Need Relationship Advice

[The Mystery Machine]

He could be a total con-artist. Everything he is telling you could be false.

Next thing you know your accounts are cleared out and he has skipped town.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I agree with the poster that suggested checking up on his past. Something does not sound right here.

He is doing to you what he claims was done to him. He sounds like a liar. What decent man would let a woman pay all the bills? No decent man would.

Stay with him if you want to continue to pay all his expenses and make excuses for him. Good luck. It sounds like a miserable life to me. He is manipulating you. You need to take a closer look at his past. The fact that he is still so bitter means he must still have emotional ties to people in his past.

 

[Pumbaa_]

time to have that ring appraised

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

seriously..DUMP HIM.

You really believe that both his ex-wives were insane? He is USING you. Why would you want to be with someone who hates women? What are you getting out of this relationship?

Why so desperate? You deserve better and you know this.

I agree, theres a reason he has 2 ex wives!

A friend of mine went through something similar, he's currently suing her for 1/2 of her house that she bought before him and alimony.

If you don't want to get rid of him yet then get the finances straight between you atleast.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, Trust your gut instincts.

TC

 

[manning]

You can do better than him with both hands tied behind your back!!!!!

 

[Brer Frog]

UPDATE: I guess I'm certifiably insane. I went home feeling strong, and told him that because he is giving me mixed messages about our future, we needed to look at an equal division of the expenses. He offered to move out, without even offering to pay anything! He feels that the only thing he should pay is any increase in expenses I've incurred since he's moved in. I know in my head that sounds nuts. I suppose he doesn't want to feel I'm "profiting" at all from the relationship. He knows I don't need the money.

So come on... tell me I'm a pushover. I don't want him to leave.

I'm sure I'll be back on here whining in a couple of months about how he's using me.

I just keep telling myself, "he's just different & needs time to trust again."

 

[Pam]

A few months?

Sweetheart you are on here right now whining that you know you are being used.

Sounds like you enjoy being the Doctor's whipping post.

Oh - and yeah:

YOU'RE A PUSHOVER!!!!!

 

[Brer Frog]

A few months?

Sweetheart you are on here right now whining that you know you are being used.

Sounds like you enjoy being the Doctor's whipping post.

Oh - and yeah:

YOU'RE A PUSHOVER!!!!!

I know you're right. Have you ever known someone absolutely brilliant, and yet so naive about "everyday, ordinary" things? That's him...

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm sure I'll be back on here whining in a couple of months about how he's using me.

I just keep telling myself, "he's just different & needs time to trust again."

Most of us aren't going to want to hear it from you in a few months. You know the problem, you know what you should do, you refuse. So, this is your problem... not his.

Why should any of us waste our time posting sound advice? It obviously falls on deaf ears and you really do know what you should do anyways. So, I'll tell you what you want to hear now and I'll keep repeating it every time you complain about it: 'Honey, he is just different and needs time to trust'. Hope that helps.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I know you're right. Have you ever known someone absolutely brilliant, and yet so naive about "everyday, ordinary" things? That's him...

Sounds more like he's a manipulative user/loser, and found someone he can suck in (he uses, you lose). You're too old to fall for this and too young to settle for this.

 

[RadioNate]

UPDATE: I guess I'm certifiably insane. I went home feeling strong, and told him that because he is giving me mixed messages about our future, we needed to look at an equal division of the expenses. He offered to move out, without even offering to pay anything! He feels that the only thing he should pay is any increase in expenses I've incurred since he's moved in. I know in my head that sounds nuts. I suppose he doesn't want to feel I'm "profiting" at all from the relationship. He knows I don't need the money.

So come on... tell me I'm a pushover. I don't want him to leave.

I'm sure I'll be back on here whining in a couple of months about how he's using me.

I just keep telling myself, "he's just different & needs time to trust again."

and THIS didn't tell you that he's using you for a free ride?????

keep lying to yourself....really yes you are a pushover.

 

[RadioNate]

I know you're right. Have you ever known someone absolutely brilliant, and yet so naive about "everyday, ordinary" things? That's him...

hardly

this guy knows EXACTLY what he is doing and that you are dumb enough to fall for it

 

[Brer Frog]

Most of us aren't going to want to hear it from you in a few months. You know the problem, you know what you should do, you refuse. So, this is your problem... not his.

Why should any of us waste our time posting sound advice? It obviously falls on deaf ears and you really do know what you should do anyways. So, I'll tell you what you want to hear now and I'll keep repeating it every time you complain about it: 'Honey, he is just different and needs time to trust'. Hope that helps.

I appreciate hearing other's opinions to confirm that I'm not crazy for expecting him to pay half...

and PAW I really do respect your advice... it's always spot on and very rational. So please don't feel like you're wasting your time on me.

