My roommate smells

[Jennasis]

Has she always smelled? Or is this relatively new? There are a host of "lady-issues" that could cause that smell (yeast infections etc).

Is it possible she's hoarding food or something in her room? Maybe something is rotting?

Giving the apartment a thorough cleaning with vinegar/water and maybe shampooing the carpets may help and will definitely be needed after she takes care of her BO issue.

 

[indimom]

I think it would actually be doing this woman a service to tell her she smells. There are medical conditions that can cause a highly offensive, persistent smell.

I wish I could remember where I saw it, but I remember seeing a program, perhaps 20/20, that dealt with this. Many of these women were devastated because they never realized why they were having problems maintaining relationships and such. People are conditioned to be nice all the time, but sometimes a little brutal honesty is more helpful.

Since you live with her, you probably know if she is merely unhygienic. If eshe showers regularly and is generally pretty cleanly, something more serious might be going on.

This is what I was thinking also. If this is persistant, day after day, every day, there may be a whole lot more going on than bathing issues. Unless they are really breaking a sweat at work or while excercising, most people could go days without a bath and still not have noticeable body odor.

My husband worked with a man who has a medical condition that resulted in a bad odor. I also know that my brother-in-law had an unusual lung infection two years ago that resulted in night sweats and a strange/bad odor (according to his wife, I never noticed it). He had no other symptoms of illness. It was the odor and night sweats that sent them to the doctor and resulted in a diagnosis and treatment.

We used the air filters (hepa and ionic breeze types) near our ferrets' cage and it helped a lot with their slightly musty odor. You may have to clean them frequently. Beyond that, my only suggestion would be febreeze or candles. Good Luck. That's a touchy situation to be in.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Rub a li'l of this under your nose:

 

[kwelch10377]

Has she always smelled? Or is this relatively new? There are a host of "lady-issues" that could cause that smell (yeast infections etc).

Is it possible she's hoarding food or something in her room? Maybe something is rotting?

Giving the apartment a thorough cleaning with vinegar/water and maybe shampooing the carpets may help and will definitely be needed after she takes care of her BO issue.

Well she just moved in 2 months ago and it has pretty much smelled the entire time. She does eat in her room and I think she keeps food in there. Her room is a mess and she still hasn't unpacked everything. I don't know if the smell is from her, herself or it is from something in her room and has just seeped into all her clothes. I know in her last apt. there was a flood and some of her stuff got wet. My other roommate and I thought the smell might be from that, but she told us that she either threw the stuff out or got it all cleaned.

We have tried to drop some "hints". First my roommate would spray the Fabreeze outside her roommate while saying loud enough "something smells in here". I asked her last week to check to see if one of the cats peed in her room because something smelled (I know the smell isn't one of the cats because it isn't that kind of smell).

 

[USMC0193]

The issue you will have is you will just mask the odor . . . think of it like this, when someone smokes then sprays a musk perfume, you still smell the cigarette, but now it is a "musk perfume cigarette".

The odor will continue to be there until it is removed from the root . . . i.e. an animal (cat) sparys on the carpet floor. No matter how many times you carpet clean the area, you will still have the cat urine smell. It won't be until you remove the carpet padding and carpet and clean the subfloor that you will completely remove the odor.

If she is eating in her room and keeping food in there then you can do the "search for the foul and mysterious odor" game. Maybe there is a half eaten pizza that is under her bed that she forgot about. You said her room is messy and she doesn't keep it up . . . maybe you could watch an episode of Hoarders with her and make a comment of "can you just imagine what that place smells like?"

The problem is if you try to "mask" the odor it will still be there. I mean come on, honestly, like Jeff Foxworthy says "When you do number 2 in a bathroom and spray the 'spring flower spray', you don't come out of the bathroom asking if someone planted flowers in there. You ask, did someone do a number 2 and try to cover it with flower spray because it smells like number 2 with a flower scent".

 

[JessicaR]

Thank you for suggestions on ways to tell her.

My question was actually how to deal with the odor itself. I realize one way is to talk to her, but that may not get rid of the odor problem. Is there any method that anyone has used to take care of or help neutralize odors, other than candles and air freshners?

She may have a medical condition.

How about an air purifier? Honeywell works great - we have them for my sons asthma.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

I don't think there is a lot you can do to mask the odor. Candles are about the best thing you can use. If that is not working, then not sure what to do. Maybe suggest helping her get unpacked and tidy up her room, so you can at least mark that off the list of the source.

