Mother-In-Law overstepping her boundaries...

[luvsJack]

And you wouldn't wonder why she didn't simply ask you, instead of breaking the law and checking herself?

I may ask her why she didn't ask me, but I wouldn't make a federal case out of it.

 

[tlbwriter]

I may ask her why she didn't ask me, but I wouldn't make a federal case out of it.

Ironic, since she would be making a federal case out of it by breaking that law...

Seriously, if you don't feel you can ASK ME that information, you are probably not close enough to have it in the first place.

 

[luvmy3]

Ironic, since she would be making a federal case out of it by breaking that law...

Seriously, if you don't feel you can ASK ME that information, you are probably not close enough to have it in the first place.

Add to that, if you don't feel you can ask, then your motives aren't as innocent as "caring and concern".

I wouldn't care if my ILs or my own parent asking about that info, or even seeing it, but if they went about it the way the OPs MIL did then there would be a problem.

 

[OceanAnnie]

With the advent of the new electronic health record laws, the entities are required to monitor and deal with unauthorized access to private health records. In other words, frequent audits are already the norm in many agencies. Not all agencies are yet compliant as they were given a few years to upgrade technology.

OP's MIL broke federal law. As Lynne M said, it woudl be a kindness to explain this to her, if it is not already too late.

The weird thing is the MIL should know. Don't nurses have to take in service classes or something about HIPPA laws? I thought they did. I don't know. Maybe she knows and doesn't take it seriously.

 

[luvsJack]

Ironic, since she would be making a federal case out of it by breaking that law...
Seriously, if you don't feel you can ASK ME that information, you are probably not close enough to have it in the first place.

How true!

Sometimes when the info is there and you want to know something, its hard not to just "peek".

 

[sstanaford]

I find the uproar over this kinda weird-like women WANT to find something to hate their MIL about/

I don't see it as wanting to find something to hate her about but she overstepped her boundries by accessing information that is private. There is a reason you sigh RELEASE forms at the doctor's office and state who you want to be able to access them. If her name was not on the form then she can't access them...PERIOD.

And who are you to say what her relationship is like because if she is anything like my MIL then she is definately someone that needs to be in control and will go to any means to make that happen. My MIL has called our bank pretending to be me to get information about our finances. Why because she can't stand not being in control of her kids life. I know this because she has said that to me. She told me that she is their mom and no matter how old they are she can tell them what to do because she is their mom.

That kind of thinking/relationship is wrong and any therapist will tell you that.

Back to the original poster. If it were me I'd tell her that she overstepped her bourndries and then clearly state that she is not allowed to access any information on your children (and you guys) again and if it happens then you will report her. I'd ask your pediactricians office to monitor access to your childres records. If she does it again report her. Just because she is blood doesn't mean she is exempt from the law. You break a law you face the punishment. That is why we have laws.

And someone else asked if it were her mom if she'd feel the same way. I know I would. The only people that I feel should have access to their child's info is the parents. If it were my mom you can bet I'd be saying something and if she didn't stop I'd be turning her in as well.

 

[ccgirl]

"She will get caught"

I would not count on it...
Not unless somebody raises a question...

Sure, these things are tracked... but unless one is audited... with the hundreds and thousands of records accessed by medical offices every day... I really don't see how this would ever come to light.

I have worked years in healthcare IT. People get caught and fired more than you would believe. Even though you tell them upon hire their every move is monitored they don't believe you. It is actually a job of someone just to monitor access. As I said before, all IT depts I have worked for have written reports so that if a user accesses medical information of someone with the same name (you need to sign a release before you can even access your own records), the same last name, the same address, someone you are designated as a parent/guardian or next of kin your user name will pop up in the report. The person whose job it is (ususally an MIS Analyst) will then review the report. This is DAILY. They will contact the manager to verify the access was needed. We have had nurses fired or accessing their husbands records quite a few times. Since they had the same last name as the patient, their name popped up on the report. The rest is history, along with the employee. There is also a field on registration called "VIP" or something to that affect. Politicians, Dignitaries, Actor/Actresses etc are usually designated this. Any user that accesses their records pops up on the list as well. Their access need is verified. This is to prevent leaks to the press. Again, it is someone's job, in some cases more than one person's job to monitor access.

 

[tlbwriter]

We have had nurses fired or accessing their husbands records quite a few times.

Which raises a question... how much of this is HIPAA and how much is the hospital's own policy? For example, if I'm a nurse in a hospital, I know it's not a HIPAA violation to access my own medical records, and if my husband has signed a release naming me, it's not illegal for me to access his records. But individual hospitals probably have polices preventing me from accessing those records on my own, right?

 

[ccgirl]

The weird thing is the MIL should know. Don't nurses have to take in service classes or something about HIPPA laws? I thought they did. I don't know. Maybe she knows and doesn't take it seriously.

