My son got a "referral" at school yesterday.

[EthansMom]

to the OP.

I'd be going in to meet with the Principal, if I were in your shoes. I would want him/her to explain what THEY planned to do to protect my child from the bully.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I agree 100% with this person. I have always told my daughters to fight back and will continue to. I am not raising punching bags. I always told them that I would be there to back them up if they got in trouble after the fact. Once a bully figures out that you aren't going to defend yourself they will continue to terrorize you. That is awful that this is going on at such a young age.

I agree with your post 100%!!!! In fact DD's karate school teaches self-defense by using examples of classroom bullies. My kid does not have to tolerate being abused or being called a tattle-tale. You touch my kid you better be prepared for those dang years of karate lessons to pay off.

 

[gina2000]

I'd probably take a different tactic.

I'd ask the principal of the school to give me a plan about what they were going to do to keep the bullying child away from mine.

It would probably go something like this:

"We have discussed with Johnny the fact that he cannot defend himself from a physical attack from another child, because he will get into trouble too. He does understand that.

Because the child that attacked Johnny has a known history of physically aggressive, bullying behavior, we would like to see a copy of the school's plan as to how they are going to handle the child. We are specifically interested in learning how the school intends to monitor that child's behavior and keep him away from our child so that our child will not be pinched until he is bruised and otherwise physically attacked.

We are putting the responsibility for our son's safety at school directly onto you, Mr. (or Mrs.) Principal. We will await your response as to how you intend to handle this situation so that our child is not in a hostile learning environment."

Toss that out there...see what happens.

This is the effective way to approach it. You put the school on notice that they are not following an anti-bullying code and it forces them to put into writing a plan of action. You then have justification to take it further should the occasion arise.

Bullying is a very, very, very difficult situation to deal with on a day to day basis. Bullies are insidious and calculating in their methodology. They know exactly how to instigate, insinuate, and agitate their victims. The victim ends up acting out and in essense, has perpetrated the worse crime - physical aggression. The physical aggression is always the culmination of a bullying strategy, not the beginning. It takes a huge amount of constant vigilance to catch and discipline a bully before physical aggression occurs. It's a very difficult situation for everyone concerned. Unfortunately, all students rights are protected, not just the innocent. You'd be surprised the hoops an administration has to jump through before they can take action. Your best bet is to be proactive in forcing the administration to acknowledge the problem and to create and follow a plan of action.

Good luck. Your child deserves an education free from harrassment.

 

[ElizK]

We have always told my girls that they are never to start anything, but they are not to allow themselves to be someone's punching bag either. They know that they'll be in trouble at school, but not in any trouble at home if they are defending themselves. The zero tolerance policy is ridiculous, and expecting kids, especially little boys, to tatlletale is stupid. We're raising a generation of whiners and wusses.

 

[lajones81]

He's only in kindergarten, but I hope this is his first and last.

By his and witnesses accounts, he was sitting in the lunchroom eating his lunch when a boy in his class (who has tripped him and pushed him before on several different occasions) told him to get up so he could have that seat. My son refused, so the boy grabbed his arm and pinched him. My son pushed him and then the boy clawed his face. He's got a big scratch/gouge on the side of his face.

The referral said that my son was sent to the office for "fighting back, instead of getting a teacher." I am a para educator and completely understand why the schools make these rules, but...argh! I know if some woman came up to me, demanded I move and then grab and pinch me when I didn't, I'd most likely do more than push her.

I had to practically gag my fifteen year old, so he wouldn't tell my little one that he did the right thing by fighting back.

I would recommend checking your parent-student handbook for specifics on your school district's bullying policy. My school district has a three-tier system of interventions for students who are labelled as bullies.