My sister's wedding issues

[TennisGirl80]

I have not read every post, just the first page or so, but here's my take on it - flame suit on.

Yes, its your wedding, and you can do whatever you want, and if pushing your family away is what your looking for, then this is the way to do it. These are not just "kids" they are your nieces and nephews! You not wanting them at the wedding (not to mention not telling your sister, while she's getting the kids all excited) to me, is rather cold hearted - weddings are family events. I don't think you have any children, and it shows. Maybe if you ever do have kids, and another family member has a wedding, and does the same thing to you that you've now done to your sister and her family, you will understand how hurtful it is.
Sorry to be so bladen (SP?), but thats how I feel. I would be very hurt if a family member, let along a sibling, did not want my children - their nieces - at their wedding to share in the occasion. JMHO

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I come from a large family. My mother comes from a large family. I have a ridiculous amount of cousins. In my family, it was very common for kids under 16yo to be excluded from weddings. There were just way too many kids. So, as we grew up, and now I have a lot of nieces and nephew's, we have kept the tradition of inviting 16 years and older.

I missed out on so many cousins weddings, because I am of the younger group of cousins, and wasn't 16. Did it bother me at the time? Sure...the whole family is getting dressed up to go to a party, and I have to stay home? WTH? Did I get over it? Yes I did. I enjoyed listening to stories of some of the funny happenings at the reception. (An Irish family with an open bar...bound to be some comedy)

My brother changed things up when he got married, and included the kids. I still kept my kids home. DH and I went to the wedding, and we sat there and enjoyed our meal without having to keep an eye on what our kids were up to. As my SIL chased her 3yo around, and had a baby in a carrier she had to tend to. My sister ate with her infant on her lap, with one hand. The best moment of the night was when my haggled SIL looks at me and says in the most sarcastic tone "And where are YOUR kids?" Yeah, I left them with Gramma, thank-you-very-much.

OP..why would you keep this a secret from your sister, especially when you knew she and the kids were getting excited? When were you planning on telling her? I don't get that.

I don't blame her for not wanting to go, if childcare is an issue, and you weren't upfront with er form the beginning.

 

[mvazul]

I'm wondering where the original poster is???

I'm thinking this was all made up just to see what kind of reactions she would get. If not, then I'm glad she has a year before her wedding. Maybe she will do some very important growing up before the day arrives.

Michelle

 

[Scurvy]

The bride is being a snowflake because she thinks she gets to command her sister to attend the wedding without her children. She doesn't. She gets to issue the invitations to whomever she wants to attend. She doesn't get to force people to come, not even her sister.

I can agree with that. She has the right to issue whatever invitation she wants, but she certainly doesn't have the right to demand that anyone actually come to the event. Her sister has the right to decline, but she doesn't have the right to demand that her children be included (of course I guess we don't know for sure that she is doing that, we only know that she's upset that they're excluded). Anyone who is doing any demanding is definitely being "snowflaky"!

 

[goofy!]

Yes, she would probably need some counselling, and end up on Jerry Springer down the road. I can't imagine having to tell my precious children that mommy and daddy are going to an adult wedding, and that they're not invited. Oh, the tears! The agony!

Maybe it's the fact that I have a lot of kids, but this wouldn't be a blip on their radar, and if they complained, they'd be told to get over it. It's 4 hours! There will be no other children there! I've been to so many weddings without my kids, including my sister's! My children are not scarred for life!

But it is not 4 hours.

That 4 hours does not include the 5 hours drive time. Including the 2.5 hours drive time each way, that makes a minimum of 9 hours.

And that is not the point.

The point of the OP's thread is that she is stressed because her sister has declined the option of attending the trendy party. She refers to this in her title as "her sister's wedding dilemma."

The sister has opted to attend the wedding, but then make the 2.5 hour trip home with her children whom are not invited to the reception.

The bride has every right to not invite children. I disagree that she needs to compromise because they are family, friends, etc. However, in turn, the OP cannot also demand that her sister attend this trendy party. And that is the crux of what the OP is whining about. She has said her sister MUST attend the trendy party because she is a bridesmaid.

