my friend just doesnt think

[sam_gordon]

At least here, they’ve received consent to post those names and indentifying details.

Granted. But what difference does the consent make? You don't want a picture of you or your (general) children online. OK, no problem. BUT, it's ok for a newspaper to post a picture of the child, with their name, possibly their age, possibly their school, team, or park (Ie: Jane Smith, 10, of Franklin throws a pitch for Tom Landry Middle School at City Park). But posting the same picture on FB is bad?

Where I live, schools and sports and clubs and community papers etc are observing privacy laws.

What is the law? As far as I know, if you're in a public location, there is no expectation of privacy. So even though the school, clubs, and papers may ask for permission, there's no law that says they have to (if the public isn't allowed into an event, the release would cover that).

 

[LSUmiss]

So people who post photos on social media are narcissistic? Um, ok. For those who don’t want little Sally in the picture, say something, although once they’re 10 or so they will be in tons of pictures on their peers’ accounts anyway, good luck stopping that.

Yes it’s a very narcissistic thing to constantly post pics of your life like it’s that fascinating to others. This is not my original thought although I agree with it. Recent studies have been done been by psychologists suggesting that our culture is dangerously becoming more & more self-obsessed & narcissistic & social media had contributed to this & it could be argued that it’s even the cause. My post is in reply to your concept that this is the new social norm. Perhaps it is but it’s not really a positive thing.

 

[Dznypal]

it was interesting to get different views on this--Im glad to see that there were a few that knew where I was coming from as far as not posting pics on FB without asking if its ok--like I said in the beginning she took a pic of me with my plate full of crablegs and was going to post it--Im sorry but no--I dont want me pic with a plate full or any other time on the interent

and yes there are jobs where you dont want your pics or kids pics on the interent --both my 'Kids" have these sort of jobs they want to have their privacy and that should be respected

ny DH is a teacher and has a FB account but he sure doesnt want his pic on it law enforencement is another great example of one not wanting their pic on FB or their kids

my friend does know my family's stand on pic on FB so I couldnt figure out way she posted it without asking--but she did change it so all you can see is the afghan--which is great it turned out beautiful and she put alot of time and effort in it

Im sorry I just cant see putting pics of other people without asking first--I totally understand that in a group pic or random vacation shots but at a party or when your just taking one person pic they should be asked

so thanks again for all the varied responses

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes it’s a very narcissistic thing to constantly post pics of your life like it’s that fascinating to others. This is not my original thought although I agree with it. Recent studies have been done been by psychologists suggesting that our culture is dangerously becoming more & more self-obsessed & narcissistic & social media had contributed to this & it could be argued that it’s even the cause. My post is in reply to your concept that this is the new social norm. Perhaps it is but it’s not really a positive thing.

Who said constantly? I enjoy seeing pictures from family and friends (my profile isn’t public). I’ve also read that some people get depressed seeing others happy, maybe they should stay off of social media.

 

[NinaBella]

I enjoy seeing all my FB friends post pictures. It makes me feel like the miles and years we have been apart, that I still know them. I was a military brat and recently found my elementary school bff. It took me years to find her with her married name change, she used her step-dad name when she was younger but it wasn't her legal last name, etc. We have a lot of catching up to do. She has a son about the same as as my older son, etc. These things wouldn't have happened without social media.

I also pay for my Ancestry account. I was on there last night updating a recent family death. Started nosey-ing around and kept coming across this profile with a lot of my husband's relative photos and names of his relatives. He had no idea who it could be. I sent an ancestry inbox message to this person and told her who we were and that I admired all the info she had and the great old photos. I woke up this morning to a reply. Turns out, she and my husband are SECOND COUSINS. We would not have connected without Ancestry. She was asking if he had siblings, etc. because his mom had passes when she was really too young to know a lot about his family.

Social media and be wonderful if used for the right reasons.

 

[LSUmiss]

Who said constantly? I enjoy seeing pictures from family and friends (my profile isn’t public). I’ve also read that some people get depressed seeing others happy, maybe they should stay off of social media.

