is if I catch all of the red lights. While my dd is mature for her age lately she has been going through this phase where she worries and panics this past week was the first time we tried it and she was ready to call my mom or my grandmother both live in the same subdivision w/ us and not even 5 mins away. If you are fairly comfortable w/ the idea and set up a plan we have a board that we post notes on so I will leave one there if I am gone for any other reason than dd's therapy and the other steps to follow than I say try and see how it works out. maybe leave for 15 mins and come back and talk about it to see how your dd feels.

I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said this... if your daughter is nervous and your mom and grandma live in the same neighborhood anyway, why not just have her go there until you get home? Seems that would solve all problems, she would feel safe and you wouldn't have to worry about her. Or have one of them wait for her at your house those 2 days while you are at therapy with your other child.

 

[Lees3rwe]

And my DS will be 11 in July. I have not left him home alone.

I work with a group of 8 year olds (third graders) in a volunteer program... I sure can't imagine any of them home alone.

 

[NHdisneylover]

absolutely not

Any reasons why you bumped this 7 1/2 month old thread

I would assume the OP has made a decision one way or the other. I could see perhaps asking for an update, but not just throwing in a short opinion as if the conversation were still active. . .

 

[nchulka]

I work with a group of 8 year olds (third graders) in a volunteer program... I sure can't imagine any of them home alone.

Unfortunately a lot of 8 year olds can't be left alone because they have not been raised to take care of themselves. If a parent raises a child to be responsible and do things for themselves and think for themselves staying home alone at 8 is no problem at all. Too many kids are being babied by their parents and it handicaps them to the point that they actually cannot do things for themselves, they can't even think how to. If your child can't do for themselves maybe it's because, in the interest of being a good parent, you have over-parented and now your child in handicapped and not capable of things they should be capable of. Is there a reason that children in third world countries are capable of using machetes correctly at the age of 5 and here in America children aren't even allowed to cut their own meat at the dinner table with mom right there till they are in upper elementary? 5 year olds in America are still using round edge scissors! Is there some reason that children in third world countries are so much more capable? Yes, the parents there encourage the kids to do more at younger ages, while in America we want them to stay babies and not grow up too fast. Well, we got what we want, 25 year olds still living in mom and dad's basement, thanks to a life of handicapping instead of equipping.

 

[princessmom29]

Unfortunately a lot of 8 year olds can't be left alone because they have not been raised to take care of themselves. If a parent raises a child to be responsible and do things for themselves and think for themselves staying home alone at 8 is no problem at all. Too many kids are being babied by their parents and it handicaps them to the point that they actually cannot do things for themselves, they can't even think how to. If your child can't do for themselves maybe it's because, in the interest of being a good parent, you have over-parented and now your child in handicapped and not capable of things they should be capable of. Is there a reason that children in third world countries are capable of using machetes correctly at the age of 5 and here in America children aren't even allowed to cut their own meat at the dinner table with mom right there till they are in upper elementary? 5 year olds in America are still using round edge scissors! Is there some reason that children in third world countries are so much more capable? Yes, the parents there encourage the kids to do more at younger ages, while in America we want them to stay babies and not grow up too fast. Well, we got what we want, 25 year olds still living in mom and dad's basement, thanks to a life of handicapping instead of equipping.

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. As a society we are teaching our children to be way too dependent on Mommy. I work hard to teach my DD to think for herself and take care of herself. Many other mothers are appaled that I tell her "you're fine, go play " when shecomes crying to me with a small scratch or scrape at 7. They full expect me to make a big deal about it and spend 15 min coddling overit. I have been told by one in particular that it is "cold" to do so, and that "they are just babies". My response was, no they are not babies at 7, and they need to learn to deal with the small everyday things without Mommy right there. It didn't go over very well. There is one child in DD's class that is not allowed to walk form the classroom to the restroom, first aid, or the office without an adult. It is a gated campus with security, and the kids always travel in pairs, but this child must be escorted everywher by an adult, per the parent's request. I just don't get not teaching our kids to take a suitable level of responsibility for themselves.

