Non-school Coaches asking to see kids' grades?

[okeydokey]

Says who?
And we do not know if that was the case here. It is very likely that was discussed prior.

When one person believes one thing and 30 people see it a different way, does that not make you stop and take another look at it? IF the OP comes back and says that she signed a form stating that her child's playing time in the non-school rec league would be based on grades, then we could stop having this discussion. Since it appears that an e-mail went out recently based on the coach's own experience raising his niece and using playing time as a motivator/punishment, then I have to say the report cards should not be related to playing at all.

 

[5lilfish]

It really seems to getting clearer. You can assume the OP is unhappy about the leagues stance on grades for play. If you are unhappy about the leagues stand, remove your child and find something else to do.

I don't think so. I think it is the coach making this up, not the league. The OP said there was nothing ahead of time and that she felt this was new because of a situation with the coach's niece.

Jess

 

[shrubber]

I'm assuming this is directed at me b/c I brought up my 3rd grade ds. If it is not I apologize. I'm assuming that you're fortunate enough to not have a child with a learning disability. My ds has a mild LD. It sort of seems like you think I should sit at home gnashing my teeth and pulling out my hair because he struggles in 3rd grade. Nope, not really worried about it. He gets tons of support at school and home. He's happy, healthy, funny and smart not to mention just about the most handsome kid you'll ever see He plays baseball because he enjoys it and I believe that it's helpful for him socially to be a part of a team. The OP asked our opinions of the coach asking to see report cards and I gave mine explaining why in my situation it would not be fair to my ds. It is not the coach or anyone else's business that he has an LD-it has no impact on how he does in the game or what kind of team player he is. If the coach wants to sit out a kid b/c he shows bad sportsmanship or is late or misses practices, more power to him. I fully support that. Just don't ask to see a report card. That goes for my high achieving dd also. Her being in AP classes has no bearing on how she plays 3rd base.

No it was not directed at you. The OP said the league her daughter is on runs through the 3rd to 6 grades.
We are all unaware as to wether or not this league provides for children with learning disabilities in regards to this policy. Since it appears to be private, I would'nt think that they would have to make an exception in those cases however.

 

[shrubber]

I don't think so. I think it is the coach making this up, not the league. The OP said there was nothing ahead of time and that she felt this was new because of a situation with the coach's niece.

Jess

Yes, the OP did say that it was new, however it seems clear that it is a league decision, not one coaches. That changes things quite a bit.

 

[okeydokey]

Yes, the OP did say that it was new, however it seems clear that it is a league decision, not one coaches. That changes things quite a bit.

New, as in after everyone signed up and paid the fee. Too late then!

 

[shrubber]

When one person believes one thing and 30 people see it a different way, does that not make you stop and take another look at it? IF the OP comes back and says that she signed a form stating that her child's playing time in the non-school rec league would be based on grades, then we could stop having this discussion. Since it appears that an e-mail went out recently based on the coach's own experience raising his niece and using playing time as a motivator/punishment, then I have to say the report cards should not be related to playing at all.[/QUOTE


Signing a form does not really enter into it. It seems clear that the league changed or admended its rules. If you don't agree with them, fine, leave. Ask for your money back or start your own league. It is awfully presumptiuos to tell them to change thier rules to satisfy your own sensibilities.

 

[okeydokey]

When one person believes one thing and 30 people see it a different way, does that not make you stop and take another look at it? IF the OP comes back and says that she signed a form stating that her child's playing time in the non-school rec league would be based on grades, then we could stop having this discussion. Since it appears that an e-mail went out recently based on the coach's own experience raising his niece and using playing time as a motivator/punishment, then I have to say the report cards should not be related to playing at all.[/QUOTE


Signing a form does not really enter into it. It seems clear that the league changed or admended its rules. If you don't agree with them, fine, leave. Ask for your money back or start your own league. It is awfully presumptiuos to tell them to change thier rules to satisfy your own sensibilities.

You can't amend the rules in the middle of the season. If the league wants to change rules they can do it at the beginning of the next season when all the participants can be told ahead of time. Besides, this a rec league, it should be open to everyone, not just those talented at school.

 

[jrmasm]

I wouldn't really have a problem with it. But then again, if either of my children came home with D's or F's on their report cards, I'd yank them before the coach had a chance to ask for a report card.

