Need thoughts on 7 year old 2nd grader behavior problem(long~sorry)

[Shelly888]

Let me preface this by saying that I in no way think I have an angelic child. I understand he can be difficult at times, but with a little patience, kindness, and love he is a good kid.

Report cards came home on Friday. I had been in contact with his regular teacher. She had been out on maternity leave until January, so she was just getting to know him. She was having issues with him trying to make his friends laugh at inappropriate times, trouble staying on task, etc. We had a conference, removed most privileges at home, and really cracked down. Things had improved.

Not so good words on his report from art and music class of all things. CLass behaviors had improved. I had only very minor behavior issues before this year. I dropped them each a quick email to ask what strategies they were using in their classes to help.

Here is the first response:


Thank you for your email. I appreciate your concerns and your
willingness to help Ben achieve at school. I do not believe that these
issues are just surfacing now, but they are escalating. I am in
contact with his teachers and we are all trying to help Ben control
his behavior and put forth strong effort.

In art class, there is much room for creativity, personal choice, and
socializing/sharing ideas, but Ben's behavior is interfering with
this. He enters the classroom immediately seeking attention (silly
comments, loud noises, banging or rocking his seat) so the first
strategy is to try to ignore it and grab his attention with the
lesson. If Ben's behavior (or anyone else) is disruptive for others
and myself, then I'll either walk his way or mention his name casually
while I'm still introducing the lesson. When I am demonstrating art
methods and techniques at the demonstration/round table, Ben usually
refuses to participate and stays on the other side of the room (or
crawls under the work tables). I encourage him to join us so he knows
what to do and how to do it. This may prompt him or not. When he is at
a work table, his chatter often slows down his work. When there is a
conflict with peers, I'll move someone's seat (so there's no blame -
it's not always one person's fault). However, Ben is usually involved.
I have thought about assigning a seat for him, but I don't want to
single him out that way, and I like the idea of kids working with
different peers. With all of this, I am always encouraging him!

I appreciate your reinforcement of positive behavior with Ben.
Pat

So while I appreciate the comments, it all seems rather negative. I also do not understand what is 'so bad' about giving the kid a little attention if she feels he needs it. I"m not saying to reinforce his negative "attention-seeking behaviors" as she put it. But, if she thinks he needs a little "love" why not? If she spent a few minutes(Maybe 2) early on, it would likely set a positive tone, and change his attitude. He thrives on positive reinforcement, and I am wondering if the negativity is adversely affecting his attitude. Kind of like once you are "the bad kid" it's very hard to get out of that generalization.


ANd, here is the response from his music teacher:

Ben's behavior has continued to be a problem in music class this past term. He is constantly being spoken to in class about his behaviors, and following directions. He sometimes seems to be in his own world, and not paying attention to me, and what is going on in class.
My strategies are to first try and ignore Ben's behaviors, as I assume they are sometimes for attention. When that doesn't work, and he continues to be a distraction I give him reminders about expected behaviors. I try to also point out the role models in the class for him and everyone to follow their behaviors. His peers also try to get him to do the right thing, as he distract them and their learning in class. They also inform me that Ben is not following directions, or doing the right thing. He has even had to sit in my "Take a Rest" chair, similar to a time out, where he will not get to participate in an activity. When this has happened I have pulled Ben aside and talked to him about why he had to sit out, and what it feels like not to participate with his classmates, and how to avoid "taking a rest." Mrs. Oliverio and I are in communication about Ben and his classmates behaviors in music. She is informed at the end of each class.

If you have any suggestions for strategies that work at home, I welcome the suggestions.

Thank you for your time,

Jessica

Again, I feel it's very negative. I understand as a teacher they must love and wish for a quiet class of extremely compliant, folded hands children, that get perfect 100 scores with everything the first time. It makes their job so much easier, but that is not reality. Every child is different, needs different ways of reaching them, and they all have strengths and personalities that need to be nurtured and not constantly beat down.

I am in the process of having him evaluated for learning disabilities as I am confident he has at least mild dyslexia. I have hired a tutor that specializes in dyslexic tutoring and it's going very well. I do think that some of the behaviors stem from the fact that for him, school is hard. He expends quite a bit of mental energy just keeping up, and I imagine it's frustrating when he keeps getting messages from most in his school that he just isn't good enough. Am I even making sense here? I haven't replied back to either specials teacher yet. I have a lot of respect for teachers. I love teachers But, I do think my little guy is getting the shaft.

