Need thoughts on 7 year old 2nd grader behavior problem(long~sorry)

[Hannathy]

I do find 'hiding under a desk' to be very untypical of not only him, but any 7 year old boy. Very uncharacteristic of Ben. I just asked him about it, and his response was,"What, it's funny."

Well I hope you told him in no uncertain terms that is isn't funny and he is never to do it again!!! I would have added under penalty of death.

That right there tells me he is still trying to be the class clown and he has a good idea of what he is doing and is doing it on purpose.

He and I and his Father would be having a come to Jesus meeting around the Kitchen table.

 

[LisaR]

Just to clarify a couple of points:

He was evaluated by a neuropsych to have him tested for learning disabilities *only*. It became apparent by the beginning of grade 1 he was having trouble learning to read. Because of insurance issues, as well as a long wait to be evaluated,he was not seen until December. He was NOT having behavior problems.

In February of this year(grade 2) it was brought to my attention that Ben was having 'minor' behavior issues in his regular class. There was NO mention of any behavior issues in his specials(art, music, computers, health, or gym). The adverse behaviors consisted of mostly trying to get his friends to laugh at him when he shouldn't. Basically he was being the class clown. It was addressed right away, and as far as I knew it had decreased.

The end of March is when I got his progress report home with the unsatisfactory comments under the effort column in art and music *only*. There were little to no remarks from his regular classroom teacher regarding inappropriate regular class behavior.

Any 'behavior issues' up to this point, were extremely manageable, fell within the scope of typical behavior of a 7 year old kid. I do find 'hiding under a desk' to be very untypical of not only him, but any 7 year old boy. Very uncharacteristic of Ben. I just asked him about it, and his response was,"What, it's funny."

I was in contact with his doctor regarding the length of time waiting for his report. He told me to expect 6-8 weeks. Well, it's almost 16. His response was that it was a very rough winter for him, and he was very ill.

His reading tutor has advised me to request in writing a formal eval from the school, which I plan on doing.

Thanks for clarifying!


Is he struggling academically in his core classes?

 

[goofy!]

His reading tutor has advised me to request in writing a formal eval from the school, which I plan on doing.

Excellent. Make sure they do a full evaluation including all disciplines, including the psychologist, the speech/language therapist, the social worker, etc.

Don't fret if the evaluation isn't scheduled till the start of next year. It usually takes schools awhile to get on their schedule.

The earlier you catch things and intervene (if he has a learning disability), the better off your son will be.

 

[cornflake]

I don't think 7 is young for second, I know a couple kids who will be just 7 or turning 7 in secondl. It depends on the kid; some are older some younger, I don't think that's abnormally young or anything.

In February of this year(grade 2) it was brought to my attention that Ben was having 'minor' behavior issues in his regular class. There was NO mention of any behavior issues in his specials(art, music, computers, health, or gym). The adverse behaviors consisted of mostly trying to get his friends to laugh at him when he shouldn't. Basically he was being the class clown. It was addressed right away, and as far as I knew it had decreased.

The end of March is when I got his progress report home with the unsatisfactory comments under the effort column in art and music *only*. There were little to no remarks from his regular classroom teacher regarding inappropriate regular class behavior.

Any 'behavior issues' up to this point, were extremely manageable, fell within the scope of typical behavior of a 7 year old kid. I do find 'hiding under a desk' to be very untypical of not only him, but any 7 year old boy. Very uncharacteristic of Ben. I just asked him about it, and his response was,"What, it's funny."

I think that just may be some communication issue - it sounds like it's possible (I don't know actually what happened, just speculating) that the teachers had discussed the behavioural issues and when it wasn't again discussed with you, you had thought it was contained to that class and resolved.

They, however, seem to have seen it in all classes and escalating.

What did he say when you've discussed his behaviours with him before? Like, if you've addressed disrupting the class, not paying attention, the importance of going to his seat when told, listening when someone else (the teacher or whomever) is speaking, etc.? Because of the class clown stuff with the teacher from the regular class I'm thinking this may have come up.

