my ds accidentally broke a boy's necklace on the bus, parent wants "restitution"

[beavismom]

Well, there are a couple of other ways to look at this. Maybe the other parent went through the principal because they weren't sure how YOU would react, or maybe it was because they didn't have a way to get your contact info. I can see how someone might think that going through the principal was a way to keep things under control.

You don't give much detail, but you do say that your son broke the necklace. Whether it was an accident or not, I think you should pay (and you said so yourself). If I get in a car wreck it is still an accident, but if it is my fault I have to pay.

As for wearing jewelry, I think someone should be able to wear it and not worry that another person will break it regardless of their age.

I think you are giving the whole issue more importance than you should. I do this on occasion and my DH gently reminds me to let it go because the anger/stress just takes time off of my life.

 

[BWVDenise]

I think you are giving the whole issue more importance than you should. I do this on occasion and my DH gently reminds me to let it go because the anger/stress just takes time off of my life.

Well, perhaps you are right, but some of these replies have certainly made me feel better about the whole thing!

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would pay.

 

[JunieJay]

maybe a meeting at the school to find out what really happened is in order. I fear the irate mom may have something else up her sleeve and paying her anything makes your child guilty. I only think this because what would motivate someone to make a big deal out of 5 bucks and change?
At the very least, I would have both boys sit down with the principal and the school counselor to get to the bottom of it. Then if it is determined through that that your son indeed was fooling around and caused the damage he should apologize...he can bring the money in the next day to show accountability.

In our school district bullying is taken very seriously and the district is required to impliment consequences. I would hate to see this mom use your payment to "prove" her son was bullied.

This is probably good advice. People are so litigious anymore, better cover your butt and be safe than sorry.

 

[Teacher03]

maybe a meeting at the school to find out what really happened is in order. I fear the irate mom may have something else up her sleeve and paying her anything makes your child guilty. I only think this because what would motivate someone to make a big deal out of 5 bucks and change?
At the very least, I would have both boys sit down with the principal and the school counselor to get to the bottom of it. Then if it is determined through that that your son indeed was fooling around and caused the damage he should apologize...he can bring the money in the next day to show accountability.

In our school district bullying is taken very seriously and the district is required to impliment consequences. I would hate to see this mom use your payment to "prove" her son was bullied.

Are you serious? A meeting over a broken necklace and $5? While I don't agree with the mother asking for the money, I feel the OP would be making just as big as a deal about it by asking for a meeting. I'm sure the principal and counselor have other issues to deal with.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I do agree that maybe the whole situation was handled wrong by the other parent but like someone else pointed out, MAYBE she did not have another way to contact you re: this matter or how you would handle it and wanted another witness to her end of the deal. Give her the benefit of doubt and resolve the situation amicably. As far as your other points, I would like to add:

1. Leave valuable jewelry at home!-- it has no place at school with 3rd grade boys While this may be how you feel, it could have very easily been a pair of glasses, a backpack strap, or other "school" related item. WHAT item broke is of no concern, what is a concern is how it got broken.

2. It was not a malicious, intentional act. They were playing, as boys do!
This would be the focus of my concern - were the 2 boys playing/horsing around and if so both boys are at fault not just your son. On a bus is no place to be "horsing around" While I would not argue over $5, I would make a point to inform the other parent that BOTH children were playing when this ACCIDENT occurred and while you would like to cover the cost of the repair of the $5.35 you requested (by the way this is a CHEAP price for repair as any solder in this area is at least $20), I would appreciate it if you inform Billy that this kind of behavior on the bus is unacceptable and you have spoken to Johnny as well so as to not have a reoccurence.

3. I am the type of person who would have OFFERED to pay for it had it not be DEMANDED of me. See 1st paragragh - I would take this opportunity to "use" the principal as a witness to amount requested and amount paid, then the parent does not have recourse to come at you for more money down the road. Apologize for the inconvenience of the whole situation and assure the principal that you have spoke to DS about fooling around on the bus and that it is unacceptable behavior and you have asked the other parent to make sure their child is aware of this as well.

 

[famofsix]

Are you serious? A meeting over a broken necklace and $5? While I don't agree with the mother asking for the money, I feel the OP would be making just as big as a deal about it by asking for a meeting. I'm sure the principal and counselor have other issues to deal with.