 

[Janepod]

Please try to read these teachers' comments objectively, as if they were about any child, not just your own.

I am not getting negativity from their comments. Quite the opposite. They seem thorough and thoughtful, as though the teachers have carefully considered the best way to handle your son and have tried different strategies with him. What they have in common is that both teachers believe he is seeking attention and that it is distracting/disruptive for other students. These teachers have a class of probably 20 young children to teach; they have to find the most effective and expedient way to deal with your son so they can maintain the attention and interest of 19 or so other kids. The strategies they are using are commonly used and are recommended by teaching programs and other education professionals.

These are warm comments. I'm not hearing any negativity. Both teachers sound as though they are trying to handle your son well and do not have any ill will toward him. They do not sound as though they are beating him down.

These are not new issues ("do not believe these issues are just surfacing now" and "behavior continued to be a problem"). Why do you think that is? You mentioned dyslexia but have you considered behavioral issues; e.g., sensory processing issues?

Please take these comments at face value: two teachers who are trying to handle your son's disruptive behavior while teaching the rest of the class. The comments are neutral and objective; not negative. Although you may not like their approach, it is a very professional way to handle a disruptive child.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Let me preface this by saying that I in no way think I have an angelic child. I understand he can be difficult at times, but with a little patience, kindness, and love he is a good kid.

Report cards came home on Friday. I had been in contact with his regular teacher. She had been out on maternity leave until January, so she was just getting to know him. She was having issues with him trying to make his friends laugh at inappropriate times, trouble staying on task, etc. We had a conference, removed most privileges at home, and really cracked down. Things had improved.

Not so good words on his report from art and music class of all things. CLass behaviors had improved. I had only very minor behavior issues before this year. I dropped them each a quick email to ask what strategies they were using in their classes to help.

Here is the first response:


Thank you for your email. I appreciate your concerns and your
willingness to help B achieve at school. I do not believe that these
issues are just surfacing now, but they are escalating. I am in
contact with his teachers and we are all trying to help Ben control
his behavior and put forth strong effort.

In art class, there is much room for creativity, personal choice, and
socializing/sharing ideas, but B's behavior is interfering with
this. He enters the classroom immediately seeking attention (silly
comments, loud noises, banging or rocking his seat) so the first
strategy is to try to ignore it and grab his attention with the
lesson. If B's behavior (or anyone else) is disruptive for others
and myself, then I'll either walk his way or mention his name casually
while I'm still introducing the lesson. When I am demonstrating art
methods and techniques at the demonstration/round table, Ben usually
refuses to participate and stays on the other side of the room (or
crawls under the work tables). I encourage him to join us so he knows
what to do and how to do it. This may prompt him or not. When he is at
a work table, his chatter often slows down his work. When there is a
conflict with peers, I'll move someone's seat (so there's no blame -
it's not always one person's fault). However, B is usually involved.
I have thought about assigning a seat for him, but I don't want to
single him out that way, and I like the idea of kids working with
different peers. With all of this, I am always encouraging him!

I appreciate your reinforcement of positive behavior with B.


So while I appreciate the comments, it all seems rather negative. I also do not understand what is 'so bad' about giving the kid a little attention if she feels he needs it. I"m not saying to reinforce his negative "attention-seeking behaviors" as she put it. But, if she thinks he needs a little "love" why not? If she spent a few minutes(Maybe 2) early on, it would likely set a positive tone, and change his attitude. He thrives on positive reinforcement, and I am wondering if the negativity is adversely affecting his attitude. Kind of like once you are "the bad kid" it's very hard to get out of that generalization.


ANd, here is the response from his music teacher:

B's behavior has continued to be a problem in music class this past term. He is constantly being spoken to in class about his behaviors, and following directions. He sometimes seems to be in his own world, and not paying attention to me, and what is going on in class.
My strategies are to first try and ignore B's behaviors, as I assume they are sometimes for attention. When that doesn't work, and he continues to be a distraction I give him reminders about expected behaviors. I try to also point out the role models in the class for him and everyone to follow their behaviors. His peers also try to get him to do the right thing, as he distract them and their learning in class. They also inform me that B is not following directions, or doing the right thing. He has even had to sit in my "Take a Rest" chair, similar to a time out, where he will not get to participate in an activity. When this has happened I have pulled B aside and talked to him about why he had to sit out, and what it feels like not to participate with his classmates, and how to avoid "taking a rest." Mrs. O and I are in communication about B and his classmates behaviors in music. She is informed at the end of each class.