Here is what you need to be concerned about. You can try to mask the odor all you want, but eventually this smell is going to be ground into your furniture, carpet, curtains, and clothing....anything fabric. Even after she is gone, you will have a difficult time removing that smell. You need to figure out the source before it gets to that point.

 

[JessicaR]

Now that you mention the water issue she very well may have mold growing on things she moved into your apartment. Maybe her mattress? Mold is awful! Could be clothing too.

As far as mentioning that she is messy and eats in her room - well sounds like you have a whole host of issues that need to be addressed. You really need to sit down as roommates and discuss a solution. If not you will be so unhappy and thats no way to live.

Hope you get it worked out.

 

[Alsobrook]

Organic odors are incredibly difficult to mask. BO is an organic odor. As you already have noticed, spraying something makes it smell like the spray and the odor. Because you have a constant source producing the odor - i.e. bad hygiene/bacteria running rampant/horrible odor - until you rid the source, the odor will remain.

It reminds me of a joke about a bear in the woods, but no need to go there.

Accordingly, my answer is this: You can't do anything about the smell without getting rid of the source.

This is not directed at the OP, but rather at those who want to take the indirect, can't she take a hint route - Passive Aggressive Behavior tends to lead to deep wounds. No, it's not fun when someone tells you directly that you have an issue that needs attention - but if they spend 2 weeks hinting at it with sprays and plug ins and lean ins with the ol "wow, what died up in here" comments, you create a situation where the person's feelings are actually devalued. The direct approach typically works best, and what I suggested is neither mean nor out of line, at all.

I'm not trying to be gross or graphic, but with organic smells, you need an antibacterial treatment that is applied with something of sufficient courseness to remove dead cells and the bacteria that's feasting away, and if it's "female" related, there are products available that will take care of the problem. If she's a general slob - doesn't do laundry, change sheets, eats in the room, spills things, etc. that has to be part of the discussion too.

 

[shortbun]

I have faced this twice in my life. Once, at work, a girl's feet smelled so bad that we HAD to say something. We all worked in a small, airless room and she never changed her shoes plus went sock/hoseless in old leather shoes. It was awful! She was in tears when two of us tried to tell her but she got new shoes and solved the problem.

Second time, it was BO on a man and it was awful-again, close working conditions. The office manager told him to start showering and get some new clothes. He told her he was anti-deodorant. She told him that his clothes were ruined with body odor and that he needed to wash well with anti bacterial soap every morning. He made those changes, it improved but would not even try alternative deodorants so smelled really bad by the end of a warm or active day. We all staged an intervention and told him we felt he needed to wear cologne or bring a change of clothes or go home and shower at lunch. He quit. We didn't feel good about it, which is an understatement but he worked with 5 of us in a small windowless, airless room. Had he worked in his own private office or even cube, we could have overlooked it.

It's just not easy and there is a 90% chance that you will really offend the offender.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

Organic odors are incredibly difficult to mask. BO is an organic odor. As you already have noticed, spraying something makes it smell like the spray and the odor. Because you have a constant source producing the odor - i.e. bad hygiene/bacteria running rampant/horrible odor - until you rid the source, the odor will remain.

Sometimes foods can cause a person to smell strangely. I worked with a woman who was Vietnamese. She ate the foods (spices) normally eaten in her native country. As a reuslt, she had a very unpleasant odor. In addition, she wore some sort of perfume or strong powder. The two odors were very separate. It did nothing to mask or neutralize the natural body odor she had. We felt if anything, the powder smell made the body odor more noticeable.

 

[Alsobrook]

It's just not easy and there is a 90% chance that you will really offend the offender.

No one wants to be told "You smell" but if it's not brought to their attention, you have a 100% chance of being offended every day by the odor.

 

[Alsobrook]

Sometimes foods can cause a person to smell strangely. I worked with a woman who was Vietnamese. She ate the foods (spices) normally eaten in her native country. As a reuslt, she had a very unpleasant odor. In addition, she wore some sort of perfume or strong powder. The two odors were very separate. It did nothing to mask or neutralize the natural body odor she had. We felt if anything, the powder smell made the body odor more noticeable.

This can happen with strong things like curry, etc. And I agree... sometimes when you try to mask, you almost accentuate the bad odor as well.

Maybe I should tell the bear in the woods joke.

