Oh no Nephew changed wedding to our cruise departure date UPDATE OP

[runwad]

My oldest sisters son, my nephew,changed his wedding from 5/2013 to 6/2/2012 the same day we leave on our 7 day disney cruise. I just found out from another sister. Noone in my family knew we were going on this cruise cause well quite frankly I didn't want to answer any questions about how can we afford it. Honestly it's a stretch but we have no debt and our house will be paid off in 4 years when our oldest starts college. We were lucky to have gotten a deal on a disney cruise in 2009 when the economy went bad just in the right place at the right time. All 5 of us went for 3600 for a 7 day. I booked again onboard and got a discount and onboard credits and this 7 day cruise will come in at only $400 more!! I really feel this is the last opportunity we have to take a vacation like this. The kids get out of school early this year because of building new school buildings so we're able to go somewhat off season before the rates go up for summer.

I just don't know how I can tell my sister we won't be there. OMG I will be the black sheep of the family, we were raised family first and if we go on vacation instead of a wedding, it wouldn't go over well. I want to go on this cruise so bad we all do. I tried to change the date even to 2013 summer and it's coming in at 7k we can't do that. I know some will say take another line but this will be on the brand new Fantasy ship and we want to go on that ship specifically. So could you do it; go on vacation and not the first nephew/neice in your family to get married wedding? DH says just don't say anything but I feel I should call her up now and tell her. I'm not sure if they'd change the wedding or not? They changed dates cause nephew is in the service and was getting shipped out 2/12 so they couldn't get married till he came home in 2013. Now he's not getting deployed till 10/12 so they're going to get married before he goes. I'm conflicted what would you do?

UPDATE
Well I bit the bullet and transferred our reservations to a July 2013 cruise. It's 2k more and pained me to lose my good rate I had on the June '12 cruise but we just can't miss this wedding. I talked to my sister and was asking if they tried any other dates or why this date was picked and she said that was the only time both the church and the hall were available. I didn't tell her we had this cruise, I wanted to see if they could change their date, but they can't. So after weeks of agonizing over this decision I moved it today. Oh and another little monkey wrench, my DD16 is a runner and has a good chance of qualifying for State this year with her relay track team. I'm not sure if they will or not but oh my she'd never go if she qualified for state (which would be while we were on this cruise too) and DH said he wouldn't go either. So I changed it and it's done. Now I have some more time to save up difference. Now you know thanks for everyone's suggestions

 

[MSSANDRA]

Even though he changed for a great reason, he IS the one that changed the date. I would call your sister ASAP and let her know you have unchangeable vacation plans. I would encourage them NOT to change the dates for you. Maybe you could help plan a nice shower or something else to sorta make it up to them.

 

[Janepod]

I would change the cruise. Vacations come and go but not weddings. The Fantasy will always be there. Family comes first.

 

[It'sOffToDisneyWeGo]

Years ago my sister and my brother in law(husband's brother) put their wedding dates on the same day, same time in different states. Sometimes things just happen. You have to do what you think is best for your family.

On a side note my brother in law is now divorced and I do not feel so bad for my family attending my sister's wedding.

 

[SandrA9810]

What about the rest of the family?? A whole year is a very big change of plans for a lot of people. What about those travelling from out of state? That gives them a year less to save for plane tickets/car rentals/hotel stays.

And it's late enough in the year, it's not surprising people have already planned out their next summer vacation.

I would talk to her and tell her it might not be a good idea to change the date a whole year back. What about a fall wedding prior to the departure? September is a very popular month for getting married (tons of newly weds and anniversary celebration buttons when I worked at Disney).

 

[Tistal]

This actually recently happened with my cousin. They set a wedding date and let everyone know, and after everyone had arranged time off and some had made travel plans, they opted to move the date up 6 months for no apparent reason.

DH and I said sorry, we can't make it. Neither of us could arrange to get off of work that close. Neither of my parents could arrange to get off of work either.

I'm sorry, but when you set a date and then change it around without having a reason I think it's very inconsiderate. To me, it's saying "my time is more important than yours." Yes, family first, but manners always.

Edit: I didn't read the whole post; he does have a reason to move it. However, moving the date after you've set it doesn't mean that it won't mess up the plans of some. I'm still for not going. I live in an area where the military ebbs and flows; just because his ship out date is then right now doesn't mean it won't change again. I think when most people change a wedding date like that they realize that some people will not be able to make it.

