my friend just doesnt think

[SG131]

As a foster mom, I have to be careful about pictures posted of my kids. Before my daughters were adopted, if we were at a party and someone was taking pictures I always asked that they please try not to post my daughters’ pics. My family learned the rules quickly, and would help spread the word if we were at a party where I didn’t know people.

As a first time foster mom who is also not very present on social media, I had to learn the hard way that people will post pictures of kids without asking. At first I didn’t even think to let everyone know. Once I realized to let everyone know it was fine with family and friends, but still a bit of an issue at larger functions.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

As a first time foster mom who is also not very present on social media, I had to learn the hard way that people will post pictures of kids without asking. At first I didn’t even think to let everyone know. Once I realized to let everyone know it was fine with family and friends, but still a bit of an issue at larger functions.

This thread is evidence that many people think they are entitled to post pictures on social media of anyone who has the audacity to go out in public. It appears people never give a second thought to the fact that some people have valid reasons for not wanting pictures of themselves or their kids posted on social media. My situation isn't as dangerous as the situation that some people are in. I often wonder how those who feel they're entitled to post pictures of anyone they want online could affect those in witness protection. I guess they're never supposed to leave the house, people have a right to take their picture & post it on social media. For everyone in witness protection, there are probably thousands who have valid reasons for not wanting their picture posted online. It would be nice, if everyone took a minute to consider someone besides themselves.

 

[CarolAnn856]

This thread is evidence that many people think they are entitled to post pictures on social media of anyone who has the audacity to go out in public. It appears people never give a second thought to the fact that some people have valid reasons for not wanting pictures of themselves or their kids posted on social media. My situation isn't as dangerous as the situation that some people are in. I often wonder how those who feel they're entitled to post pictures of anyone they want online could affect those in witness protection. I guess they're never supposed to leave the house, people have a right to take their picture & post it on social media. For everyone in witness protection, there are probably thousands who have valid reasons for not wanting their picture posted online. It would be nice, if everyone took a minute to consider someone besides themselves.

I don't know about you, but pretty much nobody other than my actual friends post pics with me in them. And if I didn't want them to, all I would have to do is ask. As for group shots at, say, a wedding or event, I would take responsibility and not pose for pics.

Other than those scenarios, do you really have people posting that many photos of you online? You simply can't avoid being in the background of someone's shot, and if you really are that anxious about that, then yes, maybe you need to avoid certain situations.

 

[sam_gordon]

This thread is evidence that many people think they are entitled to post pictures on social media of anyone who has the audacity to go out in public. It appears people never give a second thought to the fact that some people have valid reasons for not wanting pictures of themselves or their kids posted on social media. My situation isn't as dangerous as the situation that some people are in. I often wonder how those who feel they're entitled to post pictures of anyone they want online could affect those in witness protection. I guess they're never supposed to leave the house, people have a right to take their picture & post it on social media. For everyone in witness protection, there are probably thousands who have valid reasons for not wanting their picture posted online. It would be nice, if everyone took a minute to consider someone besides themselves.

I'm sorry for your situation and I thank you for your explanation. However, photographers ARE "entitled" AND have the right to post the picture on social media. The photographers own the picture.

I take action pictures of my kids' (team) sporting events. I post the good ones online and send a link to team parents. They're free to do whatever. Many of the pictures include recognizable views of players on the other team (if you already know who they are). Should those pictures not get shared on social media?

Another popular shared picture is a selfie (group or solo) to basically say "look where we are"/"we're having fun". Should those not be posted because someone is recognizable in the background?

With the number of cameras, I think it's a near impossibility to say your image doesn't show up online somewhere. Now, you probably aren't identified in any way, shape, or form, but the pictures are still out there. I agree with @CarolAnn856, if appearing online is that much of an issue, yes, you need to basically avoid going out in public.

 

[LovesTimone]

I honestly think that before you put a picture out there of someone else... you just ask... hey do you mind if I post this on my FB, or wherever.... and then respect the other persons wishes... Seems pretty easy to me...

 

[sam_gordon]

I honestly think that before you put a picture out there of someone else... you just ask... hey do you mind if I post this on my FB, or wherever.... and then respect the other persons wishes... Seems pretty easy to me...

How about this picture (randomly grabbed from the web):

If someone takes this picture and plans to put it online as "I went to the street fair", you think they should ask the eight (that's how many I count) identifiable people if that's ok?

 

[CarolAnn856]

I honestly think that before you put a picture out there of someone else... you just ask... hey do you mind if I post this on my FB, or wherever.... and then respect the other persons wishes... Seems pretty easy to me...

