Non-school Coaches asking to see kids' grades?

[shrubber]

I know what you are saying. I just think there is so much more to a child's well being than a number on a report card. When I was pregnant with my twins, my 3rd child sort of freaked out. It was a complicated pregnancy. I was on bed rest and my DD was very concerned that something was going to happen to me and/or the babies. She shut down in school (1st grade) and ended up in their reading recovery program. Taking away other activities would have just added to her stress. Sure, I could have explained this to a coach, but is it really any of his/her business? My oldest is on the autistic spectrum. He is just a step off of "normal" (very mild...goes to public school, plays sports, etc). He is VERY smart. Grades are the least of my concern for him. Unfortunately, every now and then when he gets worked up over something and has trouble letting it go. One time, when this happened, he tanked a couple tests and just couldn't recover quickly enough to pull his grade up by the end of the marking period. If a coach benched him because of it, it would have had horrible effects on my son. My son plays sports for the socialization, fun and learning experiences of team sports.....all much more important for him than a number on a report card. I get to decide that. Not some coach who only knows my son from seeing him at little league 4 hrs a week for 2 months. My second DD struggles with reading comprehension. All of her grades are great (above 90) except her reading grade. Should she be kept out of sports for that? We do work on her reading....at school and at home. That doesn't mean she cannot have a life or have fun. I mentioned earlier, that this DD has developed leadership skills and gained so much self confidence because of her success in sports. That has carried over to the classroom.

So, when one allows their child to play sports, they aren't always (of course, some are) ignoring the academic issues. They are taking care of the WHOLE child. The parent should be allowed to make these decisions.

Jess

Then obviously this coach/team would not be a good fit for your children. Sign them up for something else rather than ask them to change their positions to fit your needs.

 

[my3sonsagn]

What made me feel good, was when my coach actually got to know ME, based on our time together.

When I was in elementary school I always had a C in Phys-Ed, I was always "the shy-one". Those labels certainly weren't going away. I loved that my coach made up her own mind and had no idea, what labels were bestowed upon me in elementary school. It was very freeing, I loved that feeling as much as I loved the swimming. I would hate to take that away from any kid, who felt "stuck", with labels like I did.

I'm not sure where in my post it came across that his TKD instructors were labeling him or perpetuating a school label, but I just want to be clear that that is not what was going on. His TKD instructor was interested in the teacher's comments and the effort/behavior grades that were on the report cards rather than the academic number/letter grades. They also spent a lot of time with DS and got to know him on their own. There were no labels, and ANY improvements on behavior/effort were praised and rewarded.

Jennifer

 

[5lilfish]

Then obviously this coach/team would not be a good fit for your children. Sign them up for something else rather than ask them to change their positions to fit your needs.

LOL...wrong! Judging by the fact that many of the parents have failed to turn in the report cards (and many in this thread have stated they would be against turning in a report card), the coach is the one that is not a good fit.


As I said before, recreational leagues (around here) are for everyone. They boast being about developing the child. They have rules for equal and fair playing time. I've never heard of a house league that did not operate that way.

Jess

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would imagine in your anecdotal scenario that something would be worked out. I saw a few posters say here that children with learning disabilities receive all sorts of special treatment.
Well within the coaches rights.
This is after all a non school activity, if you don't like it, take your kid out.
Find another team or start your own.

Then obviously this coach/team would not be a good fit for your children. Sign them up for something else rather than ask them to change their positions to fit your needs.

It is not within the coaches rights. It is not a school activity. It is a private/rec league. Unless it is in the paperwork when you sign up then it is not required. The end. The couch has no right at all. Children with LD do receive special treatment (IEPS) if you want to call it that. However that has nothing to do with whether or not they can hit a baseball.
I hope I am wrong but you sound like one of those parents who tell everyone else that they are parenting wrong or you sound like someone who doesn't have kids. I could be wrong but that is how it sounds to me.

 

[bookgirl]

Not a school sponsered event, then they don't need grades. You're paying to play, as long as the cheque clears, that's the only requirement.

 

[shrubber]

It is not within the coaches rights. It is not a school activity. It is a private/rec league. Unless it is in the paperwork when you sign up then it is not required. The end. The couch has no right at all. Children with LD do receive special treatment (IEPS) if you want to call it that. However that has nothing to do with whether or not they can hit a baseball.
I hope I am wrong but you sound like one of those parents who tell everyone else that they are parenting wrong or you sound like someone who doesn't have kids. I could be wrong but that is how it sounds to me.

I have kids, and they both have coaches in and out of school.
And it most certainly would be within the coaches perogative to not play kids with failing grades. It seems that it it indeed a private league. They can't set their own rules?
Wether or not it was made known prior to signng the kids up ( and we don't know for sure ) is irrelevant. The coach can't change the manner of coaching to suit the teams needs?
The OP did ask for opinions afterall.
If the coaches philosophy does not match yours, then simply find another alternative. It seems unreasonable to ask them to change their course to suit the special emotional needs of one parent.