If you have any suggestions for strategies that work at home, I welcome the suggestions.

Thank you for your time,


Again, I feel it's very negative. I understand as a teacher they must love and wish for a quiet class of extremely compliant, folded hands children, that get perfect 100 scores with everything the first time. It makes their job so much easier, but that is not reality. Every child is different, needs different ways of reaching them, and they all have strengths and personalities that need to be nurtured and not constantly beat down.

I am in the process of having him evaluated for learning disabilities as I am confident he has at least mild dyslexia. I have hired a tutor that specializes in dyslexic tutoring and it's going very well. I do think that some of the behaviors stem from the fact that for him, school is hard. He expends quite a bit of mental energy just keeping up, and I imagine it's frustrating when he keeps getting messages from most in his school that he just isn't good enough. Am I even making sense here? I haven't replied back to either specials teacher yet. I have a lot of respect for teachers. I love teachers But, I do think my little guy is getting the shaft.

It is hard not to feel defensive when it comes to our children.

I thought the teachers' notes sounded caring and very specific to what you asked. I don't think it's realistic to expect teachers to always take the first few minutes of their classes with your son, there is too much going on in the classroom at that time.

Re: the bolded - I think you should take a big step back here and try to pull together some objectivity. Comments like that will not help you solve the issues with your son.

Good luck, Mom.

PS You should remove some of the personal info from your post. (I did in the quote.)

 

[sam_gordon]

The fact that two teachers give you the same description (to me) means the problem is with him. My second thought is to find out if he's ADD/ADHD. My first thought is to emphasize correct behavior at the correct time. If he can't behave when he needs to, he needs to suffer the consequences.

That might mean no TV, no video games, no computer, going to bed early. You know what he likes. If you don't want to be the bad guy, simply say you talked to the doctor about his acting out and it must be caused by him not getting enough sleep. (That's a John Rosemond trick by the way. I don't always agree with him, but he does say some things I agree with).

I also have an energetic 2nd grade boy, and while he does have some "moments" in school, they are rare. DEFINITELY not an every day occurrence. I suggest getting this thing settled down now or you're REALLY going to have problems later.

 

[okeydokey]

It sounds like both of these teachers are giving Ben lots of time and attention and are really trying to help him take control of his behavior. However, they are being honest with you about what the reality is in the classroom. Ben is likely one of 15-25 students. They may not have 3 minutes for each of the 15-25 in the class. His behavior is keeping the others from getting what they could out of the teacher and subject. Of course you are sensitive to the experience of YOUR child. The teacher needs to be sensitive to the needs of ALL the children.

have you met with the special area teachers yet? If not, maybe you should and with the guidance teacher as well.

 

[LisaR]

Please try to read these teachers' comments objectively, as if they were about any child, not just your own.

I am not getting negativity from their comments. Quite the opposite. They seem thorough and thoughtful, as though the teachers have carefully considered the best way to handle your son and have tried different strategies with him. What they have in common is that both teachers believe he is seeking attention and that it is distracting/disruptive for other students. These teachers have a class of probably 20 young children to teach; they have to find the most effective and expedient way to deal with your son so they can maintain the attention and interest of 19 or so other kids. The strategies they are using are commonly used and are recommended by teaching programs and other education professionals.

These are warm comments. I'm not hearing any negativity. Both teachers sound as though they are trying to handle your son well and do not have any ill will toward him. They do not sound as though they are beating him down.

These are not new issues ("do not believe these issues are just surfacing now" and "behavior continued to be a problem"). Why do you think that is? You mentioned dyslexia but have you considered behavioral issues; e.g., sensory processing issues?

Please take these comments at face value: two teachers who are trying to handle your son's disruptive behavior while teaching the rest of the class. The comments are neutral and objective; not negative. Although you may not like their approach, it is a very professional way to handle a disruptive child.

Excellent response and I agree 100%.

OP'er, your opening statement says:

I understand he can be difficult at times, but with a little patience, kindness, and love he is a good kid.


