Moving away from kids...

[HHSTigerFan]

We have always been in touch, as friends, emailing and maybe a call a month, my wife knew all about it, all was above board..

 

[HHSTigerFan]

And you just hooked up a few weeks ago but she is buying your way already?

Like I said, have always been friends..

 

[eliza61]

If my life was more stable, I wouldn't be thinking about this, but it is what it is.

So pretty much every one here has told you how this will affect your children, so now I'm going to give you some words of wisdom from my situation. I'm going to make the assumption that pretty much you're a decent guy.


Last year my world also tumbled down, although my life was thrown apart from the death of my husband, some times a loss is a loss.

Please believe me from experience. WHEN YOUR LIFE IS UNSTABLE, THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS TRY TO THINK!!!

let me tell you, the last year has been a Tsunami of emotions. I have ran through every gamut imaginable. I have pretty much been the poster child for "psychology today" Now a divorce is very much a "death" of a lot of things and many of the same feelings pop up.

I CANNOT STATE THIS ANY MORE EMPHATICALLY!! this is not the time you want to make major life altering decisions

A few months after my dh's funeral I really hit bottom and my pastor told me some thing that really help. "Some times when you are at the end of your rope, the best thing to do is to tie a knot in it and simply hang on".

So my advice for you is simply that.

Tie a knot in your rope, your life is unstable, ok wait for the storm to pass and your boat get's stable.
As Tina above said, own your feelings, believe it or not, they are pretty normal. Do you know how many times I wanted to "run away" this past year? I hate my job, I hate my house, one of my sons is driving me crazy and my freakin dog just needed a 4000 dollar operation to remove his cataracts. Believe me buddy, there have been days where if I could have found my credit card I would have been sooo outta here.

Now believe it or not, the dis helped me. Mainly because I could come here and read people still enjoying life. some times when you are in the mist of a storm, you can't see beyond the gail force winds. So for me reading post from people about their "happy" life let me "see" outside my pain. now it may not be as easy for you but one thing for certain, destroying your relationship with your kids is definitely not going to help.

As some one else mentioned, the problem with running away is that "you" are where ever you run to.

 

[2forMe]

My lawyer said I could get spousal maintenance for a few years, I told him no way, she needs that income to raise the kids and keep the house going.. Just like I refused to take a single thing, other than my clothes, out of the house..

Go back to your lawyer and get spousal support and fair share of assests...then you will not have to live with Mom.
As for moving to be with your new girlfriend (yes that is really what you are asking)....terruble awful idea. Your kids should come first.

Oh just read she cannot move because of her kids...so it is OK for you to move away from your kids...sounds like a double standard.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We have always been in touch, as friends, emailing and maybe a call a month, my wife knew all about it, all was above board..

And now you want to hook up. So in essence you have been carrying on an emotional affair while married.

It is obvious that you have already made the decision to abandon your children. Just own it. You are planning on damaging them, but I suppose you can't see that.

Not sure what to tell your children, esp. since you are planning to become the "daddy" to other kids.

My dh's dad married someone with 6 kids. Yea, that was a hard pill to swallow.

His dad is a DAD to those kids in another state. He is a stranger to my DH.

 

[NFLDERS]

How are you able to anticipate how much time you will need until you no longer feel like you are suffocating? In all likelihood, you would get down there and not return.

Chicago is a big city with plenty of suburbs. Can't you move away from those who are suffocating you, find new friends, find yourself, start anew, and still be near your kids?

This would be my choice. Sorry for the situation your children will need you. Long distance relationships are too complicated.

 

[ronandannette]

Well, at least you get another set of kids out of the deal. Sounds reasonable.

And another female breadwinner...and so the cycle begins again. But watch out for cycles; they're circular and circles tend to be, well, you know, vicious.

 

[Granny square]

Like I said, have always been friends..

So she makes you feel a happy and screw your kids. Got it.

 

[mnrose]

So my advice for you is simply that.

Tie a knot in your rope, your life is unstable, ok wait for the storm to pass and your boat get's stable.
As Tina above said, own your feelings, believe it or not, they are pretty normal. Do you know how many times I wanted to "run away" this past year? I hate my job, I hate my house, one of my sons is driving me crazy and my freakin dog just needed a 4000 dollar operation to remove his cataracts. Believe me buddy, there have been days where if I could have found my credit card I would have been sooo outta here.

Such good advice. I hope the OP has his ears and heart open. This is the dumbest idea EVER, IMO. OP, you will devastate your children. They deserve better. Put them FIRST, not this "new shiny thing" which isn't going to be new and shiny for very long.

 

[delyrium]

OP, I don't spend a lot of time on this forum, but I've been here enough to know that the voices here are pretty diverse, and debates can get pretty heated. Does it say anything to you that in a six page thread, not one person here has a dissenting opinion? DON'T MOVE TO TEXAS.

