my ds accidentally broke a boy's necklace on the bus, parent wants "restitution"

[beattyfamily]

No, I think the point is the other boy's parents never gave the OP a chance to respond to the situation, but rather, went right to a seemingly last resort of going through the principal's office and making the situation into some sort of federal case. The OP never said she wouldn't pay the money to get it fixed, rather that she was a little taken aback as to how she found out about the incident.

How could the parents give the OP a chance to respond? The parents didn't know each other. How else could the parent contact the OP if not going through the school?

I disagree and think all contact should go through the school unless the both sets of parents are close friends.

 

[Bob Slydell]

How could the parents give the OP a chance to respond? The parents didn't know each other. How else could the parent contact the OP if not going through the school?

I disagree and think all contact should go through the school unless the both sets of parents are close friends.

I mentioned it above, but to reiterate, it's a good point and I agree, assuming that's the case.

Sort of OT, but it's kind of sad that more parents don't know each other these days. It seemed like when I was growing up, with most of the kids on the bus I was on (or at least the ones I would know well enough to horseplay with), my parents knew their parents.

 

[sha_lyn]

You may feel differently if your child was suspended for bullying on the bus because he admitted guilt to breaking a necklace. The other parent brought the school into this trivial matter so the school should handle it.

Who said the OP's child was suspended for breaking the necklace?
The other parent brought the school in on it? OK it happened on the school bus. The other parent didn't bring the school into it, her son did when breaking a necklace on school property.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

My first response would of been to pay the $5.

Did your son tell you his side of the story? If the other child initiated the horseplay, I don't think I would feel responsible to pay. Kids will be kids.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Sort of OT, but it's kind of sad that more parents don't know each other these days. It seemed like when I was growing up, with most of the kids on the bus I was on (or at least the ones I would know well enough to horseplay with), my parents knew their parents.

I went to school with almost 700 kids in my graduating class. Our district did not always keep the kids in the same area on the same bus. We live in a developement of almost 1000 homes, yet my bus would only pick up some kids there and then go to a smaller developement a few miles away to get the rest. They did this due to the high number of kid in our developement and wanting to keep the amount of kids on each bus about equal. Most bus stops in my development had 10-15 kids on them. The other development has 2 or 3. So after a certain amount were picked up at your area and we had room for a few more but not 10+ we were sent to pick those kids up.

 

[famofsix]

Who said the OP's child was suspended for breaking the necklace?
The other parent brought the school in on it? OK it happened on the school bus. The other parent didn't bring the school into it, her son did when breaking a necklace on school property.

No one was suspended....my point was I felt I would have had both boys discuss the issue with the principal and the school counselor to find out what happened. Then if it was determined that Op's child was at fault, I would have him apologize and send the money in. Because the original issue was the parent demanded OP pay the trivial repair I felt it would be in the best interest of the OP to have the school handle it. I said this because my fear was if OP sent the money in she was basically saying her son did break the necklace. I was worried that the demanding mother would turn around and escalate the situation to use it against OP's son and turn it into a bullying incident. I am in no way saying her son is a bully but I would get the facts of the incident. If this mother whose son had the broken necklace had some kind of agenda in my school district the OP's child would be given consequences that might mean suspension.
This issue is very trivial. The demanding mother over-reacted. I would have my kid pay for something they broke; I just would have all the facts first.
Unfortunately, I have became pessimistic of parents who over-react and I try to remain one step ahead of the game by protecting myself even over 5 bucks and change....
I question the motivation of the parent that demanded the money, that's all.

 

[famofsix]

Who said the OP's child was suspended for breaking the necklace?
The other parent brought the school in on it? OK it happened on the school bus. The other parent didn't bring the school into it, her son did when breaking a necklace on school property.

It happened on the bus and the other parent called the principal of the school.
We really don't know how the necklace broke just that the boys were fooling around.

 

[Neal Harris]

I can't believe the discussion on this topic has gone on this long!

 

[oxfordcircus]

6 page thread over a $5 bill. that's why I love this board.

 

[taximomfor4]

My first response would of been to pay the $5.

Did your son tell you his side of the story? If the other child initiated the horseplay, I don't think I would feel responsible to pay. Kids will be kids.

I respectfully disagree. I am constantly reiterating to my own gradeschool aged kids that just because someone else starts something doesn't make it ok to participate. It is an oft-repeated lesson to say "Sorry, I do NOT want to play that." While I agree that the cost should most likely be split between the boys if they both horse-played, the inherent lesson (not to engage in horseplay in appropriate places regardless of the instigator) is up to each parent to teach. If I were the OP, I would have wanted to know my child was playing inappropriately on the bus. ANd I would be having my own child earn half the cost of the repair. Then again, I am "the meanest mom in the neighborhood."

Beth

 

[taximomfor4]

6 page thread over a $5 bill. that's why I love this board.

some of us are just avoiding CHORES today.