Yup...she sure did. As did anyone else that has computer access. Even housekeeping as they can see the patient name of someone in a bed (but not medical information). I was responsible for holding these classes. You would be amazed at what some people think they have a "right" to look at and their attitudes at "not getting caught". I even would tell the class about the audit reports. But, they must have thought I was lying because people are still fired for it. Also, a patient at a hospital (at least the ones I worked at) can request a list of all users that accessed their medical records.

 

[Missy1961]

I have worked years in healthcare IT. People get caught and fired more than you would believe. Even though you tell them upon hire their every move is monitored they don't believe you. It is actually a job of someone just to monitor access. As I said before, all IT depts I have worked for have written reports so that if a user accesses medical information of someone with the same name (you need to sign a release before you can even access your own records), the same last name, the same address, someone you are designated as a parent/guardian or next of kin your user name will pop up in the report. The person whose job it is (ususally an MIS Analyst) will then review the report. This is DAILY. They will contact the manager to verify the access was needed. We have had nurses fired or accessing their husbands records quite a few times. Since they had the same last name as the patient, their name popped up on the report. The rest is history, along with the employee. There is also a field on registration called "VIP" or something to that affect. Politicians, Dignitaries, Actor/Actresses etc are usually designated this. Any user that accesses their records pops up on the list as well. Their access need is verified. This is to prevent leaks to the press. Again, it is someone's job, in some cases more than one person's job to monitor access.

Which raises a question... how much of this is HIPAA and how much is the hospital's own policy? For example, if I'm a nurse in a hospital, I know it's not a HIPAA violation to access my own medical records, and if my husband has signed a release naming me, it's not illegal for me to access his records. But individual hospitals probably have polices preventing me from accessing those records on my own, right?

I think the answers to your questions are in the post above yours--you must have been posting at the same time!

 

[WicketsMom]

Just verified with the pediatrician that only the vaccination records are online, anything else has to have a parent's approval. I didn't divulge that his records had been accessed, only that I was curious as to what was available online.

DH is not OK with her accessing our child's records, he just thinks that what I said was enough and didn't speak to her himself. I did tell her that it is illegal and unethical for her to do that and that she is not to look at his information anymore. (p.s. She is one that would blab information to anyone that will listen. When I was having some issues with breastfeeding, she told me she was asking patients that came in about their experience and telling them the details of my story. That was the last bit of personal information on me I have shared with her.) And yes, I would have the same reaction if it were my mother going behind my back.

As other posters have mentioned, she does have major control issues. FWIW, we are not young parents either - both of us are over 40 with good jobs that provide excellent health insurance. We own our home and our son is enrolled in a private preschool (that requires him to be up-to-date on vaccines). There was no valid reason for her to doubt that he wasn't receiving the care he needs, she is just nosy!

And she is not the 'super-caring grandmother' either that was looking out for her only grandson. When we announced we were expecting, she literally stomped out of the room in a fit. At the delivery, she pushed her way back into the room (after we had asked everyone to leave) as we were going in for a c-section and said "Why don't you get them to tie your tubes while you're in there?" I try to remain civil with her because she is my son's grandmother, but she keeps pushing the wrong buttons and is making that harder and harder to do!

 

[Carnie]

She needs a good punch in the junk.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yup...she sure did. As did anyone else that has computer access. Even housekeeping as they can see the patient name of someone in a bed (but not medical information). I was responsible for holding these classes. You would be amazed at what some people think they have a "right" to look at and their attitudes at "not getting caught". I even would tell the class about the audit reports. But, they must have thought I was lying because people are still fired for it. Also, a patient at a hospital (at least the ones I worked at) can request a list of all users that accessed their medical records.

I thought so.

I think the OP's incident highlights exactly the bolded comments. I'm sure it happens a lot. To a degree, I understand the temptation. The information is just a few keystrokes away. Nurses are human and subject to curiosity like everyone else. But I don't condone it. It isn't ethically right. That should be the stopping point. Even if it weren't a law, it isn't ethical to peruse someone's medical records.

 

[ccgirl]

Which raises a question... how much of this is HIPAA and how much is the hospital's own policy? For example, if I'm a nurse in a hospital, I know it's not a HIPAA violation to access my own medical records, and if my husband has signed a release naming me, it's not illegal for me to access his records. But individual hospitals probably have polices preventing me from accessing those records on my own, right?

For HIPAA, it is a "need" to know the records. Usually a medical need, for example a patient you are caring for. IF you need your own records, or your husbands, you need to go the Medical Records department and fill out a release and they will get you the records. Usually, you need a release for everytime you access those records as well.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I try to remain civil with her because she is my son's grandmother, but she keeps pushing the wrong buttons and is making that harder and harder to do!

As mentioned, I have BTDT with this kind person....