 

[HHSTigerFan]

Job wise, this is where I am... During the warm months I work a lot, normally 7 days a week and about 70 hours a week, cold months I scrape up whatever I can.. Until April 1, don't have much lined up.. I have an offer down there to work a few temp jobs...

Which is why I asked earlier about going down for 4-5 mos.. Mom has made it clear she doesn't want me here, no friends have asked me to stay with them.. So the thought was to go work down there til April 1

 

[mnrose]

Forget my earlier advice. I'm not buying any of this. I think we're being punk'd.

The parceling out of information (which gets worse with each revelation). Never answering any of the posts directly. And no MAN who considers himself a DAD would ever consider what is being proposed by the OP.

Smells fishy. CATfishy.

True dat. Either the OP has only two brain cells to rub together or we are being had. This is ridiculous. It makes me so friggen angry that any MAN (real man, not pretend one) would even consider this stupid scenario. He "understands" why his "new fling" can't leave the state because of her kids, but he thinks it's totally reasonably to abandon his. What?!?!?! Her kids are more important than yours? Really? Does anyone think that?

 

[mnrose]

Job wise, this is where I am... During the warm months I work a lot, normally 7 days a week and about 70 hours a week, cold months I scrape up whatever I can.. Until April 1, don't have much lined up.. I have an offer down there to work a few temp jobs...

Which is why I asked earlier about going down for 4-5 mos.. Mom has made it clear she doesn't want me here, no friends have asked me to stay with them.. So the thought was to go work down there til April 1

OP just noticed your ticker....is it old, or are you really going on holiday in 1 month, 6 days? And with which family...the old or new?

If you are REALLY going to Disneyworld in one month, 6 days, cancel it and get yourself an apartment (and some dignity) instead. If you claim someone else is "gifting" you this trip (which always seems to be the case here on the DIS when someone claims poverty, but always has an active ticker going for the next Disney trip), then ask them to cash in your share instead.

You are being ridiculous, and no amount of rationalization will change the facts. You are abandoning your children to be with your new bimbo (and that's what she is....anyone who is encouraging you to abandon YOUR children while unwilling to abandon her own...well, that person isn't worth your time or attention).

 

[HHSTigerFan]

No trip planned, that was last year

 

[mnrose]

What kind of woman would ever encourage a father to abandon his kids? You keep glossing over that point. She is NO catch. None.

Let her visit you. Go down occassionally. Do not move. Don't do it. It's stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

You've got every single poster here in agreement. That is R.A.R.E on the Dis. Not one supporting you. Not even one qualified "maybe" for you. Yet, you still blindly want to move ahead. Ignore all the advice.

Whatever. I'm done. I feel sorry, very sorry for your kids.

 

[mrsklamc]

Ok we're being had...potential job in Texas was financial, but now it's outside.

 

[aaarcher86]

Might not be a popular opinion, but I havent seen a single post from the OP concerned about the well being of his children... Just himself. Lots of whining and a pity party no one is RSVP'ing to. OP seems to already have checked out of the lives of his children. Sounds like he's already made up his mind. So go. His children DESERVE better, but it doesn't sound like the OP is willing to step up to the plate. Hopefully the mother can find someone who will down the rode and be a successful double parent. You can't convince someone to be a good parent or want relationship with his kids.

OP, you seem to already have a plan to go. So go. You're on,y setting yourself up for the exact same situation x10 when it doesn't work out. You and your new girlfriend sound like a sad little match made in heaven.

P.S. - the sadness that mommy doesn't want you there and your friends aren't offering up a place to stay IMO says a lot. I could totally see where you'd leap to a cross country move and living with a new family over busting your hump, moving out, and focusing in your kids.

 

[HHSTigerFan]

Ok we're being had...potential job in Texas was financial, but now it's outside.

Where did I say any of that??

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Go back and read his old threads. The college girlfriend's husband killed himself this summer. Her kids are from her first marriage. This is a Dr. Phil episode waiting to happen. Bottom line, the OP is being selfish, knows it, but came to the boards to try and get people to justify what he is doing.

 

[NY Disney fan]

OP: for what its worth my ex-h and I separated when our daughter was 5 months old. We officially divorced by her 1st birthday. My dd has never known us to live under the same roof and has never seen mommy and daddy "together" as a couple. She is 7 years old and cries once in a while becuase we are not married. For some odd reason it is traumatic for her. She loves the both us very much and it kills her that he lives about 15 miles away. He sees her once a month or so becuase of his busy work schedule.

If you move a great distance, and ESPECIALLY if you start a new family with your new life, you can kiss the relationship with your kids goodbye. They will still love you for sure, but it won't be the same.