It sounds to me like both of these teachers have been more than patient and kind to your son. This has been an ongoing problem and they have shown professionalism in trying to get your son's behavior under control. It truly sounds like your son has some behavior issues at school.

 

[Friend of a Mouse]

I know it's hard, but it sounds like they are trying and this is not a one time thing. It's pretty standard to ignore attention seeking behavior because you do not want to reinforce the negative behavior. Taking two minutes at the beginning of class when they have 20-30 students to give one student special attention just is not feasible. The part that was clear in both e-mails is that this is not only affecting him- it is also affecting the other students in the class and being disruptive towards them.

It could be that he does have a learning disability like you mentioned or it could be there is more going on. It sounds like they do want to work with you. I know it's hard not to get defensive, but it will be more beneficial for your son if the relationship is open and amicable and neither side needs to fee like they have to walk on eggshells. Maybe the next time you are at the pediatrician you could mention what is going on and s/he might have some suggestions for you.

 

[pepperw23]

I'm going to jump in and take up for little Ben here. Let me start by saying that while I don't feel like the teachers comments are overly negative, I do find them a little harsh. He is 7 years old. He is not going to be perfect, sit quiet etc...nor should anyone expect him to. He has energy. It seems to me that instead of "ignoring" his behavior in class, why not refocus that energy?

Don't get me wrong disrupting class is not okay, but it seems to me that Ben needs to be taught how to re-focus his energy. Ignoring him, and talking to him in class is clearly not working. He is not the adult, the teachers are.

It just seems like everyone wants children to fit in a mold these days. They are not going to. Kids are created individually and then the mold is broken. There is no such thing as a "little angel" (I raised two..little devils is more like it ). We just need to love them, disruptive behavior and all.

 

[Tiger926]

Those letters were personal and detailed, and they show how much the teachers care to help your son.

As a teacher, we do see behaviours that present at school, that perhaps don't present at home; therefore, it is imperative that you respect what the teachers are telling you about your son's behaviour, as it will help you determine what is frustrating your son.

You need to take a step back and objectively look at the teachers' responses, as well as not become defensive and snarky (the compliant comment comes to mind).

As a Special Education teacher, I encourage you to continue to seek help for your son, especially if you think he has learning issues. Dyslexia is very tricky, and the sooner you can get help, it ensures his success at school.

I would also encourage you to get his hearing and vision tested, as well as to speak to your son and ask him how he feels about his progress and behaviour in school. Ask him if he can hear and see, ask him how he feels during the day, etc.

Best of luck in working this out, Tiger

 

[sunshinehighway]

The only people getting the shaft are the other children in the class. Stop blaming the teachers and start working with them. Your child needs to learn that disruptive behavior is unacceptable during class.

 

[Chelley00]

I also do not understand what is 'so bad' about giving the kid a little attention if she feels he needs it. I"m not saying to reinforce his negative "attention-seeking behaviors" as she put it. But, if she thinks he needs a little "love" why not? If she spent a few minutes(Maybe 2) early on, it would likely set a positive tone, and change his attitude. He thrives on positive reinforcement, and I am wondering if the negativity is adversely affecting his attitude. .

Unfortunately, if she gives in to his attention seeking behavior, then he's going to keep doing what he's doing. And if she spends 2 minutes showing a little "love" to him then she also needs to do it for the other 20? kids in his class. 2 minutes times 20 students is pretty much the whole class. I'm sure the teachers would all love to sit and cuddle with students all class period long, but that's not their job, especially in second grade.

The art teacher responded that she encourages him to come learn what everyone else is learning. The music teacher has pulled him aside to explain to him one on one what he can do to stay out of the Take a Rest chair.

I have one child who had a difficult time learning to not be distracting in class, so I'm not trying to pick on your son at all. However, it sounds like his teachers are doing what they can for him. It's so hard to not be defensive and lay blame on the teachers when your son is constantly in trouble. I know! At some point, you may have to realize that your son may need a little more help learning how to become restrained in class times.

Good luck

 

[chipanddalemom]

I also did not find any negativity in either of the responses. I actually was impressed with how deeply they went into detail with describing his behaviors and their response to these behaviors. Also he doesn't sound like a bad child or one that a teacher would rather not have in their class he just seems to be a busy kid who is having a hard time focusing. I would say that the students who I have taught that have displayed these same behaviors had ADD which is what led to their inability to stay focused and their impulsive behaviors. I am not saying that is what your son has but it is a possibility. I am sure his a sweet boy and once he learns how to control these little things school will become a lot more pleasant for both you and him. Good Luck!!

