My DH just doesn't get it!(minor vent)

[Cindy B]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
I have been looking at this thread all day and keep pushing the back button...but I do have one thing to say, and it's not like me to just keep things to myself.

There is a book, the Five Love Languages, it's about all the different ways people express and receive love. Some people give things, some people do things, stuff like that. Maybe you two just have a different "language".

I

That is a wonderful book. I have reccommended it to many people and I have enjoyed it as well.

FOJMO-- I am glad there are others out there... I've been married 12 years, and just learning this the past five years or so....

 

[Mickey Nut 50]

First of all, happy birthday!

I sure am glad to find other husbands like mine. He usually remembers my birthday - only because he almost drowned on that day in 1971, and unfortunately the WTC happened on my birthday - yep, 9/11.

Yesterday, however, was our 30th wedding anniversary. This year I decided not to remind him every day for the past week. I did mention it July 4 "10 days until our 30th". Yep - yesterday morning, I woke up and said, "Happy Anniversary". Silence - then, "Is today the 14th?" "Yes" Silence - then, "It's our 30th isn't it?" "Yes".

Guess what I got - a card that he and our son went to Wal-Mart to get just before I got home from work. After he gave it to me, he said, "What are your thoughts for dinner?"

I ended up going to Kroger for filets, mushrooms and potatoes. Cooked dinner, too. I brought him back a dozen roses, box of candy, and a card. He passed the roses on the kitchen table a couple of times, until I finally said - did you see your flowers? "What flowers?"

He really does love me, just has a hard time showing it. I, too, have gone the route of writing lists for Christmas and birthday and being disappointed because he found something "better" (like hedge clippers for my 38th - not even wrapped!). I've given up, and now buy my own birthday and Christmas gifts (usually a Disney snow globe). Must be that "Y" chromosome!

 

[wdwnutze]

Once again, thanks for all the responses. We will definately not be getting a dog until my dh decides on his own, that it is time for us to have one. I'm not fool enough to think he would "come around" if I just showed up with one. I made reservations for dinner and we all went out to eat. My sister gave me beautiful earrings and a charm for my bracelet and my mom got me some other things that I have been looking at. I guess the more I reflect on the day, my disappointment wasn't so much with the gifts as with the importance of the day. I always make a big deal out of everyones b-day. I guess I will make my own big deal next year. My husband just has his own funny way of showing me he loves me. I think I realize that's just how it is. Next year I will plan a trip(camping or something) to avoid the let down.

Mickey Nut 50- I also buy all my own gifts for x-mas and mother's day(afterall, I'm not his mother). My 20th anniversary is in October. I think I will save myself the heartache and just buy myself the ring I want

 

[DisneyJules]

Happy Birthday!!! It's ok, men are just wired differently then us women. Bath And Body works lotion and Walmart lotion is all the same to them hahaha
Men really are from mars.

 

[Mjasp]

I'm convinced, its the gender and they really can't help it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

[nonnymouse]

<B>Yesterday, however, was our 30th wedding anniversary. This year I decided not to remind him every day for the past week. I did mention it July 4 "10 days until our 30th". Yep - yesterday morning, I woke up and said, "Happy Anniversary". Silence - then, "Is today the 14th?" "Yes" Silence - then, "It's our 30th isn't it?" "Yes".</B>

I stopped getting my feelings hurt a long time ago. When my husband forgot our 12th wedding anniversary (many years ago), I decided that it was time to take matters into my own hands. Now I make sure that he knows, IN ADVANCE, when our anniversary or my birthday is coming. I ask him to schedule something special and I follow up on it (dinner out, etc). I never leave anything to chance. Usually I order or purchase my own gift and he is more than happy to pay for it. Not too romantic, but very easy. Hey - my husband comes home every night, doesn't smoke, gamble, or womanize, so I am one very lucky woman. This just makes me realize that in the 33 years we have been married, I am the one who has learned the most! LOL - men might be slow but they are still very adorable

 

[JESW]

Happy Birthday!!!

Sorry that you were disappointed. My DH is real bad at buying gifts for me. For the longest time it hurt my feelings - didn't understand how he could love me but not be able to find a gift for me. But we've talked about it and he is just not good at gift buying - it really stresses him out! I like buying gifts so I had to really put myself in his shoes and understand his side.

So now when it's my bd I plan something for the whole family. Last year we spent the day in Boston and went on a duck tour - had a blast! The year before the four of us stayed in a hotel on the Cape and played tourist - had a blast! If I want to do things then I plan them. If I waited for DH to plan something it would never get done. For example, you can check the counter below I added today.

Jill

 

[tigercat]

My dh is the same although he tends to totally forgets it. I have always made a big deal out of everyone else's birthday but it seems they all seem to think it's good to forget mine. This year after everyone forgot (my dh and kids) I decided that I was going to forget everyone else's birthday. For my dh's birthday we ended up at his Mum's house and she had a cake for him and a card. I think they were surprised that I didn't even get him a card. My dd and her dh didn't say anything so I'll have to see how the others deal with it. It would have been nice to even have them say happy birthday. Christmas is another matter. Our anniversary is funny. He sort of remembers it but then lets it go.
tigercat

 

[SnowAngel]

My dh is the same. He has a hard time just remembering birthdays. He has gotten better over the years though. I learn I have to remind him and if I have to we both go to the store and I just pick it out then and there. Makes it easier.. I get what I want and dh does not have to struggle to find something for me.

dtuleya, dh is the same.. he gets his feelings hurt if I don't get him something.