Need some parenting advice

[The Mystery Machine]

Let's just say, I would move. I would not want to be in a community like that.

HUGS to your family.

 

[rodeo65]

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

Huge difference between interested discussion and debate and relentless recruitment by adults in pursuit of a child, using their own child to push the situation.

OP I think you absolutely did the right thing in keeping this family away from your DD. We have a branch of our family who went and got themselves all involved in one of the cult religions. It took years of them arriving for every single family event (at least those that they were still allowed to observe) and party with their satchel full of leaflets and my parents telling them to just hike those satchels back out to their trunk for them to get the point. We were not going to be converted. They really were extremely persistant. I have no doubt that in your situation they would continue to try and sway your daughter - especially working to get her away from you to "discuss" their religion with her.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think the fact that the parents can't respect your boundries would be enough reason to not allow her to play over at the friends house. And it's not a religious thing - you could say it about any family activity that you're not comfortable with. How old is your daughter?

Exactly.

I would be done with the family. Done. They don't take "no" for an answer and have an agenda that you don't want.

Over and out.

 

[Judy Judy Judy]

Please don't tell me that I'm the only one dying to know what faith this is?

 

[DSNY4ever]

You 100% did the right thing. Sorry you had to do it though, how frustrating.

I can think of several religions that I would not want my kid wrapped up in (not that I have kids yet). If they want to explore when they are an adult, that is up to them, your job as a parent is to do what you think is right for them, and help guide them on the right path until you let them loose at 18 to make informed decisions on their own. You did well

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I would never force any particular religion on my children. Some of my children are of a different race/ethnicity. They might chose the relgion of their birthplace, etc. They are free to explore any religion or spiritual belief.

I do have a problem with a religion that excludes people because of their orientation or race. I guess this is my main problem with this religion.

 

[princessmom29]

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

It doesn't sound to me like they are just asking questions. They seem to be relentlessly pushing their agenda, as well as encouraging a child to actively disobey her parent in the intrest of pushing their particular brand of religion. That is not a discussion or a debate, it is manipulation of a child.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would never force any particular religion on my children. Some of my children are of a different race/ethnicity. They might chose the relgion of their birthplace, etc. They are free to explore any religion or spiritual belief.

I do have a problem with a religion that excludes people because of their orientation or race. I guess this is my main problem with this religion.

Asking a child personal family business and encouraging a child to go against her parents wishes are issues all on their own. Too many lines crossed. I wouldn't revisit that scenario again.

 

[RitaZ.]

My daughter is almost 12. She did come home and knew immediately she was in trouble. We chatted briefly and it appears this family was overstepping boundaries and asking very personal questions about my family.

I had to ban her from going over there anymore.

I'm not one to intervene in my children's friendships, but, in a case like this, I would have done the same thing.

They were disrespectful, pushy and totally inappropriate. I would be livid.

 

[JaneBanks]

Please don't tell me that I'm the only one dying to know what faith this is?

No you're not!

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

front porch and came inside and asked to play outside.

Fifteen minutes later I get a call from the friend's cell phone. It's my My daughter still isn't home. I'm giving her a couple more minutes and I'm off to go to the friend's house.

All religion aside, I think it's weird that this family is so insist that my daughter join them. Plus I now have to have a even bigger discussion about this religion to my daughter. I didn't want my views to reflect badly on this friend, but it's gone too far.

Any advice would be appreciated. Anyone else have this experience?

DING DING DING... bells and whistles going off here. My butt would be out the door and over to the friends house bringing my dd home immediately. Said friend would not be allowed over for x amount of time and parents would get speaking to about boundaries and respect. I would not be sitting on the computer posting about it. JMHO. Best of luck to you.

 

[Pigeon]

Please don't tell me that I'm the only one dying to know what faith this is?

It's actually not hard to figure out.

 

[NotUrsula]

what about contacting the church they attend directly to let them know a parishioner is borderline harrassing you. Let them know while you appreciate their faith, it is not yours and ask them to intervene to make it stop.

I really would not do this; the odds are that it would trigger visits to your home by adult missionaries sent by the pastor to "explain" things to you.

 

[Mixie]

Your daughter
Your house
Your rules

People who cannot respect that will be disrespectful in other areas.

I say foot goes down and there will be no contact with these people ever again outside of school.

 

[Kat77]

This doesn't sound like a friendship to me, it sounds like a recruitment. You did the right thing.

ITA. Once they realise your DD is not available for recruitment the other family may (do you a favor) ban their child from being friends with yours. She'll be outside their religion and a bad influence .

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable. This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion? Because YOU don't like it? If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.
Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter? Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith? Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

Wow did we read the same posts? They lured her child to their home!
I would have called the police after it was established they did not send my kid packing like I requested. A wild overreaction but this scenerio would have pissed me off that much.

Please don't tell me that I'm the only one dying to know what faith this is?

I'm wondering too. I have two or three guesses but I'd love to know (and beware).

 

[epcotprincess]

This situation would really, really frighten me as a parent. I completely believe that you did the right thing in this situation. I have to agree that if my community were predominately comprised of people of such an aggressive recruiting nature I would probably look into moving away-- after all, if that is the case with the makeup of your town, this certainly won't be the last time your daughter feels the pull of these folks or feels discriminated due to her resistance.

 

[DaParkers]

Your daughter
Your house
Your rules

People who cannot respect that will be disrespectful in other areas.

I say foot goes down and there will be no contact with these people ever again outside of school.

Exactly! There are some people that share my faith that "get on my nerves" and don't understand boundaries. So, I say no more friendship period.

 

[DawnM]

Yeah, I thought I had it figured out with the OP, and as it progressed, I am now sure of it.

Sigh.

Dawn

It's actually not hard to figure out.

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree with this.
Weird, I'd run very very fast away from these people. It has nothing to do with religion it has to do with them supporting your DD in disobeying you and they themselves disrespecting your role as the parent.

They're not just disrespecting your wishes, they are actively undermining your parenting. RUN! Run far away from these people.

Got to agree with these 100%.

Our family has always been very active in church, and our daughter has had friends accompany us to activities many times. I'm a firm believer in church attendance.

That said, these people deceitfully and deliberately used their own child to get your daughter to their house when they knew that you had specifically said otherwise. They planned it, improvising as necessary, with total disregard of your wishes. Deceitful does not correlate with church. There is a major issue with these people and their judgement. You did what you were forced to do.

 

[mjaclyn]

I do have a problem with a religion that excludes people because of their orientation or race. I guess this is my main problem with this religion.

I'm not familiar with a religion that excludes people based on their race.. the only type I can think of is Jewish Orthodox but don't you have to be born into that religion? I don't think they recruit people..