 

[merryweather20]

I'm not sure where in my post it came across that his TKD instructors were labeling him or perpetuating a school label, but I just want to be clear that that is not what was going on. His TKD instructor was interested in the teacher's comments and the effort/behavior grades that were on the report cards rather than the academic number/letter grades. They also spent a lot of time with DS and got to know him on their own. There were no labels, and ANY improvements on behavior/effort were praised and rewarded.

Jennifer

You said it again in this post. These are exactly where such labels come from. I'm glad it worked for your son, but I would have been absolutely devastated. My teachers spent plenty of time with me too, but nonetheless, the label was the same year after year. My coaches made up their own mind about me period. I still think chlorine smells like freedom. I bet I'm not the only kid that was desperate for a clean slate, and I didn't even have it bad at elementary school by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[5lilfish]

I have kids, and they both have coaches in and out of school.
And it most certainly would be within the coaches perogative to not play kids with failing grades. It seems that it it indeed a private league. They can't set their own rules?
Wether or not it was made known prior to signng the kids up ( and we don't know for sure ) is irrelevant. The coach can't change the manner of coaching to suit the teams needs?
The OP did ask for opinions afterall.
If the coaches philosophy does not match yours, then simply find another alternative. It seems unreasonable to ask them to change their course to suit the special emotional needs of one parent.

The coach is 99% of the time a mom or dad that is volunteering his/her time. I appreciate what they do. My DH and I have done it too. It's not easy but it is usually fun. BUT...the coach is absolutely NOT the one making the rules. The league makes the rules....and No, the coach cannot change them.

I have actually been "with you" even though we have different opinions, right up until your last couple posts. As a parent of a child with some (thankfully very mild) special needs, I find those offensive.

Jess

 

[shrubber]

The coach is 99% of the time a mom or dad that is volunteering his/her time. I appreciate what they do. My DH and I have done it too. It's not easy but it is usually fun. BUT...the coach is absolutely NOT the one making the rules. The league makes the rules....and No, the coach cannot change them.

I have actually been "with you" even though we have different opinions, right up until your last couple posts. As a parent of a child with some (thankfully very mild) special needs, I find those offensive.

Jess

I apologize wholeheartly if you found anything I wrote offensive. But for the life of me I cannot see what?
The coach can and usually does make the rules when it comes to running his or her own team. One coach may have two practices a week, another 3. One may make his kids run laps, another not. In this case, perhaps, one wants to see that his kids are not failing subjects in school before letting them play. If you are not ok with that, find another team.

 

[jodifla]

The two are not exclusive. You can have a child who is academically behind due to a LD. That child could have 99 plans in place to help him/her. Sometimes activities that seem not important like a sport might actually be encouraged by their therapists to help with some areas. If my child was busting their behind to pass school and I was doing all I could to help them I would not take away the one thing they enjoy. Sorry but that serves no purpose. There are plenty of kids who struggle but that doesn't mean they should have no enjoyment at all.
What about the kid who is struggling and has parents who don't do much to help? Punishing the kid by benching him is not going to make the parents help the kid.
Teach the sport. Leave the rest to the parents.
Oh- and I had a child take Tae Kwon Do. They did not ask for report cards. They asked for the parents to fill out a sheet that let the instructors know that the kids were doing well. I would not have brought them report cards either.

ITA! This is NONE of the coaches' business. He has no rights to a child's report card. It's a complete violation of privacy.

 

[5lilfish]

I became curious...so I went to our little league softball/baseball website. Here are some things copied and pasted (Sorry...I am not comfortable providing the link because it states where we live and other info):

¨ I will place the emotional, psychological, and physical well-being of my team, and any other children in the league ahead of any personal desires I may have.

¨ I will remember that the league is for the youth and not for managers and coaches.

¨ I will do my best to make this league fun for all involved.

¨ I will read the XYZ (edited to remove name of league) Youth Baseball/Softball Managers Manual and agree to abide by those rules, responsibilities and Code of Conduct.

Teams will use a continuous batting order – everyone bats

For both regular season and playoffs, every player must play at least four defensive innings. Players must be rotated every 2 innings to a new defensive position. They must play at least 2 innings in the infield and 2 innings in the outfield. Players may only play a maximum of 2 innings at a specific defensive position. Catcher is considered an infield position. This rule also applies to call-ups.

Jess

 

[okeydokey]

In a non-school related rec league, the coach cannot tie playing time to school grades unless it was written out that way by the league when you signed up. Period.

 

[Pigeon]

I'll parent my child, thankyouverymuch. I would not provide a report card.

My older dd takes Tae Kwon Do. Children may bring in a copy of their report cards if they choose to do so, and good report cards earn them a reward. But, it is optional as it should be.

