Need thoughts on 7 year old 2nd grader behavior problem(long~sorry)

[Shelly888]

And what will your plan of action be if there is NOTHING wrong with him? Because, you don't want him to have a medical problem, right? So what will you do when you've exhausted all excuses and all other labels, and it comes down to simply bad behavior because he's been allowed to get away with it? What plan of action will you implement then?

You want to lay this on the teachers, but even other 7 year olds are telling him to stop (the teacher wrote: "His peers also try to get him to do the right thing, as he distract them and their learning in class. They also inform me that Ben is not following directions, or doing the right thing.")

If you don't get him to straighten up now, those 5 kids who are his friends and are high fiving him today, will be the wrong kids you want him to be with when he's 15.

If you go back and read one of my other responses, I explained what I was doing as far as removing ALL priveleges for what I was told was minor class disruption. It was only after I had followed up with his class teacher and was under the impression things had improved, that we loosened up and he was able to have some back. I assumed things were working since I had NO communication to suggest otherwise. I JUST found out about all of this on Friday, March 30th.

I have *high* expectations for myself and my kids. I do not accept, nor tolerate nonsense. Had we known about his issues in art and music it would have been addressed at home. This is the *first* time he has had ANY real behavioral problems at all. Everything else up to this point has been very minor stuff. It's not like we don't/aren't addressing the issues. We have been up to this point.

 

[cornflake]

I do NOT make excuses for my children. I offer explanations as to why certain behaviors may be occurring. It by NO means means I am excusing the behaviors. Just trying to explain it, as to finding the correct solution to the problem. In this case his behavior.

If my grandmother goes to her physician for a cough, her treatment will be very different depending on the cause of her cough. If it's pneumonia, she will be given an antibiotic, cough syrup, and told to rest some. If she has a cough due to cardiac issues, again, maybe her diuretic will be increased, maybe a different cardiac med, change to her diet to decrease salt intake, etc.

I am trying to find the reason for his behavior problems. If it is ADHD, then the "plan of correction" will be totally different than if it's because he has aspergers(or dyslexia etc)

It is very well known in the scientific community that many, maybe most, children with learning disabilities(differences) DO act out behavior wise. Many times the child is actually evaluated for the behavior *first*. It is not until after the eval that it is found that the child actually is struggling in some other way. Fix the problem and the symptoms should decrease. At that point, it seems much more reasonable to continue working on correcting the then minor issues.

The excuses/explanations thing seems... a fine line to me.

Of course there could be different influencing factors (though I do sortof notice you didn't list that he's doing it to amuse himself or because he feels like it or whatever - as if the behaviour HAS to have a condition of some kind that is responsible.), but, as someone else said, that doesn't change that the behaviour exists.

Yes, there could be different causes to the cough - might also give her some cough drops.

I don't know that this is your view, but it sounds as if you feel there must be a cause and explanation and thus you'll look for that and find that and the behaviour will right itself. Even if there is a causative issue, that doesn't mean the behaviour will necessarily right itself.

Same as a person who posted aout their child who was dealing with severe anxiety issues who was concerned with explaining the causative event to the child's psychologist. At some point, the issue aside, the behaviour can be dealt with itself regardless, if the child is able to understand the behaviour and has control over himself. If he cannot, that's another issue.

The taking privileges away for weeks and loosening the reins thinking he'd improved - as I understand the communication issue with the teachers, you hadn't had a report that he'd improved, you just hadn't had reports that he was still misbehaving or had gotten worse, correct?

Thus, it seems as if perhaps the punishment and relaxation of such was too far removed from the behaviour that warranted the punishment to be effective. I realize it's effective as you say you threaten him and he straightens up but I mean for a 7-year-old, I'd be more specific with clearer expectations, consequences and rewards so they connect the behaviour at issue with the punishments and rewards.

At that age, it's different than with a like, 14-year-old, who you ground for two weeks and they know why and remember. It's harder for a 7-year-old to keep that stuff active in their current thinking, memory and processing. They're more impulsive, less able to connect events without reminders, less able to make future predictions and connections, etc.

A few people have suggested things that might work better that would be more suited to his age group - daily or weekly behaviour reports leading to specific discussions based on specific expectations (you must be in your seat and listening, otherwise you won't get a check for that, etc.) that lead to specific rewards or punishments.

