My kids took the "Magic" out of the MK and all the other parks, too!

[boomhauer]

To me, Disney vacations are just as much fun and important as they are to my step-son. I love him to death, but he can be absolutely horrible at Disney. I bite my tongue and do the best I can with him when I go with the family once a year. Then I do what others think I am wrong for doing - I go for a week by myself. Sorry to say it, but sometimes, the magic is much more there when the only person you have to worry about is yourself.

 

[DVCajun]

I can't resist asking this: Do you have children? Do you have more than one child???

You beat me to it, Dislifer!! Wanna take bets on the answer?

Simply put, from a psychological standpoint, life works so much better on paper than in reality!

I don't know a single parent who can't say that they *thought* they knew how to parent until they had kids. Having children has taught me a lot about empathy (for other parents) and humility. We have two boys (4 and 1) and parenting is the most exhausting, frustrating, annoying experience I have ever had. It's also the most fulfilling, rewarding and worthwhile thing I have ever done. I never knew love like this existed.

But man, these two are ALREADY picking on each other! Even the baby! He just turned one last month and he already knows how to push his big brother's buttons.

BTW, I think I know the secret to a really awesome vacation: bring a babysitter along!! We're trying this for the first time next month. We're planning on spending most of our time together, but that extra pair of hands and eyes will help so much. And a couple of evenings out alone will do wonders for our state of mind. I can't wait!!!!

 

[Tigger2252]

I think everyone with kids can sympathize! There is nearly a 7 year age difference between my dds and they still pick at each other. Surprisingly, its the older one that generally starts pushing buttons. However, I have been pretty lucky at Disney. They were both older (16, 10) the first time we went so it was a great time. Last year my 11 yr. old copped an attitude right out of the gate at AK because we wouldn't buy her something. I was really upset because it was my birthday and she was really being horrible (sulking, pouting, whining). My solution was to go immediately back to the room. When I got there, she heard me call her grandmother to discuss changing her flight so she could return home and spend the week with grandma. It was an amazing attitude adjustment and she was great for the remainder of the trip.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Boy it's hard, isn't it? I almost ruined a day at WDW when I was 13, because my mom accidently ran over a snake on the way into the park. I'm sorry your trip didn't work out this time. Take care!

Michelle

 

[Disney_1derland]

I took my oldest dd on a birthday trip this year, just a short jaunt, 4 days. There was a day when she just couldn't get it together and behave. She had a breakdown at MGM and just couldn't go any further. I took her back to the room and put her in bed. I told her that when she was ready to behave, she could get up and we could continue our trip. I took my chair outside and read my book. It took her about 3 hours to realize I wasn't kidding. I also told her that if I didn't see an improvement by dinner time then we would have to call the airport to make arrangements for an earlier flight home. I wasn't kidding. I would have followed through. My dd knows that. That was day 2 of the trip, after that, it was smooth sailing.

Just like at home I think be willing to follow through even in extreme instances is key. My dd knows I will. It works for us.

Sorry your trip had some low points, it happens to all of us!

 

[frazzled one]

Speaking from a psychological (my profession) standpoint, and please don’t feel that I’m judging you. I think this is a parental issue. You need to establish the rules you set for your family, as well as re-examine the way you are you raising these little ones. You are the one who is in charge of shaping and molding there personalities ..... remember they are products of their environment.

Well ... I'm not a professional psychologist, just the mom of 3 daughters with almost 22 years of on-the-job experience. And I've gotta tell you, almost no one who has actually raised a child would agree that "you are in charge of molding their personalities." (Though an awful lot of pre-parents hold this opinion.) It's remarkable how many parents on this thread have somehow "shaped and molded" whiny, argumentative brats, don't you think? Especially because I promise you they have ALL been hard at work trying to create the opposite effect.

WDW is not for sissies. People of all ages, genders, and stripes will have occasional meltdowns, tantrums, whinefests, etc. I think we just notice these behaviors more on vacation because we're paying so much for the pleasure of each other's company.

It was my DH who took the magic out of the MK on our last family trip. But I never thought to call my MIL and tell her she should have "molded" him better!

