I have two daughters, one now 8 and one now 14. The 14-year-old is in 8th grade. I haven't eaten with her since she started middle school in 6th grade and she hasn't mentioned me coming to eat with her anymore. My 8-year-old is in 3rd grade. My husband and myself have been going to eat with her since she started K and will continue to do so until she, too, stops asking. We don't go often, maybe once every couple of months. We don't bring in food. My husband eats lunch there but I just sit with my DD.
She also gets to ask 3 of her friends to eat with us. It's never the same 3, just whoever she feels like asking that day. We usually do buy ice cream for them after lunch, though, because she asks us for money and we wouldn't not buy it for the other 3 also. We sit at a table away from her class so it feels special to her and her friends.
I don't feel like it's hovering. She asks, we go, simple as that. Like I said, once every couple of months. She gets a little extra attention from us without her big sister around and that's fine with us, too.
Heather