Opinions on Confrontations?

[drew64]

I never elbow someone on purpose. They just pushed so close in to me, we accidentally bumped!!!

 

[cropman]

No, but two right elbows make a point.

 

[Suellen]

I think that most of the time people don't even realize how rude they are being. I did say something once at Mickey's Philharmagic. The lady behind me called my little girl (10 months old) "That little f****g baby" ~ I couldn't stand it when the show was over I told her I would appreciate it if she didn't swear about my 10 month old BABY. She said she didn't say a word about my baby ~ which was a total LIE ~ her daughter (adult daughter) got really embarrassed and apologized. I was so mad I was shaking... ummm if you don't want to deal with kids ~ you picked the WRONG vacation spot!

Then same vacation at Pop we brought pails, shovels, balls, sand toys all kinds of things from home. Kids would come over and literally take them out of the 10month olds hands and she would be sitting crying with nothing. Mothers and fathers wouldn't say anything.... and some of them even played with the toys with the kids. I retrieved toys all week long. I would normally make the kids share with other kids... but I was just so upset that the other parents would let their kids take all my BABY's toys and leave her crying and not say anything.

That is the only two times I have ever done anything about rude people.

For the most part I try to think they are so excited that they are oblivious to the fact that what they are doing may be rude.

 

[edwardsfire]

It is not worth wasting time on the ignorant people of the world- and yes, there are many! They will not change.

I make a rather pointed, sarcastic comment and move on usually.

For those who try to push in front at parades, etc. - that is what elbows are for. After a few well placed jabs, they get the message.

Yep. 110% correct.
I have done the exact thing. And, it DOES work.

 

[inkkognito]

I like to confront offenders with a loud, blunt question that puts the onus on them to explain their behavior. Example: Line cutters are trying to push past you. Calmly but loudly ask them, "Why do you think you don't need to wait in line like the rest of us?" This calls them out on their behavior and puts them in the position of having to try to justify it. Works well for just about any situation.

Refusing to give in to their behavior works well too. For example, when someone once told me they were saving the whole front theater row on a Disney cruise ship, I said, "That's not allowed" and plopped my butt down and didn't discuss it any further. What was he going to do? Pull me out of the seat?

These strategies both work well for me. I have absolutely no problem with confronting rude people and jerks so they don't impact my enjoyment.

 

[mousefan215]

No, but two right elbows make a point.

 

[kgle]

See some people dont think there kids are causing a ruckus....If it was my kid and he was disrupting someone I would want them to say something to my child...as long as they were not mean or anything. I would have no problem. Each person is different I see nothing wrong with an adult telling my child not to do something if I didnt see my child or notice the child doing something wrong, especially if he was about to get hurt....Lets face it adults get occupied too....JMHO...I have big issues with parents who thinks they are the only ones allowed to say something to there children, these are usually the parents whos kids are running rampant at the pool, running around the resorts while they are sitting at a table having a drink...Its also the same parents that there child does no wrong in school and the teacher is always wrong...

Not saying thats use, just in general...So dont take offense to my statement please...

No offense taken My reasoning is that maybe I don't know he is causing problems, so let me know and I as the parent will handle it. I personally have issues with parents who think that they are allowed to scold my child. Now, if he was harming someone else or could be harming himself, then by all means stop him and let me know what's going on and I will take it from there. But if he is just being plain obnoxious its no one's place to tell him to do anything. Its sort of rude for people to automatically assume that a parent is not doing their job correctly if they don't notice their child being a brat. And for the record, my son is only 2 1/2 but he is VERY well behaved, and will be the first to say "please" "thank you" "you're welcome" and "excuse me". And it is a huge generalization on your part. I don't even like my parents scolding my son, but I have to deal with it

 

[rosegirl]

We've all had our share of the rude, crude, ignorant folks at WDW, and isn't it pleasant when they do this in front of kids? Not to go off thread, but I wanted to share a story of how really good things that can happen, too, despite our worst expectations of human conduct.