I think this whole discussion comes down to the fact that social norms have shifted. When the internet and social media were new, there was no assumption that most photos would be shared. Since sharing was the exception, not the rule, the person making the exception (posting the photo) had at least an ethical obligation to ask first.

That has changed completely in the last few years. You can like it or not, but the reality is that the norm now is that most pics get shared. Since people who don't want their photo shared are now the exception, the onus is on them to let others know that they don't want their picture online or on social media (I'm speaking of pics with friends, etc., not being in the background). So, to flip your comment: "I honestly think before you pose for a picture for someone...you just ask...hey please don't post that on your FB or whatever...and if they plan to, respect their intent and don't get in the picture. Seems pretty easy to me."

 

[LovesTimone]

How about this picture (randomly grabbed from the web):

If someone takes this picture and plans to put it online as "I went to the street fair", you think they should ask the eight (that's how many I count) identifiable people if that's ok?

I was referring to the issue that the OP stated. Not making it harder that it has to be, this is totally 2 different things.... If you are personally acquainted with the person... why not just ask...

 

[LovesTimone]

I think this whole discussion comes down to the fact that social norms have shifted. When the internet and social media were new, there was no assumption that most photos would be shared. Since sharing was the exception, not the rule, the person making the exception (posting the photo) had at least an ethical obligation to ask first.

That has changed completely in the last few years. You can like it or not, but the reality is that the norm now is that most pics get shared. Since people who don't want their photo shared are now the exception, the onus is on them to let others know that they don't want their picture online or on social media (I'm speaking of pics with friends, etc., not being in the background). So, to flip your comment: "I honestly think before you pose for a picture for someone...you just ask...hey please don't post that on your FB or whatever...and if they plan to, respect their intent and don't get in the picture. Seems pretty easy to me."

I can see and respect your point of view..... I hope that you can see mine.... This is a topic that can honestly be debated to death.....

 

[CarolAnn856]

I can see and respect your point of view..... I hope that you can see mine.... This is a topic that can honestly be debated to death.....

Definitely! As an example, about 5 years ago, we were at a party hosted by close friends. Our son, a teen, passed my husband a beer. My son was absolutely not drinking. However, a relative of the host decided to snap a picture of our son as he was passing the beer. We asked him to delete the pic. He said that he just thought it was funny and wouldn't post it anywhere. We insisted that he delete the pic on the spot, which he finally did as my husband watched. So, I really do understand that you can't control every situation. This proved to be a good lesson for all of us as to the fact that people don't have control over what others post, so they better make sure they don't do anything that they don't want plastered all over Snapchat, Instagram, or whatever comes next. Normally with that group of friends, we wouldn't have had to worry about one of them being such a jerk and taking that pic in the first place, and we wrongfully assumed that the relative would be the same kind of person as our friends. Lesson learned all around. In regards to the OP's post, though, posing for a pic puts the responsibility on the daughter of making sure the friend knows not to post the pic.

 

[mjkacmom]

I was referring to the issue that the OP stated. Not making it harder that it has to be, this is totally 2 different things.... If you are personally acquainted with the person... why not just ask...

At this point, it is up to the person who doesn’t want a picture posted to say something.

 

[sam_gordon]

I was referring to the issue that the OP stated. Not making it harder that it has to be, this is totally 2 different things.... If you are personally acquainted with the person... why not just ask...

The fact is 95%+ of people have no problem with pictures being posted. So that's sort of an exercise in futility. Doesn't it make more sense that the person who doesn't want their picture posted say something to the photographer?

 

[Kellykins1218]

I often wonder how those who feel they're entitled to post pictures of anyone they want online could affect those in witness protection.

Really?

 

[BrinkofSunshine]

I grew up with the internet and Facebook came around when I was still in high school. I personally don’t think twice about photos that are taken. Even my workplace takes individual/group photos and puts them up on their website frequently.

I agree with the others that photos online are the cultural norm, and if someone has a problem with having their photo on social media I think it’s their responsibility to make that known. It would never occur to me to ask before posting a photo of a friend- it’s been our norm for over a decade now.

 

[LSUmiss]

I think this whole discussion comes down to the fact that social norms have shifted. When the internet and social media were new, there was no assumption that most photos would be shared. Since sharing was the exception, not the rule, the person making the exception (posting the photo) had at least an ethical obligation to ask first.

