OMG..My son's roommate just quit college LAST UPDATE P#51

[MIGrandma]

I'm sorry for you and your son, and I do hope he will be able to deal with it.

The same thing happened to my daughter when she started college. She and her best friend from high school were planning on being roommates. A week before college started, her friend decided not to go.

So, my daughter didn't have a roommate. The rooms were set up with two bedrooms (two students in each one) with a living area between them, so she had two "suite mates", but those two girls were already friends, plus they had boyfriends on campus so they left that first day to go meet up with their boyfriends, leaving my daughter alone in the dorm. She felt so bad.

It was a very hard transition for her that first week. She called home a couple of times saying she "forgot" this or that and could we bring it up to her. I think she just wanted company.

She did eventually get another roommate assigned to her room, and while they got along okay they didn't really strike up a friendship.

In fact, my daughter came home at Christmas and decided to move back home. She commuted to school, and her roommate covered for her because technically freshmen were supposed to live on campus. But she just did not like campus life. She preferred to live at home, and drive back and forth.

I do hope it works out for your son.

 

[golfgal]

I agree with the others that he will get assigned a room mate, and even if by some chance he doesn't, that can actually be a GOOD thing. I think you need to let HIM figure all of this out though. I would not get involved--even figuring out who is bringing the tv should be something the boys should be doing on their own. If they mess up and don't have a tv, oh well.

 

[luvsJack]

DS had 2 different roommates during his time in school. He barely ever saw either of them, so it wouldn't have been much different if they had quit.

One partied every night at clubs in a neighboring town, didn't come back until after ds was asleep and was asleep the next morning when ds got up to go to class and gone to class when ds came back to the room in the afternoon (he had all afternoon and night classes).

The other never stayed in the room (have no clue where he was at night). That one even had an expensive computer, TV, DVD player, video game console--everything they could need, at least in their mind! All we had to contribute was the fridge. DS had complete use of all of it without even having to share with the absent owner.

Anyway, he made plenty of friends in and out of his dorm and never really cared that his roommates were never around. He made better friends with people in his classes because he was able to find people that he had more in common with.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree with the others that he will get assigned a room mate, and even if by some chance he doesn't, that can actually be a GOOD thing. I think you need to let HIM figure all of this out though. I would not get involved--even figuring out who is bringing the tv should be something the boys should be doing on their own. If they mess up and don't have a tv, oh well.

I must say that I wholeheartedly agree with the bolded part. College is the time when they have to learn to handle all these little bumps on their own. You still want to be behind him supporting him (emotionally and financially) but letting him handle all the little stuff going on. The other boy's quitting may have had a lot to do with mom's involvement and not knowing how to handle things on his own.

 

[scottishduffy]

Freshman year is kinda like 'musical dorms'. My DH had 3 different rooms and roomates that first year.

My roomie made it through first semester but pretty much quit about 2 weeks into 2nd semester. I had my own room and loved it! I shared a bathroom with another suite where one girl had left, so Beth and I each had our own huge rooms and shared a bathroom. It was great. We even had a cat in there and it was perfect.

My second year I cycled through a lot of roomies in the apartment and i was so very glad when my friend and I finally decided just to live by ourselves.

 

[Kitty 34]

Honestly, after my first week I rarely hung out with my roomie-we barely knew each other & I made friends with kids in my major-we never even ate together.

That was my son his Freshmen year. He never hung out with his roommate. They were nice enough to each other when in the room but that was it. Ironically, my son's senior year, he became best friends with that first roommate as they ended up in the same (major) classes. Go figure.

OP, I'm sure your son will be just fine. It's definitely harder on the mama....I know!!

 

[PollyannaMom]

Don't worry, he'll meet people fast enough. - If he's nervous, remind him that everyone else is just as new as he is, and would probably love it if he said hello.

Oh, and tell him to leave his door open when he's hanging out in his room. (I met my best friend in college because she wandered out of her room to borrow a pair of scissors, and my door happened to be open!)

 

[Geoff_M]

Im afraid

...

2) My son will be all alone, without even 1 friend now....no roomate or anyone to go to the dining hall, gym etc...

