Editor's Note: No lies in this chapter that are not called out as such. I just wanted to tell the story as it happened.
Saturday, July 21
Pawleys Island, SC
6:00 a.m.
Its time. After months of planning, countless whispered conversations, hiding certain letters as they arrived in the mail, and speaking in code whenever people asked about our summer plans, the day is finally here. Julie and I get the kids up and dressed, and finish packing odds and ends, trying not to show our excitement. We pretend its a normal travel day, and a little sad that were leaving.
One thing you should know about me: I am terrible at keeping secrets. I can never resist dropping hints. And I usually drop one too many, and blow the surprise. This is not helped by the fact that Julie is a world-class mind reader. There have been several occasions when Ive tried to surprise her with a date, gift, or something special and she figures it out every. single. time. Once I told her simply to keep a date open, and she proceeded to guess the exact restaurant and show wed be going to. I dont know how she does it.
But for this trip, I have dropped no hints.
Well, maybe a couple, but they were really small.
By 7:00 a.m., everyones ready to go, the last bags are packed, goodbyes have been said, and the gas tank is full. We wave to our friends one last time and roll down the driveway.
We drive a total of 1 mile.
The Pawleys Island Bakery is emitting its siren call once again. If youre going to be stuck in the van for 8 hours plus, you might as well start the trip with a gooey cinnamon roll as big as Princess Leias head.
All carbed up, we start the drive once again down US 17 into the Void. Not twenty minutes down the road, the kids are already begging for a movie. This is a good sign. Distractions will be welcome on this journey. We have them wait a bit, since its going to be a long drive. They want to know where were going.
Originally, we had planned to pretend that vacation was over and we were heading home, but we goofed. Ok, fine. I goofed. Sarah had asked how long our vacation would be, and we told her the truth: 2 weeks. Being ahead of her class in math skills, she quickly deduced that only one week had passed at the beach.
We tell them, Were going to make a couple of stops on the way back home. This time, they notice were heading south. Dave thinks were going to Georgia.
This is a logical guess. Weve stated repeatedly that we want to try and get our kids to all 50 states, and Georgia is the last state on the East Coast where the kids have never set foot. We will use this to our advantage. And, please note: we have not lied to our kids.
For the fifth time on this trip (and the third time on purpose), we cross the Arthur Ravenel bridge into Charleston. The city looks sleepy but beautiful on the bay. I ask the kids if they want to go check out the aircraft carrier. They roll their eyes and ask for a movie again. This time, as we reach the western edge of the city, we relent. They choose The Incredibles. My kids have excellent taste.
We bought the van used earlier in the year after our old one was totaled in an accident when a jetliner made an emergency landing on the interstate.
Not buying that? Would you believe we used it to ram through the gates of a burning orphanage to rescue the children?
Ok, how about: some idiot was intoxicated while driving and plowed into 8 cars stopped at a red light, including my wife? Thankfully, she was ok, but the van was now an expensive paperweight.
Anyway, the new (to us) van came with a DVD player, but not the remote control for the unit. The sound is played on an FM radio frequency and can be changed to any of 5 stations--if you have the remote control. Since we dont, were stuck with only one station that can play the movie audio, and when you get near large cities, we usually lose the sound in static.
There is no such static to be found on US 17 between Charleston and I-95. In fact, there isnt much of anything to be found on that stretch. Julie busies herself reading a 1,100-page Stephen King novel, while I...drive. Darth Vader says this is the fastest way, and we have learned to trust our ol buddy Darth. We pass a general store called the Carolina Cider Co. along the way that looks mildly interesting, but theres no time for a stop. Were on a mission from God. Ok, maybe thats over-the-top.
You can imagine my relief when we finally reach I-95 south. And then imagine my disappointment when I glance at the GPS and it says itll be another 250 miles before the next turn. Might as well get comfortable.
Were moving now. Traffic is flowing well--getting up early on a Saturday has paid off. We reach the Georgia border somewhere around 10:30 a.m. We make the announcement to the kids that theyve completed the East Coast. And there is much rejoicing.
Dave says, I knew it! I tell them that it seemed silly to be so close to Georgia and not pick up a new state for them. Dave now thinks were headed for Atlanta. We say nothing.
Georgia is wonderful for driving--it widens out to 3 lanes in each direction as soon as you hit the state line. This allows drivers to really open it up for clear sailing--or so Ive heard.
Occasionally, other sights catch our eye as well. Or maybe we're just bored.
