Need some parenting advice

[Halloweenqueen]

Mods...this question has religion as an element of my situation, but I don't think the debate is focused on that, but close if necessary. Thx.

My eldest daughter has a wonderful best friend. The one problem I'm having is her friend's family wanting to involve my daughter into their religion and church activities. I've talked to the mother before, expressing my appreciation that they would like to involve my daughter, but I do not wanting her participating.

I won't go into the type of religion, but I have many problems with it's history and doctrine. The mother has asked my daughter questions about our faith and I believe they think my daughter is someone they can convert.

I don't want to ban this child from my daughter's life, but it's become a big problem. Her friend will not take no for an answer. I told her just this afternoon that my daughter was not allowed to go to any church activities. The friend then said could they just play and I told her I would have my daughter call her after homework time. Ten minutes later she was at my door asking to "see" my daughter. They talked on the front porch and came inside and asked to play outside.

Fifteen minutes later I get a call from the friend's cell phone. It's my daughter and she is now at the friends house asking if she could leave with the family to go to church. I told her no, she wasn't even supposed to leave our street. The friend gets on the phone and tries to explain how I shouldn't worry and just let her go. I told her to tell my daughter to come home now.

Five minutes later I get a call from the mother of the friend. She says she wants to have a mother to mother chat with me. Tells me how they would like to include my daughter in their church activity, blah, blah, blah. I tell her my daughter disobeyed me and she needs to come home now. The mother then starts asking about my faith etc. I tell her to send my daughter home and hang up.

My daughter still isn't home. I'm giving her a couple more minutes and I'm off to go to the friend's house.

All religion aside, I think it's weird that this family is so insist that my daughter join them. Plus I now have to have a even bigger discussion about this religion to my daughter. I didn't want my views to reflect badly on this friend, but it's gone too far.

Any advice would be appreciated. Anyone else have this experience?

 

[N&B'smom]

Mods...this question has religion as an element of my situation, but I don't think the debate is focused on that, but close if necessary. Thx.

My eldest daughter has a wonderful best friend. The one problem I'm having is her friend's family wanting to involve my daughter into their religion and church activities. I've talked to the mother before, expressing my appreciation that they would like to involve my daughter, but I do not wanting her participating.

I won't go into the type of religion, but I have many problems with it's history and doctrine. The mother has asked my daughter questions about our faith and I believe they think my daughter is someone they can convert.

I don't want to ban this child from my daughter's life, but it's become a big problem. Her friend will not take no for an answer. I told her just this afternoon that my daughter was not allowed to go to any church activities. The friend then said could they just play and I told her I would have my daughter call her after homework time. Ten minutes later she was at my door asking to "see" my daughter. They talked on the front porch and came inside and asked to play outside.

Fifteen minutes later I get a call from the friend's cell phone. It's my daughter and she is now at the friends house asking if she could leave with the family to go to church. I told her no, she wasn't even supposed to leave our street. The friend gets on the phone and tries to explain how I shouldn't worry and just let her go. I told her to tell my daughter to come home now.

Five minutes later I get a call from the mother of the friend. She says she wants to have a mother to mother chat with me. Tells me how they would like to include my daughter in their church activity, blah, blah, blah. I tell her my daughter disobeyed me and she needs to come home now. The mother then starts asking about my faith etc. I tell her to send my daughter home and hang up.

My daughter still isn't home. I'm giving her a couple more minutes and I'm off to go to the friend's house.

All religion aside, I think it's weird that this family is so insist that my daughter join them. Plus I now have to have a even bigger discussion about this religion to my daughter. I didn't want my views to reflect badly on this friend, but it's gone too far.

Any advice would be appreciated. Anyone else have this experience?

I think you have every right to be upset. It doesn't matter what their beliefs are, they should not be going against your rules. It seems like they are trying to force things on you all.

The friend called you and then the mom, after you blatantly said NO. Very disrespectful.

 

[Acklander]

I think the fact that the parents can't respect your boundries would be enough reason to not allow her to play over at the friends house. And it's not a religious thing - you could say it about any family activity that you're not comfortable with. How old is your daughter?

 

[Cinderella94]

I think the fact that the parents can't respect your boundries would be enough reason to not allow her to play over at the friends house. And it's not a religious thing - you could say it about any family activity that you're not comfortable with. How old is your daughter?

This.

 

[Pigeon]

I think the fact that the parents can't respect your boundries would be enough reason to not allow her to play over at the friends house. And it's not a religious thing - you could say it about any family activity that you're not comfortable with. How old is your daughter?

Agreed. I'd discourage the friendship and require that get togethers happen at my house, period.

But there are religions that have conversion of others as a cornerstone of what they do. These people probably believe in their hearts that they think they are doing the right thing. I feel bad for their daughter because she's going to scare off a lot of kids.

 

[mamacatnv]

I think the fact that the parents can't respect your boundries would be enough reason to not allow her to play over at the friends house. And it's not a religious thing - you could say it about any family activity that you're not comfortable with. How old is your daughter?