Quite frankly, I'd view having a "single" as a positive thing. Room mates can be one of the most challenging aspects of college life. Your son will still be able to make friends with other people on his floor even if he doesn't have a bunk mate.

And it is correct that the college will likely assign another student to his room unless there is no waiting list for dorm space. I had a couple of room mates that flunked out and one time the never assigned me a new room mate... it was great.

 

[dakcp2001]

I was a Resident Assistant for a few years. We would ALWAYS make an effort to go say hello to anyone without a roomate the first day and we would make an effort ot introduce them around. We never wanted ANYONE to feel afraid and alone and well, its a scary first night away from home. Here is my bit, no roomate is far better than a BAD first roommate!


Here is the advice we gave to everyone at the first floor meeting held the very first night in the dorm:

1. Say hello to everyone you meet, introduce yourself to your neighbors, the kid who sits next to you in class, the people you meet at the bus stop, the people that work at the front desk! Get used to saying hello, and be friendly. Make a few friends in EVERY class and exchange phone numbers/emails, if you get sick and miss class, you can exchange notes. Get to know who lives on your floor, and get to know people in your classes. This will make you feel like you belong. This is your home away from home, and your family away from your family. And most people will prop their door open while in their room, great way to meet neighbors passing by! Of course, then they have to be sure to pay attention to the personal safety lecture, lol. But people generally are much safer if they know their neighbors and people who do not belong on the floor can be spotted right away.

2. DO NOT go home the first 2 or 3 weekends,DO NOT GO HOME~!!!! Stay on campus, hang out with and make plans with your new friends! If you start going home every weekend, you will never adjust, and you will continue to go home very weekend until you drop out. Being around for the "non class" part is a big part of the experience. Meet new people, find new places to hang out, have a nice time. You have to live your life, and learn to take care of yourself.

3. The first few weeks are the most important, this is when EVERYONE is still IN THE SAME BOAT! Everyone is looking to make friends, so if you see someone who looks lonely, or super shy, please make an effort to invite them out or be their friend! After the first month or two, people sort of settle into their "groups" and you can still make friends after that of course, but it is a little harder. People are open to making friends much more in the start of the semester!

4. Make friends with an UPPERCLASSMAN on your floor! They have been through the first year, they will be a GREAT resource for you, and if you need help, ASK THEM or of course YOUR RA would LOVE to help you! When the upperclassman go to do homework and study, follow their example.

Statistically (at my school anyway) kids who lived in all freshman dorms or only had freshman friends, were far more likely to FAIL out because they party too much. My school had a party reputation and was a bigger school, so parents don't worry so much about this if its a smaller school. The kids just learned bad habits, with no upperclassman to show them the ropes.

5. If they are still having trouble making friends, have them join a club or group. I used to recommend the outdoor club, they did a lot of hiking picnics, skydiving etc. Very friendly people! But most schools offer drama clubs, theater groups, music groups, political groups, student government, ballroom dancing etc etc. There really is something out there for everyone!





To the OP- I promise there will be people at the school there to look after your son, to make sure he is not alone. The school wants him to be successful and there are a lot of dorm resources to help students along in the start. Go say hi to the RA on his floor. You will feel better after I am sure!

 

[pigletliz]

I agree with the previous posters. It is tough on the parents and your son will be okay.

My daughter's roommate moved out during the first semester. My daughter did not end up getting another roommate and loved having the room to herself. She went to college without any of her friends and could not come home on weekends. Occasionally I would a call when she was lonely. I am happy to say she survived the year and made new friends which she introduced to her high school friends. Her entire summer has been spent with both those old and new friends and our phone bill is insane.

 

[BelleWDW]

Update?

 

[luv2sew]

I took my DD to school this weekend and every available room on the campus has been assigned to house kids...even the study rooms in the dorms. Because of the economy the colleges are stuffed with students...The one study room in her honors college has (Large study room) 10 bunks in it ....and they expect that next week they will be able to move some of those kids in that room into rooms that have a student that dropped out at the last minute.

It happens all the time and even if he is without a roommate fall semester, I bet there is one assigned for spring. He'll be fine. Kids drop out all the time and for all different kinds of reasons.

