my ds accidentally broke a boy's necklace on the bus, parent wants "restitution"

[MELSMICE]

LOL, I would pay it too but is anyone else just rolling their eyes at the ridiculousness of actually going out of your way like this for five and a quarter?

Wow, some people have too much time on their hands.

I am!

I'd pay it, but like others have said, do it through the principal so there is record that it was paid.

 

[Barb D]

Does your son admit that he broke the necklace? If not, were there other witnesses? If no and no, I wouldn't pay it. You could be setting yourself for something further down the road.

 

[RunDanceSkate]

1. Leave valuable jewelry at home!-- it has no place at school with 3rd grade boys
2. It was not a malicious, intentional act. They were playing, as boys do!
3. I am the type of person who would have OFFERED to pay for it had it not be DEMANDED of me.

The principal actually seems embarassed and is uncomfortable because he feels like he is stuck in the middle of something that he shouldn't be in the middle of. I don't want to send the money back to school because of this and would rather deliver it personally to their house except that I don't know which house is their's.
WWYD?

A child should be able to wear a necklace, which probably has a value of $20 , my kids often wore gold chains with crosses on to school at that age, they never lost them or had them broken. Their backpacks cost more then that, not to mention sweatshirts, sneakers etc.

Buses are for sitting on not playing, so anything they were doing that caused a necklace to break was wrong.

In the past I have sent notes to the principal asking them to forward them onto parents because the school will not release personal info, so how else will I contact the parent, I have never sent an actual receipt usually just a note stating what happened and I wait for the parent to come back with an offer or the return of the item that was taken.

In 2nd grade it was DD's brand new Disney sweatshirt that "Joey" took, "Joey" was a "big kid" with an unknown last name. All I could tell the principal was the name, the bus he rode and a vague description from my 6 year old. It took 2 weeks but we got it back. Same year "Jessica" took DD's new hat and cut it up. Once informed her parents bought a replacement hat.

For DS in 2nd grade it was a pair of glasses that someone took off his face and someone else stepped on. School paid the repair bill.

3rd grade was even worse for DS as he was punched in the mouth by Chris while wearing a retainer, 2 weeks before he was done wearing it the punch rearranged his teeth and he had to wear it another 8months. Dentist fixed it for free but the extra 8months were awful for DS. Chris got 2 days in school suspension.

In each case the school was not aware until I notified them about it, and none of the child at fault had ever told their parents until asked abot it.

Nothing as cheap as $5.35, but maybe is was their way of making you realize that your child had done something. I'm guessing some time had passed since they had time to get it repaired, so perhaps they had waited for you to contact them and your son had not told you about it.

 

[sandramaac]

I'd send her the $5.35 in..................................
LOOSE PENNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[barkley]

if neither of the parents nor a reliable person witnessed the event it's hard to know what actualy happened. the other child's parent may believe that the op's child is entirely responsible for the breakage and is using it as a lesson to her child that people should be held responsible for their actions.

our school has a policy where things like this (damage of personal property on school grounds/on the bus/on field trips) are preferred to be handled with the school as the 'middle man'-this is largely because they can't hand out personal information on kids/parents (addresses/phone numbers)-and they've had situations wherein a parent whose child had valid issues with reimbursement from another parent and the parent trying to calmly address the matter was verbally accosted by the 'damager's' parents everytime they subsequently encountered each other (which generaly was on school property at drop off/pick up/school events ). it made for a nasty situation for the other kids/parents who had to observe it (and a hostile environment for the innocent child/parents).

the person if they did'nt know the op personaly may not have their home address or phone number to contact them personally-and sending it to the school was the only way to handle it (not all parents have scheduals such that they can hang around a school hoping to catch another parent they don't even know by sight).

btw-our school does'nt allow any valuables on campus (even 'junk' show and tell stuff is locked in a closet and given to the kids to put in backpacks at the end of the day). k-8th no jewlery can be worn.

 

[ZPT1022]

I wouldn't pay with a check because who knows what she could do with your private info

The value of the check would be that you can prove who cashed it. If you are worried about giving out your personal info I would get a money order from your bank so that you are not giving out your info, but you do have a way to track it should she ever say "well you never paid up". Yes, it's stupid to have to go that far but the extra $1 would be worth it for my peace of mind.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

The problem with sending in cash is that, unless the principal will agree to hold the money at school and have her pick it up, her son will quite possibly never make it home with the money. Maybe the principal will hold the money or at least call the mother (or should I say egg donor ) so she can pick it up or will know to watch out for it.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Although I would not have demanded or even asked or the money, but, I would pay for it through the Principal.