 

[lillygator]

I have two dd's 8 and 6, my 8 year old will be 9 later this year....no way would I leave her home alone.....not because of her not being responsible but why on earth would I force her into such a situation?

 

[CdnCarrie]

Unfortunately a lot of 8 year olds can't be left alone because they have not been raised to take care of themselves. If a parent raises a child to be responsible and do things for themselves and think for themselves staying home alone at 8 is no problem at all. Too many kids are being babied by their parents and it handicaps them to the point that they actually cannot do things for themselves, they can't even think how to. If your child can't do for themselves maybe it's because, in the interest of being a good parent, you have over-parented and now your child in handicapped and not capable of things they should be capable of. Is there a reason that children in third world countries are capable of using machetes correctly at the age of 5 and here in America children aren't even allowed to cut their own meat at the dinner table with mom right there till they are in upper elementary? 5 year olds in America are still using round edge scissors! Is there some reason that children in third world countries are so much more capable? Yes, the parents there encourage the kids to do more at younger ages, while in America we want them to stay babies and not grow up too fast. Well, we got what we want, 25 year olds still living in mom and dad's basement, thanks to a life of handicapping instead of equipping.

Lot of 8 years old can't stay home alone since it's illegal in our province. Nothing to do with parenting.

 

[kamik86]

I was 8 when I started staying home alone. I was only alone for 30 min before Mom got home from work. I knew my mom's phone number and her work was only 5 min away (and the kind of job where the secretary knew me by voice and if all I said if something is wrong and I need mom to come home she would have told mom and she woudl have left without having to talk to anyone else go get approval or whatever. ) I was also instructed to call my sister as soon as I got home so she knew I got home (sister was babysitting my cousin who was much younger).

Now with that said I was really lucky one day that my other sister decided to hang out at mom's house and wait for her for 45 min so she was there when I got home. That day I fell and split my chin open in the driveway. It was bleeding bad and I knew that but I didn't know how bad... I would have put something on it and called my sister who was babysitting so unless she realized how bad it was over the phone and made me call mom no one would have known I needed stiches. Luckily my older sister who was hanging out there knew and had her car to take me and we met my parents there.

That being said we still continued with me being home alone and the only other thing I ever remember having to call and ask what to do about was the time where I came home to the counter covered in ants (Mom or dad must have split the sugar that morning making coffee).

 

[imthatgirl]

I would have no problem leaving my 8yo in the neighborhood playing while I went to run an errand. Of course I would just give a quick call to at least one neighbor and leave the door unlocked in case he wanted to come in for something.

I would not however just leave my 8yo in the house alone with no one aware of him.

Two different situations I feel.

 

[DopeyDame]

A couple of years ago my oldest and I read several books about children in colonial America and children whose families were part of the westward expansion. I was struck by how much responsibility these kids had at an young age and how much they were able to do -- and do well. It also made me think of how little I expected of my own kids. Even though these were book for children, they really changed the way I looked at my own kids. I have raised my expectations of them, and they have risen to meet them. Another bonus is how proud they are of themselves.

My girls (now 10 and 8) are fine at home while I go run an errand or something.

Kudos to you! My little one is turning 2 this week, so I don't leave him home alone yet but I hope and plan on having this attitude as he grows - by 8 most kids are able to handle short stints home alone without a problem.

I'm really fascinated by all of these exploding toasters, killer telephones, and manic door-to-door-salesman so many of you seem to have in your neighborhood. Of course we need to protect our children, but I think one of the best ways to protect them is to educate and train them to take care of themselves. As a pp said, kids don't magically become responsible at 13 or something - it's an evolving skill that only happens through practice and education - and something that won't happen if a 10 year old isn't allowed to cross the street by themselves. That 10 year old will become some of the college kids I teach who are drastically lacking in responsibility and self-help skills.

