Oprah goes too far again.

[jgmklmhem]

The book I was talking about says that girls who are 12, 13 still want to be creative, to play like little kids, to be adventurous, but if they do, they get labled tom boys and not "cool" , so they get pressured into conforming.

but who puts those labels on them...society...mom...dad...or their peers be them male or female. When I remember back to that time you are talking about the girl many of us really wanted to "date" wasn't the prissy one in the white dress it was the girl who was playing first base for our team. And as for guys going after or wanting to look at the hot girl I don't think that will ever change. The definition of hot might change say from Marilyn Monroe to Paris Hilton (who by the way I find to be not attractive at all) but the urge to look I don't think will and probably hasn't since time began. I would really like to hear some of the solutions you guys might have to the situation instead of just the pointing out the problem because I do have 2 girls and try to instill in them (well really just the almost 6yo) that doing well in school and being a good person are way more important than being "cool".

 

[beckmrk04]

Unfortunately it isn't easy to solve.

Ok. Here's the solution. Raise your kids to know that it's what inside a person that matters the most. Obviously, we have eyes, and there is such a thing as attraction- it would be silly to deny it. But we need to tell little girls (AND boys!) that they are smart, and never to act like they aren't to get attention. It's GOOD to be smart. Looks fade.

We need to tell our kids that sex and sexuality should be special and about our own pleasure! It is not something to be marketed, (especially if you aren't getting anything out of the deal - I seriously just don't get the idea of being a free stripper, but whatever). Your body should not be treated as a commodity. I'm not going to tell my kids they have to wait until marriage for sex, but at least be with someone who respects you and your body and your wishes and desires.

We need to raise our kids to be respectful of other people. And to do their own thing, because what's "cool" is relative- and give them good role models.

If you do something, do it on your own terms, not to please someone else. Do it because you like to, and get enjoyment from it, not because you want to impress someone.

There's plenty of time for sex and love and dating. It doesn't all have to happen in high school!

See, these are things I hope to instill in my own children, but is it a total solution? I don't know. Will other parents follow suit? Some will, some won't. And sadly, some are too busy with their own problems to pay any attention to their kids, and those are the kids I worry about the most. But if we can all do our individual parts to make sure our kids don't perpetuate this nonsense, then at least it can get better.

 

[Crankyshank]

Well Aunt Polly's book recommendation is excellent for raising young girls. Actually I think it's a book every woman should read whether they have a daughter or not.

There's really no one solution but a major help would be reinforcement and encouragement. The problem is with self esteem being low and identity being wrapped up in how one looks and how successful one is with the opposite sex. Encourage the girls to be their own person. Make her feel beautiful as she is. To surround them with positive female role models and to emulate people like Natalie Portman or even Pink instead of Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan.
I could go on but I can't find my soap box

 

[auntpolly]

I'm home watching Oprah and I'm just wondering...It all sounds so great and hopeful, but how do we pay for theses schools? My town doesn't want to pay for the ones we have.

 

[nuke]

One of my co-workers let her 16 year old daughter wear a shirt that said "Porn Star" on it to school. Why would you think that's a good idea or a good message to send? I'm still perplexed by it.

I think parents need to be more involved. They need to show their little girls that pretty dresses will only get you so far. Then you need to use your brain.

 

[Buckalew11]

Excellent posts, ladies!! And I'm going to read that book. Thanks. It is very important to me to do everything I can NOT to raise a "Jessica Simpson" type of girl. At this point, I have no worries, she marches to her own drummer and is very confident and comfortable in her own skin but we are just approaching the years where that could all change and it would be heartbreaking to me and to her dad.

And if you all ever shop for little girls 7-14 (size wise) you all know what is out there for girls. Definitely a negative message, but hey, if she looks cute in that sexy outfit, it must be good. (not!) Or "that's all that's out there" --try a little harder, trust me, you can do better for your girls.

 

[beckmrk04]

And if you all ever shop for little girls 7-14 (size wise) you all know what is out there for girls. Definitely a negative message, but hey, if she looks cute in that sexy outfit, it must be good. (not!) Or "that's all that's out there" --try a little harder, trust me, you can do better for your girls.

!! I know what you mean about the clothes- my nieces are only 3 and 5 right now, but even still, looking through some of the little girls departments...

I'm going to get the book too. I have been meaning to read it forever (I have a women's studies degree- so it has definitely been mentioned more than once, I just never got around to it.. Along those lines also is Naomi Wolf- she actually was a guest on that Oprah show, now that I think about it- and she has written some great books!!)

 

[Buckalew11]

!! I know what you mean about the clothes- my nieces are only 3 and 5 right now, but even still, looking through some of the little girls departments...

I'm going to get the book too. I have been meaning to read it forever (I have a women's studies degree- so it has definitely been mentioned more than once, I just never got around to it.. Along those lines also is Naomi Wolf- she actually was a guest on that Oprah show, now that I think about it- and she has written some great books!!)

Got the book at my library tonight!!! I'm a slow reader so you'll still beat me reading it! Again, thanks to Aunt Polly and Jenz for pointing me toward thew book. I will look into the Naomi Wolf books next trip.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

So many parents are allowing their girls to dress like hookers now.


My 11 yo wanted so badly to get the skeeziest outfit. She was soo disappointed when she couldn't. And to think we thought we were rebels to roll our skirts at the waist so the hem was a couple inches above our knees!