"Open Casket" when it should have been "Closed Casket"

[luvmarypoppins]

When dh dad died the funeral director told us that we could not have an open casket and he could not "restore" things. I told dh not to ask too much. All I know is that his cousin found his dad and he didnt talk about it either. Maybe he shared something with dh that I will never know about. I do know my poor dh had to clean up little "pieces" that were left in the bathroom. I was heartbroken for him. We just put a nice picture on top of the casket and the funeral director told us we had to have alot of flowers etc.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Personally, I want a closed casket and then cremation. I hate the thought of people staring at me dead.

Having said that, I did find it a bit comforting to see my father in the casket. He looked a lot better than he did the last time I had seen him...dead in the hospital. My sister thought he looked "weird" at the wake, but she hadn't seen him in the hospital (she lives across the country).

I just went to a funeral yesterday...my 99 yr old uncle. He was in very good health (for 99) until two days before he died. To be honest, it was kind of nice to see him ...hadn't seen him in years.

However, if there were some traumatic injuries, or bloating, or anything that looked disturbing, personally, in my opinion, I'm against open casket. It just seems to me that the injuries/deformities becomes what the event is about, rather than honoring the deceased.

Anyone remember the show Family Plots about a real funeral home? I thought it was a great show for putting some things in perspection, and demystifying the whole burial process. There was a woman killed in a terrible car accident and both her daughters wanted an open casket; the staff tried to talk them out of it. The woman who embalmed and prepared the bodies did her best to make her presentable, but when the daughters viewed her, they decided that, as much as they had needed to see her one last time, the casket should be closed for the wake.

 

[Ride Junkie]

I've only been to one open casket funeral, my great-uncle, who died of natural causes/old age. When I walked by the casket, he looked all made-up, hair combed down, etc. Now, in reality, his hair always looked more like Kramer from Seinfeld. So after the funeral, we were all commenting on how Uncle Harry's hair never looked so neat! It wasn't really how he looked, so it was sort of strange, but years later we still laugh about it.

All other funerals I've been to have been closed casket or cremation. I understand people not wanting an open casket if there was some traumatic injury. My cousin was killed after being hit by a car & run over by 2 more, and we were told his poor body was really banged up. His mom did view the body, and decided a closed casket would be best. Everyone handles death differently, so there's no way of knowing what is right & wrong when people are grief stricken. I think I'll choose cremation & save everyone the trouble of having to decide.

By the way, I found this thread to be very interesting. I don't think it's morbid; these are real people's stories, and it was pretty brave of you all to share such difficult memories.

 

[litlpixie2]

I've only been to one open casket funeral, my great-uncle, who died of natural causes/old age. When I walked by the casket, he looked all made-up, hair combed down, etc. Now, in reality, his hair always looked more like Kramer from Seinfeld. So after the funeral, we were all commenting on how Uncle Harry's hair never looked so neat! It wasn't really how he looked, so it was sort of strange, but years later we still laugh about it.

All other funerals I've been to have been closed casket or cremation. I understand people not wanting an open casket if there was some traumatic injury. My cousin was killed after being hit by a car & run over by 2 more, and we were told his poor body was really banged up. His mom did view the body, and decided a closed casket would be best. Everyone handles death differently, so there's no way of knowing what is right & wrong when people are grief stricken. I think I'll choose cremation & save everyone the trouble of having to decide.

By the way, I found this thread to be very interesting. I don't think it's morbid; these are real people's stories, and it was pretty brave of you all to share such difficult memories.

I agree...it's a REAL issue, morbid or not, this is about life and death and, why would someone say this thread is in bad taste? So what? It's something each and everyone of us has to deal with....anyway, I will be cremated and my family knows where to sprinkle the ashes.....in the WS Lagoon!!

 

[goofinoff]

My dad passed away in January, and I will forever be grateful for an open casket. He died after a long struggle with cancer, and his last few weeks were horrendous. He was so gaunt and you could just see the pain etched in his features. I feared looking at him, but in his casket he looked so peaceful and handsome. The funeral home did a wonderful job of making him look like my dad again. I am so thankful that I have that as my last image of him..

That's how I felt about my grandmother when she died. She suffered terribly with cancer and she looked like a 90 year old man when she passed. When we got to the funeral home she looked beautiful! Her personal hairdresser put her wig on her himself. She looked like my Nana again. It certainly helped all of us who were by her bedside watching her suffer.

 

[lemondog]

my father's side of the family put a stop to open caskets following a freak but traumatic event at my grandmother's funeral. my father and his siblings were standing around the casket and saying their final farewells when all of a sudden they saw tears coming from one of her eyes, streaming down her cheek it was later determined that the funeral home had not completly drained one of her tear ducts but the experience was horrifying for those who witnessed it.

OMG....I have never heard of such a thing. That would completely freak me out too.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Here in Mass., families can't choose to have an open casket, if there are circumstances preventing it.

My brother died of hydrogen sulfide poisoning. The funeral director had to tell my dad the casket needed to be closed. We were shocked and confused. The funeral director pointed to my SIL's sweatshirt, which was HUNTER GREEN and said that was the color of my brother's skin, and there was nothing he could do to change it. He was sorry, but the casket needed to be closed. SOme of my siblings had not seen my brother in years, and wanted to see him one last time, but the funeral director explained there were laws, and he could not let us view my brother's body.

