My buddy doesn't ( didn't? ) understand why I won't let my kids have text messaging.

[DVCLiz]

The sleepaway camp I'm looking at for my DS for next summer doesn't allow cell phones, Ipods, game systems, etc... And for the price you spend for the kid to go to camp, they'd better be doing something other than text messaging the whole time!

My DS8 said a few kids in his class have cell phones. Honestly, there's NO reason for DS8 to have one yet. But, I'll probably get him a prepaid cell when he goes to middle school where activities finish up at odd times. Even then, I think we'll wait a few years before we allow text messaging.

Like you, Papa, I'd like my kids to be interacting with the world around them instead of text messaging all the time. I think we'll also have a basket where the kids can drop their cell phones (turned off) when they come in the house.

Then my kids wouldn't be visiting your house. I like them to have their phones with them so I can call or text at my convenience - I don't want you making that decision for me.

It's also way too controlling, in my opinion. Unless you are going to be actively socializing with a group of teenagers (and I can't imagine you would be) it's not impacting you in any way, and if it bothers your kids they should be the ones to tell their friends to cut out the texting. If they are old enough to have the technology they should be learning the skills they need to manage it with their peer group. Having Mom cut everyone off is not the answer.

 

[goofy!]

Nope. I'm not going to let them have it because I feel that texting is causing a deterioration of real social skills, as well as leading kids to eventually suffer from developing quality business / life skills...

Kids don't TALK as much anymore. They text. They no longer use proper grammar or spell correctly, at least as well as they used to..... One of my friends is a HS principal in Kansas City and we have discussed this a few times - that kids turn in homework written the way that they text, and see nothing wrong with it.

It is completely your decision, but let me give you an example of how texting can rack up huge amounts in a short time and still be beneficial to social skills.

This is similar to what my 12 year old boy would do or receive:

9:00am - Kid sends out a group text to 15 friends - "Let's meet at the pool at 10am" 1 text message, but counted as 15 because sent to 15 people.

15 texts - 1 minute

15 kids answer "which pool" (two pools in our development)

2 minutes spent texting and reading texts total now 30 texts.

sends out another 15 texts "North Pool"

3 minutes total texting and reading - already up to 45 texts

receives 15 texts (everybody else also receiving) saying yes or no whether their parents will allow them to go swimming.


4 minutes total texting and reading - 60 texts

Response - "great, see you there"

So, in the space of 5 minutes total spent texting or reading texts, 75+ texts were exchanged. Some extra texts because there was some discussion on which pool is better. The texting is akin to the preteen conference call where everybody could chime in and make their preference heard.

Kids heads out to pool to meet friends where they talk, interact socially and have a great time.

It was so much easier to arrange their own social activity this way without having to call everybody individually up on the phone, wait for responses, etc. This way, everybody was notified and kept in the loop and it took less than 5 minutes of their time. And they had a great social experience in person because of it.

Just another way to look at texting.

 

[LisaR]

I think we'll also have a basket where the kids can drop their cell phones (turned off) when they come in the house.

Wow! Good luck with that. I can't imagine your teen having many friends that will want to visit your house if they can't have their phone. As a parent, I would FORBID my children from visiting your house. The whole point of the phone for my kids is so I can get in touch with them.

 

[HelenePA]

My 7 1/2 year old doesn't even know what texting is. I don't see that changing anytime soon.

I don't really think 8 year olds need phones either, but that's just me.

Really? they dont know what it is? my 4 yr old texts us from the iPod using yahoo IM

OP just curious.. what if your wife says its okay for them to have texting?

Mine will have cell phones when they need them with texting sometimes our cell reception at our house is iffy.. for some reason texting comes thru when phone calls can't

 

[C.Ann]

Wow! Good luck with that. I can't imagine your teen having many friends that will want to visit your house if they can't have their phone. As a parent, I would FORBID my children from visiting your house. The whole point of the phone for my kids is so I can get in touch with them.

Why could you not contact your child via the other parents land line? Isn't that what parents did before cell phones?

 

[DVCLiz]

Wow! Good luck with that. I can't imagine your teen having many friends that will want to visit your house if they can't have their phone. As a parent, I would FORBID my children from visiting your house. The whole point of the phone for my kids is so I can get in touch with them.

It's very easy to say what you will or won't ever allow your children to do when they are far too young for the issue to be relevant. It's another matter entirely to make a reasonable decision based on the current real-world situation. It's a part of parenting that has to be learned as you go along, and most parents do eventually figure that out...

 

[goofy!]