 

[sookie]

Just to clarify a couple of points:

He was evaluated by a neuropsych to have him tested for learning disabilities *only*. It became apparent by the beginning of grade 1 he was having trouble learning to read. Because of insurance issues, as well as a long wait to be evaluated,he was not seen until December. He was NOT having behavior problems.
You can still get the eval from the school. The longer kids with learning disabilities go without intervention, the more this sort of behavior occurs.
In February of this year(grade 2) it was brought to my attention that Ben was having 'minor' behavior issues in his regular class. There was NO mention of any behavior issues in his specials(art, music, computers, health, or gym). The adverse behaviors consisted of mostly trying to get his friends to laugh at him when he shouldn't. Basically he was being the class clown. It was addressed right away, and as far as I knew it had decreased.
That is still not OK. don't justify it as being the "class clown". He is disrupting the class.
The end of March is when I got his progress report home with the unsatisfactory comments under the effort column in art and music *only*. There were little to no remarks from his regular classroom teacher regarding inappropriate regular class behavior.
Have you addressed this with her?

Any 'behavior issues' up to this point, were extremely manageable, fell within the scope of typical behavior of a 7 year old kid. I do find 'hiding under a desk' to be very untypical of not only him, but any 7 year old boy. Very uncharacteristic of Ben. I just asked him about it, and his response was,"What, it's funny."
And it gets him attention. Not OK. Don't justify it like he is - that he just wanted to be funny.

I was in contact with his doctor regarding the length of time waiting for his report. He told me to expect 6-8 weeks. Well, it's almost 16. His response was that it was a very rough winter for him, and he was very ill.
Doesn't matter, and I can bet that he has already billed and been paid for his services. Unacceptable. If it hasn't been documented now, then whatever he documents is probably not correct. That is not a reasonable amount of time. A month or greater is unacceptable, honestly.
His reading tutor has advised me to request in writing a formal eval from the school, which I plan on doing.

Why hasn't this already been done? It will take you two seconds to write the letter. You probably spent more time crafting your original post. It will take HALF of the amount of time to write a simple letter to ask for testing.

I just don't understand how you are asking for advice and then you are now justifying this! It is crummy behavior, but by accepting the responsibility for your kid and taking action you can deal with this. But blaming the teachers and justifying this as a personality trait (class clown) is only doing your child a disservice. Follow through on getting the neuropsych report, do behavior management at home, and ask for testing! At this point, you could be looking at NEXT YEAR before he gets evaluated. Is that what you want? I'm thinking NO! You should have been doing this back when you scheduled with neuropsych. Ask for the full evaluation from the school and go from there.
if there was a brick wall smilie i would use it.

 

[badblackpug]

When is his birthday? 7 This far into second grade is young. He may just be too young/ immature, and it hasn't been an issue until now because his classmates have settled down while he hasn't. Perhaps he should stay back. If this is the issue, it will only get harder as he gets older and especially in middle school. My son has a classmate in 6th grade that is 10. That is a 2+ year gap and he is becoming a nuisance to all the kids. His younger brother is also starting to have this problem and he turned 8 at the beginning of 3rd grade.

I thought the emails were very detailed and thoughtful.

Actually he is on target, age-wise, as long as he will be turning 8 before Sept. 1st. It is a trend over the last several years for parents to hold their children back so that they are a year older than their class, but my most school standards the cut-off date is Sept. 1st.

Just to clarify a couple of points:

He was evaluated by a neuropsych to have him tested for learning disabilities *only*. It became apparent by the beginning of grade 1 he was having trouble learning to read. Because of insurance issues, as well as a long wait to be evaluated,he was not seen until December. He was NOT having behavior problems.

In February of this year(grade 2) it was brought to my attention that Ben was having 'minor' behavior issues in his regular class. There was NO mention of any behavior issues in his specials(art, music, computers, health, or gym). The adverse behaviors consisted of mostly trying to get his friends to laugh at him when he shouldn't. Basically he was being the class clown. It was addressed right away, and as far as I knew it had decreased.

The end of March is when I got his progress report home with the unsatisfactory comments under the effort column in art and music *only*. There were little to no remarks from his regular classroom teacher regarding inappropriate regular class behavior.

Any 'behavior issues' up to this point, were extremely manageable, fell within the scope of typical behavior of a 7 year old kid. I do find 'hiding under a desk' to be very untypical of not only him, but any 7 year old boy. Very uncharacteristic of Ben. I just asked him about it, and his response was,"What, it's funny."

I was in contact with his doctor regarding the length of time waiting for his report. He told me to expect 6-8 weeks. Well, it's almost 16. His response was that it was a very rough winter for him, and he was very ill.