You may feel differently if your child was suspended for bullying on the bus because he admitted guilt to breaking a necklace. The other parent brought the school into this trivial matter so the school should handle it.

It does not seem to be about the money here.

The parent demanded the money...what else will she demand?

 

[BWVDenise]

Here is what I decided to do. I am sending a check and a note. I am leaving the payee blank since I don't have a name and I want proof of payment. The note I am sending to the principal reads:

Dear Mr. LLLLLLLL,

Enclosed please find a check in the amount of $5.35 for the repair of XXXXX XXXX's necklace, which was accidentally broken by my son. I have instructed ZZZZZZ to keep his hands to himself. I trust that this payment will be to the full accord and satisfaction of the parent and that this incident can be put to rest. I have left the payee blank because I do not have the name of XXXXX’s parent.

Most sincerely,

 

[beattyfamily]

This parent handled just the way I would, although I wouldn't have asked for money (even though I would have every right to; its just not my way), but I would certainly want the parents to know what happened. The only way I wouldn't go through the school is if I knew the child and the parents very well.

When my older DD was in Kindergarten, she came home with a ripped backpack strap (LL Bean). She told me that the boy in the seat behind her broke it. He was pulling and pulling it till it ripped.

I was very angry. Its my DDs first year on the bus and some boy is pulling so hard on her backpack that he rips it? Of course, I'm going to tell the school. I want the kid to stop doing stuff like this and to know its unacceptable behavoir and I want the parents to be aware of it as well. How else will they know what happened? I didn't know this kid or his parents so going through the school is the obvious and only way to go, IMHO.

The parents kind of had your attitude. That it wasn't a big deal and I should have told them instead of the school. But how would I tell them? How would I go about getting their info? I feel the school also hold some resposibility due to where it occured and they 'should' be the middle-man.

I didn't ask for money to replace the backpack as that wasn't the point for us and when the parents offered to replace the backpack through the school and also over the phone with me (the school gave the parents my phone number), I said no thank you. I just wanted them to know what happened and to have their son leave my DD alone.

I'm surprised at how many posters agree with the OP. There shouldn't be such 'horsing around' on the bus. Playground yes, maybe, but the bus, I don't think so. And it shouldn't matter how valuable the child's necklace (or whatever the item is) is. That isn't the point, IMHO. Its how it was broken that is the point.

 

[JunieJay]

Are you serious? A meeting over a broken necklace and $5? While I don't agree with the mother asking for the money, I feel the OP would be making just as big as a deal about it by asking for a meeting. I'm sure the principal and counselor have other issues to deal with.

If its serious enough for the principal to contact this mother over, its serious enough to talk about the hows and whys of the situation. I don't think its the OP who is overreacting. The other mother, maybe, but if it were my kid I would want to get to the bottom of it to ensure I wouldn't be getting any more "overdue repair bills" sent home.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I'm surprised at how many posters agree with the OP. There shouldn't be such 'horsing around' on the bus. Playground yes, maybe, but the bus, I don't think so. And it shouldn't matter how valuable the child's necklace (or whatever the item is) is. That isn't the point, IMHO. Its how it was broken that is the point.

No, I think the point is the other boy's parents never gave the OP a chance to respond to the situation, but rather, went right to a seemingly last resort of going through the principal's office and making the situation into some sort of federal case. The OP never said she wouldn't pay the money to get it fixed, rather that she was a little taken aback as to how she found out about the incident.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

beattyfamily, there's a difference between a backback being pulled on hard enough to rip it and 2 kids horsing around and a necklace broken. Very likely different scenarios. I don't blame you for contacting the school and that type of behavior which could have been bullying (maybe not, but could have been) shouldn't be allowed. The behavior in this thread, though, seems more like mutual messing around. Maybe they shouldn't be doing it, but if it was indeed mutual, it seems that at the very least the boys should be equally responsible. And for the mother to jump in and accuse without getting the other side of the story is not a good way to handle it.