We (DH, DD5 and DS8) were headed to EPCOT for evening EMH last spring break, and I realized as we boarded the bus at POR that we were going to be sharing that bus ride with a bunch of college kids who were in town for the basketball games.

Instantly, as I scanned the group of loud kids with college sweatshirts on, I jumped to the conclusion that they would be swearing in front of my kids and otherwise acting like partying college kids. (Hey, I was one of them once). I braced myself for a long ride to EPCOT, just praying no one would drop the f bomb, and gave my husband the look of horror. I was also kicking myself for thinking a late night of Illuminations was a good idea.

Well, I couldn't have been MORE WRONG. The students saw my children and allowed us to get on the bus first, alerting one another that little kids were coming on board. On the bus ride, they were perfect ladies and gentlemen, and made sure we got off the bus safely given the large crowd. I was so impressed that I wanted to write to their college deans to say how well they represented their schools. I think that many an adult at WDW could take a page out of these kids' books and remember that this is a family place, above all else, and that grownups should set the example, even when it means waiting that extra 30 seconds or showing a little politeness/restraint when it's been a long, hot day at the parks. This experience gave me serious hope for the future of America!!

 

[Tink888]

I'm of the opinion that there are two kinds of rude people. Rude people that know exactly what they are doing and don't care, and people that don't realize that what they are doing is rude.

Now, the first group you can do nothing about. Whine and complain all you like - they won't care. Nothing you do or say will change their behavior or attitude. Even if they are thrown out of the park, it will not be their fault in their eyes. Giving them the evil eye, being snarky, being sarcastically nice... you're just making yourself like them.

Now, the second group you can do something about, but only if you do it right. Giving the evil eye, being snarky, etc. might make them feel bad, but it's also going to put them on the defensive which makes the situation a conflict. Your best bet is to be nice, legitimately nice. Talk to the person. Not about their behavior, but about their vacation or their kids. Ask them if they're having a good time. Once you have established a personal relationship with someone the likelyhood of them being rude to you diminishes.

The core of rude behavior is the feeling that you are the center of the universe. You have no connection to the people around you and thus feel no impact from their discomfort or pleasure; they are faces in the crowd, people you'll likely never see again... unconnected to you. Since making a connection with them runs the risk of feeling the impact of them having a "bad day", most people won't take that chance. Now, force someone to make that connection and you become more than a face in the crowd. They become invested in you and your feelings. So be nice, make a connection; you'll both be happier for it.

Excellent post.

For the most part I try not to let stuff bother me. Once we were on the Great Movie Ride and the guy in front of me kept taking pictures (in spite of the CM's saying it was prohibited). I had enough of the flash and his camera blocking my view so I tapped him on the shoulder and reminded him there was no flash photography and he stopped.

 

[WallE]

I have enjoyed this thread. I like vacation to be an escape and WDW is definitely that. But we all have to remember that we live in a society and courtesy and kindness should not take a back seat.

As a middle school principal, I have no problem addressing issues as I see them--even in public. Of course I choose my battles. For instance, I can't tell you how many times I have been in the mall, etc. and some kid runs down the walkway. My instincts say address the problem as if it were the hallway in the school. Most of the time I let it slide. But profanity in public, especially when children are around, is not acceptable. We should all be reminded about a higher level of decency and discourse.

 

[WDSearcher]

Excellent post.

For the most part I try not to let stuff bother me. Once we were on the Great Movie Ride and the guy in front of me kept taking pictures (in spite of the CM's saying it was prohibited). I had enough of the flash and his camera blocking my view so I tapped him on the shoulder and reminded him there was no flash photography and he stopped.

I also thought Matt71's post was excellent. It truly does come down to what you feel you can change and what you can't. And, it's also a conscious decision by you -- "am I willing to fall on a sword for this or not?" None of us can control the actions of others. All we CAN control is how we react to it.

 

[OB1]

great post ROSEGIRL. While a lot of rude things do happen (everywhere, not just WDW), it is nice to hear about the good behavior.

