Non-residential parents and step-parents

[sweet angel]

Have they asked you to purchase a meal plan yet?

No, but I have been told that they say all the food I feed him is "garbage" -- cereal or bagels or poptarts or toaster strudel for breakfast....

Guess they don't see all the fruit and veggies he eats. Oh well.

 

[missj1975]

Im sorry but if the father and stepmother are letting the kid use the hairdyer then there is no reason to buy one. Now if they stop lettin him use it then of course go buy one. She is not hurting her child because she wouldnt buy him a hairdyer. Sorry you had so many issues with your father, but im dont think the mother here is the problem.

You are missing my point. Actually she is hurting the child by not buying him a hairdryer. The post sounded like the father and stepmother asked the mother to buy a hairdryer for her son to have at her house and she said no. Why not have a hairdryer ready for your son when he comes to visit? Why not have personal care products ready for him when he visits? Why does he have to cart all this stuff around just to visit his mom? In my situation, it made me feel like crap and unwanted. I am giving you a perspective of that child that had to be carted around between homes. And I am telling you yes it hurts. Why nickel and dime the child?

 

[MAKmom]

Does your son even want to go anymore. At that age they tend to try & get out of it anyway.

 

[MAKmom]

You are missing my point. Actually she is hurting the child by not buying him a hairdryer. The post sounded like the father and stepmother asked the mother to buy a hairdryer for her son to have at her house and she said no. Why not have a hairdryer ready for your son when he comes to visit? Why not have personal care products ready for him when he visits? Why does he have to cart all this stuff around just to visit his mom? In my situation, it made me feel like crap and unwanted. I am giving you a perspective of that child that had to be carted around between homes. And I am telling you yes it hurts. Why nickel and dime the child?

He lives with Mom...the OP. He vists Dad everyother week.

 

[sweet angel]

You are missing my point. Actually she is hurting the child by not buying him a hairdryer. The post sounded like the father and stepmother asked the mother to buy a hairdryer for her son to have at her house and she said no. Why not have a hairdryer ready for your son when he comes to visit? Why not have personal care products ready for him when he visits? Why does he have to cart all this stuff around just to visit his mom? In my situation, it made me feel like crap and unwanted. I am giving you a perspective of that child that had to be carted around between homes. And I am telling you yes it hurts. Why nickel and dime the child?

No...they TOLD me to buy a hairdryer for use at THEIR house -- which he only goes to every other week. I am the custodial/residential parent. He lives with me. I have all the stuff he needs here. It's THEIR house that is lacking. He has a hairdryer at MY house -- actually, we share it.

 

[ilovejack02]

Thank you. No...they let him use it a couple times, but now the stepmonster hides it and says I need to buy him one so he doesn't burn hers out.

yeah then you need to go get him one. Ok so he is 15 now, just think 3 more yrs and he wont have to go visit anymore!!!! And if he is anything like my stepson that will happen sooner rather than later. He has lived with us for the last two yrs and very rarely goes and sees his mom.

 

[missj1975]

Point taken, but considering I knew nothing about this until 9 this morning and have been nursing a stiff neck/shoulder/back, I certainly wasn't going to run right out and buy one before his father picked him up at 9:30 -- when he SHOULD have picked him up at 7 last night.

And not for nothing, how am I hurting him when THEY are the ones who will not buy him anything to keep at THEIR house? I get it...I'm supposed to be the bigger person and suck it up.

Just like I just suck it up when they don't EVER take him for vacations, school breaks, or ANYTHING other than 7pm Friday to MAYBE 4pm on Sunday every other week...unless they have something to do, then they just skip. Yeah....I'll just keep covering their butts.

Sorry. I guess I'm just pathetic.

There are always two sides to every story. Let me rephrase my early statement. You aren't pathetic, the situation is pathetic. Sorry you and your son have to deal with an evil-stepmother, I know what that is like. Just remember your son doesn't see each side and it is so easy for him to get hurt by parent politics.

 

[ilovejack02]

You are missing my point. Actually she is hurting the child by not buying him a hairdryer. The post sounded like the father and stepmother asked the mother to buy a hairdryer for her son to have at her house and she said no. Why not have a hairdryer ready for your son when he comes to visit? Why not have personal care products ready for him when he visits? Why does he have to cart all this stuff around just to visit his mom? In my situation, it made me feel like crap and unwanted. I am giving you a perspective of that child that had to be carted around between homes. And I am telling you yes it hurts. Why nickel and dime the child?

You have it backwards, son visits DAD, not mom. He lives with her.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

When my oldest DS went to visit his dad, I would pack his shampoo and other personal items for him to take with him. However, his dad would always buy things for him if he ran out. I also sent extra clothes so that he could keep some at his dad's house and not have to haul a big suitcase every time he went for a visit. His dad would also take him shopping for clothes.

Everything worked out fine since we both tried to make it as easy for our son as possible. I didn't mind sending things to be kept there and my ex didn't mind buying whatever our son needed.

 

[sweet angel]

You know what...they recently rescued a greyhound. The dog has all the comforts it could possibly have. They can buy a hairdryer.

I never said I WOULDN'T buy one. I shouldn't HAVE to. And I wasn't going out this morning to get one.