I agree with this.
Weird, I'd run very very fast away from these people. It has nothing to do with religion it has to do with them supporting your DD in disobeying you and they themselves disrespecting your role as the parent.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I think I'd be pretty blunt with the other parent and say that recent incidents have put your child in a position that makes you and her uncomfortable. For the time being you can only allow the girls to play together if they are at your house, but you're happy to reconsider the issue when the girls have a little more maturity.

If she asks you can say that one of your family values is that religious teaching is the responsibility of the parents, and that by ignoring that value they're interfering with your parenting. At some point you'll likely feel that your daughter will be ready to take on the task of explaining and defending her faith but at 11 or 10 (I'm assuming this isn't your littlest one) she's not there yet.

You might lose the friendship, or it might be that the other family is willing to have their daughter come to you. Or it might be that they'll realize you are serious and be willing to back off on the religion.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

My daughter is almost 12. She did come home and knew immediately she was in trouble. We chatted briefly and it appears this family was overstepping boundaries and asking very personal questions about my family.

I had to ban her from going over there anymore.

 

[rainy~daze]

what about contacting the church they attend directly to let them know a parishioner is borderline harrassing you. Let them know while you appreciate their faith, it is not yours and ask them to intervene to make it stop.

 

[Nolcrest]

No, I would never let my daughter go to their house. Due to the fact that the family does not respect your wishes - regardless of their religion. I would have gotten a very uncomfortable feeling over this. I would then punish my daughter for disobeying also.

 

[MomRN]

Is this a religion or a cult? This goes above and beyond what is acceptable, and you have every right to be upset.

This is your 11 year old daughter? What does she think about it?

 

[lillygator]

sounds like a cult like religion!!

 

[minkydog]

They're not just disrespecting your wishes, they are actively undermining your parenting. RUN! Run far away from these people.

 

[Pigeon]

what about contacting the church they attend directly to let them know a parishioner is borderline harrassing you. Let them know while you appreciate their faith, it is not yours and ask them to intervene to make it stop.

There are churches that encourage this kind of behavior. I've seen it.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

what about contacting the church they attend directly to let them know a parishioner is borderline harrassing you. Let them know while you appreciate their faith, it is not yours and ask them to intervene to make it stop.

This is a very important focus of this religion.

 

[Acklander]

This is a very important focus of this religion.

Sounds like you made the right decision.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

There are churches that encourage this kind of behavior. I've seen it.

I guess this is why I'm so worried. The majority of our neighborhood is this religion and I am afraid this will have an effect on my children's other friendships.

In fact I talked to a friend who is this religion and she told me it was best to try to not get involved. That one who denies the religion outright is viewed with sympathy, but the ones who involve themselves then reject the religion are viewed in a hostile way.

Hope this isn't TMI. I just wanted to explain my position more. Everyone has a right to believe in what they believe.

 

[dzorn]

You did the right thing. I think your daughter is old enough to explain why you do not agree with the principals of the other religon. I usually try to explain why I have certain rules often if they understand why it makes it easier to follow.

Denise in MI

 

[LuvOrlando]

This doesn't sound like a friendship to me, it sounds like a recruitment. You did the right thing.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Mods...this question has religion as an element of my situation, but I don't think the debate is focused on that, but close if necessary. Thx.

My eldest daughter has a wonderful best friend. The one problem I'm having is her friend's family wanting to involve my daughter into their religion and church activities. I've talked to the mother before, expressing my appreciation that they would like to involve my daughter, but I do not wanting her participating.

I won't go into the type of religion, but I have many problems with it's history and doctrine. The mother has asked my daughter questions about our faith and I believe they think my daughter is someone they can convert.

I don't want to ban this child from my daughter's life, but it's become a big problem. Her friend will not take no for an answer. I told her just this afternoon that my daughter was not allowed to go to any church activities. The friend then said could they just play and I told her I would have my daughter call her after homework time. Ten minutes later she was at my door asking to "see" my daughter. They talked on the front porch and came inside and asked to play outside.

Fifteen minutes later I get a call from the friend's cell phone. It's my daughter and she is now at the friends house asking if she could leave with the family to go to church. I told her no, she wasn't even supposed to leave our street. The friend gets on the phone and tries to explain how I shouldn't worry and just let her go. I told her to tell my daughter to come home now.

Five minutes later I get a call from the mother of the friend. She says she wants to have a mother to mother chat with me. Tells me how they would like to include my daughter in their church activity, blah, blah, blah. I tell her my daughter disobeyed me and she needs to come home now. The mother then starts asking about my faith etc. I tell her to send my daughter home and hang up.

My daughter still isn't home. I'm giving her a couple more minutes and I'm off to go to the friend's house.

All religion aside, I think it's weird that this family is so insist that my daughter join them. Plus I now have to have a even bigger discussion about this religion to my daughter. I didn't want my views to reflect badly on this friend, but it's gone too far.

Any advice would be appreciated. Anyone else have this experience?

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?