 

[Allison]

I was never close friends with my roommates in college. I made other friends. My roommates kept quitting too. I went through 5 roommates my freshman year in a triple room. It wasn't my fault-I promise.

 

[waltsgirl]

The same thing happened to me and it was great. I loved having my own room, a single room and didn't have to pay for it. I prayed every year my roommates would leave!

 

[DISNEY1975]

Well here is the update....

We got to the school about 1/2 hour before check in and we literally the 5th or so student there! He got his room key and we parked near the dorm to unload the car onto the lawn...in the POURING rain. We had to move the car to a lot about 1/4 mile away (hubby did that) and bring everything in from the lawn. That was the fun part.

On the door to his assigned room there was a sign that said "Welcome A & M" Obviiously, M wasnt coming, so I knew then nobody else was assigned to the room.

We unpacked everything and DS arranged things to his liking (def. not mine...but I have to let go! I knew if I spent time doing things my way, they would get changed 2 minutes after I left anyway, so why waste my time).

We went out to the hall and most doors were opened..people still moving in, unpacking, waiting for IT to connect to school network etc...

I told my son to call IT to his room to connect him. He said "OK, wheres my computer?" I didnt even notice it was not in the room.

Me to hubby.."You didnt leave the computer in the car did you?"

He said "No, its completely empty" I said "Well, go back and check. It has to be there."

Long story short, it was not there or on the lawn...so hubby drove 1hr. 15 min back home and there it was, in the white box, against the white wall in the foyer.

Another hour 15 min drive back to the school to bring to my sons room. But...this time it was so crowded, he couldnt get near the dorm, so had to park in that 1/4 mile away lot and carry the computer in the pouring rain to the dorm.

So.....we had checked in at 9:30, it was now about 1:30..no surprise last minute roommate.

We took him out to lunch (dining halls dont open until tomorrow..I think the school planned that so familys would leave campus to allow other cars in for check in...)

They are having a pizza party tonight with the RAs to go over rules and info. Hopefully he will meet some people there.

As for now, I left him at 4:00pm on his bed, listening to his IPOD.

Only time will tell.

 

[disykat]

My roommate didn't show up freshman year. It took about a week for her to be a confirmed drop out and have the space filled from overflow. It wasn't a big deal, I'd just wander down the hall and find others that were heading to dinner, etc. The first two people I met were roommates without a lot in common. I ended up being best friends with one of them all year and actually still am really good friends with the other one - 30 years later!

 

[mamacatnv]

OP the first week of son being at school was the most difficult week of my life. We just started year 2 and it was a breeze Son and his Freshman roomie were not friends nor were they enemies they basically co-existed without interaction it was kind of strange but DS made a ton of friends from all over.

This yeat at DS's Univ. the dorms are not full, 2 of them that were full last year were not even opened this year. Son is in off campus student housing and his townhouse for 5 only has him and a friend. They are thrilled, they have the whole place to themselves, management is saying they have the highest vacany rates that they can remember.

I guess it really depends on the school. I think for our area many of the kids that attend the Univ. are local and more and more parents are having their kids live at home instead of on campus. Our overall enrollment figures remain about what they were last year but the number of students in housing has declined dramatically.

 

[BelleWDW]

OP management is saying they have the highest vacany rates that they can remember.

I guess it really depends on the school. I think for our area many of the kids that attend the Univ. are local and more and more parents are having their kids live at home instead of on campus. .

I was driving around our local University this week and noticed alot of "For rent" signs on the little rent houses around campus. I think the economy has hit thta market as well.

OP=thanks for the update.

 

[coconutprincess]

Don't worry to much. I made a huge mistake in college and roomed with a girl from HS that I wasn't really friends with. Well let me tell you, she dropped me like a hot potato once she made other friends. They did crap without me. But it was okay.

I made friends with other girls, I switched to a new room second semester with people I actually LIKED, and made friends with people in my classes.

I know its so easy to worry as a mom. But there are so many more people your son can be friends with. Give it some time, it will all work out!

 

[golfgal]

I don't think it is all that surprising that they don't have a roommate for him yet. It takes a while to process everything. Maybe he will get lucky and not get a roommate???