The Incredibles defeat Syndrome (spoiler warning) and the movie credits roll. Were flying through Georgia. We stop at a rest area for a potty break and I call a fellow DIS Dad, who lives near the Florida border, DisneyFed. Id talked to him when making vacation plans about possibly meeting up on our way down at the Florida welcome center, and he had told me to give him a call when we reached Georgia. I know that explaining the Florida stop is going to be tough, but its worth it to meet up with the Dads.
DisneyFed does not answer his phone. I guess its possible he has already taken steps to block my number. I leave a message for him.
We continue on our way. Its getting close to lunchtime. We decide to stop at a Chick-Fil-A in Kingsland, GA. We call Fed again and theres still no answer. I joke to Julie that it would be funny to run into him at the restaurant. While were there getting our meal, I post an update to Facebook, thanks to the free wireless: 3 miles from the Florida line. Kids still have no idea.
When wed left for Pawleys a week earlier, Id worn a Myrtle Beach t-shirt as a clue to our destination to see if the kids would pick up on it. They didnt, and I had fun pointing it out later.
On this day, Im wearing my Expedition Everest t-shirt. Julie is wearing Mickey earrings.
The kids dont notice.
Bellies full and cows happy, we hit the road again. Im thinking that missing out on meeting Fed may be a blessing in disguise--we dont need a stop at the Florida welcome center. But I still worry about how to explain the Welcome To Florida sign were about to pass. But the kids extend a lifeline:
Can we watch another movie?
Sure! With lightning speed, Julie has them load up Phineas & Ferb and the 2nd Dimension. They enter a brand new reality. We enter Florida.
They miss the sign. Julie and I exchange a look, but say nothing. Maybe, just maybe, we can pull this off.
But were just starting to run the Gauntlet now.
Time passes, and we drive into the Jacksonville area. Scotty looks over and says, That looks like a neat city. We grunt agreement. Then he spots EverBank Field, the home of the Jacksonville Jaguars.
I see a stadium! Uh oh. Is that where the Falcons play?
No, I answer.
Is it the University of Georgia? Dave asks.
No, I answer, cringing for the next guess. But it never comes. The kids drop the interrogation and go back to the movie.
We keep driving. Now were passing the St. Augustine area. David and I have been here before--we went to the Players Championship golf tournament in 2011 near Jacksonville and stayed in St. Augustine. As we drive, we pass a huge billboard showing the iconic island-green 17th hole at that golf course. Dave, watching the movie, doesnt see it.
We keep driving. The movie ends and we make another rest area stop just north of Daytona. Julie and I are practically bouncing off the walls now. About 90 miles to go. We want to start another movie, but the static on the radio station is becoming overwhelming. That's a no-go.
The kids have pulled out their Nintendo DSs and are entranced by various
Lego games as we pass through Daytona. We hit the exit for I-4 (big signs for Orlando). As we make the turn, we pass 3 GINORMOUS BILLBOARDS PROCLAIMING Star Tours at Disneys Hollywood Studios, Soarin at Epcot, and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universals Islands of Adventure. Julie and I exchange another look, and hold our breath. I may or may not have given the van some extra gas.
The kids dont notice.
We keep driving. Less than an hour to go now. The greater Orlando area is starting to loom in the distance. First we reach residential development, then more and more commercial. And the kids have to go to the bathroom again.
Were 26 miles from Orlando. The kids are relieved. Julie and I are relieved to be on the road again. The Gauntlet has intensified. Disney billboards are starting to pop up everywhere. We dont know how far we can get before the kids will spot them.
20 miles to go, and disaster strikes: Daves battery on his DS runs out. He shuts it off and watches the other 2 play their games. But every so often, he looks up and gets his bearings. And then, a sentence we didnt want to hear:
Hey Sarah, look! Harry Potter World! Dave has spotted a billboard.
Sarah: Stop bothering me, Im trying to play this game.
Were now entering downtown Orlando. There are ORLANDO signs everywhere. We pass the Amway Arena, home of the Orlando Magic.
The only sounds from the back seat are the Lego games, only slightly less repetitive than Its A Small World. We pass through Orlando without incident.
We keep driving. Now, were getting regular updates as Dave sees more and more billboards. Hey, look! Epcot! Hey, look! Donald Duck! Hey, look! Mission: Space!
Finally, the question comes: Why are there so many Disney billboards?