Wow! Good luck with that. I can't imagine your teen having many friends that will want to visit your house if they can't have their phone. As a parent, I would FORBID my children from visiting your house. The whole point of the phone for my kids is so I can get in touch with them.

My children also would not be allowed to visit a house where they had to turn off their phones and put them in a basket. Their house, their rules. But since my parenting decisions are mine to make, my kids wouldn't be at a house with rules that are so divergent to mine.

 

[LisaR]

Why could you not contact your child via the other parents land line? Isn't that what parents did before cell phones?

Not always. Many people have actually gotten rid of their landlines. My son has to contact two of his friends on their own personal cell phone. I do have their phone numbers but they don't always answer. When my son sees my name on his cell phone, he WILL ALWAYS answer so it eliminates the problem of relying on others.

 

[DVCLiz]

Why could you not contact your child via the other parents land line? Isn't that what parents did before cell phones?

Why should I have to contact my child at someone else's house by using the family landline if it's more convenient for me to call her on her cell phone? What if I don't want to have a conversation with the parents? What if the phone is busy and I can't get in touch with my child? Why should my convenience have to be impacted at all?

THAT is why parents like their kids to have cell phones.

I can text my daughter and say, "What time should I pick you up?" in less than 5 seconds. That beats having to go find the phone book, look up her friend's parents phone number, call the house, have a brief chat with the mom (because it's not like a business call you can just ask for a certain party - you have to say hi, you have to thank the mom for having your daughter over, etc.

It's easier to just text...

 

[java]

I didn't read all the responses so I apologize for my just response to the original.

My kids have unlimited texting- the 2 oldest 15(boy) 11 (girl)

My son sends about 20 a day

DD on the other hand can do upwards of 50+ but they include texts of

LOL
Hey
sup
hugs

Really just a quick contact with friends.
I'm ok with it. But you have to do what you are comfortable with. I didn't let my daughter even get a phone until she was 10. and that was because she was in a play and needed to let me know when she got out.
Texting is just something that is not my thing. But I know people that love it.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Really? they dont know what it is? my 4 yr old texts us from the iPod using yahoo IM

OP just curious.. what if your wife says its okay for them to have texting?

Mine will have cell phones when they need them with texting sometimes our cell reception at our house is iffy.. for some reason texting comes thru when phone calls can't

She agrees with me. Not often, but in this instance.

 

[C.Ann]

Not always. Many people have actually gotten rid of their landlines. My son has to contact two of his friends on their own personal cell phone. I do have their phone numbers but they don't always answer. When my son sees my name on his cell phone, he WILL ALWAYS answer so it eliminates the problem of relying on others.

I would assume that a person who would ask kids to leave their cell phones in a basket - turned off - when visiting in their home would have a land line.. I'm sure the intent would not be to hold these kids hostage with no "outside contact" with their parents..

As long as there is a land line available, I don't see the problem.. DGD's best friend often sleeps over or comes up here to the lake for the weekend and when her dad needs to talk to her (or she wants to talk to him) they use the land line.. Actually I can't think of any children who come to DD's house that are contacted by cell phone (even though they have them).. The parents call on the land line..

 

[HelenePA]

She agrees with me. Not often, but in this instance.

What if she changes her mind? She is a woman after all we do that alot

 

[NHdisneylover]

My kids are 10 and 12. They got their own phone to share at 4 and 6 because we no longer had a land line and the kids' phone was really so I had one to leave with the babysitter. Pretty soon though they would end up at activities with inconsisten end times and it came in handy for them to really have one. By 8 and 10 they each had their own phone and took them pretty much everywhere. Comes in very handy when you get briefly seperated at the airport or DD would like to stay with her book in the foor court at Target while I shop not to mention all those activities. They are currently back to sharing one phone at the moment as cells are much pricier in Germany than in the US. But as they are learning their way around and going more and more places alone I see that we need to get each their own phones again soon.

Both kids had texting on their phones and never used it. They don't like it. DD gets very irritated when her friends you "text speak" when they email her. So, it is not every kid.

OK, ready to get slammed here, but maybe it is a girl thing. I don't know many guys who truly enjoy talking on the phone - if any. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. I hate instant messaging ( don't even have it ).....

Not slammed--but DD12 is reading over my shoulder and wants me to post that it is not just a girl thing. She hates texting and text speak and is not all that fond of phone conversations. Her guy friends are much more persistnat on conitnuing to text or use text speak in emails to her than her girl friends.

 

[goofy!]

Why could you not contact your child via the other parents land line? Isn't that what parents did before cell phones?