We go to WDW to enjoy ourselves and escape from our everyday, hectic life. I am not mentally ready for a battle with someone. On a recent trip, we were walking up to security when a family just jumped the line. Our response: we looked at the people behind us & just started laughing. It was not worth a fight to ruin our fun - and in 5 minutes it was forgotten. Still amazing what people try to pull off.

 

[SpectroMax]

Once, while walking by the little mermaid show in DHWS I saw a guy and his son step over the ropes to get to the front of the line. When the CM told him that this was not allowed he proceeded to reach in his back pocket, pull out his handicapped pass and show it to her. She appologized and let him in. I wasn't in line, just strolling by, but had I been I probably would have given the guy and the CM a couple of smart comments.

Also, in DHWS one night for EMH we were waiting in line for FPs at TSM. The line was long and the window for return kept getting farther out. Their were two 10 yr olds in front of us. I turned around to talk to my GF, and she exhaustedly said "how much longer can we wait for a fast pass" as I turned around I noticed that 5 more kids had gotten in line with their friends. I replied "All night if we stay behind Bebe's kids in line." I thought it was funny! the kids were extremely offended. So I also gave them my opinion about their cutting line. Didn't matter. They stayed right in front of me. After the started getting their FPs the first one went to an older guy (im assuming the father) and told him about me and pointed at me. He stood up to look over the crowd. I guess sizing me up or something but by then I was extremely hot. I glared at him until he sat back down and looked away. My point in telling you all this is that I learned that my temper can't handle getting into it with line cutters so from then on I try my best to let it go. I laughed about it 5 mins later, but if the guy had come over to confront me I probably would have ended up kicked out of the park and be in one of these crazy stories you read about. You can try to handle things in a civil manner but the act of confronting that person does open the window for the situation to quickly escalate.

 

[SydneyFalco]

I have to echo SpectroMax somewhat.

I just don't have the stomach for confrontation. If I have to speak to someone for uncouth behaviour, I'm all too forgiving and polite for far too long. That's bad enough, because it makes me feel wishy washy. Then, when my tact gets me nowhere--and it never does--I usually switch directly to physical, at which point the wife ushers me away quickly. Which makes me feel even more horrible. Finally, to top it all off, I just can't shrug rude behaviour off, and it makes me sore and upset for at least the rest of the day.

I almost envy the rude, the self-centered and the uncivilized. And they are definitely gaining in number. Our current culture is breeding them.

 

[SpectroMax]

I almost envy the rude, the self-centered and the uncivilized. And they are definitely gaining in number. Our current culture is breeding them.

Yea you're right. Sadly, common courtesy is no longer common in our society. I realize that I'm in the minority. I was raised in the south (not to say that it doesn't happen elswhere), but to southerners, manners and hospitality are a big deal. Failure to use "yes ma'm," "no ma'm," "thank you," and "please" often resulted in quick and decisive discipline when I was a kid. So I learned how to behave. The problem is not everyone is raised this way and some of them (not all) grow up to be jerks. I have this deep misconception that everyone should treat me the way that I treat them with respect and politeness. In fact Im just crazy enough to feel entitled to a certain degree of it, and when I don't get it or worse when someone that I love doesn't get it I feel entitled to jerk an knot in the neck of the offender. Now BEFORE YOU FLAME, I realize that this (the jerking of the proverbial knot) is'nt socially acceptable, so 99.9% of the time I resist temptation. . . but every once in a while. . .

Some famouse words from Rapper's Delight: Don't push me cause I'm close to tha eeeeedge I'm trying not to lose my head A ha ha ha!!!

In other words when you, or the offender are getting a little too involved in the confrontation, the best bet is to let it go if you can and save yourself a world of headaches that would not be worth that patch of concrete or seat in the theater.