The way he responds is kind of like (I'm NOT suggesting removing privileges was abusive in any way, I agree he should know those things aren't rights, I'm just casting about for an analogy) smacking a puppy for peeing the rug. They know they did something wrong but they don't connect the events because they're too little to realize the smack is related to the peeing or that the peeing was so wrong, it's too much for them to comprehend all together - they need to learn in steps. If someone does that, the puppy just knows 'uh oh, don't want to get smacked!' so they end up shying away when the smacker raises a hand in their vicinity. That's the 'make a good choice here Ben.' He doesn't want to lose all his stuff but I don't know he has the maturity given his age to connect the stuff to the specific behaviours you were upset about, even assuming you discussed it - and, especially given the behaviours apparently DIDN'T change, but you relaxed the restrictions, I think you need a redo of the punishment scheme going forward.

 

[lisaviolet]

Shelly - I'm not sure if that was the place for the teachers to put out how Ben's good/great at this or that. The purpose is to talk about poor behaviour that's probably impacting the education of the entire class as a whole - including Ben. I'm not sure why the positives of your son must be mentioned at that time. I'm sure he has many - smiling. If they did it might have watered down what has become a problem for Ben, his teachers and his classmates.

Also, is it possible (not judgment just something to ponder) - and let's take away the desk situation - that what is going on with his behaviour at school would not even form a blink at home? Is that not a possibility? That you think it's Ben being Ben? I just wondering out loud. And then maybe the teachers *feel* this from you and don't want to beat their heads against the wall by phoning and writing all the time. I have friends where I think their kids are downright rude but they don't. And no we don't have conversations about it. At all. It's just very clear that they don't see it the same.

When Ben said "what? It's funny" - well that's something some might take as a rude response to a conversation about a teacher having issues and others think it's totally normal response for a seven year old boy.

Could this be where you're struggling with the teachers? That your and their idea of rude and disruptive is completely different? Just thinking out loud.

My post has nothing to do with figuring out the why of other posts or that you punished him the first time. I heard you and get that. Just an aside. Honestly.

 

[LisaR]

I will go back and reread, but there, from my recollection, was not one positive thing about Ben in either email. I am quite certain, that he must contribute something positive in class.

Most of your posts say all the right things and it sounds like you truly want to correct this behavior but most posts have one or two throw away lines that say otherwise.

You asked about your son's behavior and what the teachers were doing to help him. Both teachers wrote very detailed responses telling you exactly what your son was doing and what they are doing to try and correct the behavior. Yet you wanted them to also tell you the positive things he was doing??

I understand this is a very hard thing to take in right now. Nobody wants to hear that their kid is the one that is disrupting the entire class or that their kid is the problem child. I feel for you, I truly do. But please stop making this about the teachers. It sounds like they are doing the best they can. They don't owe you a list of his positive contributions in an email regarding his bad behavior. You asked about his behavior and you received a response. They were very clear, precise, and kind. It is time for you to really take this to the next level and recognize that your son has a behavior issue and you need to get to the bottom of it. Maybe he is being bullied or he has a learning disability or maybe he is just being a brat. What matters is finding out what is causing it and fixing it.

 

[Shelly888]

How much clearer do you want them to be? They gave you a laundry list of what they are doing!!! For heavens sake. They are going above and beyond in dealing with his disturbing behaviors. Most of the teachers my children have had would have sent him to the principals office by now or put him out in the hall.

Even if he is ADHD that doesn't excuse all his behaviors. And it shouldn't. He obviously knows what he is doing and knows it isn't appropriate when he said "isn't it funny"

You lost me. I never complained they weren't clear. My complaint is that my husband and I did not know about his behavior. If it was that bad and disruptive, I would have thought his teachers would have liked to get his parents involved. Get everyone on the same page. I cannot address what I do not know about.

 

[m3retired]

Here we are thinking everything was "okay" and it was far from it. It would not have mattered if the email came from his regular teacher or his specials teacher. But please, for heaven's sake, keep me informed.

Why did you assume that everything was okay? They had told you about his behavior months ago. They have hundreds of kids to keep up with, you have ONE school aged child. Why didn't you ASK them, before report cards (or progress reports)? Then you would have been informed.

 

[Janepod]

Does your school have volunteer opportunities for parents? E.g., ours invites parents to come in during their child's class's library time to help check books in and out, reshelve, etc. You get a really good feel for how your child fits in (behavior, sociability, etc.) by being present at a regular time like that (as opposed to, say, a holiday party.) Maybe volunteer to chaperone a field trip so you can see how your child behaves in that setting. It will certainly answer your question of whether he contributes anything positive.