 

[ZPT1022]

Forgot to add that I would send the check or money order in a note that says something like

Dear other mother,
I am sorry that this happened, but most of all I am sorry that you chose to escalate it to this level. Yes, there was an accident, as young boys are prone to having, but we were prepared to offer to help pay the repair costs. It saddens me that instead of contacting me in a friendly manner you chose to make such a huge deal. Enclosed is a check for $5.35 and my hope is that in the future we can deal with these types of things like rational adults. I would hate to see this interfere with the children's friendship

Sincerely,

XXXXXXXXXXX

 

[Teacher03]

I think I would pay it through the principal and not give it another thought. Life's too short.

 

[Tiffer]

for the $5.35 it cost to have it repaired. Mind that she never gave me the opportunity to offer to pay for the repair but demanded it through the school principal. I just got the fax she sent him asking him to forward the receipt to me. I have 3 problems with this whole thing and it is really bugging me.
1. Leave valuable jewelry at home!-- it has no place at school with 3rd grade boys
2. It was not a malicious, intentional act. They were playing, as boys do!
3. I am the type of person who would have OFFERED to pay for it had it not be DEMANDED of me.

The principal actually seems embarassed and is uncomfortable because he feels like he is stuck in the middle of something that he shouldn't be in the middle of. I don't want to send the money back to school because of this and would rather deliver it personally to their house except that I don't know which house is their's.
WWYD?

1 & 2 are personal opinions and others, including myself, may disagree. I agree with you on 3, but that is no reason not to pay. It is annoying, but just pay it and never let your child have a play date with that kid!

 

[minnieandtink]

I, too , would send it in loose pennies and let all of them have fun counting it!!!

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I have a feeling the other little boy might have told his mother your son grabbed it off his neck or something like that. That is the only thing I can come up with that would seem to make sense. You can tell by the way she handled it that she was very upset and it probably was not about the money.

I would ask your DS to explain exactly what happened. If it was an accident, I would have him write a letter of apology for the "accident" to be included with the money.

I just can't believe someone would go through all that trouble for a $5 repair bill. There is no way I would take that much time out of my day to send someone a bill for $5. That is very petty.

 

[fivefordisney]

While I think that is was rude and kind of wierd (I mean 5$???), I would just send the money in anyway. It was broken , so the other parties behavior doesnt really matter. Maybe have your son include a note apologising for breaking it. Puts you on the "high road" so to speak.

I agree...

 

[charabby]

I'd just pay the $5.35 b/c I would feel obligated to do so, since my child broke something. I am mystified as to why so many people don't think the OP's child bears any responsibility for breaking the necklace. Why would he not take responsibilty for what he had done, even if it was an accident ? Honestly, I'd pay, not make an issue out of it (i.e. by paying in pennies or something equally obnoxious), and I'd have my child earn the money to pay, so that he learned the consequences of his carelessness.

 

[MELSMICE]

I'd have my child earn the money to pay, so that he learned the consequences of his carelessness.

That is a good idea - even though it was an accident.

 

[iloveboardwalk]

A necklace can be easily broken through many sets of circumstances that are completely innocent and not at all careless. I broke my own chain the other day when it snagged my sweater, for example. Honestly, what the OP probably really owes is half.

Never the less, I would roll my eyes and pay it just to be done with it.

If I were the child with the broken necklace, I would have not asked for payment, it is just so stupid.

 

[famofsix]

maybe a meeting at the school to find out what really happened is in order. I fear the irate mom may have something else up her sleeve and paying her anything makes your child guilty. I only think this because what would motivate someone to make a big deal out of 5 bucks and change?
At the very least, I would have both boys sit down with the principal and the school counselor to get to the bottom of it. Then if it is determined through that that your son indeed was fooling around and caused the damage he should apologize...he can bring the money in the next day to show accountability.

In our school district bullying is taken very seriously and the district is required to impliment consequences. I would hate to see this mom use your payment to "prove" her son was bullied.

 

[lajones81]

This is yet another reason why I do not think I could ever be a principal. I will stick to the classroom!

 

[hentob]

maybe a meeting at the school to find out what really happened is in order. I fear the irate mom may have something else up her sleeve and paying her anything makes your child guilty. I only think this because what would motivate someone to make a big deal out of 5 bucks and change?
At the very least, I would have both boys sit down with the principal and the school counselor to get to the bottom of it. Then if it is determined through that that your son indeed was fooling around and caused the damage he should apologize...he can bring the money in the next day to show accountability.

In our school district bullying is taken very seriously and the district is required to impliment consequences. I would hate to see this mom use your payment to "prove" her son was bullied.

I never thought of it like that.

Good point.