Not Sure I Can Leave Baby Home

[MelessaG]

During our big family WDW trip last November, I got the idea to go back this summer with just my oldest DD and my older nieces who haven't been since they were little. (they will be 10, 9, and 7) At the time, my youngest was 6 mos. old and will turn one just before I leave. The idea of going without a stroller and the constant stops for diapers and feeding was really appealing. I said if I got a pin code, I would plan a trip. I wound up getting two. We planned a trip for the first week in June. As the trip draws closer, more and more panic sets in about whether or not I can really leave without my baby. I know I could really use a break from her, but what if she needs me and I'm so far away? She's very much a Mama's girl. I've never left any of my kids for longer than an extended weekend in the past, and even though I will have one with me, what about the other three? What if the baby forgets me? Ten days is a long time (we are spending a weekend with family in St. Pete's beach too). My oldest DD is excited, my nieces can't wait, and there's no way I will back out of the trip-I've just never been less excited to leave for WDW than I am now. Not sure anyone can help me, I just needed to vent and panic. Thanks for reading.

 

[AnnetteF]

I can imagine how you must be feeling. My DD is 14 mos. and I often feel like I could use a break but then I hate leaving her. Is there any way you could change your mind and bring the baby with you? It probably wouldn't mean changing your accomodations or transportation. Just a lot more stuff to bring with you. We took our DD last October at 7 mos. so I know it is a hassle for all the diaper stops and all, but at the same time if being far away from her for so long is going to prevent you from really enjoying yourself, why not consider it?

 

[aubriee]

I gave trips to WDW for Christmas presents this year. Due to being 8 months pregnant my younger son and D-I-L couldn't go when I took my elder son and GD back in January. I told them we would go later in the spring after my D-I-L recovered from having the baby. Well my D-I-L told me she would rather go in late Sept (after she lost all her baby weight and when the baby would be old enough to leave with her mother and sisters). He will be seven months old by then. I was really suprised she would even consider leaving him. We have talked about it a few more times and I told her I would help her with him, but after much discussion it has been decided to leave him with her mom and sisters. She doesn't want him exposed to huge crowds, mosquitoes, and the hot Florida sun. I have to admit I agree with her. We will miss him, but know he will be happier at home with his other Nana and his aunts to spoil him, with no chance of him getting sunburned or bit by insects.

 

[wright1baby]

I can't help you decide to take or leave your baby, but I did want to assure you that your baby will not forget you! I think the desicion is ultimately yours and if you want to have a "girls trip" this is a wonderful oppurtunity to build on a great relationship before your DD and nieces b4 they hit their "teens". I would just plan on doing a trip with your younger child and have a mommy and me trip. You are blessed that you have a close family and cherish that.

 

[pattyT]

ohhh tough one -

having just gotten back from a trip with the whole imediate family to include dd - 9 months - she got all off schedual - still is - and made the trip real tough! I say go have fun she won't be none the wiser and your older dd will CHERISH the time alone! She will NOT forget you and you will enjoy the break... just be prepared when you get home if she is a little odd (clingie to whoever stayed with her) she'll snap out of it soon enough

that said I hear where you are coming from and don't know if I could go without a baby either Who will she be staying with? DH ? Then I could go no prob... but if it were a grandparent that wasn't with her all the time I would hesitate more!

 

[BettyCv]

MelessaG,

It really sounds like you are not happy with your initial decision. There is still time to change your mind. Things change. Feelings change. What seems like a great idea one moment, seems like a terrible one when the reality of it sets in. I am not suggesting backing out of the trip, just changing it to include your kids.

Of course, I don't know the situation (and it might be something terribly sad, like the nieces have lost their parents, heaven forbid), but it just seems so odd to me that someone would leave three of their own kids at home in order to take their kids' cousins to WDW. My kids have aunts that are WONDERFUL to them, so I do appreciate how important that relationship is, but it will always be second to their relationship with their own kids (one of them does not have children.) I'm sure your nieces would be just as happy connecting with you closer to home, and for less than 10 days, but I understand this trip has been promised and you are not going to hurt them by backing out of it. I'm sure you are a wonderful aunt!

A one year old baby isn't going to understand everything that's going on, so I wouldn't worry too much about her. Yes, she will miss you. Yes, you will miss her. Will she forget you? Of course not!

How old are your other kids and what do they think about all of this? Are they older teenagers who have jobs and have chosen not to go? (You said you're taking your oldest DD, but I didn't know if that meant she was your oldest child, or just the oldest daughter...) Were your other kids asked if they wanted to go? Every family has a different make-up, but I can tell you in my extended family, kids would be VERY hurt if their parents were taking their cousins on a trip and leaving them at home.

When other people have posted similar questions, my main concern has always been - not about the baby, but what message does this send to the older kids? That babies are a lot of trouble, and therefore should be left behind (of course adding that they will be "spoiled" by grandma)? That babies slow you down and you'll have more fun without them?

