My sister's wedding issues

[MushyMushy]

I swear I saw somewhere in the thread that the sister was newly divorced, which is why she couldn't afford the sitter. Or am I imagining things???

I'm definitely not among those who think the kids will be scarred. They'll get over it. I've been to plenty of weddings sans kids, but I would hope that my own sister would have made an exception for her nieces and nephews. I prefer the family weddings, but I do enjoy the adult ones as well. I see just as much, if not more, bad behavior from partying adults as I do from kids. I don't get people who have such a strong aversion to kids because of the potential "noise" they might make. It annoys me, that's for sure, but loud adults annoy me just as much.

I just think this whole situation was crappily done.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The children's dissapoinment aside, this is going to have a lasting effect on the relationship of the sisters. Clearly the kids are invited to every wedding in their family except for this one. If it was my sister it would speak volumes to me. I would not go and I can guarantee that our relationship would change with that one simple act of her not inviting my kids.

 

[disykat]

I was assuming that she would bring her kids with her to the sister's town. That way the kids can see the family, etc. But the OP would have to provide a sitter for the rehearsal dinner too or the sister's DH could stay back in the room with the kids. I would only leave my DD overnight with someone I already knew and trusted.

The OP said she was unwilling to provide a sitter because it would "only be for her sister's children."

 

[robinb]

The OP said she was unwilling to provide a sitter because it would "only be for her sister's children."

Thanks, I missed that. That really stinks .

 

[tink_n_pooh]

OP I can't really help all together that much but make sure that just do what you want, if your sister is really the only one that is being affected by this is there a nice way you could let her know that?

I originally wanted to not have kids at our reception as well but it changed over time and we ended up having some children there, it was nice though as all the kids there were very close to us and I know they will remember that for the rest of their lives, we even had a kids table right next to the dance floor just for them

Good luck!!

 

[luvsJack]

If I was the bride I would just elope after all this!

I just cannot believe this bride is supposed to plan her wedding around what some kids want!! Or more to the point--what they think the kids want.

Would the kids have been less disappointed if she had told them earlier? I agree that she should have been truthful in the beginning but what's done is done. But if they were going to be disappointed, they would have felt that way regardless of when they were told.

Maybe her sis is a hard person to tell stuff like this. I have a sil that is that way. She is the last to know anything because no one wants to deal with her tirades and fit throwing.

Scarred and the relationship ruined for life?? Must not have been a very strong relationship to being with.

Is her sister the only guest/attendant with kids? If not then obviously there are other people who are understanding the "no kids" thing.

 

[Kathi OD]

You misunderstood what I said. I didn't suggest that the husband stay behind (at home or in the room) with the kids for the wedding reception. That would be silly . I did suggest that maybe he stay behind with them for the rehearsal dinner which is not as important as the reception. I would recommend that the OP either allow the kids at her reception (since they are allowed at the wedding itself) or for her to provide a babysitter in the same venue as the reception.

ETA: You brought up the rehearsal dinner so that's what I was commenting on ...

Yep, I did misunderstand. Sorry 'bout that!

If I was the bride I would just elope after all this!

I just cannot believe this bride is supposed to plan her wedding around what some kids want!! Or more to the point--what they think the kids want.

It isn't really about planning a wedding about what kids want. It's about being insensitive to her sister's situation. FWIW, if sis lived in the same town and didn't need to travel 2.5 hours each way, thereby needing a sitter for at least 10 hours the day of the wedding, I'd probably be on her side, except for the way she went about informing her sister about not having kids at the wedding.

 

[KiminChicago]

OK, I've read this entire thread and I have several questions. Like many others, I'd love to know when the OP was planning on telling her sister about the no children rule. Was she waiting until after the bridesmaids dresses were ordered, hoping that once her sister had forked over all that money, she'd be less likely to pull out of the wedding? Have the dresses been ordered already?