 

[Tink888]

When one person believes one thing and 30 people see it a different way, does that not make you stop and take another look at it? IF the OP comes back and says that she signed a form stating that her child's playing time in the non-school rec league would be based on grades, then we could stop having this discussion. Since it appears that an e-mail went out recently based on the coach's own experience raising his niece and using playing time as a motivator/punishment, then I have to say the report cards should not be related to playing at all.[/QUOTE


Signing a form does not really enter into it. It seems clear that the league changed or admended its rules. If you don't agree with them, fine, leave. Ask for your money back or start your own league. It is awfully presumptiuos to tell them to change thier rules to satisfy your own sensibilities.

How is it presumptuous? If a league decides to change or amend a rule after the season has begun, and a majority of parents don't agree with it, those parents should just ask for a refund and walk away? No. The league should have their rules figured out at the beginning of the season. They want to add a new one, wait until next season to begin enforcing it.

Another problem with this required grade scenario outside of school sports is homes-chooled kids. How does a rec league enforce this rule with home-schooled kids on the team who don't receive report cards? They can't. Does the rec league exclude home-schooled kids from participation or would it be okay to allow those kids to play under an entire different set of rules which is unfair or does the coach just go by the parents word in that case, which is what they SHOULD be doing for all players.

 

[5lilfish]

Yes, the OP did say that it was new, however it seems clear that it is a league decision, not one coaches. That changes things quite a bit.

Wow. I don't read it that way at all. I read it as a coaches choice.

Jess

 

[shrubber]

You can't amend the rules in the middle of the season. If the league wants to change rules they can do it at the beginning of the next season when all the participants can be told ahead of time. Besides, this a rec league, it should be open to everyone, not just those talented at school.

So says who? The International Federation of Girls Volleyball Recreation Leagues?
And nowhere did the OP say that this was required. She said "We got an email that they would like to see each child's grades to make sure they are doing well."
She asked if it was correct to feel insulted. I say no.

 

[okeydokey]

How is it presumptuous? If a league decides to change or amend a rule after the season has begun, and a majority of parents don't agree with it, those parents should just ask for a refund and walk away? No. The league should have their rules figured out at the beginning of the season. They want to add a new one, wait until next season to begin enforcing it.

Another problem with this required grade scenario outside of school sports is homes-chooled kids. How does a rec league enforce this rule with home-schooled kids on the team who don't receive report cards? They can't. Does the rec league exclude home-schooled kids from participation or would it be okay to allow those kids to play under an entire different set of rules which is unfair or does the coach just go by the parents word in that case, which is what they SHOULD be doing for all players.

It's funny how it quoted taht way. Shrubber thinks it is presumptuous, not okeydokey!

 

[shrubber]

Wow. I don't read it that way at all. I read it as a choaches choice.

Jess

ok . We'll wait and see I guess. I just never would refer to a coach as them or they.

 

[bookgirl]

I have kids, and they both have coaches in and out of school.
And it most certainly would be within the coaches perogative to not play kids with failing grades. It seems that it it indeed a private league. They can't set their own rules?
Wether or not it was made known prior to signng the kids up ( and we don't know for sure ) is irrelevant. The coach can't change the manner of coaching to suit the teams needs?
The OP did ask for opinions afterall.
If the coaches philosophy does not match yours, then simply find another alternative. It seems unreasonable to ask them to change their course to suit the special emotional needs of one parent.

Actually it's unreasonable for a coach to change his needs because he's mad that his neice got benched from a school team for bad grades. There is no requirment in the league for grades, probably why most parents failed to turn in report cards. If the coach wants to change the policy then he needs to go to the league and have it put into next years contracts. If the coach benches a child for a reason not within the leagues rule than a parent can and should go to the league and complain.

The twins have played in rec and competition, and this year they are playing school and compitition. School requires grades, the competition coach has behavior and performance requirments (not grades).

The rec league was just that a recreation league. My brother coached the baseball season for the past 5 years. He might occasionally pull a player or bench them for attitude or poor sportsmanship but it was during the game only and if it was a continuing problem then a parent was brought in. Never once did he or any of the coaches get to make thier own "rules" for eligibility.

 

[shrubber]

How is it presumptuous? If a league decides to change or amend a rule after the season has begun, and a majority of parents don't agree with it, those parents should just ask for a refund and walk away? No. The league should have their rules figured out at the beginning of the season. They want to add a new one, wait until next season to begin enforcing it.

.

Well, what other recourse would you suggest? And who said a majority of parents disagreed? I believe that the OP said that many had not as of yet sent their report cards in and a reminder was sent out by the league. That does not mean that most parents disagreed by a long shot.

