Moving away from kids...

[HHSTigerFan]

Why don't you fly down there and see her 2-3 days a month, and see how well that relationship works out? It's what you're wanting to do to your kids.

And that's my original plan, actually flying down for the weekend on Thursday... She even bought me another rt for late in December... But my living situation is a mess...

Do have a job interview this afternoon for a night seasonal deal, see how that goes..

 

[Mickeynutty]

My dh's dad moved away at 8yo and he felt abandoned. He is 46 and it still haunts him today. It is a pain that never leaves you, ever.

Basically due to your kids ages, you will become a stranger to them.

I am a court appointed child advocate. Please, reconsider. The pain you will cause your children will change who they are. It will be irreparable.

 

[Granny square]

Heck. Missed that post.

My dad left for a stewardess. Yeah. Talk about cliche. Ditching your kids for someone is crappy. It shows priorities that your children will never forget. They may forgive but they will not forget.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I'm sorry, but leaving your kids behind for a new girlfriend is NEVER the right answer. No way to rationalize it. No way to blame anyone or any situation for it. No excuses to be made. Nothing. Wrong...period.

Find a roommate. Have the new girlfriend move to where you are. Take an extra job or two or three. Have new girlfriend send you a check every month. A parent should do anything at all within their power to be there for their kids.

Also, what kind of woman would even ask you to move away from your kids???? I'd have to question her character if she's saying, "Yeah, leave your kids behind. They'll be fine. I want you here with me instead."

 

[mrsklamc]

Oh, and be prepared for your kids to want nothing to do with you those 2-3 days a month, and for a new man in your ex's life to become their 'real' daddy since you walked away.

I am one of four kids and I'm the only one who takes my mother's phone calls on a regular basis.

 

[Nancyg56]

And that's my original plan, actually flying down for the weekend on Thursday... She even bought me another rt for late in December... But my living situation is a mess... Do have a job interview this afternoon for a night seasonal deal, see how that goes..

My dmil once told me that you take yourself wherever you go. This was almost 40 years ago and I never have forgotten that little bit of wisdom. You can try to justify any move you make, and you can also soothe your conscience by leaving the " household" intact because the mother of your children will need it to support your kids. But the bottom line is that you want to run away and You found someone to run to. Your obligations to your family fall far behind your own wants.

You can fly to Texas and see how it goes, tell yourself you will fly home often, but do not kid yourself. Flights are expensive, life gets in your way and visits will become even less of a priority. And believe me, there is no free ride, so this new "friend" has expectations in exchange for room and board, do factor them into your decision.

 

[Nancyg56]

And that's my original plan, actually flying down for the weekend on Thursday... She even bought me another rt for late in December... But my living situation is a mess... Do have a job interview this afternoon for a night seasonal deal, see how that goes..

Oh geeze! I missed that she was buying your tickets! Yikes! Tiger- you think living with your mom is suffocating. Wait until you find yourself obligated to a woman who has bought and paid your freight.

 

[RadioNate]

And maybe I need to mention the other part of the equation... My friend that I can live with in Dallas is a college girlfriend that I have remained friends with for 20 years... The last 2-3 years she has been a great help as I worked thru my problems, went down to visit her and there was a huge spark still there..

And there it is...

It has nothing to do with jobs or smothering mothers. You will dump your kids for some perceived new "better" life with some old woman. No, that won't cause a lifetime of damage in the Dad left us for her variety.

A relationship is the LAST thing you need. But don't believe me.

Praying this is a troll.

 

[Granny square]

And there it is... It has nothing to do with jobs or smothering mothers. You will dump your kids for some perceived new "better" life with some old woman. No, that won't cause a lifetime of damage in the Dad left us for her variety. A relationship is the LAST thing you need. But don't believe me. Praying this is a troll.

Just another way to be taken care of.

 

[Colleen27]

And maybe I need to mention the other part of the equation...

My friend that I can live with in Dallas is a college girlfriend that I have remained friends with for 20 years... The last 2-3 years she has been a great help as I worked thru my problems, went down to visit her and there was a huge spark still there..

That makes it worse. No matter how you spin it to your kids, they're going to see this as you leaving them for her. It is too soon to jump into a new relationship at all, especially one that demands you leave them behind to pursue it. Take the relationship aspect slow and tread carefully - jumping in too soon will almost certainly create resentment as the kids begin to wonder if the New Woman is really the Other Woman or otherwise factored into the divorce. Go visit her when you can. If that goes well for a while, invite her to come visit you after some time has passed and the kids are fairly well adjusted to their new realities. Don't jump in with both feet before the divorce is even final.

Look, I get bad job markets... I live in the Detroit area and my husband is in construction. He considered going down to Texas himself - he has a standing job offer with a Houston-based company - but even in the context of an intact marriage we ultimately decided it would be far too hard on the kids for him to be gone so much of the time. Kids need more than a once-a-month or every-other-weekend father, particularly when they're used to Dad being very involved, and as adults we do what we need to do to make sure the kids have what they need.