 

[Shelly888]

Shelly - I'm not sure if that was the place for the teachers to put out how Ben's good/great at this or that. The purpose is to talk about poor behaviour that's probably impacting the education of the entire class as a whole - including Ben. I'm not sure why the positives of your son must be mentioned at that time. I'm sure he has many - smiling. If they did it might have watered down what has become a problem for Ben, his teachers and his classmates.

Also, is it possible (not judgment just something to ponder) - and let's take away the desk situation - that what is going on with his behaviour at school would not even form a blink at home? Is that not a possibility? That you think it's Ben being Ben? I just wondering out loud. And then maybe the teachers *feel* this from you and don't want to beat their heads against the wall by phoning and writing all the time. I have friends where I think their kids are downright rude but they don't. And no we don't have conversations about it. At all. It's just very clear that they don't see it the same.

When Ben said "what? It's funny" - well that's something some might take as a rude response to a conversation about a teacher having issues and others think it's totally normal response for a seven year old boy.

Could this be where you're struggling with the teachers? That your and their idea of rude and disruptive is completely different? Just thinking out loud.

My post has nothing to do with figuring out the why of other posts or that you punished him the first time. I heard you and get that. Just an aside. Honestly.

I do understand the 'watering down' comment, makes a lot of sense to me. My point was that, in my mind, if they can't find even one positive attribute about Ben in a whole line of negatives, then perhaps he has earned the label of the bad kid, and I imagine, that's a tough hill to climb to rid yourself of that label. It made me wonder if his perhaps the same behavior from another student, would not garner the same severity of the negative reaction. I don't think I explained myself well. I have been upset, and crying on and off all night about this. I also worked the night shift all weekend and I am tired.

Yes, I do wonder if maybe there is some"Oh, that is just Ben" going on. I know my child. I know he thrives on positive reinforcement. He almost needs it, craves it. Maybe to a fault, I'm not sure. But honestly, I don't think any child can have too many cheerleaders helping them along the way.

I did want to know what they have been doing to help, because honestly, he responds much better with positivity rather than negativity. Once he gets the negativity thing going, I imagine it just changes his whole frame of mind. I know I must seem like I am asking for the moon for him. Maybe I am, not sure. BUt what I do know, is that the status quo has not worked. EIther because they haven't involved his parents to reinforce/monitor at home, or because they haven't found what works for Ben. It may be different than the 21 other children in his class, or it may not be. I just want him to succeed and*enjoy* school and learning.

 

[Shelly888]

Why did you assume that everything was okay? They had told you about his behavior months ago. They have hundreds of kids to keep up with, you have ONE school aged child. Why didn't you ASK them, before report cards (or progress reports)? Then you would have been informed.

Because I was in semi-regular contact with his classroom teacher. Maybe every other week we would exchange an email. I should have been informed if there was an issue. One said herself she has been working with Mrs. O. I think someone should have told us. Had I known he has been a problem in those classes I would have emailed them directly.

 

[cornflake]

I do understand the 'watering down' comment, makes a lot of sense to me. My point was that, in my mind, if they can't find even one positive attribute about Ben in a whole line of negatives, then perhaps he has earned the label of the bad kid, and I imagine, that's a tough hill to climb to rid yourself of that label. It made me wonder if his perhaps the same behavior from another student, would not garner the same severity of the negative reaction. I don't think I explained myself well. I have been upset, and crying on and off all night about this. I also worked the night shift all weekend and I am tired.

Yes, I do wonder if maybe there is some"Oh, that is just Ben" going on. I know my child. I know he thrives on positive reinforcement. He almost needs it, craves it. Maybe to a fault, I'm not sure. But honestly, I don't think any child can have too many cheerleaders helping them along the way.

I did want to know what they have been doing to help, because honestly, he responds much better with positivity rather than negativity. Once he gets the negativity thing going, I imagine it just changes his whole frame of mind. I know I must seem like I am asking for the moon for him. Maybe I am, not sure. BUt what I do know, is that the status quo has not worked. EIther because they haven't involved his parents to reinforce/monitor at home, or because they haven't found what works for Ben. It may be different than the 21 other children in his class, or it may not be. I just want him to succeed and*enjoy* school and learning.

I think pretty much everyone responding in the thread has said they don't read *any* negativity in the teachers' notes.

You said in your responses and here again that you read negativity there but... I believe that's you. I don't see anything negative in what they wrote, nor did anyone else here.