 

[goofy!]

Let me preface this by saying that I in no way think I have an angelic child. I understand he can be difficult at times, but with a little patience, kindness, and love he is a good kid.

Report cards came home on Friday. I had been in contact with his regular teacher. She had been out on maternity leave until January, so she was just getting to know him. She was having issues with him trying to make his friends laugh at inappropriate times, trouble staying on task, etc. We had a conference, removed most privileges at home, and really cracked down. Things had improved.

Not so good words on his report from art and music class of all things. CLass behaviors had improved. I had only very minor behavior issues before this year. I dropped them each a quick email to ask what strategies they were using in their classes to help.

Here is the first response:


Thank you for your email. I appreciate your concerns and your
willingness to help Ben achieve at school. I do not believe that these
issues are just surfacing now, but they are escalating. I am in
contact with his teachers and we are all trying to help Ben control
his behavior and put forth strong effort.

In art class, there is much room for creativity, personal choice, and
socializing/sharing ideas, but Ben's behavior is interfering with
this. He enters the classroom immediately seeking attention (silly
comments, loud noises, banging or rocking his seat) so the first
strategy is to try to ignore it and grab his attention with the
lesson. If Ben's behavior (or anyone else) is disruptive for others
and myself, then I'll either walk his way or mention his name casually
while I'm still introducing the lesson. When I am demonstrating art
methods and techniques at the demonstration/round table, Ben usually
refuses to participate and stays on the other side of the room (or
crawls under the work tables). I encourage him to join us so he knows
what to do and how to do it. This may prompt him or not. When he is at
a work table, his chatter often slows down his work. When there is a
conflict with peers, I'll move someone's seat (so there's no blame -
it's not always one person's fault). However, Ben is usually involved.
I have thought about assigning a seat for him, but I don't want to
single him out that way, and I like the idea of kids working with
different peers. With all of this, I am always encouraging him!

I appreciate your reinforcement of positive behavior with Ben.
-teacher

So while I appreciate the comments, it all seems rather negative. I also do not understand what is 'so bad' about giving the kid a little attention if she feels he needs it. I"m not saying to reinforce his negative "attention-seeking behaviors" as she put it. But, if she thinks he needs a little "love" why not? If she spent a few minutes(Maybe 2) early on, it would likely set a positive tone, and change his attitude. He thrives on positive reinforcement, and I am wondering if the negativity is adversely affecting his attitude. Kind of like once you are "the bad kid" it's very hard to get out of that generalization.


ANd, here is the response from his music teacher:

Ben's behavior has continued to be a problem in music class this past term. He is constantly being spoken to in class about his behaviors, and following directions. He sometimes seems to be in his own world, and not paying attention to me, and what is going on in class.
My strategies are to first try and ignore Ben's behaviors, as I assume they are sometimes for attention. When that doesn't work, and he continues to be a distraction I give him reminders about expected behaviors. I try to also point out the role models in the class for him and everyone to follow their behaviors. His peers also try to get him to do the right thing, as he distract them and their learning in class. They also inform me that Ben is not following directions, or doing the right thing. He has even had to sit in my "Take a Rest" chair, similar to a time out, where he will not get to participate in an activity. When this has happened I have pulled Ben aside and talked to him about why he had to sit out, and what it feels like not to participate with his classmates, and how to avoid "taking a rest." Mrs. Oliverio and I are in communication about Ben and his classmates behaviors in music. She is informed at the end of each class.

If you have any suggestions for strategies that work at home, I welcome the suggestions.

Thank you for your time,

-teacher

Again, I feel it's very negative. I understand as a teacher they must love and wish for a quiet class of extremely compliant, folded hands children, that get perfect 100 scores with everything the first time. It makes their job so much easier, but that is not reality. Every child is different, needs different ways of reaching them, and they all have strengths and personalities that need to be nurtured and not constantly beat down.

I am in the process of having him evaluated for learning disabilities as I am confident he has at least mild dyslexia. I have hired a tutor that specializes in dyslexic tutoring and it's going very well. I do think that some of the behaviors stem from the fact that for him, school is hard. He expends quite a bit of mental energy just keeping up, and I imagine it's frustrating when he keeps getting messages from most in his school that he just isn't good enough. Am I even making sense here? I haven't replied back to either specials teacher yet. I have a lot of respect for teachers. I love teachers But, I do think my little guy is getting the shaft.