 

[PixieDust32]

I'm the kill with kindness person also. The space savers don't really bother me as much as the line jumpers. Basically though unless some one's safety is jepordized I tend to let things slide off my back. For me, it really isn't worth the headache while I'm on vacation.
I actually only really confronted a "out of control" guest who literally verbally attacked the cm at the podium at TTS. she had the poor women intears, why? because she didn't have an adr and was told it was an hour wait. Security ended up being called.

Same here, I don't let that stuff bother.
We were sitting in front on the castle waiting to see the Celebrate the season show and after that the Cinderella's wish show, we were waiting there for over an hour and when the show started some ladies started pushing their poor little kids to the very front right in front of us, we were sitting down so the people behind us could see, my DD told one of the little girls to please move front right in front of her and the Mom started yelling something, so my DD got up and then hell broke lose because the people started yelling to sit down, I didn't know what to do, we were there waiting for over an hour, I asked the little girl to sit next to me so she and my DD could see the show.

 

[dolphindan1]

No offense taken My reasoning is that maybe I don't know he is causing problems, so let me know and I as the parent will handle it. I personally have issues with parents who think that they are allowed to scold my child. Now, if he was harming someone else or could be harming himself, then by all means stop him and let me know what's going on and I will take it from there. But if he is just being plain obnoxious its no one's place to tell him to do anything. Its sort of rude for people to automatically assume that a parent is not doing their job correctly if they don't notice their child being a brat. And for the record, my son is only 2 1/2 but he is VERY well behaved, and will be the first to say "please" "thank you" "you're welcome" and "excuse me". And it is a huge generalization on your part. I don't even like my parents scolding my son, but I have to deal with it

dont take this wrong, I am not criticizing

So how you gonna handle it when your child gets into school and a teacher scolds him...dont say he is a good child and wont get in trouble cause in grammar school he will get into trouble occasionally. A child needs to learn to respect authority all authority not just the authority of his parents. Grandparents are great examples they have every, if not more right, to discipline....When a teacher fusses at your child and he/her comes home crying are you gonna be mad at the teacher?....When your child gets 14 or so and off with friends and falls into the peer pressure trap and does something wrong and lets say breaks the law, minor stuff, is the cop not allowed to say anything to your child? Just because an adult is not a cop or principal does not mean he cant be a person of authority....If my children have a friend over, there parents give me every right to discipline, not beat, them if they are acting up....I will let the parent know what happened but if they are in my house,and in my yard they are under my watch....I am just asking....

Again as a long as an adult is not berrating or hurting my child them by all means tell him to stop if causing you a problem....

 

[k10vodka]

i personally dont like people being rude and if they are really out of line, then i will say something to them...little things dont bother me because i wont let it ruin my day...

for example me, dh and dd were in MK one day on our march trip last year...it was very crowded and dd was very thirsty...so dh took dd on the magic carpets and i stood in this never ending line at a cart to get her a drink...i am standing there talking to an older couple behind me and a man in front of me about how long the lines are and how crowded the park had gotten since the day before...then this group of about 10 people came and were standing next to us and the man in front of me was next and went and got his egg rolls i think and a drink and when he walked away i went to walk up and this group walked right in front of me and started telling the CM what they wanted...i tapped the one on the shoulder and pointed to the end of the line where there were at least 20 poeple behind me and told him that him and his group need to wait in line like everyone else...he looked and me and said "no speak english" and continuted to speak in english to order what his group wanted...now it was 80 degrees out and all i wanted was a water for my dd and i stood there for more than 15 minutes in line so i was very angry and the CM heard me again tell them to go to the back of the line and wait their turn and they again said to me "no speak english" and i was like "i just heard you speaking it fine to place your order" and the CM told them he refused to serve them until they wait in line like everyone else. so they walked to the side and again stood there and the couple behind me told them to please stand at the end of the line like everyone else and they actually started cursing at me and the older couple...yea no speak english alright...the CM actually thanked me for saying something because he wasnt paying attention to who was next and he said that they had no right to cut in line that...