His reading tutor has advised me to request in writing a formal eval from the school, which I plan on doing.

Just a few thoughts...

How does he get along with the rest of the kids in the class? Does he make friends easily? Does he have friends? Is there any teasing?

I ask this because my step-daughter, at one point was being teased by the other girls and she adopted the role of class show-off as the way to get attention and approval from the other students.

How often does he have art and music? Could you do a behavior chart? What are his likes? Could you ask the teachers to give you say a weekly email progress report on his behavior and make a "good" report necessary to earn/keep a certain privilege like video games, or TV time?

 

[Shelly888]

Thanks for clarifying!


Is he struggling academically in his core classes?

Yes he is. As I stated in my original post he has been struggling with language based work since starting school.

I think that just may be some communication issue - it sounds like it's possible (I don't know actually what happened, just speculating) that the teachers had discussed the behavioural issues and when it wasn't again discussed with you, you had thought it was contained to that class and resolved.

They, however, seem to have seen it in all classes and escalating.

What did he say when you've discussed his behaviours with him before? Like, if you've addressed disrupting the class, not paying attention, the importance of going to his seat when told, listening when someone else (the teacher or whomever) is speaking, etc.? Because of the class clown stuff with the teacher from the regular class I'm thinking this may have come up.

I do believe it was a communication issue, but if the issues are as severe as everyone in the post has said, and I am not disagreeing that they aren't, then I should have been made aware of this. A 60 second email could have been written at any point in which either specials teacher needed additional support from home. We are supposed to be a team, but Ben was being rewarded for what I thought was improved behavior since I didn't hear otherwise.

 

[Tiger926]

Just to clarify a couple of points:

He was evaluated by a neuropsych to have him tested for learning disabilities *only*. It became apparent by the beginning of grade 1 he was having trouble learning to read. Because of insurance issues, as well as a long wait to be evaluated,he was not seen until December. He was NOT having behavior problems.

In February of this year(grade 2) it was brought to my attention that Ben was having 'minor' behavior issues in his regular class. There was NO mention of any behavior issues in his specials(art, music, computers, health, or gym). The adverse behaviors consisted of mostly trying to get his friends to laugh at him when he shouldn't. Basically he was being the class clown. It was addressed right away, and as far as I knew it had decreased.

The end of March is when I got his progress report home with the unsatisfactory comments under the effort column in art and music *only*. There were little to no remarks from his regular classroom teacher regarding inappropriate regular class behavior.

Any 'behavior issues' up to this point, were extremely manageable, fell within the scope of typical behavior of a 7 year old kid. I do find 'hiding under a desk' to be very untypical of not only him, but any 7 year old boy. Very uncharacteristic of Ben. I just asked him about it, and his response was,"What, it's funny."

I was in contact with his doctor regarding the length of time waiting for his report. He told me to expect 6-8 weeks. Well, it's almost 16. His response was that it was a very rough winter for him, and he was very ill.

His reading tutor has advised me to request in writing a formal eval from the school, which I plan on doing.

Here are a few thoughts:

1. Kids with learning disabilities frequently exhibit behaviour issues. If they can't hear, read or process their work, they usually manifest that with a behaviour challenge. He is exhibiting problematic behaviour issues now, so that is what is important. You have told us that he was having trouble reading - I can tell you that as a Spec Ed English teacher, most of my students struggle to read, and with that comes behaviour issues of some kind.

2. Special classes require a different set of learning expectations, as well as learning skills and even mark sets. If he struggles to read words, he may struggle to read music. I'm sure music is a challenge due to learning an instrument, reading music, etc. Around here, learning challenged kids are pretty much exempt from French classes for this reason.

3. You need to contact neuropsych and get the results ASAP.

Good luck in getting this sorted out, Tiger

 

[Shelly888]

Actually he is on target, age-wise, as long as he will be turning 8 before Sept. 1st. It is a trend over the last several years for parents to hold their children back so that they are a year older than their class, but my most school standards the cut-off date is Sept. 1st.



Just a few thoughts...

How does he get along with the rest of the kids in the class? Does he make friends easily? Does he have friends? Is there any teasing?

I ask this because my step-daughter, at one point was being teased by the other girls and she adopted the class show-off as the way to get attention and approval from the other students.