 

[WeLuvDiznee]

I've been reading all the posts about this,and I can say I do set rules before leaving the house and do leave the park if their behavior is unacceptable,(but I only live 25 min's away). I don't think we,as parents are not setting rules for the kids, I think the kids are just sometimes selfish and don't care how their parents are trying to have fun and create memories.I tell my DD's 8 & 6, stop whining,fighting,hitting,crying about EVERYTHING, it's all good,let's go home. I'll come back with daddy when you are in school.They still could care less. We have stopped taking them. Every weekend they ask to go. As soon as we get in the car,I hear get away from me, don't look out my window. We march in the house,and they can cry in their rooms all day. I agree with making plans with just you and your other,and no kids. You forget how much fun it is to just relax,go on the rides you want to go on, stroll through the parks. I know everyone can't do this because of living far away,but if you can go somewhere close to home, it might help when you come back to Disney! Just my 2 cents worth

 

[shellybaxter]

Speaking from a psychological (my profession) standpoint, and please don’t feel that I’m judging you. I think this is a parental issue. You need to establish the rules you set for your family, as well as re-examine the way you are you raising these little ones. You are the one who is in charge of shaping and molding there personalities. Find a way to make them more responsible, and understanding. Not just of your feelings on this one trip, but in life in general. And never, tell a child they are "horrible", remember they are products of their environment.

Whether you like ECurto's opinion or not, in a lot of ways he's right. And before you ask, no I don't have children, in fifteen years of teaching preschool I've certainly seen a few, but I don't have any of my own. However asking a trained psychologist if he has children is like questioning an oncologist as to whether they've had cancer before you follow their treatment plan.

As a child development center director I see some wonderful parents and I see some parents who struggle. Either way all of them do some things well and some things not so well. Some are totally frustrated, like the OP, with their children and want to know what they can do to change certain behaviors. Sometimes they listen and sometimes the answer is too difficult for them and they don't.

Raising children is HARD and no one is going to be perfect at it, not even close. But I do wish parents paid a bit more attention to the research, or even just the things that make common sense Like if you tell a child they are "horrible" they will live up to your expectations and be "horrible". Or you can't teach a child not to hit, by hitting them. These are pretty basic, but parents often only want to hear what they want to hear, not true helps and solutions.

I'm not perfect either, but I've taken the time to "learn" the theories and research. I shared before in this thread that I told my niece we won't be taking her back to Disneyworld with her mother because she behaved poorly. I'm not sure that was appropriate, but I'm certainly willing to consider whether I did the right thing or not, taking the professional opinion into account. I wish others would do the same thing, and not feel the need to chastise someone about whether they have children or not, totally disregarding likely years of professional training.

Shelly

 

[karmic]

Count me in as another one who has been there, done that!

I think the 6-10 age group seems to be the worst.

When my DD was 8 and DS was 6 we had the worst time with them! No matter what we were doing one or both were whining and complaining. DH was ready to call the airline to get the 1st flight out!

We have been taking our kids since they were 3 and have had the worst tantrums from older kids!

DS was 12 when he had a major melt down at Portofino Bay at Universal. We had just arrived and were not going to the parks til the next day. He could see some of the rides from the room and had a major hissy fit and took off running through the halls with DH chasing him

We took DstepD when she was 10 she had a melt down about going to see the movie in Canada. That was 15 years ago and is still referred to as the infamous " O Canada Incident." This was from a kid that was ALWAYS perfectly behaved!

Still we continue to go- some trips have been great others not so!

 

[czycropper]

When we were there last year my two DDs (6 & 4) were doing the same thing. We stopped by taking something away - one time it was going to the Poly Pool which they loved to go into every afternoon & the other was not going on a ride they really wanted to do until the showed me they could behave - it actually worked much to my surprise. I think it really helped me that even though I had spent months planning the "perfect Disney vacation" I had gone with the mind set that they were going to get cranky & fight since they do that at home and I just tuned a lot out

We're going to SeaWorld & one of the WDW parks this Thanksgiving week and I've already mentioned to them that the same rules are in effect. I'm sure that they'll argue & whine but I'm prepared

 

[tlbwriter]

And never, tell a child they are "horrible", remember they are products of their environment.

I do have a child, and I never tell her she "is" anything bad. But I do tell her she is acting like something bad. So, while I would never tell her she is horrible, or she is a spoiled brat, I would tell her she is acting horribly, or acting like a spoiled brat.

This thread is frightening me. DD is an only child, so while we deal with our fair share of whining , we don't have any sibling squabbles. But we're going to WDW in December with her cousins - we'll have kids 6, 7, 8, and 15. Somebody please hold me! At least the other kids' parents will be with us too, so we can split up if it gets ugly!

 

[Traveliz]

I haven't read any of the replies - you asked what people do to avoid this and here is what I do.

First off I have been taking kids for 15 years now is all sorts of combinations (mine, mine with friends, cousins etc) We have met up with people and done trips on our own.