I think that also comes from being self-absorbed. The idea that everyone else has something better than you. The reality usually is that their lives probably aren’t much different. Ppl post pics of themselves at their best.

 

[pigletto]

Granted. But what difference does the consent make? You don't want a picture of you or your (general) children online. OK, no problem. BUT, it's ok for a newspaper to post a picture of the child, with their name, possibly their age, possibly their school, team, or park (Ie: Jane Smith, 10, of Franklin throws a pitch for Tom Landry Middle School at City Park). But posting the same picture on FB is bad?

I think I must have miscommunicated. In the example I gave, my brother will absolutely not be signing consent for those photos and therefore they won’t be in the paper. My own kids have been in the paper here and my consent had to be given. For school events, we sign a media release form at the beginning of the year. My brother will have to check no. In his case it’s extreme and something he accepts with his career choice, but I do think anyone has the right to say “No thanks, please don’t post photos of my child.”

As for “privacy law” I assumed it was law here because we’re always signing releases when its for kids or media, but I can’t find anything that says it is. So I guess it’s just common practice.

 

[mummabear]

Fair question. I have an abusive ex-husband from many years ago that I'm still afraid will go off the deep end someday. Obviously, he knows my first name & my extended family, but doesn't know my last name. I don't want any pictures of me posted online that could be connected to my full name or where I live. I realize, if he really wants to find my full name he could with some effort, but I don't want to make it easy for him. More than that, I don't want him to see pictures of me happy with my DH & DS to further fuel his anger. I always worry that he's a tragic event in his life away from hunting me down & trying to punish me by killing my family, then me. I don't post pictures on my own FB for the same reason, even though I have the most stringent privacy settings. Pictures of me in the background of some random person's pictures won't connect my picture to my name or put me on his radar.

That is awful, I am really sorry to hear that. I would see if you do, or have bought of having a “fake” name on your account? Several of my friends (mostly teachers who don’t want kids parents or older kids themselves finding them). They will use a nickname for their last name. Thy also usually have a random pic for their profile pic.

This thread is evidence that many people think they are entitled to post pictures on social media of anyone who has the audacity to go out in public. It appears people never give a second thought to the fact that some people have valid reasons for not wanting pictures of themselves or their kids posted on social media. My situation isn't as dangerous as the situation that some people are in. I often wonder how those who feel they're entitled to post pictures of anyone they want online could affect those in witness protection. I guess they're never supposed to leave the house, people have a right to take their picture & post it on social media. For everyone in witness protection, there are probably thousands who have valid reasons for not wanting their picture posted online. It would be nice, if everyone took a minute to consider someone besides themselves.

I see you feel strongly about entitlement issues. The norm these days is that photos are public. If you don’t want your photo shared then make our feelings known.
Also be proactive/prepared.
If parents want an end of year photo of their kids sports team and you don’t want your child’s photo shared, then offer for the group to take a shot without your child as well.

I think this whole discussion comes down to the fact that social norms have shifted. When the internet and social media were new, there was no assumption that most photos would be shared. Since sharing was the exception, not the rule, the person making the exception (posting the photo) had at least an ethical obligation to ask first.

That has changed completely in the last few years. You can like it or not, but the reality is that the norm now is that most pics get shared. Since people who don't want their photo shared are now the exception, the onus is on them to let others know that they don't want their picture online or on social media (I'm speaking of pics with friends, etc., not being in the background). So, to flip your comment: "I honestly think before you pose for a picture for someone...you just ask...hey please don't post that on your FB or whatever...and if they plan to, respect their intent and don't get in the picture. Seems pretty easy to me."

This exactly.

I think the main social norm that has changed is the narcissism associated with all of this. First that ppl think they’re pics are so enthralling that they all must be shared & the idea that they have a right to share whatever they want b/c they enjoy it even if it effects others negatively.

The assumption is that it isn’t going to effect others negatively. Particularly those who have social media accounts.
If you don’t find it enthralling then don’t use it. But don’t be so judgy about the rest of us that enjoy the ability to be more apart of peoples lives even when they live at a distance.
From someone who moved to the other side of the world, before cheap phone calls, Skype and Facebook I can say it has massively improved family relationships.

doesn’t have the right to if he asks you not to.