 

[bookgirl]

Well, what other recourse would you suggest? And who said a majority of parents disagreed? I believe that the OP said that many had not as of yet sent their report cards in and a reminder was sent out by the league. That does not mean that most parents disagreed by a long shot.

Actually she did not say it was a league email.

 

[shrubber]

Actually it's unreasonable for a coach to change his needs because he's mad that his neice got benched from a school team for bad grades.

It apparently is the League doing this, not the coach

There is no requirment in the league for grades, probably why most parents failed to turn in report cards

.
Again, apparently there is now

If the coach wants to change the policy then he needs to go to the league and have it put into next years contracts. If the coach benches a child for a reason not within the leagues rule than a parent can and should go to the league and complain.

.

It seems as if its the league who made this decision.
Look, I could see, maybe, if the league had one rule, and the coach had an opposing rule, that I might get mifed at the coach and complain to
league. Heck, the OP can complain to whomever she wants as loud as she wants, but her question was wether or not she should feel insulted. My opinion is no way.
The league sets the standards. If you don't agree with them, don't feel insulted. Mislead maybe? Dissapointed, perhaps. But to take insult? Not a chance.

 

[shrubber]

Actually she did not say it was a league email.

No she did not. I was surmising based on the referances to they, them, their, rather than he or she as might indicate a coach rather than They as in the collective league

 

[Tink888]

Well, what other recourse would you suggest? And who said a majority of parents disagreed? I believe that the OP said that many had not as of yet sent their report cards in and a reminder was sent out by the league. That does not mean that most parents disagreed by a long shot.

I already suggested it. (1) The league shouldn't be making rules and then trying to enforce rules mid-season. Save it for next season. (2) The parents who aren't okay with the rule should have the option of their kids being allowed to continue to play without providing the report card since, had they known before season they could've opted to choose another league. Why should a parent or child be inconvenienced because a league decided to change rules after the season had begun.

And again, if it were up to me, the rule wouldn't exist at all. It's not a school sponsored activity, there are too many variables which come into play when enforcing the rule i.e. kids with learning disabilities, home-schooled kids, and privacy issues and IMHO opinion, no matter how well-intended the rule might be, it still remains that neither the league nor the coach has any business injecting themselves into the business of a child's grades (good or bad) on a rec league.

And yes, you are correct the OP didn't specify as to how many parents disagreed, if at all, with the rule. My statement there was based on your response to the poster who said "if the majority of parents disagreed" so it was hypothetical.

 

[merryweather20]

Ah - now I see where I should have clarified. What I meant by teachers' comments are things like "Xxxx needs to work on keeping his/her hands to himself" or "Xxxx has not been handing in homework." On our report cards, things like being shy are not there at all. It's all about specific areas of improvement that are needed. I guess that's why I was confused; actual personality traits are discussed at P/T conferences if at all here, so shyness isn't anything anyone would have been informed of by a report card. I was shy myself (right up until I gave birth and lost every shred of dignity I had left lol), and I completely understand labels following from year to year - esp since I went to a very small school where the teachers knew you long before you got to their grades. I would never want to subject my kids to that, either.

Those are precisely the comments I'm talking about.

"Merry needs to participate more in class"
"Merry needs to be more social"
"Merry needs to apply herself in phys-ed"

In every single one of my report cards. I felt dragged down by them. They never changed. I actually logged participation in my class one year and I did fine, but nonetheless I was shy, and thats how it manifested itself in my report card. In grade 6 I decided to change the stock comments that the teachers pulled out and, I pleased and thank-you'd that teacher with-in an inch of her life. Just for a little bit of change. They added;

"Merry is a very polite student"

That was the best I could do for vindication.

Later I taught swimming lessons, and the students in my area all came in for lessons at 4th grade. We divied up the groups on the first day, and I got stuck with one kid that was just full of attitude. Fine, many of his skills were quite good, but fixing anything took all my instructing ingenuity and then some. I finally came to the end of the lesson period, I filled out his report card based on the skills he demonstrated added a suggested level for continueing instruction and figured I was done with it.

The next day his Mom shows up at the pool and starts thanking me up and down, and says how much her son loves swimming lessons... Huh ? This kid disliked me immensely and never had fun in class despite my best efforts. But, when he took home his report card, it said something different. It wasn't the same report card, that his Y instructors wrote year after year. His Mom and I had a long talk and it turns out he had been giving me attitude, because he assumed he'd get the same pigeon hole that his Y instructors had directed him to. When he showed up for regular Red Cross lessons a month later he was a different kid completely(no attitude), and ended up paying for University by life-guarding.

Clean slates can be a huge deal. They were a big deal to me.