Non-custodial parent phone calls to children

[SwedishMeatball]

It's all still new to us. Like I said, he never called his son before about a month ago. He was calling every other night, so she wasn't expecting his call.

But that's a good idea. If she's not at home or I'm with him, he could just call my cell.

I still like the idea of calling at bedtime.

Yes, because it should be what is about convenient for you. It sounds like life was so much easier when he was just being neglectful towards his son and not intruding on your time. I can understand wanting to try and arrange something that is respectful of everyone's schedules, but I think you're coming off like the father is nothing but a PITA.

Also, stop and consider how you would feel if your wife and you ever divorce. How often would you want to call you sons?? Would it be acceptable to want to find out how their day went at school?? I'll bet you'd miss all those bedtime stories and hugs goodnight. You might try and say the situations aren't the same because this man has not made a consistent effort to maintain communication, but I suggest looking forward and not back.

 

[lindakmonty]

What does their custody/parenting plan agreement say?

You can have it rewritten to include calling hours and days, a friend of mine had to do it for her daughter and ex. It's taken the guessing out of it with there being a set time.

exactly! I believe ours says he may call once a week... but he doesn't.

 

[JadenLayne]

I think the best idea is for the father to get his son a cell phone!

If my son wasn't with me I would call him every single day and to hell with who I was inconveinencing. Just being honest.......the little boy is number 1!

 

[bumbershoot]

Also, stop and consider how you would feel if your wife and you ever divorce. How often would you want to call you sons?? Would it be acceptable to want to find out how their day went at school?? I'll bet you'd miss all those bedtime stories and hugs goodnight. You might try and say the situations aren't the same because this man has not made a consistent effort to maintain communication, but I suggest looking forward and not back.

That is an excellent way to look at it.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

People really write this stuff into their custody agreements? Once a week??!!?? What happens if he would call more than once a week?

Sorry I am just amazed. I never heard of such a thing.

 

[kribit]

It "is" his son. At least he's making an effort to keep a relationship with his little boy.

 

[lindakmonty]

People really write this stuff into their custody agreements? Once a week??!!?? What happens if he would call more than once a week?

Sorry I am just amazed. I never heard of such a thing.

it's not in the custody agreement, it is in the local rules written by the court that basically says if you can't agree...use these guidelines

 

[Imzadi]

Last night, my wife was taking a CPR class. Her phone rang 3 times in 30 minutes, 3 voicemails. By the time she got home, my step-son was asleep. Of course, she got the email.

Not flaming, but this is a big part of the story we've been missing. In this particular instance, the father called his son during waking hours to speak to him. DW didn't call him back & if/when she did, the son was asleep so he never got to talk to him.

How many other times has this incidence been repeated? Can you see why the father may be frustrated too? (Just trying to show you his side of things. )

I am suggesting what someone else already mentioned, give the SON his own cellphone so the father can call him directly. (Get on some family plan.) The father, right now, is being held hostage to when DW allows him to talk to his son. If she's too busy, he doesn't get to talk to his son. He may be demanding an explanation to make sure she isnt puropsely trying to keep them apart.

This way, if the son doesn't call back or says he's busy at that moment & will talk later, it's between the father & the son. Unless the son doesn't want to talk to his father that much or if the father starts calling him 3 times in a couple of hours and hounding him, requiring adult intervention, stay out of it & leave them to work it out & find their own rhythm.

But Do set a certain time the father can call each day. Since he calls EVERY day, why can't you set the time the day before, when to expect his call the next day? And make it clear if he calls outside of those times, DS may not be available.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

it's not in the custody agreement, it is in the local rules written by the court that basically says if you can't agree...use these guidelines

Ahh gotcha. I didn't know there were rules like that.

 

[lesroi]

Last night, my wife was taking a CPR class. Her phone rang 3 times in 30 minutes, 3 voicemails. By the time she got home, my step-son was asleep. Of course, she got the email.

But don't you think that is part of the price you pay for not either getting your stepson his OWN phone or having a landline where his father can contact him? If you choose to carry a phone, you're gonna have to expect it to ring, lol.

It almost seems like the both of you are trying to keep him from having contact with his Dad. I am sure that isn't the case!

I have to admit though, with small children in the house, I actually find it a little irresponsible not to have a landline.

Tracy

 

[mirthmaiden]

He gets peeved if we don't answer.

So?

I call my kids every day when they're with their dad, which is why I bought a cellphone specifically for that purpose. The kids keep it and I pay for it. I tell them the day before approximately what time I'm going to call so they will be expecting me.

