Ok...I need your opinion

[siandamgirl]

Ok! As you all know I am expecting twins!! Ok.. My DH asked me last night what I thought of My 15yo stepdaughter coming to live with us. With 4 kids and 2 more on the way what would you say? He hasn't said anything to DD yet.
Also about 1 year ago we filed papers to hopefully adopt a little girl from Sweden. This is when we weren't expecting twins! Well... Yesterday I got a call from the adoption agency saying that they are ready to proceed w/the adoption process!!!!!! After a year and no return calls I thought that they weren't interested or something,but they said we were a perfect match. I have always wanted to adopt a little girl or boy from Sweden and now this is finally here,but at a bad time. I have no problem w/my kids because they are angels,but....
Bailey Paige 4yo
Zoe Alexis 2yo
Bella Sophia 8months
Cordell Skyler 3yo
What would you do?
Sorry for all the drama!

 

[hlbtimes2]

Sounds like you could use the extra set of hands that a 15 year old could provide!

 

[kimmikayb]

8 kids??!! Wow you must have a lot more energy then me. I have a hard time keeping up with my 4! Hey, if you think you can handle it.....one big happy family.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

What is your question? Is it about the 15yo SD or about the girl from Sweden? I would think that they are two very different issues.

The SD is his DD, right? What are the reasons for her coming to live with you? What are your feelings about that?

Do the adoption people know that you are expecting twins? What age is the girl from Sweden? Seems that maybe you are going to have your hands full and maybe you should at least put that on a back burner until you figure out how busy you will be. If, after the babies are born you think you can handle the Swedish girl, and do justice to everyone, then you can resume that process.

 

[siandamgirl]

Yes I could use an extra set of Hands! We are getting a nanny so that will be a relief. Also............. Ok, After the twins I am contemplating going back to work. I went to college for 8 years and there was 4 years of residency involved also. What would you do if you went to college that long but was only able to do use it for a few years? I have already had 3 jobs offered to me in SF but I haven't excepted any....Any opinions?

 

[mickeyboat]

Here's what I would do:

Find out why the step-daughter wants to live with you. I have heard that teens are harder to deal with than toddlers. If you think she has no ulterior motives, and won't be a problem, the extra set of hands would be great!

I would put the Sweden adoption on hold. How could I possibly handle four new additions to my family at the same time? The adoptive child would need more care and attention than my newborn twins, and I don't think, even with a nanny, that I could give that to her.

Denae

 

[CathrynRose]

Here's what I would do:

Find out why the step-daughter wants to live with you. I have heard that teens are harder to deal with than toddlers. If you think she has no ulterior motives, and won't be a problem, the extra set of hands would be great!

I would put the Sweden adoption on hold. How could I possibly handle four new additions to my family at the same time? The adoptive child would need more care and attention than my newborn twins, and I don't think, even with a nanny, that I could give that to her.

Denae

Everything you said is right on.

Teenagers ARE harder than toddlers. AND An adopted baby from a foreign country is going to be a lot of work!

I dunno... youve got an awful lot going on right now.

 

[noodleknitter]

Yes I could use an extra set of Hands! We are getting a nanny so that will be a relief. Also............. Ok, After the twins I am contemplating going back to work. I went to college for 8 years and there was 4 years of residency involved also. What would you do if you went to college that long but was only able to do use it for a few years? I have already had 3 jobs offered to me in SF but I haven't excepted any....Any opinions?

Interesting grammar for someone so well educated.

 

[Briarmom]

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1076995

Is this your stepdaughters account?

 

[llp479]

I'm a mother of twins and you're going to be very busy for the first two years, even with help. With two babies even two sets of hands for at least the first few months won't feel like enough, and you have other children as well. This also assumes you go full term and aren't dealing with premies. I wouldn't make any big decisions regarding work just yet.

I was fortunate because my parents would come over at night and stay until the midnight feeding, then go home, so my DH and I could at least get 6 hours of uninterupted sleep. During the day I was on my own until the girls were 2 months old, then I had a college girl who helped me for the summer. I stayed home until they were 15 mos then returned to work as a consultant that allowed me to set my hours and schedule.

There's a thread on the Families board for families with multiples. http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=985649 I'm sure many of the posters there would be happy to offer opinions/advice as well.

 

[mtemm]

Yes I could use an extra set of Hands! We are getting a nanny so that will be a relief. Also............. Ok, After the twins I am contemplating going back to work. I went to college for 8 years and there was 4 years of residency involved also. What would you do if you went to college that long but was only able to do use it for a few years? I have already had 3 jobs offered to me in SF but I haven't excepted any....Any opinions?

honestly, as the mother of twins who only had one other child (who was 2 when I had them), even with a nanny you are going to be so busy. I would definitely put the adoption on hold and as for the 15 year old, please don't bring her out just to help you out with the younger kids. That's not fair to her. I don't know her or your situation so can't really answer it other than that.