How often does he have art and music? Could you do a behavior chart? What are his likes? Could you ask the teachers to give you say a weekly email progress report on his behavior and make a "good" report necessary to earn/keep a certain privilege like video games, or TV time?

Yes, I do think he gets teased. He is a chubbier kid, and he has told me that kids on the bus have told him they "won't be friends with fat kids". I don't know to what degree, and I know he does have a few friends. I notice when I pick him up maybe 5 other boys will reach up high 5 him, and say bye. I do think it could be partially a defense mechanism for him to cope with the teasing.

 

[Shelly888]

Here are a few thoughts:

1. Kids with learning disabilities frequently exhibit behaviour issues. If they can't hear, read or process their work, they usually manifest that with a behaviour challenge. He is exhibiting problematic behaviour issues now, so that is what is important. You have told us that he was having trouble reading - I can tell you that as a Spec Ed English teacher, most of my students struggle to read, and with that comes behaviour issues of some kind.

2. Special classes require a different set of learning expectations, as well as learning skills and even mark sets. If he struggles to read words, he may struggle to read music. I'm sure music is a challenge due to learning an instrument, reading music, etc. Around here, learning challenged kids are pretty much exempt from French classes for this reason.

3. You need to contact neuropsych and get the results ASAP.

Good luck in getting this sorted out, Tiger

Tiger, thanks so very much for all of your insightful, and caring responses and trying to give me ideas to help Ben. This country needs more teachers like you!!! SO thank you, you must *rock* as a teacher.

 

[cornflake]

How did you respond to "what, it's funny,' or to his previous behaviour issues?

You said he was being rewarded because you thought he'd improved; what plans or strategies or whatever had you used to deal with it?

Honestly, that's a pretty flippant answer from my perspective too; it'd have gotten my ire up.

 

[badblackpug]

Yes, I do think he gets teased. He is a chubbier kid, and he has told me that kids on the bus have told him they "won't be friends with fat kids". I don't know to what degree, and I know he does have a few friends. I notice when I pick him up maybe 5 other boys will reach up high 5 him, and say bye. I do think it could be partially a defense mechanism for him to cope with the teasing.

Yep! My stepdaughter was the chubby kid, too. Same thing. They teased her on the playground and called her "Jenny Craig." She did the whole clown thing because when she acted up the kids laughed, and in her elementary school brain she took that as acceptance

... and I now fully expect everyone to jump on the "what are you doing about his/her weight/ it's your fault he/she is fat and getting teased" bandwagon.
...be prepared OP... BTW I am no longer married to her father...

Anyway... what we did was we made the privilege of watching TV (because that was BIG thing with her) contingent on receiving good reports from school. Say, if we got a bad report from school, she lost her privilege to watch TV and she had to earn that privilege back by getting a good report. In addition, if she had a full month with good reports then we did something special, but we didn't plan it or let her know about it ahead of time. We acted like it was spur of the moment... like "We just noticed you have had a whole month of good reports... we think as a reward we will go to Six Flags tomorrow and you can invite a friend."

You just have to find your kids currency. For my kids for my 14 year old daughter it would definitely be her cell phone. With my 11 year old son it would be video games.

 

[Shelly888]

Ben sounds like a very sweet, energetic boy, who needs much more attention than is currently possible in a classroom setting.

It sounds like you aren't aware that a music and art teacher would either see every student in a building or might even be in different buildings. The regular teacher is the one that communicates with the parents. The regular teacher, depending on the district, could have 20-30+ students. My friend, an elementary music teacher, sees over 600 students over the course of the week. The music or art teacher talks to the regular teacher when she comes to pick them up. If your child is a frequent topic of conversation when they only have 30 seconds, that is not a good sign. The regular teacher then communicates to you about ongoing behavior, which you said she did. Sometimes kids can hold it together in one class (behavior improves), but going to a class they only visit once or twice a week is more difficult.

And please don't make excuses for him about his disruptive behavior being because he possibly has dyslexia. Unless things have changed since my children were in 2nd grade, students aren't expected to read in music or art. By all means, ask the school to evaluate him. Something is going on, but don't let him think that you will make excuses for his behavior. What I read in those emails were teachers that put a lot of time into writing thoughtful, helpful emails. I did not see any negativity at all. The fact that these teachers, who probably have at least 500 students each, knew exactly who your child was and could list ways they had tried to help him was very enlightening.