 

[Glenn]

So he offered to move out instead of working out something about paying the bills. Well,"help him start packing"! Sounds like he never even helped with the groceries & really doesnt want to spend a penny. Send him packing. Your too young to be stuck with a guy like this.

 

[lovemygoofy]

You don't need relationship advice you need some self esteem advice. A relationship is something where both parties are putting in their 100% to make it work and keep the other happy. What's the other party in your realtionship doing to make you happy? Made you feel good, said things that played on your heart and emotions and even gave you a ring to keep you holding on.

Relationships are so much more than rings and pretty word, which I don't even know if you're getting the pretty words. It's about actions and reactions. What would you do if you saw your friend, daughter, mother or whomever in a relationship where it was all one sided? You'd be all over that female saying "you don't need him, girl" or "he's nothing but a total user" yet you keep making excuses for the your relationship. Please take yourself out of the equation and see how it adds up then. I hope that you realize that you are much better off either finding the one that can love you the way you deserve or you realize that being happy alone is better than being together and miserable.

 

[poohandwendy]

I appreciate hearing other's opinions to confirm that I'm not crazy for expecting him to pay half...

and PAW I really do respect your advice... it's always spot on and very rational. So please don't feel like you're wasting your time on me.

LOL, then I will give it to you straight.

You aren't a pushover, you are a fool. A pushover is too nice to say no. Your motivation isn't nice, it's desperation. You want to talk about what he is doing wrong because that deflects away from the heart of the matter and that is that you know you are so desperate that he could do almost anything and you will put up with it.

Posters are going to come here and tell you he is doing you wrong and that will feel like a warm hug and validation of your feelings that something is wrong.

But, you don't need that, you need a firm kick in the pants. You need someone to remind you that alone is better than lonely in a relationship. That alone is better than living with someone who really doesn't think much of you.

Something is wrong, but it's not really him or the relationship...there is something really wrong with you. He is a symptom of your illness. He isn't the illness. He is not even worthy of conversation because he isn't what you are really looking for anyways. He is what you are willing to settle for because you really have bought into the idea that you can't or won't find anything any better.

Until you address that part of you, nothing and I mean NOTHING in your life will feel very good.

Just my frank opinion.

 

[Tinkim]

ugh. This reminds me a bit of my best friend's boyfriend. He uses her and she lets him. I have told her straight out that I don't like him and he is using her. She drives him places (cuz he can't afford to register his car), bought him groceries when he got fired because of his own stupidity, has loaned him money that she will never see back, and they get together only on his terms. He does absolutely nothing for her. Neither one of them is financially stable but she is a widow and taking care of 3 kids and her elderly father, and he is single divorced 3 times (and of course all 3 ex-wives are crazy). I believe he is still sleeping with his ex-wife as well after listening to some of BF's stories about different situations.

He had the nerve to tell her that he wouldn't want to "get married to her" until she had her financial situation in order. I laughed hysterically when I heard this since he had no heat or electricity or cable around Christmas and was behind on his mortgage and almost lost his house and couldn't drive his car because he couldn't afford the registration. He came to her house just yesterday and told her it was a mess and to clean it up. Then he came back later and she was checking her e-mail and he asked why she was on the computer since the house was still a mess. I have tried to talk to her about valueling herself enough to get rid of this loser even if it means being alone for the time being.

My feeling is he is a user and extremely selfish. I keep trying to tell her it is better to be alone than to be with such a loser but she is lonely. I am guessing you feel the same way OP about not wanting to be alone. It is not going to get any better and you deserve someone better than that but nothing any of us says is going to convince you because you are in denial about what a jerk he is or you think it is better than being alone. I feel like you already know the answer to your own question but like my best friend instead of doing what you know you should and getting rid of him you keep making excuses for his behavior because you perceive him to have some good qualities. I wish you the best and I'll keep you in my thoughts and pray that you and my BF both come to the conclusion that you are worth more and you deserve someone great to love you.

 

[EthansMom]

UPDATE: I guess I'm certifiably insane. I went home feeling strong, and told him that because he is giving me mixed messages about our future, we needed to look at an equal division of the expenses. He offered to move out, without even offering to pay anything! He feels that the only thing he should pay is any increase in expenses I've incurred since he's moved in. I know in my head that sounds nuts. I suppose he doesn't want to feel I'm "profiting" at all from the relationship. He knows I don't need the money.

So come on... tell me I'm a pushover. I don't want him to leave.

I'm sure I'll be back on here whining in a couple of months about how he's using me.

I just keep telling myself, "he's just different & needs time to trust again."

Start helping him pack his stuff.

You're wasting your time, money, and emotions on this loser. He will not get better.

Move on now and save yourself any future aggravation.

There's someone out there who will love you AND treat you well. But you won't find him while you're with this loser!!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

He Offered To Move Out!!!! Hello!!!! Pack His Bags!!!!