 

[runwad]

What about the rest of the family?? A whole year is a very big change of plans for a lot of people. What about those travelling from out of state? That gives them a year less to save for plane tickets/car rentals/hotel stays.

And it's late enough in the year, it's not surprising people have already planned out their next summer vacation.

I would talk to her and tell her it might not be a good idea to change the date a whole year back. What about a fall wedding prior to the departure? September is a very popular month for getting married (tons of newly weds and anniversary celebration buttons when I worked at Disney).

Well we are lucky all our family lives in the same state!! In fact we all live only about 40 minutes away, I'm the furthest out and we're a big ITALIAN family,very ethnic, grandparents off the boat. But grandparents and my parents are deceased, no way would I even be thinking this if any of them were alive, this is a big no-no. I'm so torn, when does my family come first? We can cancel cruise and get the deposit back as long as it's done by March.

Oh and my neice to be is a teacher so summer works best for them.

 

[3boymthr]

A whole year is a BIG change. I had this happen to me on both sides of the coin. A cousin couldn't make my wedding because she was offered the opportunity to go on a huge vacation overseas for free (she just had to pay her food) the same weekend as our wedding and we had this happen with my SIL. She changed from 2010 to 2009. The kids and I couldn't make it due to scheduling conflicts. I didn't ask my cousin if she had something scheduled when I picked my date and SIL didn't ask us when they changed the date. Conflicts happen. In both cases I felt really bad but what can you do?

However; I would call your sister right away and let her know that you have an unchangeable scheduling conflict - tell her that the vacation was scheduled Years ago, which from the sounds of things it was, and it has been paid for in part (the deposit), that you have been planning and scrimping and saving for this for a long time and you will lose money if you have to reschedule (which you will). That you don't want to miss the wedding but that you can't afford to lose that money either. Put the ball in their court and see what they do. If they don't have a hall booked and really want you there then they will try to move their date.

 

[runwad]

I would change the cruise. Vacations come and go but not weddings. The Fantasy will always be there. Family comes first.

I know this is how I was raised. Heck I got scolded by an aunt for not coming to a labor day picnic. My kids had soccer tournaments. Very old fashioned family. And ya know what this works for MY family. My kids are getting older play sports can't miss practices or conditioning this was just the perfect storm. Heck we usually go to school around here till 2nd wk of june. Both kids will be in hs next year and play soccer so the only time we can go on vacation is June before all their conditioning and tryouts start. Season starts mid august so august cruising is out.

I'm afraid to call her. She's 12 years older and it's just hard.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

If this was my nephew I would cancel the vacation. No way could I call up my sister and say I was not going to be there as I am going on vacation. I know you already had it planned, and they moved the wedding, but it is a once in a lifetime event and I would want to be there.

 

[runwad]

A whole year is a BIG change. I had this happen to me on both sides of the coin. A cousin couldn't make my wedding because she was offered the opportunity to go on a huge vacation overseas for free (she just had to pay her food) the same weekend as our wedding and we had this happen with my SIL. She changed from 2010 to 2009. The kids and I couldn't make it due to scheduling conflicts. I didn't ask my cousin if she had something scheduled when I picked my date and SIL didn't ask us when they changed the date. Conflicts happen. In both cases I felt really bad but what can you do?

However; I would call your sister right away and let her know that you have an unchangeable scheduling conflict - tell her that the vacation was scheduled Years ago, which from the sounds of things it was, and it has been paid for in part (the deposit), that you have been planning and scrimping and saving for this for a long time and you will lose money if you have to reschedule (which you will). That you don't want to miss the wedding but that you can't afford to lose that money either. Put the ball in their court and see what they do. If they don't have a hall booked and really want you there then they will try to move their date.

They do have the hall and church they were able to move from their 2013 date to the 2012 date. She'll be angry and expect me to cancel. She knows I can get the deposit back, she's cruised. This sucks! I probably have to cancel to not cause WWIII.

 

[libinatorsmom]

Go on your trip.... I had many people that did not attend my wedding including Anuts Uncles and my god Parents... they all did other Special things for us... like got us a super cool gift... or hosted a shower... or offered to help pay for a part of the wedding... There are opitions and I think you just need to call you sister tell her you heard a rumor the wedding date may be changed and just be honest with her if it has been.... Honesty is the best policy...

 

[runwad]

If this was my nephew I would cancel the vacation. No way could I call up my sister and say I was not going to be there as I am going on vacation. I know you already had it planned, and they moved the wedding, but it is a once in a lifetime event and I would want to be there.

