My Dad Passed Away - We've Cancelled Our Trip

[Mugglemama]

my dad passed away on the 20th. we've just returned from travelling to SoCal to clean his apartment and attend the funeral, etc. it's been a very rough time.

we had a 5 day DLR trip planned for the beginning of august. however, my husband and i both are feeling very sad about the days we've spent at DLR during the last few years - days we could have been spending with my dad instead. we always made time for him on our trips, spending several days with him, before going on to disney. but still, it's painful to think we "wasted" time at disneyland that we could have been spending with him.

and now, my husband's mother has been hospitalized with congestive heart failure and fluid around the heart. we both decided that this year, we are going to trade our DLR time to spend with loved ones instead.

 

[Disney Dreams]

I am very sorry to hear about your Dad's passing and your MIL's illness.

If I may... I would not feel bad about your Disneyland trips. You said yourself that you spent time with your Dad on each trip. Then you went and had some time at DL. There is nothing wrong with that. It's a balance.

Maybe let your August trip sit. Don't cancel it, but just wait to see how things feel in a little while, after you have had a chance to deal with your grief and have a better idea of how your MIL is / will be doing.

Again, sorry for your loss. Sending pixie dust to you, your family, and your MIL.

- Dreams

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

And I do agree with DisneyDreams...hopefully in time you'll see that time spent with your family (not that your dad isn't family but you know what I mean) doing something you love isn't something to be sad about, and I'm sure HE didn't resent it.

But I can understand sticking around since your MIL isn't well.

 

[Gisele]

I sure am sorry to learn of your loss. It is never an easy subject to deal with. Even if one knows that one's time is limited, still it is a very sad and difficult situation.
My father died last Oct. and although he was 76, and not in the best of health, his death was most unexpected. I blame the snf for his death, and am pursuing a law suit.
I wish the best for your DMIL, and am hoping that she will perk right up and be able to go back home as soon as possible.
I have a paid planned visit to Dl. this Sept. however, sometimes because of everything that I have had to deal with since my fathers death, and am still having to handle, this upcoming trip, I am not as excited nor as happy about it, as I had been. For me, things have gone from bad to really quite horrid. But yet I know that things can become worse. So if anything, the former is tempered by the latter sentiment. I do not wish to cancel my trip. For I am still looking forward to 9-9-9. I know that I will not be the same person visiting Dl then, that I was last August, when I last visited.

I agree with Disney Dreams. And Disneyland will be waiting for you when you are ready to visit.

I wish you and your family the best. And hope that everything will work out for the best.

 

[Crazy4Goofy]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your father!! But don't beat yourself up for not spending more time with him when you went to Disneyland. Remember you are making your own family memories...Ones you will cherish forever!!

 

[Krissy Marissy]

Sorry for your loss. I agree with PP's that your father understands that the time you are spending with your family at disneyland are priceless memories. Do not feel guilty. Perhaps do not cancel just yet and wait a few weeks and see how you all feel. Perhaps some disney happiness would cheer the familly up. Prayers to your and your family.

 

[JadeDarkstar]

I am sorry for your loss. I agree an wouldn't cancel yet
Tho i am seeing some of my family getting sick an I start to worry. some times i think of canceling but then i know going is fun an my son enjoys it an My dad (who passed away 10 years ago) always told me when he took me to dl or other places. Its not a waist of money since we are making memories an having fun (he had cancer 7 years an would spend so much time an money doing things just to make sure we were together)

Now the money i use for dl is from his death an I think of it in a way hes there with me. hes watching my sons face light up like mine use to. An he wouldnt tell me to stop going or say (Disney land again? (like mom or dh's mom) hed say just make sure to have fun with my son)

I do send you pixie dust an prayers

 

[joseph821]

my dad passed away on the 20th. we've just returned from travelling to SoCal to clean his apartment and attend the funeral, etc. it's been a very rough time.

we had a 5 day DLR trip planned for the beginning of august. however, my husband and i both are feeling very sad about the days we've spent at DLR during the last few years - days we could have been spending with my dad instead. we always made time for him on our trips, spending several days with him, before going on to disney. but still, it's painful to think we "wasted" time at disneyland that we could have been spending with him.

and now, my husband's mother has been hospitalized with congestive heart failure and fluid around the heart. we both decided that this year, we are going to trade our DLR time to spend with loved ones instead.

Sorry to hear that. I hope you and your family feel better.

 

[Disney Princess]

I just wanted to offer my condolences. My grandmother died on the 17th, and my dad has been dealing with lots of this same stuff at the same time as you (cleaning out home, etc.). It isn't pleasant to deal with. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you.

 

[Queenie16]

Just wanted to say "sorry for your loss." My father died very unexpectedly one morning, almost two years ago now, without any warning. Weeks before my mother and my family traveled, as we always did, to WDW. When we got home, it was "business as usual" -- my father came over for pizza since he never went with us because he said that I agitated him. It has been sad traveling since to WDW knowing that my father would not be joining us for pizza when we got home. We continue to go to WDW however, and now this June will be traveling to Disneyland for the first time. You will ALWAYS have GREAT memories of your father, as I do. You will return to Disneyland when YOU feel it is time. Until then, think of how wonderful of a man he was and the time you were fortunate to spend with him.

 

[mechurchlady]

My deepest sympathy and many prayrers for your family.