The bolded is what I originally was alluding to with how you may not see that he is acting the same way at home. What do you mean by 'positive reinforcement' there? Attention? Telling him he's funny? If he comes to dinner and you and your husband are talking and he comes in and makes a loud, silly comment to get attention, does it work? Does it get him positive reinforcement? Does it derail your conversation and that's ok? Part of one of the letters talks about his refusing to participate and staying on the other side of the room. What would you do if he did that at home? Cajole him into it?

If you had a few couples over for dinner and he walked into the conversation and did that, what would be the result? What if he did it repeatedly?

The teachers sound like they HAVE responded positively and appropriately to his behaviour. I really don't understand what you see as negative - can you pinpoint?

They're just not going to allow or reward his disrupting the class to get attention for himself. That's not acceptable behaviour.

 

[Shelly888]

To give you 2 examples of the warm, wonderful caring child he is:

We are in the midst of planning a lemonade stand bake sale to raise money. The money is not for himself. His first idea was to raise the money for our neighborhood center which provides food for needy people in our area. He recently changed his donation, and now wants to send money to protect endangered animals from being poached. His idea, I am helping him pull it off.

In AK, one day, he selfishly gave a trading pin to one of the African drummers outside of Tusker House because he wanted to say thanks for the music. He was 5, totally unprompted. He got a big hug, the drummer attached it to his man-purse, and said nobody had ever given him a gift before.

These are the behaviors of Ben. These are just 2 examples of how kind my child is. What I read in the emails were shocking to me. It may not seem like it, but I am working on getting to the bottom of it, as I don't want him being a disruption.

Thanks everyone. You gave me lots to think about over the next few days especially.

 

[lisaviolet]

I do understand the 'watering down' comment, makes a lot of sense to me. My point was that, in my mind, if they can't find even one positive attribute about Ben in a whole line of negatives, then perhaps he has earned the label of the bad kid, and I imagine, that's a tough hill to climb to rid yourself of that label. It made me wonder if his perhaps the same behavior from another student, would not garner the same severity of the negative reaction. I don't think I explained myself well. I have been upset, and crying on and off all night about this. I also worked the night shift all weekend and I am tired.

Yes, I do wonder if maybe there is some"Oh, that is just Ben" going on. I know my child. I know he thrives on positive reinforcement. He almost needs it, craves it. Maybe to a fault, I'm not sure. But honestly, I don't think any child can have too many cheerleaders helping them along the way.

I did want to know what they have been doing to help, because honestly, he responds much better with positivity rather than negativity. Once he gets the negativity thing going, I imagine it just changes his whole frame of mind. I know I must seem like I am asking for the moon for him. Maybe I am, not sure. BUt what I do know, is that the status quo has not worked. EIther because they haven't involved his parents to reinforce/monitor at home, or because they haven't found what works for Ben. It may be different than the 21 other children in his class, or it may not be. I just want him to succeed and*enjoy* school and learning.

I bet you're tired Shelly. It's hard. I know it's hard but please try not to take it in as they think he's simply the bad kid and get yourself worn out about it. I'm sure they don't see Ben as all bad at all. Trust me if they did - they probably wouldn't be the kind of teachers that took the time to answer in the manner that they did. Truly. Trust me on that. Their letters were to the point and not overly negative. Many of us have said that as we can read them from a different place.

Hope all works out for everyone involved. Remember the teachers are probably tired and frustrated as well. They're human. And you know in your heart that it's frustrating to be trying to teach an entire class and be interrupted by ongoing issues.

And I truly was impressed how you took my thoughts in - just took them in - you don't have to agree. I know that sounds patronizing to say but I can only imagine how it feels that people are against you and you're already so drained. (But I think there are a lot of great points on here AND I also know it must be hard to not take them to heart. )

 

[Hannathy]

You are comparing apples to oranges! Whether he is sweet or giving or kind has nothing to do with behaving in class!! The teachers are not complaining he is a bully or he is mean to other children, or cruel. Neither example you gave shows how he behaves.

How does he behave at Sunday School if you go? How about sports teams?

You need to stick to where the problem is and that is in his behavior not his nature.

 

[Shelly888]

You are comparing apples to oranges! Whether he is sweet or giving or kind has nothing to do with behaving in class!! The teachers are not complaining he is a bully or he is mean to other children, or cruel. Neither example you gave shows how he behaves.

How does he behave at Sunday School if you go? How about sports teams?

You need to stick to where the problem is and that is in his behavior not his nature.