I do NOT make excuses for my children. I offer explanations as to why certain behaviors may be occurring. It by NO means means I am excusing the behaviors. Just trying to explain it, as to finding the correct solution to the problem. In this case his behavior.

If my grandmother goes to her physician for a cough, her treatment will be very different depending on the cause of her cough. If it's pneumonia, she will be given an antibiotic, cough syrup, and told to rest some. If she has a cough due to cardiac issues, again, maybe her diuretic will be increased, maybe a different cardiac med, change to her diet to decrease salt intake, etc.

I am trying to find the reason for his behavior problems. If it is ADHD, then the "plan of correction" will be totally different than if it's because he has aspergers(or dyslexia etc)

It is very well known in the scientific community that many, maybe most, children with learning disabilities(differences) DO act out behavior wise. Many times the child is actually evaluated for the behavior *first*. It is not until after the eval that it is found that the child actually is struggling in some other way. Fix the problem and the symptoms should decrease. At that point, it seems much more reasonable to continue working on correcting the then minor issues.

 

[Shelly888]

How did you respond to "what, it's funny,' or to his previous behaviour issues?

You said he was being rewarded because you thought he'd improved; what plans or strategies or whatever had you used to deal with it?

Honestly, that's a pretty flippant answer from my perspective too; it'd have gotten my ire up.

When we got the original notice that Ben's behavior was far from stellar, we removed ALL privileges that day. There was no TV or computer time for at least 3 weeks, maybe 4. So it wasn't as if he was being rewarded for the improved behaviors, but the reigns were certainly loosened on being able to partake in watching some tv or using the computer. He was improving, and he was then able to have a few luxuries at home.

He knows that those aren't his inherent rights, and that under no certain terms can be taken away at any time. It has worked wonders up to now. If he becomes stubborn over something, all I have to say is Ben, I am going to ask you one time...the choice is yours, but if you make a poor choice, your priviledges are gone. And, he complies.

Yeah, the whole table thing irked me! He knows better. He said it was him and 2 other boys. I'm not sure who is the "ring leader", but it sounds like maybe the 3 of them are having a grand ole time. I could be wrong as I am not there, and I know it would be far off base for either teacher to discuss another child with me.

I think the issue that it had not been discussed with me is what bothers me most. Here we are thinking everything was "okay" and it was far from it. It would not have mattered if the email came from his regular teacher or his specials teacher. But please, for heaven's sake, keep me informed.

 

[torinsmom]

I would be calling the neuropsych and letting him know you want the report by the end of the week or you want your money back. That is totally ridiculous! At this point in the year, our school is not even doing new evaluations, so it will probably be next year before you can get him evaluated there. I would want answers now, so you can plan for next year. And on that note, writing a letter will not guarantee he will be evaluated. The team just has to meet to consider your request. Hopefully, if his teacher is seeing the problems(academic and behavioral), she will be able to provide input and it will be a pretty easy sell. If you get the neuropsych eval, and it doesn't show anything, I wouldn't even let the school know it was done. I think there is supposed to be at least 12 months between some tests to make them valid(a SpEd teacher can correct me if I'm wrong) They may refuse to test if they know he had testing in December.

IMHO, you have to decide if you are going to excuse the behavior or meet with the teacher to figure out some new strategies for the rest of the year. Because, yes, if your relative had a cough, the treatment would be different depending on the cause, but the cough would be treated in either case, right? You can't let him keep misbehaving like he is, and you can't ignore it until you get some kind of test results. I have had numerous kids who acted silly and inappropriate like this. The ones whose parents worked with me improved. OTOH, one of mine moved up to 1st grade and is having the same problems. The parents are still in denial and blame everything on the teacher, other students, etc. Same situation, different year. I feel sorry for that child, because he is growing up thinking he isn't responsible for his own actions.

 

[BrerMom]

Let me preface this by saying that I in no way think I have an angelic child. I understand he can be difficult at times, but with a little patience, kindness, and love he is a good kid.

Report cards came home on Friday. I had been in contact with his regular teacher. She had been out on maternity leave until January, so she was just getting to know him. She was having issues with him trying to make his friends laugh at inappropriate times, trouble staying on task, etc. We had a conference, removed most privileges at home, and really cracked down. Things had improved.