That has changed completely in the last few years. You can like it or not, but the reality is that the norm now is that most pics get shared. Since people who don't want their photo shared are now the exception, the onus is on them to let others know that they don't want their picture online or on social media (I'm speaking of pics with friends, etc., not being in the background). So, to flip your comment: "I honestly think before you pose for a picture for someone...you just ask...hey please don't post that on your FB or whatever...and if they plan to, respect their intent and don't get in the picture. Seems pretty easy to me."

I think the main social norm that has changed is the narcissism associated with all of this. First that ppl think they’re pics are so enthralling that they all must be shared & the idea that they have a right to share whatever they want b/c they enjoy it even if it effects others negatively.

 

[pigletto]

I can’t believe other people think they have the right to share photos of other peoples children without the parents consent. Are you kidding me with the “just don’t go outside” attitude?
My brother works in a field with extremely violent offenders with varying degrees of mental illness. He should just be a-ok with his kids being on Facebook because you took the pictures? He doesn’t put pics of his own kids online and a friend or acquaintance doesn’t have the right to if he asks you not to. Luckily in real life we’ve yet to meet anyone who didn’t completely understand that it was a safety concern. They mention it nicely, everyone agrees that their need to post a pic of a birthday party doesn’t supersede child safety and that’s that. At our schools and sports groups we have to give written consent to be used in any social media. I just figured it was decent manners.

ETA.. I was at dinner with a group of moms from ds’s sports team this week. The photo taker asked if anyone minded if she shared on Facebook. I would do the same.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think the main social norm that has changed is the narcissism associated with all of this. First that ppl think they’re pics are so enthralling that they all must be shared & the idea that they have a right to share whatever they want b/c they enjoy it even if it effects others negatively.

So people who post photos on social media are narcissistic? Um, ok. For those who don’t want little Sally in the picture, say something, although once they’re 10 or so they will be in tons of pictures on their peers’ accounts anyway, good luck stopping that.

 

[sam_gordon]

I can’t believe other people think they have the right to share photos of other peoples children without the parents consent. Are you kidding me with the “just don’t go outside” attitude?
My brother works in a field with extremely violent offenders with varying degrees of mental illness. He should just be a-ok with his kids being on Facebook because you took the pictures? He doesn’t put pics of his own kids online and a friend or acquaintance doesn’t have the right to if he asks you not to. Luckily in real life we’ve yet to meet anyone who didn’t completely understand that it was a safety concern. They mention it nicely, everyone agrees that their need to post a pic of a birthday party doesn’t supersede child safety and that’s that. At our schools and sports groups we have to give written consent to be used in any social media. I just figured it was decent manners.

ETA.. I was at dinner with a group of moms from ds’s sports team this week. The photo taker asked if anyone minded if she shared on Facebook. I would do the same.

The bolded is the key. At issue is who is responsible for doing the asking? Is the photographer responsible for asking if everyone they take a picture of is ok posting the picture? Or is the person who doesn't want the image shared responsible for telling the photographer not to? IMO, it's the latter.

As I mentioned earlier, I take pictures of my kids' sporting events and send links to parents (and kids). They are free to download/post/print/share whatever. The pictures often include kids from the other team. So, who's responsible for asking the question? I don't have FB, so I'm not posting there. But I don't know what the parents & kids are doing. I know my son has posted some on his instagram. FWIW, in the 9 seasons I've been doing this (three softball, three basketball, three soccer), I've *NEVER* had a parent come up to me and say "please don't post a picture of my child". And it's not like they don't have opportunity. I'm not secretive about this at all.

When this came up a week or so ago, a parent said they don't want photos of their kids posted on social media, but was ok with the newspaper posting the photos. I never did get an explanation of that.

 

[BrinkofSunshine]

When this came up a week or so ago, a parent said they don't want photos of their kids posted on social media, but was ok with the newspaper posting the photos. I never did get an explanation of that.

We have a community newspaper (circulation of 25,000 homes) that has photos from activities from the local schools and publishes the names of the children. I’m with you, I don’t really see a difference. And the local newspaper will say what school and sometimes even what specific subdivision the kid is from- that’s way more information than I would get from Facebook.

 

[pigletto]

We have a community newspaper (circulation of 25,000 homes) that has photos from activities from the local schools and publishes the names of the children. I’m with you, I don’t really see a difference. And the local newspaper will say what school and sometimes even what specific subdivision the kid is from- that’s way more information than I would get from Facebook.

At least here, they’ve received consent to post those names and indentifying details. I think basically it can’t be a one size fits all situation. I do agree in the example I gave it’s my brothers responsibility to ask that people not post his kids because it posts a risk to their safety. I also think it can’t hurt to get consent.
Where I live, schools and sports and clubs and community papers etc are observing privacy laws.