I hung in there and remained 'civil'... (about bit my tongue off many times!! Hahahaha!!!) That is UNTIL this started affecting my son....

And, if she is nosing into your son's private physical medical records.... Guess What... This IS affecting and will CONTINUE to affect him.

There was an inappropriate incident when my was six years old....

That is when it all changed and I managed to do what I needed to do to protect myself, my son, our personal boundaries, etc.....

Just a 'heads up' for what might be coming your way...

And, yes I have remained 'civil' with my son's grandmother...
But what was involved was a confrontation with my DH.....
I told him that I simply could and would not be subjected to that any longer... I know that he loves his parents.. and he can continue with them however he wishes... But I drew a huge, huge, line in the sand... Never again would his mother's wishes and issues come before my son's best interests... ever....

FIL did finally apologize... and we did see them... but I never really even exchanged words at all with FIL, until he went to his death with the very same narcissitic, controlling, personality that he was born with (honey, it never will change... it can't...) DH loves his mother and does feel some obligation to her.... we see her often... But, the bottom line is that it is like visiting somebody in prison, behind protective glass... there is very little real interaction there.... "How's the weather..." listen to her go on and on (and on.....) about herself while we discuss NOTHING personal with her at all... First, realize that information is POWER to this kind of person... And, when she wanted 'information', you now know that she will go to illegal measures to find out what she wants.... This is not the first time, and will NOT be the last time, that she will invade your privacy and personal boundaries. You have to come to terms with that ASAP.

My advice GUARD and protect your information very diligently.... This includes online information, information, such as mail not put away while she is there... Even verbal/conversational information, such as comments about anything that might be going on your personal lives that she could have any remote interest into prying into...

I can only offer you my insight as one who has been where you are at.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If I was positive she'd actually done this, I'd report her in a heartbeat. You've already confronted her and she doesn't see that what she did was illegal and unethical, so you gave her a chance and she blew it.

Normally, I'd let my husband deal with his wacky relatives, but since he won't, I would. This is a total violation of your family's privacy and none of her business. If she's doing this to you, who knows what else she's looking up that's none of her business. We have privacy laws for a reason.

Yes, I totally agree, in theory!!!!!

However, I know that it will probably take some time, and further violations, before the OP would come to a place where she could bring herself to to that....

I know... It took me not months, but years, to come to the point where I could take the stand I needed to take.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I would not be upset that she saw the records. At our Drs. office, I signed a form that gave access to immunization, I think others have talked about it. It's not illegal for people to look at them, actually it makes some situations much easier, like playing sports outside of the school etc.


BUT, BUT, isn't there always a BUT, you need to talk to her about directly addressing your son with this problem. Hopefully DH will understand once you calmly explain why this is so wrong.

MY son is very close to my mother and father. My father told him tons of stuff before he passed. This little 8yo knew where his money stash was. SO wrong on many levels. Fast forward a few years and now my Mom is telling his stuff he doesn't need to know. Personal family stuff, friends lives stuff, really bad. I finally sat down and told her that my DS was the only person who visits her on a regular basis and does tons of work for her. He love to sit and do puzzles and watch TV with her. He is a teenager. This is really sweet and not common. I had to tell her if she continued to tell him all the stuff, his visits would stuff immediately, NO SECOND WARNING. She has slipped a little here and there, not enough to follow through, but enough to give her the "I know" eye. THIS is what I think you are headed for if she shares things already with him. Talk to your DH about this, use me as an example etc... My son knows when I became sexually active, when I took my first drink etc, things I did growing up. HE doesn't want to know, she overstepped the line.

Good luck, as I said, I would use the immunization as an example but ultimately she needs to have a grandmother/grandson relationship with him.

 

[luvsJack]

Some keep saying they would report her. So you would be so vindicitive to your MIL that you would cause her to lose her means of support and income?

IF I had an issue with it, I would confront her and tell her to back off and not do it again. And I would remind her it was illegal. But, I don't think I could cause my mil to be without a job (and possibly not hirable to another one).

 

[ols386]

Some keep saying they would report her. So you would be so vindicitive to your MIL that you would cause her to lose her means of support and income?

IF I had an issue with it, I would confront her and tell her to back off and not do it again. And I would remind her it was illegal. But, I don't think I could cause my mil to be without a job (and possibly not hirable to another one).

I totally agree with you.

 

[Andtototoo]

Some keep saying they would report her. So you would be so vindicitive to your MIL that you would cause her to lose her means of support and income?

IF I had an issue with it, I would confront her and tell her to back off and not do it again. And I would remind her it was illegal. But, I don't think I could cause my mil to be without a job (and possibly not hirable to another one).

The person causing the MIL to lose her job is the MIL. It was her choice to violate the law.

It's like blaming the cops for arresting you for committing a crime.