I always do a FLORIDA FUN CONTRACT. I have had kids as young as 4 "sign" their Florida fun contract. It's lighthearted but basically it outlines the plans for the trips, hits the high points for each child (for example if I know child age 4 wants to swim everyday I include a clause about swimming will be done everyday weather permitting either in the afternoon or early evening) AND then I include a clause for that child to be able to ask ONLY ONCE each day if swimming is in the plans and around when.

In a nutshell I outline basic rules, then choose a special rule for each child (something I know they struggle with -- asking to many questions, teasing, etc) and everyone signs the contract.

Adults also are included in the contract...so dad can't hurry ahead of everyone (unless we are sending him for fastpasses) and I have to take time for things that just happen (since I tend to be the planner and keeper of the schedule).

We go over the contract at a MANDATORY meeting before the trip and sign them. BTW the meeting is lighthearted and fun and honestly I have never had to even outline any consequences....everyone just knows that the trip is the reward and I only have to remind them by using the words Florida Fun Contract and behavior changes.

It works well for us.

Liz

 

[tlbwriter]

It's remarkable how many parents on this thread have somehow "shaped and molded" whiny, argumentative brats, don't you think? Especially because I promise you they have ALL been hard at work trying to create the opposite effect.

Every child has whiny, argumentative moments. But when I look at the children I know who are whiny and argumentative pretty much all the time, I can look at their parents and see exactly why that is. At least in my personal experience.

 

[frazzled one]

..... I've taken the time to "learn" the theories and research .... I wish others would do the same thing, and not feel the need to chastise someone about whether they have children or not, totally disregarding likely years of professional training.

I have no objection to learning from child development research, despite the fact that it's a field in which the "experts" are far from unanimous on many points. I do strongly disagree with ECurto''s statement that parents "are in charge of shaping and molding their [children's] personalities." It's my understanding that the academic community still hasn't solved the nature versus nurture conundrum, so, until it does, I'll rely on my own observations and experience on that particular issue.

I don't believe that anyone "chastised" ECurto for not having children - I have no idea whether he does or doesn't. My objection is to his statement above about personality shaping - and I'll say again that few people who have raised an actual child believe they are responsible for "molding" his or her personality. Encouraging good values, guiding behaviors, and setting limits - yes. Personality "molding" - no. (And how?)

 

[Bama mom to 3]

I havent read all the replies to this yet, but thought Id go ahead and chime in

First off, sorry they made you cry. Ive been there before, really recently actually.

We havent been to Disney since 2000. Its my oldest twos only trip so far and this one in 2006 will be our youngest's first trip. While we were there in 2000 our two oldest were just 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. when they would throw fits and start acting ugly towards each other, I just kept on taking pictures. I told them I wanted to have all these special moments in the scrapbook. I have pictures with bottom lips puckered out and they are so funny to look at. I don't think we will ever have an argument free vactaion, after all we have three kids and throw in me and dh and theirs bound to be some disagreements along the way. But I will just continue to snap photos and document the good, the bad and the ugly.

Editted to add....My kids weren't acting ugly because they were overly exhausted or anything, we took plenty of snack breaks and nap breaks (thats why I will hopefully always stay onsite from now on!) I think it wass just that they were stuck with each other all day long when they were used to having their own space at home and they just couldn't get away from each other.

 

[jann1033]

hmm can't decide if i should get in to this or not...

while professionals may not always be right why dismiss it out of hand? it's true you know your children to a degree but being so close to a situation makes it hard to see the "real" child . ie i have close friends who have a real problem with the developement of the youngest cause they have basically ignored him in favor of the oldest. everyone around them saw this, tried to kindly tell them but they didn't get it till now. under protest they took him to a specialist when the ped. said they needed pro.help . once they gave in and tired it in only a few weeks it has helped alot..so moral of story...don't knock what you haven't tried

it is much easier to say my kids are gentically predisposed to "wild" behavior but usually it's cause mom and dad haven't taken the time to help those kids understand what is and is not appropriate.( not saying it is all the parents fault as some things like having to both work, being a single parent ect may be out of their control). it is much easier to pass it off as inborn, ignore it or cry about it than consistantly apply rules ect to change that behavior. if you can't control( as in guide them) them at 2 or 6 or 8 how are you going to at 15 or 16 when they might decide to use drugs or drive recklessly and their life depends on it? imo that is very short sighted. you need to be a parent and train your kids as they grow up. no one is perfect at it but just ignoring it is mean to the kids cause someday they are going to learn the hard way that they don't get whatever they want and have to deal with other people. we all mold our personalities or have them molded by others...everyone learns to control their tongues, that they can't jump off the tables in school ect. that is normal..so much so when someone can not do those things it is considered "abnormal"( for lack of a better work) behavior ie the autistic tread recently on here . (not putting those individuals down just making a contrast)