 

[sweet angel]

Everything worked out fine since we both tried to make it as easy for our son as possible. I didn't mind sending things to be kept there and my ex didn't mind buying whatever our son needed.

Unfortunately, in this situation, they have no problem with ME sending things to be kept there (for them to use as well...) and they DO have a problem buying things that he needs.

 

[agnes!]

Unfortunately, in this situation, they have no problem with ME sending things to be kept there (for them to use as well...) and they DO have a problem buying things that he needs.

I am so sorry that your DS has to deal with this situation & that you do as well, it's unfortunate for all concerned. Your DH's second wife certainly doesn't measure up to his first.

That being said...I know you're ticked-off and really, IMO?...you have EVERY right to be, but maybe you could do this...
Buy a personal travel-size hairdryer for your DS. He will have to cart it back & forth in his luggage, but he will have his OWN hairdryer that THEY (actually, StepMom) can't use, damage or somehow 'lose'. (Yeah, to me she sounds like she might be that spiteful...)
It'll just frost her cookies that he has his own hairdryer AND that he isn't leaving it there for her to use. Kill (metaphorically speaking, of course) the witch with kindness & a smile, she'll never know what hit her.

good luck,
agnes!

 

[Acklander]

If the step child was coming to my home, I'd have all the stuff there to make sure he/she felt at home. If it was the other way around (lives with me, and going to the other home where there was no stuff waiting) I would provide a bathroom bag that would have a spare of everything for ease of travel, and I'd do this gladly without complaint as if it was the most natural thing in the world because the last thing I would want to do is put my child in the middle of thinking one parent was deficient over such a minor issue.

 

[christineann]

My children were required to remove their shoes and leave them on the apartment steps and had to take off their clothes and leave them inside the front door because "the clothes from your mother's house are dirty and we don't want them in here". The ex's wife announced that she should not have to buy "your period stuff" to my daughter in front of my son and the ex. The kids also had to empty their pockets of any change (money for a pay phone in case of an emergency) because it was "time for you to start helping with groceries when you are here". Interesting concept for kids in elementary school. These were factors (although relatively minor to the other stuff) in my kids' decision to go through family court mediation and end all contact with them 7 years ago. The mediator said it was all about his getting even with me for leaving him and her believing I was the cause of their financial problems. I bet she's had her eyes opened since then

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I really don't know why I ever open these threads because everytime I do my blood starts boiling over the extreme pettyness adults can display at the expense of their children.

Unfortunately, in this situation, they have no problem with ME sending things to be kept there (for them to use as well...) and they DO have a problem buying things that he needs.

and if it were me, I'd go out and order about 17 cases of shampoo and conditioner and have it delivered to their house with a note explaining that you had heard they were having a hard time keeping it in stock at their house and you wanted to make sure the child was supplied adequately for the next couple of years.

 

[poohandwendy]

I really don't know why I ever open these threads because everytime I do my blood starts boiling over the extreme pettyness adults can display at the expense of their children.

Me too. It's so sad.

and if it were me, I'd go out and order about 17 cases of shampoo and conditioner and have it delivered to their house with a note explaining that you had heard they were having a hard time keeping it in stock at their house and you wanted to make sure the child was supplied adequately for the next couple of years.

LOL, that would be me too.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

Unfortunately, in this situation, they have no problem with ME sending things to be kept there (for them to use as well...) and they DO have a problem buying things that he needs.

Yeah, it's just sad when people act that way. The only thing you have control over is making sure you do the best you can for your child. You can't make someone be a good, unselfish parent. My ex was a drug addict for years and my DS suffered because of his actions. I am thankful that he finally turned into a decent person, but it wasn't always that way.

 

[christineann]

It really is sad, and I don't know how my kids turned out normally after those horrible years. My son is graduating from college, and in an interview he was asked what was the most difficult decision he has ever made. He said that it was the choice that he and his sister made to end all contact with his father and step mother but added that it was also the best decision he has ever made.

My ex knew that he could no longer get to me, so he tried to destroy my most precious treasures - my children.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

My children were required to remove their shoes and leave them on the apartment steps and had to take off their clothes and leave them inside the front door because "the clothes from your mother's house are dirty and we don't want them in here". The ex's wife announced that she should not have to buy "your period stuff" to my daughter in front of my son and the ex. The kids also had to empty their pockets of any change (money for a pay phone in case of an emergency) because it was "time for you to start helping with groceries when you are here". Interesting concept for kids in elementary school. These were factors (although relatively minor to the other stuff) in my kids' decision to go through family court mediation and end all contact with them 7 years ago. The mediator said it was all about his getting even with me for leaving him and her believing I was the cause of their financial problems. I bet she's had her eyes opened since then

That is horrible!

I could write a book on the things my two daughters have gone through with their father and his wife, but this takes the cake!

 

[poohandwendy]

It really is sad, and I don't know how my kids turned out normally after those horrible years. My son is graduating from college, and in an interview he was asked what was the most difficult decision he has ever made. He said that it was the choice that he and his sister made to end all contact with his father and step mother but added that it was also the best decision he has ever made.

My ex knew that he could no longer get to me, so he tried to destroy my most precious treasures - my children.

See, that is what I am sayin....parents (and step parents) who pull that crap end up losing in the end, one way or the other. I am sorry your kids and you had to deal with that.