And this is key-If he asks.

 

[mummabear]

Yes it’s a very narcissistic thing to constantly post pics of your life like it’s that fascinating to others. This is not my original thought although I agree with it. Recent studies have been done been by psychologists suggesting that our culture is dangerously becoming more & more self-obsessed & narcissistic & social media had contributed to this & it could be argued that it’s even the cause. My post is in reply to your concept that this is the new social norm. Perhaps it is but it’s not really a positive thing.

Many people are using it as life scrapbook. When my parents were my age people used to have a dinner party when they got back from holidays to show slides from their trip-I’m not sure how posting it online instead makes t any more narcissistic.

Ppl post pics of themselves at their best.

Yes, often. That’s one of the things being taught to kids now.
However it is just as likely at least in my circle to have a fml post-“Great at Kmart and DD is having a tantrum because I won’t take her bones out of her body”

 

[LSUmiss]

That is awful, I am really sorry to hear that. I would see if you do, or have bought of having a “fake” name on your account? Several of my friends (mostly teachers who don’t want kids parents or older kids themselves finding them). They will use a nickname for their last name. Thy also usually have a random pic for their profile pic.



The assumption is that it isn’t going to effect others negatively. Particularly those who have social media accounts.
If you don’t find it enthralling then don’t use it. But don’t be so judgy about the rest of us that enjoy the ability to be more apart of peoples lives even when they live at a distance.
From someone who moved to the other side of the world, before cheap phone calls, Skype and Facebook I can say it has massively improved family relationships.
My judginess comes about b/c of the attitude that everyone wants to do it & it’s not a big deal to post pics of anyone you want & those of us who don’t want that need to get over it b/c it’s a new “cultural norm”.

 

[mummabear]

It’s not that you need to get over it. But you do need to be proactive, you are the exception not the rule. If you don’t want photos of you to be shared-you need to let people know.
And in my opinion particularly in the case of group shots, let people know at the time so they can take an extra “shareable” shot too.

 

[LovesTimone]

At this point, it is up to the person who doesn’t want a picture posted to say something.

What if the person doesn't know that a picture is being taken...so how will/could they know about the picture, to even be able to say something about not posting it... The person with the camera is looking and knows who's in the shot...They have the responsibility, they are person with the camera...

 

[sam_gordon]

What if the person doesn't know that a picture is being taken...so how will/could they know about the picture, to even be able to say something about not posting it... The person with the camera is looking and knows who's in the shot...They have the responsibility, they are person with the camera...

If a person doesn't know their picture is being taken, they're probably not the subject of the picture. It's very possible the photographer is so focused (no pun intended) on the subject, they don't notice who is in the background. If it's a posed picture, then everyone would know their picture is being taken.

The photographer owns the picture. The only responsibility they have is to get a signed release if they are going to use the picture to make money.

Again, I've taken thousands of pictures of kids participating in sports, many of whom I don't know (the kids I don't know are on the opposite team, I'm focused on our team). I make no secret of taking the pictures. At the events, no one knows what I'm going to do with the pictures. Am I going to post them? Am I part of the media (although I don't have any logos)? I have had ZERO people say "I don't want pictures of my child ending up online, can you please not include those." Do you feel I should have asked every parent if they're ok with the pictures being posted? I don't know how many pictures I've taken at kids' birthday parties (even if the parents simply drop off the kids, it's a simple assumption some pictures will be taken). Again, no one has said one word about pictures. Do you think all of those parents should be asked if pictures can be posted?

Doesn't it make more sense for the parent to say "please don't take/use pictures of my child"?

 

[DisneyOma]

I do get where you're coming from. Legally, once something is posted on FB (or just general internet), it is completely public. Doesn't matter if you have your privacy settings on full lock down, they can still be accessed one way or another.

How are they accessed?