This is not about her wanting an adult party, it is about the OP demanding attendance, no matter the situation of the attendees.

 

[mjkacmom]

But it is not 4 hours.

That 4 hours does not include the 5 hours drive time. Including the 2.5 hours drive time each way, that makes a minimum of 9 hours.

And that is not the point.

The point of the OP's thread is that she is stressed because her sister has declined the option of attending the trendy party.

The sister has opted to attend the wedding, but then make the 2.5 hour trip home with her children whom are not invited to the reception.

The bride has every right to not invite children. I disagree that she needs to compromise because they are family, friends, etc.

However, in turn, the OP cannot also demand that her sister attend this trendy party.

And that is the crux of what the OP is whining about. She has said her sister MUST attend the trendy party because she is a bridesmaid.

This is not about her wanting an adult party, it is about the OP demanding attendance, no matter the situation of the attendees.

I totally agree - her sister has every right not to attend. I just disagree with some ppl that the OP should invite the kids. Lots of ppl admitted to like having kids at weddings, and that's fine, but just because YOU like having kids at weddings doesn't mean everyone likes having kids at weddings - apparently, the OP is one of those people (BTW, I did have nieces and nephews at my wedding, even though my mom objected).

 

[Heidict]

I think that's fine. But my niece is not happy about it and thinks they are being unreasonable. She thinks that we could get hotel rooms and take turns going back and forth to the dinner/reception and watching the kids. Yeah, that sounds like an enjoyable evening for us. "Okay honey, you get to eat the appetizer, then Grandma goes down to eat the main course, and I'll have dessert and the rest of the time you can try to entertain three kids in a hotel room."
Teresa

OMG, are you serious? Wow, I have heard of some clueless things in my time, but that has to be one of the most inconsiderate and ill thought out things of all.

Wanting an adult reception and then whining when somebody can't attend after lying to her repeated times and then trying to make the mother an accomplice and lie too, does make one a bridezilla.

Also the fact that it seems like she is throwing a temper tantrum because she is not getting her way, the entitlement attitude, actually being upset with her sister over it. Yeah, sounds very bridezilla to me.

A wedding and reception isn't a free-for-all. Only those actually invited should be attending, and none of the guests should be bringing any extra people who were not invited. It doesn't matter if the extra people are kids or their sister or their great aunt - if they aren't invited then they don't go to the wedding.

Oh, if only evenone had your common sense. At my wedding there were a couple of people who thought they could invite anyone they wanted. One replaced someone on the invitation because the invited person couldn't come.

Another one just had some stranger come to our wedding and reception. There was no were for him to sit and it was a plated dinner, not a buffet, so the kitchen had to work at getting him food. We had never met this person in our life and have never seen him since. Some people just have no common sense or tact.

I think it was some posters commenting that they would NEVER leave their children with a STRANGER!!

Um, yeah that is right. Call me crazy for not trusting some random person off the street with my child. It doesn't make me a helicopter parent or my daughter a snowflake. It makes me cautious. With all the stuff you hear on the news today.......no thanks. I don't need to risk my child being molested, abused or kidnapped by someone I have never met before. Yes, I know that the chances of something like that happening are very, very slim, but I still don't feel like playing russian roulette with my child.

if some of the groomsmen invite their girlfriends and they have children? You stated that the wedding was a year away. It only takes 9 months until birth. Are you going to insist all of the wedding party be on birth control? Are you?

Where did I read about something like this happening? The bride demanded that all her bridesmaids be on birth control and made them sign contracts stating that they would not get pregnant before the wedding and if they did they had to drop out.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think it was some posters commenting that they would NEVER leave their children with a STRANGER!! So even if the couple wanted an adult reception, arranged kid food, babysitter, movies etc for children - did everything they could to provide a fun environment some people STILL would not attend since apparently the world revolves around their "special snowflake".

For the record I invited no one under the age of 18 - no one. For that reason I had no flower girl or ring bearer.

If the world does not revolve around the bride - why does it have to revolve around a kid?

PS - I think the OP acted very poorly.

