Non-custodial parent phone calls to children

[Toby'sFriend]

As for getting him his own cellphone - HUGE mistake. He'd lose it the first day he had it.

He doesn't have to carry the phone around with him all the time. Just keep it at the house for him --- like his own dedicated phone line.

 

[boomhauer]

I do understand how it could feel like a hassle, when you are out, but Junior can say "hi Dad, we're out to dinner, can I call you later tonight?"

You know, I didn't want to get into this as some will just call it an excuse, but we've tried that. We'll answer the phone when we're out doing something, my step-son will say that, and his father will keep on talking. Almost as if he is doing it on purpose to try and annoy us.

Not by any means saying that he's calling his son to annoy us. I don't think that at all. Let me repest, I do NOT think that at all. Just saying, it seems like common sense that if we're out doing something, he would just say "OK, give me a call when you get home."

 

[ilovejack02]

Of course we have joint custody.. well we did lol, our big boy is off to college now, so its a tad different situation i guess. We could call anytime and several times a day if need be and same went for his mom. Sometimes she would call once .. of if she wanted to tell him something else, she might would call a cpl times a day. We never ever got annoyed and neither did she.

THis is a totally new thing for you all and I can imagine it is a bother, but if this guy is even half way decent it is much better for him to be in his kids life than not.
I agree with his own phone, you could get one of those prepaid cell phone and just keep it at the house for him and let bio dad use that line unless he has to talk to mom about something.

 

[boomhauer]

He doesn't have to carry the phone around with him all the time. Just keep it at the house for him --- like his own dedicated phone line.

What about when we're out?

 

[illuminati]

I must be boring because you seems to be always out doing something.

 

[phorsenuf]

I'm not annoyed that he's calling. I think it's great. He should call his son. What I find annoying are the constant voicemails and emails asking where we are and why we didn't answer the phone.

I think setting up a pre-arranged time for him (or my step-son) to call makes the most sense.

As for getting him his own cellphone - HUGE mistake. He'd lose it the first day he had it.

I'm sorry to laugh but I knew, just knew you were going to come back and argue about the best possible solution to the problem. That's just how it seems to go.

Get the phone, have him keep it at home, have the dad call that phone and if the son is home and available to talk he will answer. Tell the dad if he doesn't answer its because he's out somewhere and unable to talk at that time. Can't get any easier than that!

 

[ilovejack02]

What about when we're out?

well you can choose to bring it or tell ex if no one answers it means DS isnt home and to leave a message.

 

[solferino]

What about when we're out?

You or DW can hold onto it. They're not that big.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

It doesn't matter what we say or what we suggest there will always been an excuse.

 

[mirthmaiden]

You or DW can hold onto it. They're not that big.

Yeah, or even better ... get junior one of those Bluetooth clip-behind-the-ear things.

 

[jen0610]

I am not divorced but I do understand your situation. One of my closest friends is going thru almost the very same thing, except her ex always had good phone contact with his kids.

They have their landline and cell phones, her and DH, plus both kids 15 and 11 each have their own. They set the kids up with their own personel e-mail accounts as well. The EX use to work 3rd shift and for years (a little over 5 years), he would get up around 8:30 in the evening and call the kids before getting ready to leave for work and them going to bed. Even on the weekends he didn't have them, they kept the same call time. She would call the kids at this time, when he would have them for his visitation.

Fastforward to six months ago. He changes jobs and is now on first shift. Both kids are active in sports during the summer as well as the school year and the 15 year old works at their church's nursery/day care center after school and during the summer months. As soon as his hours changed, he started calling them when he left work, 4 p.m.. If neither of the kids answers their cells or the home phone, he is calling her at work...where are the kids, they didn't answer my calls. If he gets her voicemail at work, he called her cell. If still getting VM, he'd call her DH's cell number. If he didn't get a hold of any one by the time he got home, he would start sending e-mail messages to all of them, including her e-mail at work, as well as continuing to call all their numbers. There would be times that he was calling from his landline, texting, and sending an e-mail all at the same time, with the same demand - WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY ISN'T SOMEONE RESPONDING TO HIM.

She has told him, call and if no one answers, leave a message and someone will get back to you as soon as they can. Calling or e-mailing every five minutes doesn't get you a return call any quicker, because we don't always have immediate access to the phones or e-mails. The 15yr old can't have her cell phone on her at the daycare center. The 11yr old can't have his cell phone on him at ball practice.