I speak up first. Its a really major highway. So they want to do a lot of advertising here. But its Julie that comes up with the brilliant clincher:
Its a lot like South of the Border. Remember all those billboards they had for miles? Theyre just trying to attract people to go. That seems to satisfy him. Scotty and Sarah keep playing their games. I bite my tongue and Julie swallows. Were under 10 miles to go. Almost to the gates. Wouldnt it be great if we could just...
I see brake lights activating on all of the cars in front of me. Every lane, slowing down. First to a cruise, then to a crawl. Then a dead stop. Theres no movement. Just under 6 miles to go, right where I-4 meets FL 528 coming from the airport, everything stops. We can see cars and trucks on the overpass looking to enter I-4. Theyre not moving. Julie and I are doing the silent scream. The butterflies are in the stomach, so close to springing the surprise.
A few minutes pass. A couple of emergency vehicles pass us on the shoulder, and we know theres an accident up ahead. Slowly, we start to crawl forward. We wait some more. At one point, I shift into park due to the lack of movement. Then we start to crawl again. Now theres a new complication. Someone up ahead tried to change lanes (because changing lanes always helps in a traffic jam, right?) and stalled in the middle of both lanes. Now hes blocking ours and the one on our right. People are trying to squeeze around him. Finally, someone gets out and helps push him to the shoulder.
After a 20-minute delay, were moving again. We hit the last part of the Gauntlet: the green highway signs are now proclaiming the exits for Disney World.
Dave, fully alert now, reads the first one: Epcot. Downtown Disney.
Thats all he says. We fly past, and we hear an audible sigh from the back seat.
Awww...Were not going to Epcot.
God bless him. Hes got all of the pieces to the puzzle bouncing around in his brain, but hasnt quite matched up the jigs and the saws.
Julie and I are about to burst. Dave goes back to watching Scotty and his Lego Pirates. We take the next exit. The kids dont say anything. After we pass the exit signs, I make sure theres no give-aways. I want the first thing they notice to be the Disney World gates. I cant believe weve made it this far. Julie has been poking my arm so much I think its started to bruise.
Kids, turn the games off. I have something to tell you, I say. They listen to their father, obey, and turn their--
Wait a minute, let me soak this one in for a second.
They LISTEN TO THEIR FATHER, OBEY, AND TURN THEIR GAMES OFF. Im not sure this has ever happened so quickly before. In fact, it happened too quickly. Its a bit farther to the Disney gates than I realized, and theyre not in sight yet. So I have to stall.
Yes? Sarah asks. What did you want to tell us?
Ummm...
Darth announces that I have to keep right. I use that to stall a bit. Hang on, Darth Vader keeps talking to me, I say.
Finally, we are on the homestretch. Sarah wants to know what was so important that she couldnt play her DS.
I tell them weve actually been in Florida for about 3 hours. And were really close to our final destination.
Are we going to Disney World? Sarah asks. I pause. Still cant see the gates. How long is this @#$% entrance road, anyway?
They suddenly yell that they see a sign for Disney World. Its not the official gate, so I play dumb. I ask if they can confirm that. Finally, we see the glorious site of the welcome gate.
It says...Disney World, Dave says.
What was that? Julie asks.
IT SAYS DISNEY WORLD! Sarah shouts.
Is that ok? we ask. Is it ok if we spend a few days here?
Yes! I was secretly hoping we were going to Disney World! Sarah proclaims. Dave agrees that its ok to be at Disney World. And Scotty gives a silent scream. He raises his hands in triumph, opens his mouth...and nothing comes out. He tries again, and gives a tiny screech. He sounds like a baby pterodactyl.
Oh, for petes sake, I cant even scream! he says. Finally, he gets it going.
Poor Julie is trying to juggle the video camera and the real camera, trying to get video of the kids reaction and a picture of the gates at the same time.
Somehow, through 8 hours of driving, countless Florida/Orlando/Disney signs, and months of keeping my big trap shut, we made it all the way to the Disney World gates before the kids discovered the secret. They didn't go nuts right away, but they were definitely thrilled. And somehow, we pulled this off without lying to the kids. Operation Big Thunder is a resounding success.
Coming Up Next: Hey, where are we staying, anyway?
If you'd like to watch the video of the kids' reaction (be warned, there is a little dead space in there), I've posted it here:
http://youtu.be/_siXC720bSw
That burger looks really good, even at 7 am.
Can't wait!
What a relief!!! I am so glad that the mission was successful! 