 

[jodifla]

I apologize wholeheartly if you found anything I wrote offensive. But for the life of me I cannot see what?
The coach can and usually does make the rules when it comes to running his or her own team. One coach may have two practices a week, another 3. One may make his kids run laps, another not. In this case, perhaps, one wants to see that his kids are not failing subjects in school before letting them play. If you are not ok with that, find another team.

Or report the coach to the league, and see if they think the practice is so terrific.

It's the parent's prerogative, not the coach's. Now if the coach wants to bench for some other reason within his area, that's different. But grades on a non-school team?? No how, no way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[my3sonsagn]

You said it again in this post. These are exactly where such labels come from. I'm glad it worked for your son, but I would have been absolutely devastated. My teachers spent plenty of time with me too, but nonetheless, the label was the same year after year. My coaches made up their own mind about me period. I still think chlorine smells like freedom. I bet I'm not the only kid that was desperate for a clean slate, and I didn't even have it bad at elementary school by any stretch of the imagination.

Ah - now I see where I should have clarified. What I meant by teachers' comments are things like "Xxxx needs to work on keeping his/her hands to himself" or "Xxxx has not been handing in homework." On our report cards, things like being shy are not there at all. It's all about specific areas of improvement that are needed. I guess that's why I was confused; actual personality traits are discussed at P/T conferences if at all here, so shyness isn't anything anyone would have been informed of by a report card. I was shy myself (right up until I gave birth and lost every shred of dignity I had left lol), and I completely understand labels following from year to year - esp since I went to a very small school where the teachers knew you long before you got to their grades. I would never want to subject my kids to that, either.

 

[shrubber]

In a non-school related rec league, the coach cannot tie playing time to school grades unless it was written out that way by the league when you signed up. Period.

Says who?
And we do not know if that was the case here. It is very likely that was discussed prior.

 

[Praying Colonel]

In a non-school related rec league, the coach cannot tie playing time to school grades unless it was written out that way by the league when you signed up. Period.

IMHO that's the right answer. League rule made clear to all parents before sign-up? That's one thing. Coach making up his own little rule? Parents would be within their rights in complaining to the league president under those circumstances, IMHO.

 

[shrubber]

My dd is in a sport where the kids are grades 3-6. It is not school sponsored or even at a school. We got an email that they would like to see each child's grades to make sure they are doing well. If they get a D or F, they will bench them from a practice. I think this all stems from one of the coaches, who is raising her niece who has a lot of issues and has been benched for grades.
Personally, since it is not a school sport, I don't think it is any of their business what my dd grades are ( she is a really good student and in the gifted program). I realize there are parents that don't care, but is it insulting to parents to ask this? I am responsible for seeing that my child does well in school, not them. What do you think?

No way to know for sure as of yet, but it seems reasonable to assume that the THEY here is indeed the league and not a HE/SHE as in a rogue individual coach.

 

[shrubber]

Mermaid02- yes, that is what I am saying, they think the coaches should decide if a child is allowed to play, not the parents. I have a feeling very few parents brought in the report cards, that is why they sent us the reminder email. I will probably just not bring it in. I will see what other parents are doing- I think this is stupid. It should have been an optional thing- I can see where it might help some parents who are having difficulty getting their kids to study. My husband is a college professor, so there has never been an issue with getting our kids to do well as homework is important around here. I do feel bad for the kids who have learning problems and don't get good grades. They don't need to have their coaches involved.

No, there was nothing in the paperwork, just something new, I think b/c of the coach's niece.

It really seems to getting clearer. You can assume the OP is unhappy about the leagues stance on grades for play. If you are unhappy about the leagues stand, remove your child and find something else to do.

 

[krcit]

If your child cannot pass third grade, you should have a lot more on your plate than worrying about wether or not the coach puts them in the game or not.

I'm assuming this is directed at me b/c I brought up my 3rd grade ds. If it is not I apologize. I'm assuming that you're fortunate enough to not have a child with a learning disability. My ds has a mild LD. It sort of seems like you think I should sit at home gnashing my teeth and pulling out my hair because he struggles in 3rd grade. Nope, not really worried about it. He gets tons of support at school and home. He's happy, healthy, funny and smart not to mention just about the most handsome kid you'll ever see He plays baseball because he enjoys it and I believe that it's helpful for him socially to be a part of a team. The OP asked our opinions of the coach asking to see report cards and I gave mine explaining why in my situation it would not be fair to my ds. It is not the coach or anyone else's business that he has an LD-it has no impact on how he does in the game or what kind of team player he is. If the coach wants to sit out a kid b/c he shows bad sportsmanship or is late or misses practices, more power to him. I fully support that. Just don't ask to see a report card. That goes for my high achieving dd also. Her being in AP classes has no bearing on how she plays 3rd base.