Beth

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I respectfully disagree. I am constantly reiterating to my own gradeschool aged kids that just because someone else starts something doesn't make it ok to participate. It is an oft-repeated lesson to say "Sorry, I do NOT want to play that." While I agree that the cost should most likely be split between the boys if they both horse-played, the inherent lesson (not to engage in horseplay in appropriate places regardless of the instigator) is up to each parent to teach. If I were the OP, I would have wanted to know my child was playing inappropriately on the bus. ANd I would be having my own child earn half the cost of the repair. Then again, I am "the meanest mom in the neighborhood."

Beth

I agree with the fact that just because someone is starting something doesn't make it okay to participate, and that parents should be told if their children are disregarding rules and playing inappropriately.. I don't think I was clear in my post. I think if both children participated, they both need to learn a lesson and split the cost of the repair. You're not the meanest mom in the n'hood, on the contrary I would say you're doing a great being a mom and raising children appropriately.

 

[Becky2005]

Exactly - we're taking about 8/9 year olds here!!! I don't send my soon to be 9 year old to school with any jewelry or anything else that doesn't belong at school for that matter No toys, nothing but himself, his clothes etc and his school stuff that's in his backpack.

On the RARE occassions he takes something else to show a teacher, etc... I always do my "warning speech" of you can take it but you are also taking the chance that it could get lost, stolen, broken, etc...

He doesn't take the bus so, that part isn't an issue.

I would just pay through the principal, put the paid in full accord & satisfactory on it and keep all paper trails, just in case.

 

[taximomfor4]

I agree with the fact that just because someone is starting something doesn't make it okay to participate, and that parents should be told if their children are disregarding rules and playing inappropriately.. I don't think I was clear in my post. I think if both children participated, they both need to learn a lesson and split the cost of the repair. You're not the meanest mom in the n'hood, on the contrary I would say you're doing a great being a mom and raising children appropriately.

Thanks. My kids don't always think so. Tell ds7 and dd8 that, when they are stuck seated holding hands on the couch because they bickered too much.

Beth

 

[iloveboardwalk]

I still think a chain can easily be broken by accident without any "misbehavior" going on. I fail to see why the OP's son should be automatically blamed. Still, I would pay it, but on the other hand, it would irritate me.

I agree with the people who said 8/9 year old boys shouldn't be wearing expensive jewlry to school.

 

[taximomfor4]

I still think a chain can easily be broken by accident without any "misbehavior" going on. I fail to see why the OP's son should be automatically blamed. Still, I would pay it, but on the other hand, it would irritate me.

I agree with the people who said 8/9 year old boys shouldn't be wearing expensive jewlry to school.

Well, the OP stated herself that it broke while they were playing "like boys", and that "boys will be boys." She also stated that she would have offered to pay the repair. So apparently, she knows something of how this accident occured.

Beth

 

[BWVDenise]

Clearly I was not on the bus and there were no adults other than the bus driver, so the only thing we have is what the boys say. The principal talked to the boys and other kids who were on the bus and his comment to me was that he saw this as "nothing more than normal 9 yr. old boy behavior". He did have their seats moved just in case it was anything more than that, and warned my ds that he needs to follow the bus rules (what he said to the other boy I can't say). My ds has said repeatedly that he did not intend to break the necklace, however, since it was his action of grabbing at the boy that caused the necklace to get broken, I would certainly have made my ds pay for it. And the boy's mother could certainly have contacted me either by asking the principal to have me call her, or by contacting a mutual acquaintance where the boys have both played.
It was the "righteous indignation" that rubbed me the wrong way.

 

[Sleepy]

And the boy's mother could certainly have contacted me either by asking the principal to have me call her, or by contacting a mutual acquaintance where the boys have both played.

Normally, when there is a problem between children at school, it is policy that neither parents are to communicate. You are to use the principal for any communication. Many years ago a bully intentionally grabbed my son's glasses from his face and broke the leg off. I was not legally allowed to contact the other parent nor was she allowed to contact me after being notified. I would not think a principal would want to involve a 3rd party either.

 

[famofsix]

Clearly I was not on the bus and there were no adults other than the bus driver, so the only thing we have is what the boys say. The principal talked to the boys and other kids who were on the bus and his comment to me was that he saw this as "nothing more than normal 9 yr. old boy behavior". He did have their seats moved just in case it was anything more than that, and warned my ds that he needs to follow the bus rules (what he said to the other boy I can't say). My ds has said repeatedly that he did not intend to break the necklace, however, since it was his action of grabbing at the boy that caused the necklace to get broken, I would certainly have made my ds pay for it. And the boy's mother could certainly have contacted me either by asking the principal to have me call her, or by contacting a mutual acquaintance where the boys have both played.
It was the "righteous indignation" that rubbed me the wrong way.

I did not realize the principal had talked to the boys together about the incident so he would be able to back you up if the other mom tried to pull "something".
I am glad it all worked out and you can be done with it now.

 

[bettyann29]

I think it all boils down to your child breaking something that belongs to someone else.. whether accidently or intentionally it doesnt matter and if it were me I would pay it.. regardless of any other issue.. I would just put the money in an envelope and take to the principal .. even though it puts him in the middle of it.. if you dont know exactly which house than I dont know what other alternative you would have..