I would assume that a person who would ask kids to leave their cell phones in a basket - turned off - when visiting in their home would have a land line.. I'm sure the intent would not be to hold these kids hostage with no "outside contact" with their parents..

As long as there is a land line available, I don't see the problem.. DGD's best friend often sleeps over or comes up here to the lake for the weekend and when her dad needs to talk to her (or she wants to talk to him) they use the land line.. Actually I can't think of any children who come to DD's house that are contacted by cell phone (even though they have them).. The parents call on the land line..

Sometimes it is far better to be able to contact your child or your child to contact you directly without going through the parents.

For instance, DS12 has one friend that he occasionally hangs out with that sometimes is impulsive and doesn't make great decisions. (Jumping from an upper level deck onto the tramp - parents are clueless)

My son has gone to a quiet corner to call me and ask me to come pick him up.

I want him to have the freedom to extricate himself from an uncomfortable situation without having to track down parents, be subjected to questioning and have well meaning parents tell him "oh just go outside and play."

Kids don't have many rights in some households (like the kids that might have to put their cellphones in a basket) and I want him to be able to contact me at any time. What if the parent asks why he wants to call home? I don't want my child to feel uncomfortable trying to get to a phone to get out of a situation. I remember myself having to ask parents more than one time if I could call my parents and they tried to give me the third degree on why I wanted to call them. I don't want my child to ever have to explain to another parent that he wants to go home. I want him to be able to call me and let me, the adult, do the interaction with the parent. This will be more important when he hits high school and more dangerous behaviors are involved such as drinking, drugs etc.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I forgot to comment on the basket for cell phones. I will never forget when DD snuck her cell into the bathroom (at age 8) and called me to come get her becuase her friend's father was screaming and throwing things (nothing we knew about him would have made any of us think he would act like this--and he was originally schedueld to be out of town anyway for the party she was at). She was scared half to death. Another girl had asked to use the phone and been told she could not. Of course, I called that other friend's mom as well and we both went to get our girls (with our husbands for back up). The dad was still in a rage when we got there (apparently over losing in a video game to his son?). After that--she keeps her phone in private homes. She does not use it to chat or text but she darn well does not have to give it to a home owner and will not be going anywhere where the parents want to take it. Camp is a different matter--more controlled and more adults and I am surprised the OPs neighbors were at a camp where cells are allowed. Most do not allow them and for good reason.

 

[LisaR]

She agrees with me. Not often, but in this instance.

OP, when my kids were younger, I truly believed there wasn't a need for a cell phone. I swore mine wouldn't get them until they could drive. One day when my DD was 10.5, she was dropped off at an activity. It was suppose to end 3 hours later. In the middle of it, the facility lost power and they dismissed the kids to the outside of the building with very little adult supervision. It was a mess and my DD was very unnerved by the whole situation and so was I. She had a phone the next day.

You need to keep in mind that you are the parent and you have control over this. My kids, like most kids, enjoy texting. I don't but I also don't like the Wii, the DS, Facebook or Miley Cirus but I am not a teenager. I like the fact that I can give them what they enjoy (texting) but put limits on it. It is impossible for them to text 14,000 times a month because they have limited texting. Don't ever say never. Things change. Just remember that there are ways to control the situation so they aren't spending their entire time texting.

 

[C.Ann]

Alrighty then.. Just don't ever move to an area that doesn't have cell phone service (and yes - there are still plenty of areas like that) because it appears that many kids will have to live a solitary existence if cell phones are the deal breaker in terms of being allowed to visit with their friends..

Very, very odd to me..

 

[DrCavin]

I think we'll also have a basket where the kids can drop their cell phones (turned off) when they come in the house.

Ethan will be at a friends house a lot

 

[mhsjax]

I would assume that a person who would ask kids to leave their cell phones in a basket - turned off - when visiting in their home would have a land line.. I'm sure the intent would not be to hold these kids hostage with no "outside contact" with their parents..

As long as there is a land line available, I don't see the problem.. DGD's best friend often sleeps over or comes up here to the lake for the weekend and when her dad needs to talk to her (or she wants to talk to him) they use the land line.. Actually I can't think of any children who come to DD's house that are contacted by cell phone (even though they have them).. The parents call on the land line..

Ok, here is an example, my daughter's best friend has a land line and I know here number by heart, however, alot of times their phone is busy or is on fax status, Dad works from home and doesn't have a designated business line. On more than one occasion I have had to walk down the road to get her, and not at the most convenient times. And most of my kids friends parents call them on their cell phones. Like the other poster, most of the time I am in a hurry and I don't want to have a conversation with the other parent. And to not do so appears rude in my opinion.