I also do not see any negativity in the posts. In fact, the teachers seem to be trying to gently inform you of some very significant behaviors of your child.

You are right that every child is different and classrooms should not be 100 percent perfect with hands folded. However, a 2nd grader consistently hiding under tables and not joining in, interrupting the class on a regular basis, and being difficult to bring back to focus is the other end of the spectrum. A key point mentioned is that his peers are aware of his behavior and are trying to help him learn.

As for giving you child 2 minutes of what you feel he needs - if the teacher gave every child in a 20 student classroom, that would be 40 minutes, or practically the entire class.

I don't think your child is getting the shaft at all. It sounds like the teachers really want to work with you to help Ben succeed.

If I had received this e-mails, I would immediately schedule a meeting asking for a team evaluation. Insist that he have a full workup, including a psychological workup and speech/language to identify any learning disabilities. If he has a disability and needs the 2 minutes in the classroom, you are going to need a 504 plan or an IEP to implement. This is not a bad thing, it protects Ben and assures he gets the help he needs.

It is hard to hear for a parent, but it really does seem that you have a good set of teachers who want to help. Take a deep breath and meet with the teachers with an open mind. Work as a team to help Ben. It will all work out, especially since you are tackling the problems so early in his school career.

 

[sookie]

Let me preface this by saying that I in no way think I have an angelic child. I understand he can be difficult at times, but with a little patience, kindness, and love he is a good kid.

Report cards came home on Friday. I had been in contact with his regular teacher. She had been out on maternity leave until January, so she was just getting to know him. She was having issues with him trying to make his friends laugh at inappropriate times, trouble staying on task, etc. We had a conference, removed most privileges at home, and really cracked down. Things had improved.

Not so good words on his report from art and music class of all things. CLass behaviors had improved. I had only very minor behavior issues before this year. I dropped them each a quick email to ask what strategies they were using in their classes to help.

Here is the first response:


Thank you for your email. I appreciate your concerns and your
willingness to help Ben achieve at school. I do not believe that these
issues are just surfacing now, but they are escalating. I am in
contact with his teachers and we are all trying to help Ben control
his behavior and put forth strong effort.

In art class, there is much room for creativity, personal choice, and
socializing/sharing ideas, but Ben's behavior is interfering with
this. He enters the classroom immediately seeking attention (silly
comments, loud noises, banging or rocking his seat) so the first
strategy is to try to ignore it and grab his attention with the
lesson. If Ben's behavior (or anyone else) is disruptive for others
and myself, then I'll either walk his way or mention his name casually
while I'm still introducing the lesson. When I am demonstrating art
methods and techniques at the demonstration/round table, Ben usually
refuses to participate and stays on the other side of the room (or
crawls under the work tables). I encourage him to join us so he knows
what to do and how to do it. This may prompt him or not. When he is at
a work table, his chatter often slows down his work. When there is a
conflict with peers, I'll move someone's seat (so there's no blame -
it's not always one person's fault). However, Ben is usually involved.
I have thought about assigning a seat for him, but I don't want to
single him out that way, and I like the idea of kids working with
different peers. With all of this, I am always encouraging him!

I appreciate your reinforcement of positive behavior with Ben.
Patricia May

So while I appreciate the comments, it all seems rather negative. I also do not understand what is 'so bad' about giving the kid a little attention if she feels he needs it. I"m not saying to reinforce his negative "attention-seeking behaviors" as she put it. But, if she thinks he needs a little "love" why not? If she spent a few minutes(Maybe 2) early on, it would likely set a positive tone, and change his attitude. He thrives on positive reinforcement, and I am wondering if the negativity is adversely affecting his attitude. Kind of like once you are "the bad kid" it's very hard to get out of that generalization.