 

[Skywalker]

Also, what kind of woman would even ask you to move away from your kids???? I'd have to question her character if she's saying, "Yeah, leave your kids behind. They'll be fine. I want you here with me instead."

Ha, have to admit this is what I was thinking as well. The OP says he's been seeing her for a couple of years to work out problems...yeah...and being manipulated into leaving his family for her. Don't know what kind of woman scores a victory on the backs of little children but whatever. I guess the same kind of woman that thinks an unemployed man living with his mom and willing to abandon his children while she supports him is a good catch.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Seriously?

You really want to leave your young children and move to another state to be with another woman? That is so beyond selfish I can't even wrap my mind around it.

If nothing else keep this in mind....lets say you move down there, move in with this new woman (who is actively trying to get you to move away from your kids ), things go good for a short while but then you break up and your free place to live is no longer available. In this case you disrupted your children's lives for nothing.

Even if for some reason you did end up with this woman for the rest of your life (not really likely) I still think abandoning your children for a relationship is sick. Your children deserve so much more than that and they will come to hate you in the end.

 

[Jennasis]

Forget my earlier advice. I'm not buying any of this. I think we're being punk'd.

The parceling out of information (which gets worse with each revelation). Never answering any of the posts directly. And no MAN who considers himself a DAD would ever consider what is being proposed by the OP.

Smells fishy. CATfishy.

 

[HHSTigerFan]

As for other person, hadn't seen her in about 7 years until a few weeks ago, absolutely nothing inappropriate has gone one.. She is from this area, wants to move back, but after her divorce about 5 years ago, she can't leave the state with her kids until they are 18, 6 years away.

If my life was more stable, I wouldn't be thinking about this, but it is what it is.

 

[Nancyg56]

Ha, have to admit this is what I was thinking as well. The OP says he's been seeing her for a couple of years to work out problems...yeah...and being manipulated into leaving his family for her. Don't know what kind of woman scores a victory on the backs of little children but whatever. I guess the same kind of woman that thinks an unemployed man living with his mom and willing to abandon his children while she supports him is a good catch.

Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Back up the train! What kind of man leaves his family for a woman who he has been seeing for years while he was being supported by his wife???

I get that the woman's character is displayed by her behavior, but in my opinion, no woman can manipulate a man if he does not want to be manipulated. This guy was looking for a way out, and he found it. He wull dump his kids and move on until the New Girl dumps him. Then he will move back to his "smothering" Mother, who I suspect is not smothering. She probably is tired of his excuses and is trying to get this deadbeat to man up.

 

[mrsklamc]

As for other person, hadn't seen her in about 7 years until a few weeks ago, absolutely nothing inappropriate has gone one.. She is from this area, wants to move back, but after her divorce about 5 years ago, she can't leave the state with her kids until they are 18, 6 years away.

If my life was more stable, I wouldn't be thinking about this, but it is what it is.

Ok if we aren't being catfished.... Go ahead and tell yourself your kids are going to accept that excuse someday. Also...a few WEEKS ago?!?

 

[Granny square]

As for other person, hadn't seen her in about 7 years until a few weeks ago, absolutely nothing inappropriate has gone one.. She is from this area, wants to move back, but after her divorce about 5 years ago, she can't leave the state with her kids until they are 18, 6 years away. If my life was more stable, I wouldn't be thinking about this, but it is what it is.

So she won't leave hers but you don't have a problem with it.

 

[delyrium]

Well, at least you get another set of kids out of the deal. Sounds reasonable.

 

[Granny square]

And you just hooked up a few weeks ago but she is buying your way already?

 

[lovemygoofy]

As for other person, hadn't seen her in about 7 years until a few weeks ago, absolutely nothing inappropriate has gone one.. She is from this area, wants to move back, but after her divorce about 5 years ago, she can't leave the state with her kids until they are 18, 6 years away.

If my life was more stable, I wouldn't be thinking about this, but it is what it is.

Just own that the whole Dallas thing is tempting. You are coming out of a marriage and now getting a little interest from someone else. It's going to be flattering especially at this time. Just own those thoughts.

However, your life isn't going to be more stable if you move to TX. I promise TX isn't so magical that once you enter the state all is right in the world. You will still be going through a divorce, you'll still be leaving your children behind, and you'll still be unemployed.

Just think about all the people you see on tv crying about their abandonment from parents. In 10-15 years you do not want your children crying to Dr. Phil Jr that their dad abandon them because it was too hard to stay and do the right thing.

Your living situations sucks right now, sure. Life isn't peaches for your children right now either. Everytime you think this is hard and not fun, think about them and how they would feel without you around at all.

If you are already done and want out of your hometown, then own it and leave. Don't try to justify just own it.