Need some parenting advice

[Kat77]

I'm not familiar with a religion that excludes people based on their race.. the only type I can think of is Jewish Orthodox but don't you have to be born into that religion? I don't think they recruit people..

There are two well known faiths I can think that now deny their past doctrine on race. They both use missionaries.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I'm not familiar with a religion that excludes people based on their race.. the only type I can think of is Jewish Orthodox but don't you have to be born into that religion? I don't think they recruit people..

I think I should have stated the history of the religion has strong racial overtones. I'm sure most of the people in today's church are not racist, but it has to be difficult to believe in a religion with such a controversial history.

 

[Zandy595]

There's one religion I know of that does this type of recruiting. I didn't realize they also encourage children to disobey their parents. That's extreme. OP you did the right thing. I would make it very clear to these people that if they lure your daughter away from your house again you will be calling the police.

 

[Wall-E1]

I had to ban her from going over there anymore.

Smart move!

Is this a religion or a cult? This goes above and beyond what is acceptable, and you have every right to be upset.

sounds like a cult like religion!!

That's what I was thinking.

They're not just disrespecting your wishes, they are actively undermining your parenting. RUN! Run far away from these people.

Yes, there is no shame in running away from "crazy".

This doesn't sound like a friendship to me, it sounds like a recruitment. You did the right thing.

My thoughts exactly! It's a membership drive.

 

[Mkrop]

I would have been up there and getting my kid and giving them a good piece of my mind.

It is one thing to invite the child to church but once you said no then they should respect that.

 

[Hemlock]

It's actually not hard to figure out.

I actually don't have a clue!

Please don't tell me that I'm the only one dying to know what faith this is?

Also dying to know!

 

[woodkins]

I agree with your decision on banning this friendship.

There are fanatics/extremists in any religion and those are the people to be wary of, more the people rather than the religion. It seems to me that this family is fanatical about their faith & takes this to an extreme, which crosses a line of appropriate behavior toward a child. What the religion is in the case is not really the issue, more the behavior of these followers.

 

[mjaclyn]

I think the biggest issue is that the family is not respecting your choice not to let your child participate in the activities. Regardless of whether it's religious or not, if I said 'No' to my kids, I mean 'No' and I don't expect other parents to outright challenge me on my decision. If the parents want to ask you about why you don't let your child go to their house anymore, I would approach it more that way instead of making it a religious issue.

 

[Tink888]

I think the fact that the parents can't respect your boundries would be enough reason to not allow her to play over at the friends house. And it's not a religious thing - you could say it about any family activity that you're not comfortable with. How old is your daughter?

Asking a child personal family business and encouraging a child to go against her parents wishes are issues all on their own. Too many lines crossed. I wouldn't revisit that scenario again.

Huge red flags even when religion is taken out of the scenario. I would be livid and my child wouldn't be going anywhere near that family. If the friendship was that important to my child, their daughter could come to our house.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

 

[ENSOCK]

I would have gotten in my car and went get my child. I totally agree with my child not going near that family again. If you have that many people near you into that then I would have to look into moving for the sake of my children. Good luck op!

 

[Wall-E1]

This is about religion and you wanting your daughter to only practice what YOU find acceptable.

And as the parent, she has every right to make this decision. She has decided that she does not agree with its history and doctrine. It's called parenting.

This is one of the main reasons I hate organized religion and the people involved too clique and too closed minded. Beyond all the silly rules or idea the main idea is love and belief in a higher power of good. So why is it such a big deal that she MIGHT look into another religion?

It's a big deal because the mother has expressed her appreciation to this family, and politely asked them not to involve her daughter, and they are disrespecting the mothers' wishes.

Because YOU don't like it?

Good enough reason for me. If the parent wants to expose their child to only one religion, multiple religions, or no religion - it is the parent's choice.

If you have instilled positive faith nothing will sway her and it's natural for teens to explore other religions and faiths. As long as they aren't practicing human sacrifice I wouldn't worry.

Some cults have been able to brainwash otherwise normal, functioning members of society. As a responsible parent, it is our job to step in and protect our children when we see warning flags popping up.

Just wanted to add: I'm not seeing why you banned your daughter?

because the mother has good judgement.

Why are you upset that they asked question about her faith?

because the mother asked them not to discuss religion with her daughter, and they are ignoring and disrespecting the wishes of the mother.

Isn't that the point to ask and discover and find answers?

Yes, but the person answering should be of sound mind.

 

[C.Ann]

If my DD were an adult - 18 or so - and there was nothing "cultish" about this religion - I would allow her to make that decision for herself..