ANd, here is the response from his music teacher:

Ben's behavior has continued to be a problem in music class this past term. He is constantly being spoken to in class about his behaviors, and following directions. He sometimes seems to be in his own world, and not paying attention to me, and what is going on in class.
My strategies are to first try and ignore Ben's behaviors, as I assume they are sometimes for attention. When that doesn't work, and he continues to be a distraction I give him reminders about expected behaviors. I try to also point out the role models in the class for him and everyone to follow their behaviors. His peers also try to get him to do the right thing, as he distract them and their learning in class. They also inform me that Ben is not following directions, or doing the right thing. He has even had to sit in my "Take a Rest" chair, similar to a time out, where he will not get to participate in an activity. When this has happened I have pulled Ben aside and talked to him about why he had to sit out, and what it feels like not to participate with his classmates, and how to avoid "taking a rest." Mrs. Oliverio and I are in communication about Ben and his classmates behaviors in music. She is informed at the end of each class.

If you have any suggestions for strategies that work at home, I welcome the suggestions.

Thank you for your time,

Jessica

Again, I feel it's very negative. I understand as a teacher they must love and wish for a quiet class of extremely compliant, folded hands children, that get perfect 100 scores with everything the first time. It makes their job so much easier, but that is not reality. Every child is different, needs different ways of reaching them, and they all have strengths and personalities that need to be nurtured and not constantly beat down.

I am in the process of having him evaluated for learning disabilities as I am confident he has at least mild dyslexia. I have hired a tutor that specializes in dyslexic tutoring and it's going very well. I do think that some of the behaviors stem from the fact that for him, school is hard. He expends quite a bit of mental energy just keeping up, and I imagine it's frustrating when he keeps getting messages from most in his school that he just isn't good enough. Am I even making sense here? I haven't replied back to either specials teacher yet. I have a lot of respect for teachers. I love teachers But, I do think my little guy is getting the shaft.

OP, it is tough work being a parent. Good for you for getting him evaluated. Ask for ALL the testing you can get at the school. You can have him tested for IQ, learning styles, dyslexia and other learning disabilities. Sometimes there can be a waiting list but it is worth it.
That being said, I do not think that the comments were mean spirited. It is hard to hear bad things about your kid and it can hurt your heart. I think that you are headed in the right direction. A lot of learning disabled kids go through the same things your son is going through. Worse, class is hard so to act out a bit makes everyone forget about the quality of the work and then they worry about his behavior instead (great distraction method!).
I think that you should continue to support your teachers and get the testing done. Next year will be a new year, and getting a grasp on what is going on will help him turn over a new leaf. But yes, right now its hard work - I read your post and my heart hurt for you and your baby. Hugs to you!

 

[castmember19]

Well, I am not a parent, merely studying to be a teacher, so school threads call to me.

My opinion... I did not see anything negative in those letters. The teachers seem to really care about your son and want him to do well.

Again, I feel it's very negative. I understand as a teacher they must love and wish for a quiet class of extremely compliant, folded hands children, that get perfect 100 scores with everything the first time. It makes their job so much easier, but that is not reality. Every child is different, needs different ways of reaching them, and they all have strengths and personalities that need to be nurtured and not constantly beat down.

I am absolutely sure no teacher expects the "perfect" class you speak of. As you said, it isn't realistic and I'm fairly certain no teacher (especially experienced ones) would be naive enough to expect that. And it seems like all we do is learn is that not all children learn the same and how to teach children differently according to their strengths.

Take a deep breath and meet with the teachers with an open mind. Work as a team to help Ben. It will all work out, especially since you are tackling the problems so early in his school career.

 

[StephMK]

I know it's hard to hear anything against your own child but both teachers sounded very kind and objective in their responses. Giving him attention when he is acting out leads to reinforcement of that negative behavior in many cases which is why they choose to ignore the smaller behaviors. I teach 3rd & one class of 2nd and those emails sound similar to strategies I would use for those behaviors.

It sounds like they do encourage him to listen, but that does not mean they expect perfection. They do expect 2nd graders to be able to listen and follow directions, which is typical for that grade. My second graders have been known to crawl under a desk or be silly but they also get back on track once reminded of expectations. Lots of 2nd graders talk but if he is not getting his work done, then it becomes an issue. I don't think their expectations are unrealistic given what they describe.

What does he respond to or consider a reward? I use a sticker chart for one child and a point system for another who need reminders to follow directions. 1 point for starting on time, 1 for staying focused, 1 for finishing when everyone else does. When X number of stickers or points are earned, they get a reward. It is usually a privilege since I don't like using food or candy. Maybe they can sit in a special seat, bring a small animal for a day, lead the line, extra computer time, etc.