He is in scouts and just started baseball. I would say his behavior in scouts is about average. Last meeting it was awful...I have no idea why. But if that is what has been going on in school, it has got to stop.

He has weekly babysitters(different ones frequently), went to Camp Carnival over winter break, it is a rarity, that I get spoken to about his behavior. Honestly and truly, he behaves at minimum adequately, usually better.

 

[LisaR]

To give you 2 examples of the warm, wonderful caring child he is:

We are in the midst of planning a lemonade stand bake sale to raise money. The money is not for himself. His first idea was to raise the money for our neighborhood center which provides food for needy people in our area. He recently changed his donation, and now wants to send money to protect endangered animals from being poached. His idea, I am helping him pull it off.

In AK, one day, he selfishly gave a trading pin to one of the African drummers outside of Tusker House because he wanted to say thanks for the music. He was 5, totally unprompted. He got a big hug, the drummer attached it to his man-purse, and said nobody had ever given him a gift before.

These are the behaviors of Ben. These are just 2 examples of how kind my child is. What I read in the emails were shocking to me. It may not seem like it, but I am working on getting to the bottom of it, as I don't want him being a disruption.

Thanks everyone. You gave me lots to think about over the next few days especially.

I can tell you are really hurting over this. Nobody on this thread and neither of the teachers said your son is a bad child or uncaring. He is having behavior issues in the classroom. He isn't bad and he obviously has good qualities but it doesn't lesson his behavior in class. Caring about endangered animals doesn't have anything to do with following the instructions of his teachers. He has a problem sitting still, listening, and following directions. He isn't the first kid to have these issues. Don't beat yourself up over this and don't blame the teachers. Work on fixing the issues. You don't need to prove that your son is caring. Nobody here doubts that. Something is going on in school and that needs to be addressed.

 

[Krystallen]

This is a long shot but maybe there's a girl he likes at that particular class so he's always trying to seek her attention?

But anyway I agree with the other posters that I couldn't find a single negative thing in the teacher's email. You asked about his bad behaviors, and they've explained them very detailed and politely. Why would they tell you about his good ones? That wouldn't answer your question at all.

 

[goofy!]

If you go back and read one of my other responses, I explained what I was doing as far as removing ALL priveleges for what I was told was minor class disruption. It was only after I had followed up with his class teacher and was under the impression things had improved, that we loosened up and he was able to have some back. I assumed things were working since I had NO communication to suggest otherwise. I JUST found out about all of this on Friday, March 30th.

I have *high* expectations for myself and my kids. I do not accept, nor tolerate nonsense. Had we known about his issues in art and music it would have been addressed at home. This is the *first* time he has had ANY real behavioral problems at all. Everything else up to this point has been very minor stuff. It's not like we don't/aren't addressing the issues. We have been up to this point.

Did you assume his behaviors were getting better or did you have a meeting with the teacher to discuss his progress?

Did YOU contact the teacher to ask if his behavior was improving. Or is this the teacher's fault again for not contacting you?

When you have a child with challenges, you learn very quickly that YOU have to be the child's advocate. You can never assume anything. If you want to know if something is effective, YOU need to be the one to be proactive and gather information about your child.

Never, ever assume that no news is good news.

You say you are not making excuses for your child but:

"He is a difficult child, but the teachers are not coddling him enough by giving him more attention"
"The teachers are too negative and making him feel like the bad kid"
"The teachers are giving him the shaft"
"He is just being silly, the class clown"
"He has dyslexia"
"He has language based problems"
"The teachers did not contact me (although you knew he had previous bad behavior and you did not follow up"
And the best...
Based on the word of a 7 year old "There are 3 of them and could very likely be a different ring leader"

You need to stop blaming the teachers and accept that no matter what the reason, your child has serious discipline issues.

You need to make an appointment with the teachers and come up with a plan, TOGETHER. Some suggestions are a back and forth book, a sticker program to award positive behavior, and some of the other suggestions others have offered. YOU need to stop blaming the teachers and trust that they know what they are talking about and are not giving your child the shaft.

As for the positive, your e-mail asked for the behaviors he was exhibiting. The teachers were gentle, thorough and very professional in detailing what they are seeing.

I know it is not pleasant to hear your child is having difficulties, but as I said before, you need to take a deep breath, listen to the teachers and come up with a plan TOGETHER as a team.

 

[Hannathy]

He is in scouts and just started baseball. I would say his behavior in scouts is about average. Last meeting it was awful...I have no idea why. But if that is what has been going on in school, it has got to stop.