Not so good words on his report from art and music class of all things. CLass behaviors had improved. I had only very minor behavior issues before this year. I dropped them each a quick email to ask what strategies they were using in their classes to help.

Here is the first response:


Thank you for your email. I appreciate your concerns and your
willingness to help Ben achieve at school. I do not believe that these
issues are just surfacing now, but they are escalating. I am in
contact with his teachers and we are all trying to help Ben control
his behavior and put forth strong effort.

In art class, there is much room for creativity, personal choice, and
socializing/sharing ideas, but Ben's behavior is interfering with
this. He enters the classroom immediately seeking attention (silly
comments, loud noises, banging or rocking his seat) so the first
strategy is to try to ignore it and grab his attention with the
lesson. If Ben's behavior (or anyone else) is disruptive for others
and myself, then I'll either walk his way or mention his name casually
while I'm still introducing the lesson. When I am demonstrating art
methods and techniques at the demonstration/round table, Ben usually
refuses to participate and stays on the other side of the room (or
crawls under the work tables). I encourage him to join us so he knows
what to do and how to do it. This may prompt him or not. When he is at
a work table, his chatter often slows down his work. When there is a
conflict with peers, I'll move someone's seat (so there's no blame -
it's not always one person's fault). However, Ben is usually involved.
I have thought about assigning a seat for him, but I don't want to
single him out that way, and I like the idea of kids working with
different peers. With all of this, I am always encouraging him!

I appreciate your reinforcement of positive behavior with Ben.
Pat

So while I appreciate the comments, it all seems rather negative. I also do not understand what is 'so bad' about giving the kid a little attention if she feels he needs it. I"m not saying to reinforce his negative "attention-seeking behaviors" as she put it. But, if she thinks he needs a little "love" why not? If she spent a few minutes(Maybe 2) early on, it would likely set a positive tone, and change his attitude. He thrives on positive reinforcement, and I am wondering if the negativity is adversely affecting his attitude. Kind of like once you are "the bad kid" it's very hard to get out of that generalization.


ANd, here is the response from his music teacher:

Ben's behavior has continued to be a problem in music class this past term. He is constantly being spoken to in class about his behaviors, and following directions. He sometimes seems to be in his own world, and not paying attention to me, and what is going on in class.
My strategies are to first try and ignore Ben's behaviors, as I assume they are sometimes for attention. When that doesn't work, and he continues to be a distraction I give him reminders about expected behaviors. I try to also point out the role models in the class for him and everyone to follow their behaviors. His peers also try to get him to do the right thing, as he distract them and their learning in class. They also inform me that Ben is not following directions, or doing the right thing. He has even had to sit in my "Take a Rest" chair, similar to a time out, where he will not get to participate in an activity. When this has happened I have pulled Ben aside and talked to him about why he had to sit out, and what it feels like not to participate with his classmates, and how to avoid "taking a rest." Mrs. Oliverio and I are in communication about Ben and his classmates behaviors in music. She is informed at the end of each class.

If you have any suggestions for strategies that work at home, I welcome the suggestions.

Thank you for your time,

Jessica

Again, I feel it's very negative. I understand as a teacher they must love and wish for a quiet class of extremely compliant, folded hands children, that get perfect 100 scores with everything the first time. It makes their job so much easier, but that is not reality. Every child is different, needs different ways of reaching them, and they all have strengths and personalities that need to be nurtured and not constantly beat down.

I am in the process of having him evaluated for learning disabilities as I am confident he has at least mild dyslexia. I have hired a tutor that specializes in dyslexic tutoring and it's going very well. I do think that some of the behaviors stem from the fact that for him, school is hard. He expends quite a bit of mental energy just keeping up, and I imagine it's frustrating when he keeps getting messages from most in his school that he just isn't good enough. Am I even making sense here? I haven't replied back to either specials teacher yet. I have a lot of respect for teachers. I love teachers But, I do think my little guy is getting the shaft.

I do NOT make excuses for my children. I offer explanations as to why certain behaviors may be occurring. It by NO means means I am excusing the behaviors. Just trying to explain it, as to finding the correct solution to the problem. In this case his behavior.

If my grandmother goes to her physician for a cough, her treatment will be very different depending on the cause of her cough. If it's pneumonia, she will be given an antibiotic, cough syrup, and told to rest some. If she has a cough due to cardiac issues, again, maybe her diuretic will be increased, maybe a different cardiac med, change to her diet to decrease salt intake, etc.