As we've all heard--there's our child's side, the other side, and the truth is usually some where in between, so the assumption should be made that her child is not giving all the facts. When I have an issue I try to go into it with that outlook and treat it as a fact-finding mission before assigning guilt. Our tendency as parents, especially moms, is to be mama bears and go in to protect, but it's not always in the best interest of our kids if we don't have all the facts.

 

[taximomfor4]

No, I think the point is the other boy's parents never gave the OP a chance to respond to the situation, but rather, went right to a seemingly last resort of going through the principal's office and making the situation into some sort of federal case. The OP never said she wouldn't pay the money to get it fixed, rather that she was a little taken aback as to how she found out about the incident.

Well, if the OP doesn't even know the parents' names, perhaps they don't know hers either. This may have been the only way they could contact her in a timely manner. Just tossing out ideas here.

About the behavior on a bus, I said something avbout that on the first page. I said that any behavior that MIGHT result in accidentally breaking a necklace is behavior that doesn't belong on a school bus.

Beth

 

[BWVDenise]

I completely agree that there shouldn't be horseplay on the bus and I've discussed that point exactly with my ds. But the fact remains that 8-9 yr. old boys are NOT angels.
I have been on the receiving end of the horseplay and other behavior which has cost me money as well. I've never sent the bill to school for them to forward to the parents of the children involved though. I can't count how many times my other ds has come home with mangled glasses or magic marker writing on the back of his shirt or someone else's lunch spilled all over his brand new sneakers. Things happen. We can't always cry "victim!!!" over every minor incident.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

About the behavior on a bus, I said something avbout that on the first page. I said that any behavior that MIGHT result in accidentally breaking a necklace is behavior that doesn't belong on a school bus.

Beth

Of course it doesn't, but, as I learned with my oldest child who is now in college, dropping of every 4 letter word that would be starred out on the DISboards isn't appropriate on the school bus, either, but it happens all the time. I can't believe my 7yo doesn't know the words yet. And to think he just figured out that no, "Ace" is not the cuss word like he'd been thinking it was.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Well, if the OP doesn't even know the parents' names, perhaps they don't know hers either. This may have been the only way they could contact her in a timely manner. Just tossing out ideas here.

Good point.

 

[mickeyfan2]

No, I think the point is the other boy's parents never gave the OP a chance to respond to the situation, but rather, went right to a seemingly last resort of going through the principal's office and making the situation into some sort of federal case. The OP never said she wouldn't pay the money to get it fixed, rather that she was a little taken aback as to how she found out about the incident.

Since the OP does not know the name of the kid's parents we can safely assume the same was true for the Kid's parents not knowing the OP's name. How were they to contact her? I would have not told them how much the repair was but I would have contacted the school to report the incident I would have not asked for and would have turned down the $5.35.

 

[goofygirl]

Your kid=your responsibility. Case closed.

When I saw the heading of this topic, I thought it was going to be about a huge expense - like replacing a whole 14K gold necklace or something. But when I saw it's a lousy $5.35, I was like, "Big deal!"

I can't believe you said that school is not a place for good jewelry, that it should not be around 3rd grade boys, LOL!! Should we ban all jewelry in schools now because your kid won't behave? You call it "just playing like boys do" but what is "just playing" to you is downright misbehavior to others!

 

[sha_lyn]

WOW for once I can say ITA with GG ....

Several yrs ago a boy took DS's coat on the bus and threw it out the window. The school would not give me contact info so the mother could replace it. I was told they would handle all comunications. The mother refused to pay.
I found out later that the mother worked with a neighbor. The mother told the neighbor that she had already paid for 3 coats her son took, she wasn't paying for anymore.

 

[BWVDenise]

Your kid=your responsibility. Case closed.

When I saw the heading of this topic, I thought it was going to be about a huge expense - like replacing a whole 14K gold necklace or something. But when I saw it's a lousy $5.35, I was like, "Big deal!"

I can't believe you said that school is not a place for good jewelry, that it should not be around 3rd grade boys, LOL!! Should we ban all jewelry in schools now because your kid won't behave? You call it "just playing like boys do" but what is "just playing" to you is downright misbehavior to others!

I can see your point but how do you know that it wasn't the other kid who started the horseplay? And if you send your 3rd grade child to school with something valuable, you are taking a risk.