The worst case was when her grandmother passed away. He was told that she had passed and that they would be at the funeral home Thursday night, all day Friday, and busy with the actual burial and services on Saturday. Told him the kids and DH would not have their cells on them, but she would have hers in her purse, turned on but with the ringer off. If he needed to reach them, just leave them a short message and they would get back to him when they could. He showed up Thursday for the funeral and was nice as nice could be. Friday night when she checked her cell, from 4 o'clock on, he had call every 15 minutes until 9 o'clock, she got the messages around 9:30. As a family, they had gone to get something to eat and she just never checked her phone, when they left the funeral home. They called him as soon as they saw he called. He was out and couldn't talk, said he'd call them the next day. The 15yr old reminded him that they would be out all day and that they would be leaving the house around 8 in the morning and that she or her brother would call in the morning before they left. Told her not to call, as that would be to early. Around noon, the calls started. And not just to her cell, but her DH's and the kids cells, as well as the home phone. Plus, text messages and e-mails. Around 2, my friends neice came up to her and told her that something in her purse would beep every once in awhile. She went and checked and she has 20+ messages from him. She gave the 15yr old the phone to call her dad. According to him, he just wanted to make sure the kids were doing ok. When they finally got home, they had over 30 messages on the landline and 30 e-mails - where are you and are you doing ok. She was beyond seeing red. The kids called their dad, and he was getting ready to go out, so he didn't have time to talk, he'd call them the next day. Any guess as to when he called......around 10:30, while they were in church.

The kids have ASKED him to go back to calling at 8:30 like he use to, that they had always looked forward to this time. But now that he's working normal hours, that doesn't work for him. He's not always home at that time, he needs to be able to get in touch with them at his convience. As the 15yr old him, well dad I don't know what to tell ya, because when it's a convience for YOU, it's not for me or her brother. Sorry we have to fit into your convience to talk to you. And it's not gotten any better. They have been saving every e-mail, they get detailed cell phone bills and they keep a log of the landline calls.

So I do understand your fustrations. Like my friend has stated, I'm glad he wants to be in touch, but this is over kill. And they kids are getting to a point where they could careless if they talk to their dad.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

You know, I didn't want to get into this as some will just call it an excuse, but we've tried that. We'll answer the phone when we're out doing something, my step-son will say that, and his father will keep on talking. Almost as if he is doing it on purpose to try and annoy us.

Not by any means saying that he's calling his son to annoy us. I don't think that at all. Let me repest, I do NOT think that at all. Just saying, it seems like common sense that if we're out doing something, he would just say "OK, give me a call when you get home."

If you don't think it, then why did you mention it?? Feel free to continue to ignore me though since I'm not siding with you.

 

[boomhauer]

It doesn't matter what we say or what we suggest there will always been an excuse.

I've actually graciously accepted many of the suggestions given here.

I think the issue is, no matter what I say, there will always be some who get their rocks off on disagreeing with me.

 

[boomhauer]

If you don't think it, then why did you mention it?? Feel free to continue to ignore me though since I'm not siding with you.

I'm ignoring you because you've already made up your mind about me, you're being judgemental and just downright rude.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think setting up a pre-arranged time for him (or my step-son) to call makes the most sense.

I want you to walk into your darling little infants room and tell yourself that it is ok for you to only talk to them once per day at a prearranged time. Like how about only bedtime? Because it's inconvenient to their mom and step father.

There is not a roll-eye smilie large enough for this thread.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I've actually graciously accepted many of the suggestions given here.

I think the issue is, no matter what I say, there will always be some who get their rocks off on disagreeing with me.

Yeah, you're my cheap thrill of the day.

 

[boomhauer]

I'm sorry to laugh but I knew, just knew you were going to come back and argue about the best possible solution to the problem. That's just how it seems to go.

What am I arguing? I think there have been some great ideas on here. I just don't think getting him his own cell phone is one of them.

 

[phorsenuf]

I've actually graciously accepted many of the suggestions given here.

I think the issue is, no matter what I say, there will always be some who get their rocks off on disagreeing with me.

It seems the majority of us here suggested the cell phone, which is the best solution, yet you had to find fault with that. Its not hard to figure out that either he leaves it at home or if you go out one of you carry it.

Do you not think this is the best solution to the problem?

ETA: Apparantly not.

 

[mm_ja]

Your step son's dad isnt Alec baldwin is it?

Note to self: Wait until the youngest turns 18 to get a divorce. Otherwise too many details to remember.

Mom, Dad let me just take this opportunity to say my hats off to you two. You guys got divorced when I was 8 and I dont remember a single issue with phone calls visitation or anything like that. If mom wanted to see me on Tuesday afternoon, she came over after work and got me. If she wanted me to stay with her for two weeks, I packed enough clothes to last two weeks. If dad had to go out of town unexpected I stayed with my mom. You two always got along, excepet for that time dad yelled at you when you showed up at the house with the guy you had an affair with. He never said so, but I am sure he feels bad about that.

Back on topic, divorce bad, set calling times good and a cell phone for the little guy good..

 

[boomhauer]

I want you to walk into your darling little infants room and tell yourself that it is ok for you to only talk to them once per day at a prearranged time. Like how about only bedtime? Because it's inconvenient to their mom and step father.

There is not a roll-eye smilie large enough for this thread.

As I well know, in these situation, that's just how it goes. That's why courts make these decisions for you.

What can I say? No matter how I presented this ever-so-little issue, there would be some who would read it the wrong way.