He has weekly babysitters(different ones frequently), went to Camp Carnival over winter break, it is a rarity, that I get spoken to about his behavior. Honestly and truly, he behaves at minimum adequately, usually better.

I think you saw the child his teachers are seeing. Now imagine dealing with that with 20+ other children and teach a lesson.

How did you deal with that awful behavior? did it work?

Since you say he is very caring and loving I would hone in on that. I would get him thinking about how much he is hurting the teachers feelings when he gives her/him such a hard time. How he is hurting the other kids. Ask him to remember the music he liked at Disney and if he thinks they would have been able to learn to play so well if all they did was goof off and not listen to their teacher.

His behavior has to be corrected and the sooner the better, so the important thing is not finding blame but acknowledging there is a problem and figuring out where to go from now. Getting it fixed is all that matters.

I'm sure you are upset, we all would be. If you didn't care so much you wouldn't be.

I also wouldn't take all his releases away, kids need to decompress also and have a bit of fun. If life is too miserable to long they figure why bother I'll never get to do anything why try. I would have a minimum and then give extra for better behavior. Or add some chores when you get a bad report. Or give him some money for a week and everyday he behaves in school he keeps it, but if you get a bad report he looses some of it and what he has left at the end of the week he keeps. This show him if he controls his behavior he gets to keep the money and buy a treat. Helps him to learn cause and effect. This way he still gets to have a bit of kid fun, cause I firmly believe all kids need to play.

 

[hambirg]

Just my two cents. . .

I used to teach. The behaviors you are seeing from Ben aren't about any learning disability, or his teachers, or you as his parents. The class clowning and inappropriate behaviors that "are funny." are about the social interactions with his peers. He is seeking the attention of his peers. It sounds like these behaviors are happening in those social situations. . .school and scouts. Unfortunately, it's not the way we as adults or you as his parent, would want him to find his social niche. You said earlier he is the chubby kid and I think that might have something to do with it. He's looking for a way to fit in and garner attention from his classmates. You need to help him re-focus. Find an activity that he's good at and use that to build his confidence. Foster a friendship with one of his peers that will be more positive and not based on Ben being the funny kid and acting inappropriately. Have open and candid talks with him about friendships, choosing friends, being a good friend, and being a leader. It sounds like he is a caring and generous kid. Build on that quality. Instead of being the funny kid, maybe he can be the kind one. Remind him that gaining friends by being the class clown isn't really going to work for him. He is hurting himself by acting inappropriately in these social situations.

Good luck!

 

[Bonnie151]

I also wouldn't take all his releases away, kids need to decompress also and have a bit of fun. If life is too miserable to long they figure why bother I'll never get to do anything why try. I would have a minimum and then give extra for better behavior. Or add some chores when you get a bad report. Or give him some money for a week and everyday he behaves in school he keeps it, but if you get a bad report he looses some of it and what he has left at the end of the week he keeps. This show him if he controls his behavior he gets to keep the money and buy a treat. Helps him to learn cause and effect. This way he still gets to have a bit of kid fun, cause I firmly believe all kids need to play.

ITA. My DS had similar behaviours when he started school and when he was too harshly punished his behaviour went right downhill and he went from being a happy confident boy to a stressed miserable child.

For us it took 2.5 years and a teacher who FINALLY figured out the trick for Connor. His first two teachers were lovely people and fantastic with his little sister, but Connor walked all over them. I don't recommend this approach for 99.9% of children, but for Connor what worked was a bit of good natured public humiliation in class - e.g. when tasked with finding words they didn't know in a book, Connor sat around chatting. He told the teacher he already knew all of the words which she followed up with a very public statement to the class, "Class, we don't need our dictionaries today, we have Connor, the human dictionary! What word shall we try first? XXX? Great, Connor, what does XXXX mean? What you don't know? But you're the human dictionary?"

I know that approach sounds humiliating for a 7 year old and no I'm NOT recommending it for your son- my son is very cocky but his internal response was not to get upset. Rather he just thought "hmmm, better not do that again" and that sorted his disruptive behaviour in language for the rest of the term.

I post all that to say, don't get down (I know I did, and stressed which didn't help!). It sounds as though your teachers really want to get on top of it and will work with you. There WILL be methods that will work on your son, possibly conventional or possibly unconventional. It might take a looong time and many many experiments to find what works. I don't think there's a quick fix and some of it may just come with maturity.