Need some parenting advice

[KikiFan]

Okay the religious aspect is kind of creepy to me. But the part that would infuriate me is that this parent is undermining the OP as a parent. If I tell another parent to send my child home and they don't immediately comply - that's a huge problem.

OP I think in this case it's best to ignore the religious issue. I would address the issue as a parenting issue, which it is. If there is a discussion with these parents I would simply point out to them that they are not respecting you as a parent, and as a result you no longer feel comfortable having your child in their care.

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

I'm sorry but do you have kids? Because I think most parents recognize that this isn't really about religion. These people aren't just "sharing their religion" they are crossing some major boundaries and undermining the OP's parenting.

If my neighbor is a vegan and raising their child a vegan. I may disagree but I don't have the right to bring their child to my home (against their wishes) and give them a steak. And I definitely don't have the right to refuse to send the child home and then cajole the parents into letting them eat steak.

 

[badblackpug]

I agree with most. I think the 1st issue is your child disobeyed you, and I believe she should have consequences for that. If she was not given permission to go to the friends home, then she should not have been there. I agree with the PP that said take church out of the equation, if it were a party, or the movies would it be such a dilemma? I am not one to choose my children's friends, and I agree that all socializing with this friend should occur at your house. I would also have a frank discussion with the other child's mother. I would explain to her that your daughter disobeyed you, and that she was undermining your parenting by calling you on her behalf. As a parent her responsibility was to send your daughter home ASAP when she learned that she did not have permission to be at her home. I would also explain to her that you have your own beliefs, and that at 11 years old your daughter is not mature enough to make those types of decisions and that you are offended by her continual recruitment of your daughter in spite of your requests to stop. I would also tell the mother that because you don't feel she respects your decisions as a parent you are not comfortable allowing your daughter to be in her home.

I would also have a very frank discussion with my daughter about being a follower and allowing herself to be influenced by others. It also may be time to discuss with your daughter exactly what troubles you about this religion.

I am not against allowing children to explore different religions and cultures and customs, but I think at 11, a child is not mature enough or objective enough to stand up to such high pressure tactics.

BTW.... I have absolutely no idea what religion this is either.

 

[superme80]

Just wow! I can't believe any parent would try to undermine another parent! I feel very strongly about my religious convictions and love to share them. One of my friends does not share them. I do not try to influence her son my way. I know she wants to teach him about religion. If he ask a question I answer, but I make sure to stay within safe boundaries. Also most religious documents tell children to obey their parents. This woman is going against her own religion.

 

[sunnyday123]

My daughter is almost 12. She did come home and knew immediately she was in trouble. We chatted briefly and it appears this family was overstepping boundaries and asking very personal questions about my family.

I had to ban her from going over there anymore.

This is what I would do. It sounds like the other child is just friending her to bring her into their religion, and I would have a very, very big problem with them oversteping their boundries and going against your wishes. I'd have my own little coming to Jesus ( my grandmother used to say that!) talk with the Mother, and my kid would never darken their doorstep again. .

 

[Pigeon]

It is a recruiting drive. "Friendships" in this religion are generally based on shared religion. People who leave will be dropped like a hot potato. So, if your dd were to join up and then change her mind, this girl would avoid her like the plague. That's not friendship IMO.

 

[tw1nsmom]

ANY religion that encourages converting a CHILD against the parents wishes is a cult. Period, end of story. I would make sure that my child never went anywhere near that family and if they tried anything like this again, I would let them know I was contacting the police.

 

[pilotwife_02]

I agree with the other pp's who have stated that, religion aside, the friend's parents were totally out of line allowing OP's daughter to disobey her parents and then back her up and try to get the daughter to stay and go to church.

I can't believe another parent would do that. That alone would be reason enough for me to not allow my child to be around this "friend".

 

[Kallista]

OP, you're absolutely right to ban your daughter.

I'd also have a brief word with the other parents and advise them in as friendly a way as possible that if anything like that happens again, I'm going to call the police and then call my attorney to file an action for a restraining order.

Seriously. I'd be at their door in a New York second. They'd send my daughter out, or I'd be on the phone to the police.

 

[Kallista]

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

Those people are actively working to undermine the relationship between the mother and daughter. The child is 12. Her mother is protecting her and their relationship. Mom is right to do so.

Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.

 

[krcit]

Would someone be willing to PM me with what religion they think this is? I don't want to bring that discussion into this thread but now I'm dying to know!

Me too!

 

[Alesia]

These people probably believe in their hearts that they think they are doing the right thing.

That's the scariest part of the situation. People who believe they have righteousnesses on their side are relentless.

Please don't tell me that I'm the only one dying to know what faith this is?

No you're not!

It's pretty east to figure out: relentless prostyltizing, exclusion of certain races, most of the neighborhood is of the same religion...

I'm not familiar with a religion that excludes people based on their race.. the only type I can think of is Jewish Orthodox but don't you have to be born into that religion? I don't think they recruit people..

You must not be from Utah.

Any person who was not my child's parent who thought they should have any kind of "say" in what my child did would be so off my list of acquaintance.

Absolutely!

 

[ma2nojo]

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

Can you be too sure that you won't be posting a complaint in the future about how your princess does not abide by your rules and how another mother is encouraging her to do so? This is not simply about religion.

 

[Disney Doll]

Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.

This is a great quote!!!!!!!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

If anyone tried to pull that stunt on me and my kids, they would know in no uncertain terms it would be their last attempt. The niceties would be gone.

I wouldn't care what they thought about it. They obviously didn't care about your parental concerns. They were so out of line it's absurd. You don't treat crazy with kid gloves. You have to tell it like it is.

 

[SeaShelley]

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

This isn't just about the religion.....it's about another parent undermining mom's wishes and rules.

You, of all people, should understand this given the issues with your MIL watching your daughter.....

 

[wdwmom0f3]

If anyone tried to pull that stunt on me and my kids, they would know in no uncertain terms it would be their last attempt. The niceties would be gone.

I wouldn't care what they thought about it. They obviously didn't care about your parental concerns. They were so out of line it's absurd. You don't treat crazy with kid gloves. You have to tell it like it is.

I agree! OP, as if you don't already know this, you did the right thing here.

 

[N&B'smom]

if anyone tried to pull that stunt on me and my kids, they would know in no uncertain terms it would be their last attempt. The niceties would be gone.

I wouldn't care what they thought about it. They obviously didn't care about your parental concerns. They were so out of line it's absurd. You don't treat crazy with kid gloves. You have to tell it like it is.

exactly!

 

[tiggersbombed2]

Wow. That would kinda freak me out a little bit. I would stop the dd from playing with the girl. For them to be sooooo grabby for your child to become part of their church is just weird. Especially since you already have your OWN religion. It's Rude.

Back off Lady, get your grubby religion off my kid.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.

I love it!

I agree with (almost) everyone - this is not about religion. This is about another parent undermining you and encouraging your daughter to disobey. It doesn't matter if she was trying to get your child to go to church or to Wal-Mart, she was encouraging your daughter to disobey and that is NOT ok.

 

[tiggersbombed2]

Wait...and then they refused to send the child home and were basically kidnapping her to bring her to church???

Oh hellno. There would have been cops there. Probably AFTER I punched the mother in the face and grabbed my kid. I'd get a restraining order, really I would. For the whole family, to stay away from my kid. It would insure they no longer try this kind of thing.