Hi gaynor,
As im reading this my heart goes out to you and what you must be going through right now ((hugs))
I think you did the right thing giving yourself some space, and not letting him be there and still having contact with her, its a bit like having the best of both worlds, and cant be doing you a whole lot of good either, at least now you have some room to breathe and think, and even if you do miss him terribly at least you both have this time to reflect on whats going to happen now.
Im wondering if her partner knows about all this, the spiteful part of me would be telling him myself, not that that would achieve much other than making you feel a bit better.
I dont think of you as weak, 15 years is such a long time to be together and every aspect of your life is intertwined, i cannot begin to imagne how hard it is.
Stay strong for you and the kids, and i hope that you get through this the way you need to, i wouldnt rush to tell them just yet, kids can take these things hard espically teens, maybe play it down.
As much as were all strangers here, we all know quite a bit about each other and i find this forum to be a tower of strength and kindness, The responses cards and gifts when Isabelle was sick Just strengthened that belief even more, the word community in the board rearly rings true here, so vent away, everyone will listen and no one will judge you, sometimes its easier to work through these things with people that arent so close.
will be thinking of you
Terri xx
P S
Id be going on that holiday with or without him...you deserve it xx