 

[BabyTigger99]

We started leaving DS alone for short periods of time (30 - 60 minutes) when he was probably 9. Starting in 4th grade (he turned 10 a few weeks after 4th grade started), he was letting himself out of the house, locking the door, and headed to school, never had an issue with him getting there on time, he was always there really early to play with friends. Baby was born in January while he was in 4th grade. I was home for 8 weeks. We dropped him from the afterschool program (which he HATED), and started him walking home from school. When I went back to work, he continued walking home, and letting himself in the house, and calling me as soon as he got in. DSD would be home from school about 30 minutes after he got home, unless she had to work. The only issue we ever had was one day, near the end of the school year. HUGE thunderstorm came through, thankfully after DS had already made it home. DSD and DH were both not going to be home until much later. I was at work, and the immense amounts of rain caused the streets downtown to flood. I couldn't get my car even out of the parking lot. I checked in with him a few times, and finally he said "Mom, can you stop calling? I am trying to watch a movie, and you keep interrupting me!"

 

[dntd]

My 14 year old can stay home but he started about a year ago, never can my almost 12 year old stay home alone with him( he has aspergers,ocd..), my almost 9 and 10 year old never stay home alone nor has my son ever watched my who is almost 6. Thay being said it's because od the neighbor hood we live in. i was babysitting at 11 and had my oldest at 15!

 

[Celidh]

Unfortunately a lot of 8 year olds can't be left alone because they have not been raised to take care of themselves. If a parent raises a child to be responsible and do things for themselves and think for themselves staying home alone at 8 is no problem at all. Too many kids are being babied by their parents and it handicaps them to the point that they actually cannot do things for themselves, they can't even think how to. If your child can't do for themselves maybe it's because, in the interest of being a good parent, you have over-parented and now your child in handicapped and not capable of things they should be capable of. Is there a reason that children in third world countries are capable of using machetes correctly at the age of 5 and here in America children aren't even allowed to cut their own meat at the dinner table with mom right there till they are in upper elementary? 5 year olds in America are still using round edge scissors! Is there some reason that children in third world countries are so much more capable? Yes, the parents there encourage the kids to do more at younger ages, while in America we want them to stay babies and not grow up too fast. Well, we got what we want, 25 year olds still living in mom and dad's basement, thanks to a life of handicapping instead of equipping.

My question back to you - is there a reason that the mortality rate of those same children in those same third world countries is so much higher than it is here???

My guess the reason would be those 5 year olds who use machetes that you mentioned.

That said, I do think that a lot of people in our society baby their children needlessly. I firmly believe that we need to teach our children to think for themselves and to sometimes learn lessons the hard way. They still deserve to be children. I sometimes wish my kids were more mature but other times I am glad they are still young, innocent and a little naive.

One example is when I used to be a manager at a restaurant. I hired a young fellow, about 17 yrs old. He kept coming to work with his pants not hemmed and had still not provided me with his Social Insurance number (I'm in Canada, this is needed to work). I finally told him that until he had these two things, he couldn't work. He said his mom hadn't done it yet. Then, his mom came in and basically raked me over the coals because it was her that hadn't hemmed his pants and her that hadn't ordered his Social Insurance Number and it was not his responsibility. I told her that her son was a young man, and if he was responsible enough to have a job then he should be responsible enough to do what he needed to hold that job. I said that he had received his first pay check and there was no reason that he couldn't have taken his uniform pants to the tailor shop that was a few blocks from his highschool and didnt need to rely on his mother. Needless to say she didn't have much to say but wasn't impressed with me. The next shift, he had his pants hemmed and said his card was ordered. Whether he did it or his mom, I have no clue but I sure hope that my kids aren't that helpless at that age!

There needs to be a happy medium where we teach our kids and let them learn and to also keep them safe and let them be kids. Life comes along all to soon and slaps them in the face with reality.