That's the problem I'm not that close to him. He does live out of state but my sister is planning the wedding here because our family is here.The niece to be has a very small family, maybe 10 people that will be coming. I'm closer to his brother and if it were his wedding we'd want to be there and would cancel. But this one, ya not so much. It's just that my sister and bil will be super ticked at us.

 

[mom2maggie]

I would change the cruise. Vacations come and go but not weddings. The Fantasy will always be there. Family comes first.

I would NOT change the cruise - because YOUR family comes first. Maybe its because we aren't super close with all of our extended family, but I was always raised that the most important relationship to worry about is your immediate family. If this cruise is important to you and your immediate family, then your extended family will just have to deal. Life is TOO short to change your life around for their convenience.

 

[Zim]

This is a tough one. But I'm afraid I fall in the stay with your vacation lot.

I understand there is a lot of familial tradition in-grained in weddings. And it's too bad no one knew about your vacation plans before this... But in the end a wedding really is just a 4 hour party and family are all but forgotten in the chaos of friends and dancing and drinking.

I like the one poster's idea of holding your own little party for the nephew. Another idea is to explain to your sister that this really is the only window of time you have for your family to take this vacation, in addition to losing a savings of $3500 if you cancel this ressie (I know this sounds tacky, but if some of that savings can find it's way into a wedding gift would at least make the happy couple think less of your absence!)

What do your kids think? Sounds like they are close in age and distance to their cousin... will they feel they've done wrong by not being there? Maybe get their input.

 

[scrapquitler]

Even though he changed for a great reason, he IS the one that changed the date. I would call your sister ASAP and let her know you have unchangeable vacation plans. I would encourage them NOT to change the dates for you. Maybe you could help plan a nice shower or something else to sorta make it up to them.

I agree with this. You were planning to go to the wedding, but he changed the date. It's not your fault. I'd buy them an extra nice gift and apologize, but sometimes these things happen.

 

[Tink9295]

I have 21 nieces and nephews.I have seven siblings and my DH has 3. Big Italian families. Although I am close to all of them, I doubt I will be able to make all of the weddings.

Your family should understand. My immediate family is my first priority and if that involves a vacation like yours, then I'd go. Your made your reservations long before the date was changed. Good Luck! I hope it all works out.

 

[runwad]

This is a tough one. But I'm afraid I fall in the stay with your vacation lot.

I understand there is a lot of familial tradition in-grained in weddings. And it's too bad no one knew about your vacation plans before this... But in the end a wedding really is just a 4 hour party and family are all but forgotten in the chaos of friends and dancing and drinking.

I like the one poster's idea of holding your own little party for the nephew. Another idea is to explain to your sister that this really is the only window of time you have for your family to take this vacation, in addition to losing a savings of $3500 if you cancel this ressie (I know this sounds tacky, but if some of that savings can find it's way into a wedding gift would at least make the happy couple think less of your absence!)

What do your kids think? Sounds like they are close in age and distance to their cousin... will they feel they've done wrong by not being there? Maybe get their input.

2 kids want to go on the cruise.The cousin/nephew is 27 they are 15, 13 & 11 so they're not that close to him cause he's so much older. My DD15 thinks family first and the cruise should be cancelled. She's a sophmore so only a few more years till she's off to college, they're just growing so fast

 

[clh2]

I wouldn't even think twice about cruising.

I really have a policy...my schedule is open until it is full. There are some things that I will change, but not usually. I am not really flexible if it is "on the calendar".

So - if the week you chose to cruise just simply can't be changed, i.e. earlier or later, then it shouldn't be changed.

Now - I am changing gears to my relationship with my sister. I'm so over changing plans to accomodate my sister. She is why I have the no-change policy.

Enjoy your cruise - and send a nice present to the bride and groom.

YOUR family comes first...not your extended family.

 

[LilyWDW]

You say you are not that close to this nephew. Honestly, it sounds like the reason you are upset about missing the wedding is more because you are worried about what the REST of the family is going to say.

You say family comes first... and you are right. YOUR family comes first. If you and your family want to go on the cruise, then go. Don't allow the rest of your family guilt you into going to the wedding. THEY changed the date, not you. If they want to have a hissy because you miss it, remind them that THEY changed the date.

My vote... go on the cruise. I'm sorry, but I think it is unrealistic that they would just expect everyone to drop whatever they already had planned for this date change. I get WHY it was changed, but they have to be realistic about it.