I have yet to see someone who posted change their mind about leaving a baby at home. If it something that you even considered, it is probably a decision you will end up sticking with.

You are probably looking for encouragement from others that have left their children behind, and you will find LOTS of that here. Make the decision that's right for you and your family, ignore everyone else's opinion (yes, even mine!), and you will have a great time!

Betty

 

[tlbwriter]

There is no right or wrong in ths situation, so don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your plans. Your baby will not forget you, and you can plan something special with the other kids when you get back.

 

[lclark0621]

It sounds like you dont want to leave her anyway! So take her!

My DS has already had 2 trips to Disney, one at 9 months, one at 21 months & his next will be at 28 months.

The last 2 trips have been wonderful with him. I have never regretted taking him. I would however sorly regret NOT taking him & would never be able to enjoy myself without him.

Disney is a family vacation spot. So take your whole family!

 

[minmate]

I also want to assure you, YOUR BABY WILL NOT FORGET YOU! Also, babies don't have the same 'sense of time' as older children and adults do. Yes, it may seem like a long time, but she is a baby and I am assuming, you are leaving her in the responsible, loving care of someone you trust and she is comfortable with.

I DO feel your anxiety though. Last year, we took our 4 and 5 yo dd's for a 4-day trip to WDW and left our 18 month dd and our 2.5 yo ds at home with auntie and grandma. We did it partly b/c we felt that since we hadn't been to WDW with young children before, (and dh never had been there) -- we just weren't sure if we would be able to "handle" it all, with all four of them.

We had a nice break from our younger children and the two older dd's got a chance to bond and make special memories with each other and mom and dad. It was nice for them to be able to not have to compete with four siblings.

Yes, we did miss our younger children and it made it much EASIER to actually leave WDW and go home. But honestly, we had a great time and didn't end up feeling ravaged by guilt or anything. The younger two never really have felt like the missed out -- then again, they've been there twice in the past year anyway. Time is just such a different animal for young children.

It sounds as if you are leaving three children at home? I don't know how old the other two children are, but you know, there may come a time when you are able to take just them on a trip of their own in the future.

Try to focus on how special this will make your older dd feel. It is a wonderful gift to give a child with multiple siblings the chance to be the center of attention for a change, like this. I say this only b/c I have four kids of my own and when they are given the spotlight, it just means so much to them. And if you can find ways, someday/sometime in the future to give this kind of a gift to your other children, maybe when they need it most, they will appreciate it too!

So... GO AND HAVE FUN!!!!! Don't worry!

 

[**pixiedust**]

Oh melissag, your baby WILL NOT EVER forget you!!!! Please don't think that! How could a baby ever forget a mother that's as loving and caring as you obviously are????

I don't know what to tell you...there are pros and cons to each side. But whatever you decide, just remember that no one is going to get hurt or suffer no matter which way you go. Neither one is the wrong decision.

 

[MelessaG]

Thanks to everyone for their advice and comfort. I still might just bring baby along because, as many have pointed out, it wouldn't change numbers for accomodations. As far as leaving the other kids, this trip is an early 8th birthday present for DD and lays the groundwork for each kid getting to go with mom or dad by themselves to WDW when they turn 8. (it's a milestone birthday in our church) Also, DH can't come this time and our 4 year-old son is way too AD/HD for me to handle on my own in a place like WDW. In fact, the reason I wanted so badly to take DD on her own is because I feel like I barely know her anymore after the rather quick addition of three other siblings. Given the demands of a baby, a toddler, and a little brother with AD/HD; I'm worried she's getting left out in the shuffle. The nieces are coming along because their stepdad has effectively cheated them out of all the other family trips we have made there since 2000. (My parents own property there and we go about every other year.) They have watched my kids and other relatives go three times now without them, and I can't do it to them again. (Sis was single from their births until 2001, so they are very tight with me and DH-not quite like our own kids, but close.) Sis was supposed to come along too, but backed out in favor of Intersession and Summer School. (Yep-she's nuts!) As someone mentioned, they are getting close to their teen years and with their stepdad's super-strict discipline methods, I fear they will rebel big time. (Just like Sis did-yikes!) I want to make sure the lines of communication are open with them and that they stay that way. I know this trip isn't a guarantee for that, but it can't hurt. (Stepdad isn't a total jerk-just clueless about raising kids) Believe it or not, neither of the younger kids are too upset about the trip and we have discussed it.
Anyway, all of this babbling just to say thanks for the reassurances and tips. I am leaving my options open when it comes to bringing baby. She will be with DH all day if I do leave her, (with grandma showing up occasionally,no doubt) so, I know she will be well cared for. She is just as clingy with DH as she is with me, I'm just absurdly afraid she will forget me. I'm glad to hear she won't. Either way, I have recently been told by not less than three of my good friends that I really need a vacation so it must be true. I'm feeling a little bit better about the trip today and I'm sure my trip reports will let you all know what I decide. Thanks again-it's so nice to have a place to vent where I know people can relate. Hugs and Kisses!