However - given your DD's age - I think these parents are definitely crossing a very personal line that shouldn't be crossed.. It would be a shame to see a very close friendship end over something like this, but if the best friend and/or her parents refuse to respect your decision, I'm afraid you may have to put your foot down and not allow any further contact.. I would speak to all of them - one more time - making the consequences crystal clear - and if they aren't willing to back off, you will simply have to follow through on what you have told them that you are going to do..

Hopefully it won't come to that..

Good luck..

 

[Mixie]

Exactly. The fact that it was, in this case, religioulsy based is not really the point - thier motive, yes - but not really the point.

What if they had offered to take this child to a rock concert. The OP thinks her DD is too young to go to a rock concert and says 'no'. The story plays out the same way - with the DD over at their house with the OP having no idea she had even left the yard and the other mother calling to say rock concerts are no big deal.

I think everyone would agree that the other child and the other mother were out of line, even scary people, for doing what they had done.


Now, having said that, I think the OPs DD needs a good talking to about walking away from home without a word. If my DD had done that she would be grounded for sure and other punishments pending the seriousness of the crime.

In this case, people the OP didn't even know well? Very harsh punishment indeed.

 

[Eeyore5]

I have a few guesses as to what religion this is. I would google the religion with the word "ex" in front of it. It might help you with things to teach your daughter to help her understand why you don't agree with them. I also think the idea of playing only at your house is a wise one. If it is the one that I think is most likely, they won't give up easily. I got the missionaries to stop coming by being polite but pointing out things from their doctrine that they prefer others who aren't in the church not know. I think it can be fun to discuss religion with people who knock at my door. If you come to me, then you get my opinions whether you like them or not. I am polite about it, but do have fun.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

I agree with the OP if she decides not to allow her daughter to see these people again. At the daughter's age, it's up to the parents to choose what religion they practice as a family and parents don't need other people confusing the kids at that age. That pushy religious family needs to back off and mind their own business about the other family's choice of religion. When the daughter is of age, she can choose to follow any religion she wants, but not while she's a minor child if her parents don't want it.

As for the mother not respecting the OPs wishes, bad vibes from this. It's disrespectful and if it were my daughter, I'll tell her to find new friends.

 

[Disney Doll]

Let's take the focus off of religion and put it where it belongs...on the fact that the OP's DD disobeyed her and then the parents of the friend continued to helpo the OP's DD disobey and then the mother offered to come have a chat with the OP about what, essentially, amounts to a parenting decision.

It's quite simple...my child, my rules. The other family was asked not to "push" religion, they continued to do so and encouraged the OP's DD to disobey her.

Any person who was not my child's parent who thought they should have any kind of "say" in what my child did would be so off my list of acquaintance.

 

[kellyg403]

I am with other posters, even taking religion out of it, those parents are WAY past any boundaries. Your decisions are yours to make for your child and family.

If it is the religion I am thinking of, you won't need to ban your dd. Just invite that particular dd over, while she is there have your own personal conversation regarding religion. She won't be back. Her parents will be calling you and forbidding the relationship.

And, also..again if it is the same religion I am thinking, don't bother calling. They will send the adults your way to sway you to the light.

Kelly

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

It's quite simple...my child, my rules. The other family was asked not to "push" religion, they continued to do so and encouraged the OP's DD to disobey her.

Any person who was not my child's parent who thought they should have any kind of "say" in what my child did would be so off my list of acquaintance.

Yes!

 

[bumbershoot]

It's my daughter and she is now at the friends house asking if she could leave with the family to go to church. I told her no, she wasn't even supposed to leave our street. The friend gets on the phone and tries to explain how I shouldn't worry and just let her go.

Oh, my goodness, NOOOOO.

If we take out religion...

"It's my daughter and she is now at the friends house asking if she could leave with the family to go to dinner. I told her no, she wasn't even supposed to leave our street. The friend gets on the phone and tries to explain how I shouldn't worry and just let her go[to dinner]."

Still heck no!

And then the mom calls again to try to convince you? No! Not even to dinner! Even with dinner...why is this family wanting your daughter soooo bad to go to "dinner" with them, ya know?

But there are religions that have conversion of others as a cornerstone of what they do. These people probably believe in their hearts that they think they are doing the right thing. I feel bad for their daughter because she's going to scare off a lot of kids.

Ayep.

what about contacting the church they attend directly to let them know a parishioner is borderline harrassing you. Let them know while you appreciate their faith, it is not yours and ask them to intervene to make it stop.

He's not even the religion I'm certain this is, but if you called my stepdad's pastor to say this, he'd approve of the efforts and ask the person to do more. Some churches believe with every fiber of their being that they exist to evangelize, and they will go to extreme efforts to do it.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

Me too.

 

[Cinderella94]

Would someone be willing to PM me with what religion they think this is? I don't want to bring that discussion into this thread but now I'm dying to know!