I don't know anyone who would leave their children with a stranger. If that makes our kids "special snowflakes" then so be it. Also, if people chose to have their world revolve around their children, as most parents do, that doesn't deserve obnoxious comments from anyone. Nobody is asking you to change your life so why comment? Invite who you want, but an invitation is just that. An invite, not a command.

 

[bethy]

Yes, she would probably need some counselling, and end up on Jerry Springer down the road. I can't imagine having to tell my precious children that mommy and daddy are going to an adult wedding, and that they're not invited. Oh, the tears! The agony!

Maybe it's the fact that I have a lot of kids, but this wouldn't be a blip on their radar, and if they complained, they'd be told to get over it. It's 4 hours! There will be no other children there! I've been to so many weddings without my kids, including my sister's! My children are not scarred for life!

We have been to many weddings and events without our children with no problems at all. I just feel specifically that it's a shame that she doesn't want to share her wedding with her neices and nephews (and 11 is not all that young!) just as much as she wants to share it with her mother, sister and other close family members. Perhaps our family is just more close knit but my kids are full fledged members of our family with very close and loving relationships with everyone in it. They would survive the disappointment of not seeing their auntie married but I do think they wouldn't forget it that she didnt' want to share that time with them. It's a once in a life time event in a family.

OTOH, I do totally understand why one wouldn't want a ton of other kids at an evening wedding. I've been to many of those events and don't usually choose to bring my children even when they are invitied (if it's not a close family member.)

 

[robinb]

I don't know anyone who would leave their children with a stranger.

I have . I left my (then infant) daughter with a stranger back in December of 1999. We had reservations at Victoria and Albert's and my mother who came along to WDW to help babysit came down with a terrible stomach flu the day of our reservation. I called Fairy Godmother's to come to our room and babysit and we had a great time. I have also left my child at the kid's clubs at WDW and I have had teens who I never met before (but who were recommended by neighbors) come into my house to babysit while my DH and I went to the opera or to a play or just plain out on a date.

I admit that I find your complete distrust of babysitters to be quite odd. But, I figure that if you are more comfortable watching your kids 24/7 then who am I to question it. While plenty of people feel the same way as you I do think that you are a minority.

 

[brockash]

I don't know anyone who would leave their children with a stranger. If that makes our kids "special snowflakes" then so be it. Also, if people chose to have their world revolve around their children, as most parents do, that doesn't deserve obnoxious comments from anyone. Nobody is asking you to change your life so why comment? Invite who you want, but an invitation is just that. An invite, not a command.

ITA. Not to mention the fact that the OP admitted basically that she knew the sister didn't have anyone to watch the children, and that the sister really doesn't even have money for a sitter, so again, what did she expect her sister to do?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have . I left my (then infant) daughter with a stranger back in December of 1999. We had reservations at Victoria and Albert's and my mother who came along to WDW to help babysit came down with a terrible stomach flu the day of our reservation. I called Fairy Godmother's to come to our room and babysit and we had a great time. I have also left my child at the kid's clubs at WDW and I have had teens who I never met before (but who were recommended by neighbors) come into my house to babysit while my DH and I went to the opera or to a play or just plain out on a date.

I admit that I find your complete distrust of babysitters to be quite odd. But, I figure that if you are more comfortable watching your kids 24/7 then who am I to question it. While plenty of people feel the same way as you I do think that you are a minority.

Thank you for respecting our choices. I bolded because in the same way that you find it odd that we won't leave our kids with a stranger is how I feel that people would actually do that. To each their own and it is not my place to judge. I don't think I am in the minority though. I only actually know one person IRL who would leave their children with a stranger. Everyone we know uses family and/or very close friends. I think each parent has to make the choices they feel comfortable with otherwise they are not going to enjoy the night out at all if they are stressed about it.

 

[bethy]

Add me to the list. I would never leave my child with a stranger unless it were an absolute emergency. I don't have a problem leaving them - it just has to be with someone I know and trust and who has established a long and loving track record with them.