Oh, and for those who think the children won't care: I was 5 when my dearest uncle got married. He was in the military when I was small, stationed in Korea. Every time he came home on leave, he made a special point of visiting my parents and I have dozens of pictures of the two of us together -- me as an infant, him in his Army uniform. He even had my portrait painted on silk by a street artist in Korea from a picture my parents had sent him -- I still have it. Anyway, he got married and his bride insisted on no children at the wedding or the reception (except for her sister's kids as it later turned out). I was never as close to him after that time, and never did warm up to my new aunt. I still feel sad when I see their wedding photos at my mom's house and I'm 49. I can only imagine what an 11 year old would feel. I wasn't scarred for life, but it did affect the way we interacted afterward.

 

[*Fantasia*]

OK, I've read this entire thread and I have several questions. Like many others, I'd love to know when the OP was planning on telling her sister about the no children rule. Was she waiting until after the bridesmaids dresses were ordered, hoping that once her sister had forked over all that money, she'd be less likely to pull out of the wedding? Have the dresses been ordered already?

Oh, and for those who think the children won't care: I was 5 when my dearest uncle got married. He was in the military when I was small, stationed in Korea. Every time he came home on leave, he made a special point of visiting my parents and I have dozens of pictures of the two of us together -- me as an infant, him in his Army uniform. He even had my portrait painted on silk by a street artist in Korea from a picture my parents had sent him -- I still have it. Anyway, he got married and his bride insisted on no children at the wedding or the reception (except for her sister's kids as it later turned out). I was never as close to him after that time, and never did warm up to my new aunt. I still feel sad when I see their wedding photos at my mom's house and I'm 49. I can only imagine what an 11 year old would feel. I wasn't scarred for life, but it did affect the way we interacted afterward.

What?!! Now what is wrong with this pictures?! Your auntie to be invited her sister's children, but your uncle couldn't invite you? That is messed up. I'm sorry that you had to go through that and that it changed the relationship with your uncle.

 

[rie'smom]

OP, have the wedding of your dreams with no children, that's fine. Just understand that your sister can choose not to attend the reception if her children are not invited.

 

[MegaDisney]

I'm guessing the OP never came back to this one? Darn!!

 

[smschex]

If you saw 19 pages of "advice" would you? I wouldn't!

 

[bettyann29]

Ive not been to many weddings, but honestly Ive never heard of a wedding where children could not attend..

Maybe its just the area I live..

 

[MegaDisney]

The issue is a lot more than a simple "No kids allowed" wedding. The OP knew her nephews and nieces were excited about the wedding, and never once told her sister that they were not invited. She also wanted her mother to lie about the issue for her. If she wants to have a child-free wedding, more power to her. But the immature way she has dealt with this is what some folks are questioning.

 

[okeydokey]

The issue is a lot more than a simple "No kids allowed" wedding. The OP knew her nephews and nieces were excited about the wedding, and never once told her sister that they were not invited. She also wanted her mother to lie about the issue for her. If she wants to have a child-free wedding, more power to her. But the immature way she has dealt with this is what some folks are questioning.

That coupled with the fact that she is insisting the sister has to be at the reception because she is in the wedding party, but the children cannot attend the reception. And she won't help her sister by getting a sitter because it's just her sister's kids.

 

[mvazul]

I'm guessing the OP never came back to this one? Darn!!

I'm thinking someone just wanted to start a thread to see how long it would get and get everyone riled up!

Michelle

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm thinking someone just wanted to start a thread to see how long it would get and get everyone riled up!

Michelle

I think that is a good possibility. I cannot see a sister doing that to her sister and nieces and nephews.
Plus involving the mother?

The OP either made it up to rile us up or she is a cold hearted snake.

 

[Mkrop]

I think that is a good possibility. I cannot see a sister doing that to her sister and nieces and nephews.
Plus involving the mother?

The OP either made it up to rile us up or she is a cold hearted snake.[/QUOTE]

Thanks now I have that Paula Abdul song in my head

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I keep having it so hopefully I got rid of it.

 

[Missy1961]

I'm thinking someone just wanted to start a thread to see how long it would get and get everyone riled up!

Michelle

that's a big possibility. Maybe someone was home from school the other day & made this whole thing up.