another time i was actually accused of being rude and line cutting...i actually thought it was funny afterwards...it was last year in November for thanksgiving and the parks were at more than 90% occupancy...me and dd were by ourselves at Epcot and DH wasnt feeling good and went back to the hotel. so it is 85 degrees and dd fell asleep on me...she was 4 then and we were renting a stroller...so i decided to leave because it was too hot and crowded and dd was sleeping and dh left me the bags when he left...so i had to return the stroller and carry my sleeping 4 year old and my purse and the bags to the bus stop back to the resort...it took me forever to make it to the bus stop and no one said 2 words to me as i was trying to get there...i finally got there as the bus was leaving and no one was in line so i dropped my stuff at the rope and i sat on the curb with my sleeping dd...a nice family came in line behind me and were talking to me about how did i ever manage to get there by myself with all that stuff and sleeping dd...so the one son of the couple looked about 13 and offered to carry my stuff for me when the bus came so that i wouldnt fall and get hurt getting in the bus and the parents even offered to follow me to the room to make sure i got there ok if i couldnt get a hold of dh to meet me at the bus stop...it was really nice of them...so the line started filling up and i was still sitting at the curb with dd...so the bus got there and the boy walked up to me and picked everything up for me so that i could stand up with dd and get on the bus and there was a mother with her about 7 year old son that started yelling at me that i cut in line and started a big scene...the parents behind me followed me onto the bus with their son and my stuff and sat near me and the woman was still continueing the yell that i was a line cutter because i was near the curb...the bus driver was very confussed and asked the parents that were sitting by me and they said i was the first one at the stop and that i was sitting at the curb because i couldnt stand with my dd anymore...so i did get a hold of DH and he was waiting at the bus stop when we got there and the bus driver let dh on the bus right away since i was up front and let him get dd from me so i could grab everything else...i dont know why this woman was making a scene and calling me a line cutter but i am assuming it was because she wanted see if someone wouldnt be able to get on the bus so that she would have a seat since there were a good 20 people a head of her...it was rather pathetic of her...and everyone was kind of staring at her wierd since i was sitting there long before anyone was even in line...lol

 

[disnut8]

I like to confront offenders with a loud, blunt question that puts the onus on them to explain their behavior. Example: Line cutters are trying to push past you. Calmly but loudly ask them, "Why do you think you don't need to wait in line like the rest of us?" This calls them out on their behavior and puts them in the position of having to try to justify it. Works well for just about any situation.

Refusing to give in to their behavior works well too. For example, when someone once told me they were saving the whole front theater row on a Disney cruise ship, I said, "That's not allowed" and plopped my butt down and didn't discuss it any further. What was he going to do? Pull me out of the seat?

These strategies both work well for me. I have absolutely no problem with confronting rude people and jerks so they don't impact my enjoyment.

I do the first one a lot. Asking a question that requires an answer from who I consider an offender is perfect. If they aren't doing anything they think is incorrect, I'll get an explanation. However, if they are doing something they know is wrong, they will at least be called out on it. But in a nice way. Here in the south, the equivalent, is using a person's name and then saying "bless his/her heart". You can insult someone as much as you want but tack on the "bless their heart" comment and you've just made nice.

And I LOVE the second one. What is the person going to do? Get a Cast Member involved when they know they are doing something wrong?

Bless their hearts every one of them.

 

[KCMiller]

Ah, the Internet. I went to babelfish.com, typed in a few sentences, and got a translation (in Portugese, just for the sake of an example - they have many, many languages). I'm going to make a print out for my next trip, and if someone pulls the 'no speak English' with me, I'd be happy to pull out my handy pocket translator. I may not be able to pronounce everything, but I'm certain that they'll be able to read my note:

You have to wait your turn.
You may not step in front of me.
Please go to the end of the line.
Do you want me to call Security?
Have a great day!

English to Portugese
Você tem que esperar sua volta.
Você não pode pisar na frente de mim.
Vá por favor à extremidade da linha.
Você quer-me chamar a segurança?
Tenha um grande dia!


KC