 

[MushyMushy]

I have . I left my (then infant) daughter with a stranger back in December of 1999. We had reservations at Victoria and Albert's and my mother who came along to WDW to help babysit came down with a terrible stomach flu the day of our reservation. I called Fairy Godmother's to come to our room and babysit and we had a great time. I have also left my child at the kid's clubs at WDW and I have had teens who I never met before (but who were recommended by neighbors) come into my house to babysit while my DH and I went to the opera or to a play or just plain out on a date.

I admit that I find your complete distrust of babysitters to be quite odd. But, I figure that if you are more comfortable watching your kids 24/7 then who am I to question it. While plenty of people feel the same way as you I do think that you are a minority.

Yes, but how often is it that most towns in non-tourist areas have licensed sitters who will keep kids during the evening, or even overnight such as the bride's sister would have to do? I never heard of such a thing except the Fairy Godmothers or home daycare, which is usually something you have to sign up for well in advance and use as a daily thing.

I have a completely different view on a licensed home daycare provider or something like that than I do just paying someone else to do it.

 

[bookgirl]

Do the parents who say they would never leave thier children with a stranger

Know every adult at thier children's school in September?

Every day care worker?

Every bus driver?

Heck every nurse in the doctor's office?

Never say never.

 

[shirleyb]

I have . I left my (then infant) daughter with a stranger back in December of 1999. We had reservations at Victoria and Albert's and my mother who came along to WDW to help babysit came down with a terrible stomach flu the day of our reservation. I called Fairy Godmother's to come to our room and babysit and we had a great time. I have also left my child at the kid's clubs at WDW and I have had teens who I never met before (but who were recommended by neighbors) come into my house to babysit while my DH and I went to the opera or to a play or just plain out on a date.

I admit that I find your complete distrust of babysitters to be quite odd. But, I figure that if you are more comfortable watching your kids 24/7 then who am I to question it. While plenty of people feel the same way as you I do think that you are a minority.

I have also. Many years ago we attended an out of town wedding with our 2 year old. He wasn't invited to the wedding, but the bride was kind enough to arrange for her regular sitter to watch him for us during the wedding and reception and then we picked him up and took him to the after the wedding festivities at the bride's parents' house.

I did not know this woman, but I trusted my friend who trusted her.

 

[cinmell]

where's the op?

Bogged down with school?

 

[mvazul]

Do the parents who say they would never leave thier children with a stranger

Know every adult at thier children's school in September?
Unless a new one starts, yes. But, my kids go to the same schools I attended and a bunch of the teachers are teachers I had or are my former classmates.

Every day care worker?
Um, yup - I worked for the daycare.

Every bus driver?
Yes, again. My gandparents and my aunt and uncle own/operate school buses, so we know all of the drivers - even the ones owned by others.

Heck every nurse in the doctor's office?
Again, yes. In fact, a couple of them go to my church and I've known them since I was a kid. One is now my neighbor.

Never say never.

However, I live in a very small town (the same town I grew up in). I would not have been able to answer yes to any of those when we lived in Minnesota, Virginia, North Carolina or Chicago.

And we're getting a bit off track. Once again, where is that original poster???? She has several questions posed to her that she hasn't answered.

Michelle

 

[MushyMushy]

Do the parents who say they would never leave thier children with a stranger

Know every adult at thier children's school in September?

Every day care worker?

Every bus driver?

Heck every nurse in the doctor's office?

Never say never.

Don't those people have to have clearance checks?

Big difference.

 

[robinb]

Yes, but how often is it that most towns in non-tourist areas have licensed sitters who will keep kids during the evening, or even overnight such as the bride's sister would have to do? I never heard of such a thing except the Fairy Godmothers or home daycare, which is usually something you have to sign up for well in advance and use as a daily thing.

{shrug} I would be OK with a local high school or college student that came recommended or a youth pastor (as someone suggested). Also, it took me about 30 seconds to find a babysitting service here in Madison just like Fairy Godmothers. The babysitting could be in the same venue as the reception so the kids are not far away from the sister.

I don't see how the kids would need to be kept overnight. Did I miss something? The thread was moving kinda fast for a while.