btw i have kids, grown now , both productive, both not in to drugs ect, been told many times how nice our kids are. and neither where"angels' growing up but we set reasonable rules and stuck to them. also funny how many of my kid's friends whose parents didn't do that were viewed as unloving by their children. they would say "if they cared about us they would care what time we were home" ect.,tell my kids they were lucky ( at the time i am sure my kids didn't think so when they had to be home at 11 as teenagers and everyone else didn't) and many called us as their "second mom and dad" even though we definitly were on the strict side

just our experience

 

[vatmark]

Let's take a look at science here for a moment. Fighting is an inate behavior. No not fighting till death but fighting to establish heirarchy. Take a look at all animals. They all fight to determine dominance and where they fit in.

So because our children squabble that means we as parents are doing something wrong. That's ridiculous. And because our children hit each other that means we hit them. Not true.

Unless you have children you can not really understand. Teaching kids that are not your own is totally different then dealing with your own kids.

It is funny how people who do not have kids of their own are giving advice on how to be a better parent. It's so easy to chastize and tell parents that they are doing it wrong when you have never been there and done that.

Get some kids of your own and report back. Garuntee your attitude will change.

Let's all take a look at our own childhood and growing up with brothers and sisters. Did we fight? Sure did. Did we torture each other? Sure did. Did we survive? Sure did. And i happen to think that me, my sister and my brother grew up to be very good, responsible people despite the fact that we squabbled as kids. It's all part of grwoing up.

Annie

 

[Bete]

Well, that may be for Disney's pocketbook, anyway.

We have taken at least a dozen trips as a couple only to WDW. I will continue to do it as a couple only thing in the future, too. With that said this is what we do for a family vacation there:

The one thing we have done with kids including grandkids to help out with the fighting factor, etc. is to set-up a system where everyone has a say with the trip. This includes before you get there and during your trip. We have even gone as far as signing a contract with one another for vacation. If it's breached, there are consequences. It's my business degree getting the best of me, here. In fairness, as the parents, we need to schedule down time on vacation for naps, rests, and even taking a break from the parks mid-way through the trip. Do not go FULL BLAST with Disney day in, day out. It just doesn't work.

I think a great way to help out in the parks is to give everyone a camera. It pacifies all for the moment; so, you can at least have some restful moments there. For the wee ones, they will need toys, etc. to bring to the parks. Bring snacks or buy them there. If a child is hungry, it can get them to be crabby real fast, etc. You need to take turns with choices of what to do, where to eat, etc. and this includes adult activites. We even give an allowance for spending everyday for souvenirs and the like; so, everyone can do what they want with their spending money each day. It's well understood there are no extras with the spending money; once you spend it; that's it. We simply try to take the argument out of vacation. It takes alot of time and effort to do it this way, but the results have proven itself that this method works for us, year after year.

We had a bad moment with our grandkids once in a 2000 trip; so, grandpa stayed behind with one grandson while grandma went with the other two for the day. This seemed to cure the problem; because, those type of actions where not repeated by anyone for the rest of the trip. It seems noone wants to be out of the loop; they are afraid they are missing out. It's a great motivator to keep peace. We took turns with car seating and with who sat with who at the shows and rides, etc. We both spent individual, quality time with each child. We spent time talking and listening to each grandchild. We even did this at the resort, not just the parks. Personal attention is important. Compliments don't hurt, either. If we saw an act of kindness towards each other, we made a big deal about it.

Disney is a tempting place to be selfish. I think you need to establish ground rules to make a vacation great no matter what the destination. It still is not 100% perfect, but I'll take 90% with our family and I'll consider it a great vacation. Good luck to all on future trips with your loved ones on vacation.

 

[jann1033]

after reading ther est of this thread i do think it's interesting that as of yet everyone who has successfully dealt with this type of problem has said the same basic thing... they set up rules for behavior and stuck with them which makes me think this is the norm for them, not just something they do at wdw and hey it must work!

 

[vatmark]

The OP did not say that her kids were wild. She said her kids were squabbling and not because they didn't get something they wanted.

I get this feeling like some of you people think that because kids are having a spat that the parents are just ignoring them and not setting rules. We have rules in our household. It still does not stop the spats.

Annie