 

[StitchBuddy]

Rub a li'l of this under your nose:

LOL!!! I told my husband that's what we needed to do when we visit his elderly parents. I swear my FIL's wife only takes a bath once a month.

 

[Aisling]

I have to laugh because it brings back memories. My roommate and I had the same issue with our 3rd.

I was the one to tell her because the other one wouldn't/couldn't.

I waited for her to come home (to our room) and I just said "Mary, I don't know if you're aware of it but me and Jane have been noticing a really strong odor on you." Mary gave me a WTH look without saying anything, and I said "We care about you and I really had to tell you before other people notice. We girls have to stick together."

After a few angry and then embarrassed OMGs, she said "I know, I don't know what to do about it." She started to cry and I hugged her, we talked, Jane came in and we talked some more, and let's just say we got to cause of her problem and she was fine after that. I made it the focus that if it were me, I hope she'd tell me, and the same with Jane. It was actually a very bonding, growing experience for us all.

 

[Aisling]

One more thing I remember in situation with my dearly-loved grandmother, may she rest in peace. When she got old, she started to have female body odor, so i just said "gramma, is that a clean dress you have on" (knowing full well the dress wasn't the problem), while wrinkling my nose. She said, "I know, I need to take better showers." And she did from then on.

 

[cbg1027]

I'm sorry to be graphic here, but is it a 'fishy' odor? I bet your roommate has bacterial vaginosis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacterial_vaginosis)

I had a female friend with the issue. She smelled sooooo bad that I would find ways to avoid seeing her. Wasn't until years later when I told my medical student roommate about it and she told be about the condition that I realized what it was.

So you need to tell her. It will be unpleasant and awkward, but maybe this will give you more incentive to say something because you could be helping her take care of a serious health issue.
She has no reason to be embarrassed about it.....it can happen to anyone and it is NOT an STI. There are naturally occurring bacteria down there and when the bad ones get stronger than the good ones....things get nasty and you end up with a problem like a yeast infection....or this.
If left untreated. bacterial vaginosis can lead to complications with pregnancies and increased susceptibility to STIs and STDs so it's important that she know there is an issue.

So nothing is going to mask, weaken, or eliminate the odor until your roommate gets medical attention.

 

[marcemc]

Rub a li'l of this under your nose:

On a serious note, how about offering some help on cleaning her room? Some people don't know how to clean or don't care about doing it. If she keeps the room clean maybe it will help a little.

I would also buy a neutralizer, not a scented spray.

 

[kwelch10377]

On a serious note, how about offering some help on cleaning her room? Some people don't know how to clean or don't care about doing it. If she keeps the room clean maybe it will help a little.

I would also buy a neutralizer, not a scented spray.

Honestly, I am not going to offering to help her clean her room. At 30 years old she needs to be responsible for cleaning her own room. If she doesn't know how to clean it or doesn't care then she needs to hire someone to do it. I have very little time for myself and I am not going to spend it cleaning her room.

So we somewhat talked to her about it. After some thought me and my other roommate decided to send an email at least to make her aware that there was a smell. This is what I wrote her ( I also sent it to my other roommate). I wanted to word it so I was making her aware that there was smell, but wasn't flat out saying that she is the cause of it.

"I am not sure if you guys have noticed a smell in the apt lately, but I thought that we all could just maybe check to see if the cats may have peed/pooped/thrown up anywhere in our rooms (although it doesn't really smell like cat pee) or if there was food left in anyones room. XXXXX(roommate name), I also don't know if you want to check some of your stuff. I know you said your coat had mold on it, is there anything else that might be moldy from the flooding you had at your last apt?

I am really not sure what the smell could be, but it is getting worse and we really need to figure out what it is before it continues to get worse. It doesn't seem to be coming from the kitchen and I don't think it is from the litter box."

We talked a little in person last night and I think she understands that somehow she is the cause of the smell. She did say that she doesn't have a great sense of smell but she has started smelling something the past few days. She said that she was going to wash some of the clothes that came from her old apt just on case they did have mold on them from the flooding, she also went out and got new pillows thinking that maybe they had gotten wet and that was contributing to the smell. We'll see what happens.

I did buy some air neutralizer and that has helped with getting rid of the smell when it migrates into other parts of the house.

 

[cbg1027]

Going back to reread your original post, you specifically mentioned a 'female BO' type smell.

Yeah, I'm going with Bacterial Vaginosis.