You should go back to Disneyland but it will be there in ten years. It is better to savor the last years with a loved one than to go to a park. Build the memories of grandmother for the children. I miss my grandmother very much and was blessed to spend every Saturday with her. Somethings cannot be replace so feel no remorse or sorrow for choosing to spend time with loved ones instead of playing at Disney parks.

Hugs
LAurie

 

[Boo Bear]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't be too hard on yourselves or feel guilty for vacationing when you feel like you should have been spending time with your dad. Those feelings are natural though. We all have those feelings, well at least I know I have had them. Those feelings I have had ease with time. Take the time and soak up those around you. Again, my thoughts are with your family.

 

[pixiewings71]

Oh no, I'm so so sorry for your loss! Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure your Father never felt neglected and I'm sure he loved knowing you had great vacation memories to look back on. (((HUGS)))

 

[Mugglemama]

thanks very much everyone, for your kind responses.

the year before last, when we traveled from idaho to SoCal, we spent 5 days at DLR and only saw my dad for one evening and then part of the next day. later, he made a comment about how we only come down for disneyland. he said it in a joking way, but i felt i had hurt his feelings. so last summer, i spent 5 full days with him....spent 6 hours cleaning his apartment one day (while he slept because he was very close to being completely bedridden at that point), brought him meals from his favorite restaurants and checked on him several times per day on the other days, and then on the last day, i sat with him non-stop for 6 or 7 hours in the hospital emergency room (he'd almost died from severe dehydration). that last day in the hospital, once he was feeling better after having been given 2 rounds of fluids, was actually pretty nice. we had some good conversation, and it was wonderful to see him behaving like his old self. earlier in the week he'd been sleeping most of the time and had been quite incoherent a lot of the time that he was awake. after he was released from the hospital, he suggested we walk a bit in the hospital parking lot until my husband came to get us. it was wonderful to watch him up and walking, breathing fresh air, and talking about old times. that was my last day with him. i checked on him shortly the following morning to bring him some food and take him to pick up some things at the grocery store before we left to drive south to DLR, but really, that day in the hospital was our last full day of one-on-one time.

because of the comment he'd made the last year, i had purposely scheduled more days with him, and only 2 days at disney for last summer. i feel good about that, and i know it meant something to him that i stayed for an extended time to be with him (he didn't know about the disney change in scheduling - i never mentioned it).

i appreciate everyone's support, and i know in time we will learn to let go of our guilty feelings about spending time at DLR rather than with him. but for now, we feel much better about postponing any trips to DLR in order to spend that time with loved ones instead.

again, i sure appreciate everyone's kind remarks. it's been a very tough time. my dad was 74, and had been ill for some time, but as another poster had said, i didn't expect his death yet. i was supposed to spend 3 days with him in august, and i thought he'd make it till then, at least. he actually had seemed like he'd been on an upswing.

 

[JeannieNM]

My condolences.

My mom died March 26 and dad died 4 years ago. It is very hard to loss your parents. Do not be hard on yourself. Take care of yourself and your family. I found while I was grieving for my mom, I still had a family to look after. I have a 13 yr old. I found once I had the estate person hired and the start on the taxes what we needed most was a vacation. We are heading out on a cruise in the end of May. (we had to wait for DD to finish school or our bags would already be backed and we would be out the door.) We will get to go to DW for a few days on the way but cruise is the focus. My MIL had a bout with congestive heart failure and ended up with a stent and is doing well, I hope the same for yours.

It is good to learn from the past but dwelling on regrets won't change the past. I am glad you had time with your dad.

Again, be patient with yourself it takes to time.

Jean

 

[jenpace]

I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[JenDisneylandlver]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Mine died 17 years ago, amazing how long it's been. I was only 14 at the time. But it's the memories we hold on to, and last a life time. I believe your father would not want you to cancel your trip, and would not have wanted you to not visit DL when he was alive. Fathers want us to be happy!

We visit DH's grandma in the same way when we go down to DL. Spend a day or so with her, and the rest of the time in DL. We didn't get to see her this week, as she wasn't feeling up to it enough. But she was happy we were having a good time.

Take some time to mourn and then decide what to do later about your trip. (((HUGS)))

 

[teatime]

my dad passed away on the 20th. we've just returned from travelling to SoCal to clean his apartment and attend the funeral, etc. it's been a very rough time.

we had a 5 day DLR trip planned for the beginning of august. however, my husband and i both are feeling very sad about the days we've spent at DLR during the last few years - days we could have been spending with my dad instead. we always made time for him on our trips, spending several days with him, before going on to disney. but still, it's painful to think we "wasted" time at disneyland that we could have been spending with him.

and now, my husband's mother has been hospitalized with congestive heart failure and fluid around the heart. we both decided that this year, we are going to trade our DLR time to spend with loved ones instead.

Im so very sorry hon, and I do think its wise to spend more time with your loved ones. Disney will always be there, but loved ones may n ot be. I my self will not be going back, my parents are not in good shape and since I do all of there care, bills etc . I knew that my days were numbered. But I also know that I may get back some day, we shall see. Please accept my condolences for your family at this hard time

 

[thmar]

I'm so very sorry for your loss...

 

[LuLusApple]

Big hugs!
I lost my Dad in 05 and my kids lost their Dad last year.
I know we always feel like we should of done something more; spent more time, said more. But I know as a parent there is nothing more we could want than our children to be happy so try not to be too hard on yourself, and remember to be happy, if not now soon.