For those of you who think this is no big deal and an overreaction, what if this woman is an undercover police officer, works in a prison, is a district attorney, etc. All occupations where you would prefer to be anonymous and not on social media for the safety of yourself and your family. Is the first sentence of the OP being glossed over?

If the person is an undercover officer, I'd hope she would have more sense than to go to an event while undercover.

This thread is evidence that many people think they are entitled to post pictures on social media of anyone who has the audacity to go out in public. It appears people never give a second thought to the fact that some people have valid reasons for not wanting pictures of themselves or their kids posted on social media. My situation isn't as dangerous as the situation that some people are in. I often wonder how those who feel they're entitled to post pictures of anyone they want online could affect those in witness protection. I guess they're never supposed to leave the house, people have a right to take their picture & post it on social media. For everyone in witness protection, there are probably thousands who have valid reasons for not wanting their picture posted online. It would be nice, if everyone took a minute to consider someone besides themselves.

If someone is in witness protection, they aren't going to family events.

The fact is 95%+ of people have no problem with pictures being posted. So that's sort of an exercise in futility. Doesn't it make more sense that the person who doesn't want their picture posted say something to the photographer?

Link to the statistic please - or did you just make it up?

 

[sam_gordon]

Link to the statistic please - or did you just make it up?

Common sense?

Let's call it personnel experience.

 

[LovesTimone]

If a person doesn't know their picture is being taken, they're probably not the subject of the picture. It's very possible the photographer is so focused (no pun intended) on the subject, they don't notice who is in the background. If it's a posed picture, then everyone would know their picture is being taken.

The photographer owns the picture. The only responsibility they have is to get a signed release if they are going to use the picture to make money.

Again, I've taken thousands of pictures of kids participating in sports, many of whom I don't know (the kids I don't know are on the opposite team, I'm focused on our team). I make no secret of taking the pictures. At the events, no one knows what I'm going to do with the pictures. Am I going to post them? Am I part of the media (although I don't have any logos)? I have had ZERO people say "I don't want pictures of my child ending up online, can you please not include those." Do you feel I should have asked every parent if they're ok with the pictures being posted? I don't know how many pictures I've taken at kids' birthday parties (even if the parents simply drop off the kids, it's a simple assumption some pictures will be taken). Again, no one has said one word about pictures. Do you think all of those parents should be asked if pictures can be posted?

Doesn't it make more sense for the parent to say "please don't take/use pictures of my child"?

Your a professional photographer and are part of the Media..... So.... Okay..... now I understand better..... For you its about the shot/the story.... you tell the story with the picture... not who's or what's in the shot or the consequences that a photo can have, its just about getting the perfect shot... I don't think that there is any malice, just the drive for the next great shot...

You own the picture not the people in the picture and what about their rights? privacy rights? their safety?

When my kids were in school and on team sports we did have to sign that it was okay to use images of our kids. If it was okay to take the picture of the child then check the box... If you did not want it used in advertisements or put up on line then check here...

So how would you feel if a picture you took... because you own the pictured and have the right to it and person in the picture is just that to you no-one and you have the right to do with it as you please.. almost gets someone killed.... almost beat to death by her ex-husband, including a broken nose, jaw, arm, dislocated shoulder, 8 stab wounds, then he choked her and she slipped into unconsciousness...he kicked her repeatedly breaking ribs that punctured her lung, there were other things that he did to her that I can not write about but you can read between the lines... then went after the kids...who thankfully she taught what to do if he broke in the house, so her 8 year old crawled out a window with his 5 year old sister, and ran to the neighbors who call the police... which was me... he ran away once he realized that the kids got out of the house... they caught him... and he said he found her by a picture that someone took of her and the kids having a picnic in the park... and put it in the local paper...she never saw anyone taking pictures or gave permission to take pictures...she did not even know about the picture in the paper.

She told me that she kept slipping in and out of consciousness, and all she could think of what will happen to my kids...where are my kids.... and I'm not ready to go yet....

What if this happened to someone you knew? loved and cared about?

and before you ask... I did ask her if it was ok to post this...