I am trying to find the reason for his behavior problems. If it is ADHD, then the "plan of correction" will be totally different than if it's because he has aspergers(or dyslexia etc)

It is very well known in the scientific community that many, maybe most, children with learning disabilities(differences) DO act out behavior wise. Many times the child is actually evaluated for the behavior *first*. It is not until after the eval that it is found that the child actually is struggling in some other way. Fix the problem and the symptoms should decrease. At that point, it seems much more reasonable to continue working on correcting the then minor issues.

You know, I understand more than you think I do. It sounds like he may have some learning issues. Students with learning issues DO have a tendency to act out, partly out of frustration with academics and partly to show their peers where they CAN be successful.

If you think he's getting the shaft, you are too close to the situation. We have the luxury of reading the emails from the teachers and can objectively see that he has some behavior issues that are taking time away from the other students. While this is not acceptable, the trick is finding what makes him choose to stop. And it may be as simple as getting him academic help. In the meantime, when he says things like hiding under the desk is funny, make sure he knows that you don't think it is.

 

[Geoff_M]

I do NOT make excuses for my children. I offer explanations as to why certain behaviors may be occurring. It by NO means means I am excusing the behaviors.

I'm glad to hear you say that you don't actually feel that way, but to be honest that's not the impression you left starting off this thread

Let's rewind a bit...

I understand as a teacher they must love and wish for a quiet class of extremely compliant, folded hands children, that get perfect 100 scores with everything the first time. It makes their job so much easier, but that is not reality. Every child is different, needs different ways of reaching them, and they all have strengths and personalities that need to be nurtured and not constantly beat down.

...

I have a lot of respect for teachers. I love teachers But, I do think my little guy is getting the shaft.

The take-away I think your average person would get from these comments is "Even though I know my child isn't perfect, I think the real problem is the expectations of the teachers are too high and they don't want to make the extra effort to nurture each uniquely gifted child in the manner that helps them best succeed." That's deflecting.

 

[Shelly888]

I don't think I am excusing any behavior...at all. I was obviously very disturbed to hear of the problems that he is having and giving to is teachers. I DO NOT take it lightly AT ALL. I'm not sure why I am giving you that impression.

I emailed each of his 2 teachers about 30 minutes after reading their remarks so I could get to the bottom of it. I can NOT deal with what I don't know about. I wrote them to ask what they have been doing in class to help him stay focused since I had NO idea.

If I wasn't interested, I would have blown them off, basically said they don't know what they are talking about, and left them to their own devices. I am trying to be an active participant in my child's education. I came here to get unbiased opinions on the emails I received, because ,obviously, the bee sting hurts a whole lot more when it's your own arm. No parent wants to hear negative words about their child.

I will go back and reread, but there, from my recollection, was not one positive thing about Ben in either email. I am quite certain, that he must contribute something positive in class.

 

[m3retired]

I do NOT make excuses for my children.
I am trying to find the reason for his behavior problems. If it is ADHD, then the "plan of correction" will be totally different than if it's because he has aspergers(or dyslexia etc)

And what will your plan of action be if there is NOTHING wrong with him? Because, you don't want him to have a medical problem, right? So what will you do when you've exhausted all excuses and all other labels, and it comes down to simply bad behavior because he's been allowed to get away with it? What plan of action will you implement then?

You want to lay this on the teachers, but even other 7 year olds are telling him to stop (the teacher wrote: "His peers also try to get him to do the right thing, as he distract them and their learning in class. They also inform me that Ben is not following directions, or doing the right thing.")

If you don't get him to straighten up now, those 5 kids who are his friends and are high fiving him today, will be the wrong kids you want him to be with when he's 15.

 

[Hannathy]

I wrote them to ask what they have been doing in class to help him stay focused since I had NO idea.

How much clearer do you want them to be? They gave you a laundry list of what they are doing!!! For heavens sake. They are going above and beyond in dealing with his disturbing behaviors. Most of the teachers my children have had would have sent him to the principals office by now or put him out in the hall.

Even if he is ADHD that doesn't excuse all his behaviors. And it shouldn't. He obviously knows what he is doing and knows it isn't appropriate when he said "isn't it funny"