 

[tlbwriter]

I think your plan sounds wonderful!

 

[rt2dz]

First, every family and every situation is different. Don't feel bad about what you choose. Especially since your baby will be home with your DH and other children--it's not as if the baby is the only one being left behind. That's an incredibly different situation. And I say that as someone who would never leave a child behind for a WDW trip. I also want to reassure you that your baby will not forget you.

If you do decide to bring your baby along we took DS#2 for the first time when he was 7 months. He is a high maintaince baby & has health issues. I found it no more work, maybe even less, than when we are at home. He isn't a highly flexible child, very opposite, but stayed pretty much to the same schedule.

Whatever you decide, it will be the right choice.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I am almost always of the "bring the baby" mode on these topics. This time however I think it would be hard to explain to the other two children why the baby gets to go on their sister's specail alone trip and they do not. If dad and the other two are at home, i really think I would leave her too. If however the other two are boys, you could deem it a "girls" trip but then that takes away from the everyone gets their own trip. I do think it is very kind of you to take your nieces. Good luck and know that that baby will not forget you.
Oh, If you are still nursing, I would for sure take her anyway!

Jordans' mom

 

[FutureAshleyDukes]

I don't have a baby, but I have watched my younger twin cousins who were 18 months at the time when their parent's took her brother to Florida. They were gone for about 7 days, and thought it was important to spend some alone time with their son since having baby twins took alot of their attention away from him who had been an only child for 5 years when they were born. I was pretty worried when the parents first left, but to my surprise the twins were pretty easy going during their stay at my house. Towards the end of the week the kiddos were getting pretty fussy, probably ready for Mom and Dad to come home, but they overall did really well. Couldn't you always cut the trip a little short, but still spend the alone time with your daughter? I would definitely take the opportunity to spend the time alone with her, I'm sure she could really use it.

 

[Jules123]

We (me, DH, DS3 and DS10) are taking a trip the first week of June. We are leaving our 11 month old at home. I have felt the same feelings you are feeling. I do have guilt, but I know it will be so hot and he will be much happier staying at home. He will be staying with the couple that keeps him during the week while I work (they're like grandparents to him). We left our middle child at home for a week when he was 10 months old for a trip. I thought I would be miserable the whole trip without him. I was still breastfeeding him when I left. My husband and I had a wonderful solo trip together and he was perfectly fine when we got home.

 

[MelessaG]

Hey FutureAshleyDukes! We're neighbors-I'm south in Norman. Thanks again to all of you for the advice. We are spending the first weekend with DH's aunt in St. Pete's Beach. I'm trying to talk DH into maybe accompanying us for that part of the trip, then leaving us to our "all girls" week in Orlando while he comes back to Oklahoma. That shortens my time away from baby, but not the actual trip. I really think I need some time with my daughter and I can't wait to have my nieces with me again. My mom wants to take the other two kids (boy-4, girl-3) with her to a family wedding. The neat thing about those two being so young is that any little trip makes them happy. So, they really don't feel like they are missing out as long as they get to do something. So, the problem really is with me and my separation issues. The baby is my last one and I think that's why I'm having trouble missing out on even a minute with her. Still, I can tell my oldest really needs some TLC too.
Well, I'm rambling again when all I really want to do is say thanks for such kind words and good advice.

 

[golfgal]

You said in your second post that you want to establish a tradition of taking your children alone when they are 8. Will you take your youngest on all of the other trips, too? If you want to reconnect with your oldest, leave the baby at home because your first priority at Disney with the baby will still be the baby. If the baby is tired and needs to nap, will you keep a fussy baby in the park so your DD can go on more rides? I think that if you are planning a special trip for your 8 year old and she is the only one that has to "share" her trip with another sibling, that isn't quite right. It is hard to leave a baby or any child behind, but I think in the long run, you would be very glad you did and were able to spend that time with your daughter.

 

[sanibelover]

I say leave the baby at home. We went and left our baby with his grandparents. Took the 2 older ones. Wouldn't do it any other way. Had a great time and the grandparents got some one-on-one time with their youngest grandchild.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Given the ages of the girls you're taking, I wouldn't feel comfortable letting them ride the attractions by themselves. The lines are long in the summer. I wouldn't want to be separated from them for 30 minutes while they wait in line and you are outside the ride with the baby. If you don't let them ride any of the age appropriate rides then why take them.

I think you will have a lot of responsibility with 4 girls and I wouldn't want to compound that with a 1 year old. I think the baby will be much happier with Daddy and Grandmother and out of the hot Florida sun. Your husband sounds like a great father and he will enjoy the time spent alone with his youngest.