 

[MamaBelle4]

almost gets someone killed.... almost beat to death by her ex-husband

The person that almost got her killed was her ex-husband. Not the photographer. To put the blame on the photographer is inexcusable. I'm sorry your friend went through that, but the photographer is not, even partially, to blame.

 

[sam_gordon]

Your a professional photographer and are part of the Media..... So.... Okay..... now I understand better..... For you its about the shot/the story.... you tell the story with the picture... not who's or what's in the shot or the consequences that a photo can have, its just about getting the perfect shot... I don't think that there is any malice, just the drive for the next great shot...

I'm not a professional photographer. I'm a parent who likes taking "game action" pictures. I posted earlier in the thread, I take the pictures and put them on my google drive. I send a link to team parents and they are free to download/post/link/print whatever.

You own the picture not the people in the picture and what about their rights? privacy rights? their safety?

If you are out in public, you don't have a right to privacy (simplifying).

When my kids were in school and on team sports we did have to sign that it was okay to use images of our kids. If it was okay to take the picture of the child then check the box... If you did not want it used in advertisements or put up on line then check here...

And if you don't say anything, they don't know not to use it. That's all I'm saying... the person who doesn't want their picture posted has the responsibility to let that be known.

So how would you feel if a picture you took... because you own the pictured and have the right to it and person in the picture is just that to you no-one and you have the right to do with it as you please.. almost gets someone killed.... almost beat to death by her ex-husband, including a broken nose, jaw, arm, dislocated shoulder, 8 stab wounds, then he choked her and she slipped into unconsciousness...he kicked her repeatedly breaking ribs that punctured her lung, there were other things that he did to her that I can not write about but you can read between the lines... then went after the kids...who thankfully she taught what to do if he broke in the house, so her 8 year old crawled out a window with his 5 year old sister, and ran to the neighbors who call the police... which was me... he ran away once he realized that the kids got out of the house... they caught him... and he said he found her by a picture that someone took of her and the kids having a picnic in the park... and put it in the local paper...she never saw anyone taking pictures or gave permission to take pictures...she did not even know about the picture in the paper.

She told me that she kept slipping in and out of consciousness, and all she could think of what will happen to my kids...where are my kids.... and I'm not ready to go yet....

What if this happened to someone you knew? loved and cared about?

and before you ask... I did ask her if it was ok to post this...

Would I feel bad? Sure. Would I feel responsible? Probably not. I'd have a hard time believing a random picture of someone I don't even know led to that. How would you know it was the picture that caused that?

ETA: You still didn't answer the question... do you think I should have asked every parent at these events what I'm allowed to do with the pictures?

 

[LovesTimone]

I'm not a professional photographer. I'm a parent who likes taking "game action" pictures. I posted earlier in the thread, I take the pictures and put them on my google drive. I send a link to team parents and they are free to download/post/link/print whatever.


If you are out in public, you don't have a right to privacy (simplifying).

And if you don't say anything, they don't know not to use it. That's all I'm saying... the person who doesn't want their picture posted has the responsibility to let that be known.


Would I feel bad? Sure. Would I feel responsible? Probably not. I'd have a hard time believing a random picture of someone I don't even know led to that. How would you know it was the picture that caused that?

ETA: You still didn't answer the question... do you think I should have asked every parent at these events what I'm allowed to do with the pictures?

Yes... if you have links to the team parents why not just ask... would it really hurt you to just ask...

I'd have a hard time believing a random picture of someone I don't even know led to that. How would you know it was the picture that caused that? Because he told the police that's how he found her and the paper with the picture was in the car when the arrested him...


This conversation is fruitless...wishing you peace and pixie dust...

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes... if you have links to the team parents why not just ask... would it really hurt you to just ask...

I'd have a hard time believing a random picture of someone I don't even know led to that. How would you know it was the picture that caused that? Because he told the police that's how he found her and the paper with the picture was in the car when the arrested him...


This conversation is fruitless...wishing you peace and pixie dust...

What about the kids on the other team? And it is fruitless, I can speak for myself that if a person doesn’t want their picture on social media these days, it’s their responsibility to be proactive.