I don't know about other states, but we had no choice in the matter.

 

[Amlee]

Here in Mass., families can't choose to have an open casket, if there are circumstances preventing it.

My brother died of hydrogen sulfide poisoning. The funeral director had to tell my dad the casket needed to be closed. We were shocked and confused. The funeral director pointed to my SIL's sweatshirt, which was HUNTER GREEN and said that was the color of my brother's skin, and there was nothing he could do to change it. He was sorry, but the casket needed to be closed. SOme of my siblings had not seen my brother in years, and wanted to see him one last time, but the funeral director explained there were laws, and he could not let us view my brother's body.

I don't know about other states, but we had no choice in the matter.

I don't know about now, but back in the early 80s my mother had a friend to die who was HIV postive. He died in TX and was brought home to be buried. Then our state law wouldn't let him be emblamed and his casket was sealed. I don't know if that has changed or not.

 

[HelenePA]

My friends brother died in a helicopter crash while training for the Army. They said due to the degree of wreckage they could NOT embalm him? They put some type of power or something on his body to stop it from smelling until they could get him back home and bury him. No one was allowed to see him either.

 

[teacups]

Nobody can say what is "right" for a family who has just lost someone like that. I totally understand what the OP is trying to say though... When my 42 yo brother died (at home in bed with cancer) I rushed over to "say goodbye" before they took him away to be cremated. It was pretty rough, but there was a point where I was standing alone in his room holding his hand and it suddenly felt more like he was standing beside me rather than in the lifeless body in front of me. It was weird and has certainly stayed with me.

 

[Piglet4Ever]

I actually hadn't been to a funeral until two yrs ago at the age of 34. My cousin died in a accident on his job, we were really close as kids, he and I were only 6 wks apart in age, so I really felt like I should be there. I wish I hadn't gone, he looked as fine as can be expected , but I hate that my last memory of him is laying in his casket. Plus the fact that his young nieces and nephews kept going up and touching him through out the viewing made me feel bad. Overall I'd rather never go to another funeral and just remember my loved ones the way they were.

 

[mickeylove2]

WHen I was in high school a friend of mine shot himself through his right temple. The casket was open and as we were up paying our respects, he looked normal and all, the piece of, whatever they used, over the hole came off and embalming fluid started leaking out of his head. That was probably one of the worst things that I have ever seen. His poor mother had to be taken to the hospital and sedated because of the shock of that, I don't think she's ever been right since.

 

[HelenePA]

WHen I was in high school a friend of mine shot himself through his right temple. The casket was open and as we were up paying our respects, he looked normal and all, the piece of, whatever they used, over the hole came off and embalming fluid started leaking out of his head. That was probably one of the worst things that I have ever seen. His poor mother had to be taken to the hospital and sedated because of the shock of that, I don't think she's ever been right since.

 

[SadieG]

Helene, Patrick, Abby (7) Allison (5) Aidan (3) Newbie due Oct 6th name pending. Open to suggestions. Must start with A and be a boys name

OT How about Adam? Or Addison

 

[AmazingGrace]

When we were stationed in Wichita falls, a local newscaster died of cancer. The funeral home botched his case up so bad that he had fluid dripping to the floor out of his open casket and his family claimed that there was a puddle of fluid at the floor of his mauseleom vault. They ended up suing the funeral home.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I've had it with open caskets. Having done it with a sister, my dad, and my husband, I hate them. For the longest time I'd get in bed at night, close my eyes, and see one of them in the open casket in the clothes they are buried in. I never expected that to happen.

When my mom died, I did NOT want to see her. My older sister did. So when we got to the funeral home, she went in first and saw her. Then the casket was closed when I went in. It remained that way. Did not want visions of my mom that way also.

 

[Pin Wizard]

We just put a nice picture on top of the casket and the funeral director told us we had to have alot of flowers etc.

My sister has told me to do this if she beats me there. However, she's since remarried, so we'll see. She said...closed casket, picture on top of her choosing, music she likes, and a party...we all better not be crying!

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Who tried to stop you from stating your opinion?
I merely stated mine.
The point is & you have said it three times, and your right, you don't know what they were thinking because obviously you could never imagine trying to keep it together while dealing with trying to make the right decision in a situation like that.
I wasn't trying to put you on the defensive, but your first post read very insensitive to me. The (!!!) & telling that you could "see it through the scarf"!!

And your post read very rude to me. I guess we are even. The !!! was meant to show how very stunned I was that they would not cover up her fatal injuries and instead let everyone...including her two VERY YOUNG (under 7) children see it, plain as day (and yes everyone knew she had hanged herself, it was not a secret, so I'm sure every last person noticed it because how could you help but glance at her neck). Yes, that qualifies for !!! in my book. By the way, I DO know what it's like to have to make a decision like that. I don't know what possessed you to assume I don't.

 

[HelenePA]

OT How about Adam? Or Addison

Adam is a big Nix, my former best friend is married to a Adam who convinced her I was bad and she couldn't be my friend any more since I had kids They are not planning on having children.. Addison to me is more for a girl. I like Alan, dh does not.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Adam is a big Nix, my former best friend is married to a Adam who convinced her I was bad and she couldn't be my friend any more since I had kids They are not planning on having children.. Addison to me is more for a girl. I like Alan, dh does not.

Alex or Andrew or Andreas or Asher or my favorite Aaron.


Addison means 'son of Adam'