My house, my rules!

[ELSA711]

Oh, I think that can be absolutely true. Our kids absolutely know we're not their friends, but yet we have a friendly relationship at the same time if that makes any sense. Everybody's got their space to be them, space to be responsible and in charge -- and nobody's super eager to launch a hostile takeover and take over somebody else's responsibilities. Like with most things, saying something like "my house, my rules" has a place and time. The danger is parents who use something like that as an automatic go to, a crutch. It becomes empty and meaningless, and leads to conflict. Our kids always knew if they bumped up against a situation where we were giving the attitude of "our house, our rules" that it wasn't a negotiable and meant something was significant. Without that understanding things would get out of control.

Well isn't that typically when parents use that term? When it's non-negotiable.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

What is the most important thing children need? That would be love. You don't have to supply any vacations or anything else. If they have love , clothes, a place to live and food, how much more do they need? They also need to see that they have loving parents as well.

Well for me it would be patience, understanding, kindness, teaching, acceptance, respect, forgiveness, leading by example, etc. Of course I'm not telling others to parent the way I do but for us it's definitely more than love and basic necessities.

"Be nice to your children for they will choose your rest home".

 

[ELSA711]

Well for me it would be patience, understanding, kindness, teaching, acceptance, respect, forgiveness, leading by example, etc. Of course I'm not telling others to parent the way I do but for us it's definitely more than love and basic necessities.

"Be nice to your children for they will choose your rest home".

I think all the things you listed are wrapped up in the word 'love'
no?

 

[cabanafrau]

What's the difference? saying something doesn't work for you or it's my rule is the end result is the same.
"ain't gonna happen"

I don't think it's obstinate to let someone know the rules of the house. No, we do not let guest arrive at 3 am in the morning? why is that argumentative? who says guest get to roll in any time they want.

So basically you say it a bit nicer.

True, you can have an established boundary line drawn and enforce it with the same effect of "my house, my rules" with different wording according to the situation at hand. For that matter I'm sure most households have boundary lines that work that way without ever being spoken because everybody knows the expectations.

 

[TAX GUY]

You said you would not allow anyone to use those words in your home. I am interested in what you would say to an adult guest who used the word 'stupid' in your home. Would you stay "oh hell no you do not use that word in my house"? Are some words ok for the internet but not to be voiced in your home? Just wondering.

I'm confused, are you trying to add to the conversation or are you trying to nit pick her words and simply get under her skin?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Isn't all the rules we agree to in order to post here basically Pete saying "My site, My rules"? Not sure the difference.

 

[eliza61]

My thoughts exactly. I also wonder how kids raised in that type of environment feel about their parents when they grow up. It seems many people here dislike either their mother, father or both yet I wonder if they raise their own children the same way without even realizing it.

It doesn't mean that my kids were perfect children but we didn't treat them like they were supposed to be mature adults because they weren't. We talked to them when there was a problem and they knew when we were disappointed in certain behaviour.

It seems some parents are running a boot camp.

If you treat your children with respect I guarantee they will respect you back. Hitting your kids, screaming, taking doors off bedrooms etc is certainly not the way my husband and I parented. They so far managed to turn out very respectful, hard working, hard studying respectful young adults. People often commented on how well behaved my kids were growing up and that included friends, teachers, flight attendants, doctors, dentists etc.

Actually I feel great about my parents. Loved them madly, miss them every nanosecond of the day. I realize now how absolutely blessed I was to have parents that disciplined me. I realize now how blessed when I see my classmates who are roving basket cases because their parents let them do whatever they wanted and now they are paying the repercussions for it.

I feel confident that my children love and respect me and my husband. they have told me a number of times, usually after one of their classmates ended up in a situation that ending badly that they thank god they had me for a mom, so nope no regrets on that score.

Yours is the way it worked for you. that does not mean other methods do not work for other parents.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I think all the things you listed are wrapped up in the word 'love'
no?

Maybe for you but not for all. I mean, I love my cat. Truly. She has shelter, food and love but I certainly didn't put the same time, money and effort into her as I did my kids.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Isn't all the rules we agree to in order to post here basically Pete saying "My site, My rules"? Not sure the difference.

But Pete loves us.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I'm confused, are you trying to add to the conversation or are you trying to nit pick her words and simply get under her skin?

Speaking of nitpicking.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

But Pete loves us.

He's never told me that........yet.

 

[Poohforyou]

Isn't all the rules we agree to in order to post here basically Pete saying "My site, My rules"? Not sure the difference.

Exactly, we all live with "my ____; my rules" everyday. Employers have rules, towns have rules, businesses have rules. The sooner a child learns it all isn't about him the better off that child will be.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

He's never told me that........yet.

My parents never told me that either. It's assumed.

 

[cabanafrau]

Well isn't that typically when parents use that term? When it's non-negotiable.

Not necessarily. I think in some cases parents use that phrase/attitude as a knee jerk reaction without consideration behind it. That's where it gets problematic. I've seen people who operate that way most of the time -- similar to the way some parents use television with small kids or a bottle to quiet very young ones. If it's not the norm in your house and you drop those words or attitude on your kids I think they sit up and take notice. (General you, not ELSA)

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

My parents never told me that either. It's assumed.

I'd never assume love.

 

[Poohforyou]

Isn't all the rules we agree to in order to post here basically Pete saying "My site, My rules"? Not sure the difference.

Exactly, we all live with "my ____; my rules" everyday. Employers have rules, towns have rules, businesses have rules. The sooner a child learns it all isn't about him the better off that child will be.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I'd never assume love.

Maybe you will be PM'd soon. Fingers crossed.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Maybe you will be PM'd soon. Fingers crossed.

Now I do get PM's. But they generally are far from loving.

 

[indimom]

You know, I'm actually fine with "my house, my rules" and a little blind obedience.

What I've found raising my children is that it's much easier to START with hard and fast rules, no bending, then work up to compromising.
I know this is not a popular opinion and that's okay with me.
I'm willing to discuss changing the rules, but kids do not get to just decide for themselves how things are going to play out in our home.

Also, I ran a day care from home for years: allowing multiple children from multiple families/backgrounds to "make the rules" for our space would have been a nightmare, so I set the rules and the kids were expected to follow them. I was responsible for all these little people and I had decades more life experience than them to base my rules/decisions on.

I didn't rule with an iron fist and I answered questions as they came up, but it was my space, my responsibility and my decision. Period.

 

[TAX GUY]

I'm confused, are you trying to add to the conversation or are you trying to nit pick her words and simply get under her skin?

Speaking of nitpicking.

Is that like saying, I know you are but what am I?