Your stepson is only 6 - not old enough to be in control of his own cellphone. But if his dad wants to call him every day, maybe he should get DS a tracfone, pay for it himself, and you should agree on the best time to call.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

yeah, a cell phone just for Father/Son communication may be the solution.

I don't know that I'd get a prepaid - those really aren't made for chatting.

Free mobile to mobile minutes would be an excellent idea. If the Father has a cell phone, he can probably add a line for around $12 a month with taxes.

 

[Magickndm]

I still like the idea of calling at bedtime.

But, maybe this is not the best time for the dad. When you step into the world of blended families, you need to be flexible. Go to Target, buy one of those pay-as-you-go Verizon phones for your son, step son, whatever you call him, they come with quite a few minutes of call time, then ask the dad if he'd be willing to buy more minutes as these run out. Hopefully he will, but even if he's not, the rates are reasonable. Tell the dad that you will leave it on most of the time, and if for some reason he can't get his son, leave a message and he will call him back as soon as possible.
On second thought, have your wife do all of this. Believe me, as a divorced parent, nothing chaps my butt more than having my ex's wife call me and tell me what's going to happen.

 

[phorsenuf]

It's all still new to us. Like I said, he never called his son before about a month ago. He was calling every other night, so she wasn't expecting his call.

But that's a good idea. If she's not at home or I'm with him, he could just call my cell.
I still like the idea of calling at bedtime.

I don't think this is a good idea at all. If you are so annoyed by him calling your wifes phone all the time do you really want him calling you all the time? Doubtful.

Best solution for your sake would be to spring for a prepaid cell phone for him. Or split it with the dad. If he goes over his minutes in the month and dad wants to keep talking with him he can add the minutes. I think that would be the best solution all around, don't you?

 

[Agent Provocateur]

Would it really be difficult to speak to the father and set up a prearranged time, or to discuss getting the son his own phone? It doesn't sound like you'd have any problems getting in touch with him.

 

[BelleBoo&AmisMum]

People really write this stuff into their custody agreements? Once a week??!!?? What happens if he would call more than once a week?

Sorry I am just amazed. I never heard of such a thing.

I think it really depends on the situation on what all is in there.

I know with my friend she finally had to put in there because her ex was calling 30+ times a day and their DD didn't want to talk to him!

I remember looking through her parenting plan and being amazed at how much was in there. They have it down to two hour windows for most stuff because he has a history of not showing or showing up really late.

 

[lindakmonty]

I think it really depends on the situation on what all is in there.

I know with my friend she finally had to put in there because her ex was calling 30+ times a day and their DD didn't want to talk to him!

I remember looking through her parenting plan and being amazed at how much was in there. They have it down to two hour windows for most stuff because he has a history of not showing or showing up really late.

oh yeah! ours says you can be 30 minutes late, if past that, you forfeit the entire visitation, end of story. 30x's a day...that is obviously excessive!! You can always go back and make changes too. Sounds like what they did. Usually you use the local rules and you can make "additions" to that. Like my ex wanted to change the hours, instead of picking him up every other TH night for a night visit, he didn't want that at all, and instead of Th-Sun 6-6...he wanted Fri @7 to Sun @6...or if he was working out of town...picking him up on Sat @9am... but he had to notify me a week in advance...so it can work out...you just have to communicate

 

[poohandwendy]

I can think of NO downside to a non-custodial parent wanting to communicate with their child every day. I screams 'I care about you". Sorry, no sympathy here.

It's your problem that he is 'bothering' you and your wife with calls to her cell phone. Get your step son a cell phone.

 

[PoohJen]

I work long hours, and DH is home with the kids. I call the kids several times a day, whether Dad or DS14 is home with them, just because I am thinking about them.

I wonder if people's reaction to my calls would be different if DH and I were divorced, and he were the custodial parent?

I do understand how it could feel like a hassle, when you are out, but Junior can say "hi Dad, we're out to dinner, can I call you later tonight?"

I bet Dad and Junior will eventually settle into some sort of routine. Good luck

 

[boomhauer]

I don't think this is a good idea at all. If you are so annoyed by him calling your wifes phone all the time do you really want him calling you all the time? Doubtful.

I'm not annoyed that he's calling. I think it's great. He should call his son. What I find annoying are the constant voicemails and emails asking where we are and why we didn't answer the phone.

I think setting up a pre-arranged time for him (or my step-son) to call makes the most sense.

As for getting him his own cellphone - HUGE mistake. He'd lose it the first day he had it.