It does not sound to me that those teachers are being overly harsh or negative in their responses to the student or his behaviors. I agree that positive behavior & reinforcements work best and would suggest some options to his teachers. I would keep an open mind and try to find some ways to make following directions appealing to Ben.

 

[torinsmom]

As a teacher, I would kindly ask that you delete the teachers' names, especially the one with first and last. I would be very upset if one of my student's parents posted something I wrote on an online forum, especially with my full name attached

From your own description of your son, it sounds like he does have some behavior issues. Unfortunately, when a teacher has 25-30 kids in a class, they are not able to give a child the love and attention the parent is able to give in order to see the "good kid" the parent sees one-on-one. If this is anything like my class, it is very unlikely that he is the only child who has behavior issues in the class, and the art and music teacher have a class to teach. Imagine if they had to take 2-3 minutes for 3 kids every time they had a class. It sounds like to me they are using strategies I would use, such as reinforcing expectations, walking closer to him, praising others who are making good choices, etc. The fact that they are describing the same behavior tells me it is consistent across environments.

I am not sure what you are doing as far as discipline, but I would find out what he likes the most and take it every time you get a bad report. And I would ask that the teacher make a checklist to send home each day so you know what kind of day he has. I have to do this for 2 of my students right now. They get stickers each day that they get at least 8 out of 10 possible checks and their parents have a reward when they collect so many stickers. If they get less than 8, they lose something(one loses video games, another loses his dessert that night)

Please, please do not let your child get away with this behavior. If he knows that you think the teachers are being unfair, he will act out even more. I have had a child tell me "It doesn't matter what you tell my mom, because she won't do anything to me". She painted him as the victim."He hit a child in the head with a block? Well, he said that child was whistling and it was disturbing him. And where were you? Why didn't you stop him from hitting the child?" And yes, the child was standing right by her when she said that.

Are you having him tested by the school for LD's? If not, I would talk to his teacher about it. Behavior issues CAN be a sign of a learning disability.

 

[carrie1626]

You said you're thinking of having him tested.....

Have you thought of this for awhile now, maybe hoping he'd grow out of it?
I would only suggest doing it sooner, than later. If indeed your son falls in the realm of "disability", you will meet with various professionals to fill out an IEP ( individual educational program) which, by law, must be followed. You will be your son't biggest ADVOCATE.

I think the teacher's responses were very professional and appropriate. I didn't hear the negativity from them that you did.

best of luck to you and your son

 

[Coconut36]

It sounds like both of these teachers are giving Ben lots of time and attention and are really trying to help him take control of his behavior. However, they are being honest with you about what the reality is in the classroom. Ben is likely one of 15-25 students. They may not have 3 minutes for each of the 15-25 in the class. His behavior is keeping the others from getting what they could out of the teacher and subject. Of course you are sensitive to the experience of YOUR child. The teacher needs to be sensitive to the needs of ALL the children.

have you met with the special area teachers yet? If not, maybe you should and with the guidance teacher as well.

I agree. I don't think they sound negative and it sounds like they are taking quite a bit of time and effort to try to help him. What they are saying does NOT fit in with unrealistic expectations regarding behavior..his behavior is an extreme not them.

Remember a classroom is NOT a one on one environment like at home and the dynamic and expectations (especially as he gets older..at 7 and in 2nd grade the expectations are greater that he is able to adhere to classroom rules) are different as well. They really sound like they are doing what they can to try to address the problem and the fact that 2 teachers gave you almost the same description of behavior tells you it is not the teachers expecting folded hands and no movement.

I would continue to try to work with them on ways you can address this with him at home so that hopefully he can improve in the classroom while you are pursuing testing. Let them know (if you feel comfortable) that the testing is going on as well. They might be able to come up with some solution in the interim until you get results and possibly get an IEP in place if he qualifies.

ETA-If you are not in the process of having him tested/evaluated I would highly suggest you do so. If he does qualify you can get an IEP in place for him and get him the interventions he needs to be successful.

 

[Poohforyou]

Imagine what a class would be like if every child needed a few moments of attention before the teacher could begin the lesson. Nothing would get done. I think you need to work with your child on what the expectations are at school. I don't think either email was negative. They were just stating the facts. By 2nd grade I'd expect a child to stay on task and not hide under the table, as an example. If I got a report like that I'd be very disturbed. Good Luck. I hope you can find something that will work on improving your child's behavior.