As for using your education, my kids pediatrician recently took an extended leave after she had her second child. She did it happily because even after all of her schooling and the years she put into establishing her practice, staying home with her own kids was very important to her.

 

[azgal81]

I have a hard time telling when it's you and your stepdaughter on your account. Maybe you should sign up for seperate ones!

Anywayse, I think the twins will be a handful especially since you already have so many young kids. Maybe adopting the kid from sweden isn't the best idea right now?? You wouldn't want to sign up for more then you can handle.

As for the 15 year old living with you if she wants to why not? At least she can babysit.

 

[golfgal]

I am about 99% positive you won't find a nanny that will want to care for 8 children 7 of them being under the age of 5. If you do find a nanny that will come, you will probably have to pay her your entire salary and then some. If it were me I would say NO to the adoption at least for now. Let the kids age a bit before you commit to another child. You will basically have triplets on top of the rest of the children. As for the 15 year old, does she WANT to come live with your or is your DH looking for cheep child care?

 

[kaabost]

I can't tell what you want. You want it all I think. Well, that's ok, we all do. But......this sounds like one of those cases where you'd be in trouble if you got everything you wanted. The house is getting full, right? It's about to get even more full, right? Your husbands daughter wants to move in. Why are we thinking about adopting another child right now? I think that the teenage daughter should take precedence right now. How can her father tell her that she can't live there while you guys file the papers to adopt another child. This would not sit well with me at all.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Goodness gracious people. Am I the only one who smells a troll?

I have never heard of adoption from Sweden. In Sweden, they in fact adopt many children from other countries like Korea.

I just checked the State Department site and looked up info on international adoption, and I did not see Sweden listed. Which leads me to believe that they do not allow/process adoptions of Swedish children out of their country.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Sounds like you could use the extra set of hands that a 15 year old could provide!

I don't know. A 15 year old may end up being less of an extra hand and more of a handFULL.

 

[luvmy2sams]

Sounds like you've got lots on your plate right now.

As for the step-daughter coming to live with you, I'd first make sure that this is a needed move and not being done because she's playing one parent against the other. I'd also establish all the house rules before she arrives to ensure that she understands what will be expected from her. Living with someone full time can be a little different than visiting. I might be in the minority here, too, but I would make it clear to the step-daughter that she is not expected to become a babysitter whenever one is needed. If your DH's idea is that with his DD around, you will have less to do, then I'd make sure his DD was aware of this fact. I know too many teens who end up babysitting younger brothers and sisters and grow to resent it deeply. Compound that with all the other adjustments she'll be making, and you might just be asking for trouble and lots of hurt feelings all around.

As for the adoption...more power to you if you feel you're able to handle the workload. I think I'd feel like I was shortchanging everyone...including myself...if I had that many little ones to nurture around the clock.

Good luck with making the right decisions for your family!

 

[kimmikayb]

Ok! As you all know I am expecting twins!! Ok.. My DH asked me last night what I thought of My 15yo stepdaughter coming to live with us. With 4 kids and 2 more on the way what would you say? He hasn't said anything to DD yet.
Also about 1 year ago we filed papers to hopefully adopt a little girl from Sweden. This is when we weren't expecting twins! Well... Yesterday I got a call from the adoption agency saying that they are ready to proceed w/the adoption process!!!!!! After a year and no return calls I thought that they weren't interested or something,but they said we were a perfect match. I have always wanted to adopt a little girl or boy from Sweden and now this is finally here,but at a bad time. I have no problem w/my kids because they are angels,but....
Bailey Paige 4yo
Zoe Alexis 2yo
Bella Sophia 8months
Cordell Skyler 3yo
What would you do?
Sorry for all the drama!

Something I did think of....this could be a fairly important subject to your DsD and whether she wants it or not...shouldn't the suggestion come from you and her father when/if you decide to offer her permenant residency? If you aren't going to, better she not know about it. So why are you talking about it on a public board she visits, under her name????

 

[beckmrk04]

So, you're a professional expecting twins, already have 4 kids, want to adopt one, take in your step-daughter, and move across the US and start a new job? Am I reading this right?

Does it take asking other people's opinions on this?

 

[beckmrk04]

Something I did think of....this could be a fairly important subject to your DsD and whether she wants it or not...shouldn't the suggestion come from you and her father when/if you decide to offer her permenant residency? If you aren't going to, better she not know about it. So why are you talking about it on a public board she visits, under her name????

Hmmmmm... Good point.