Mother-In-Law overstepping her boundaries...

[Freyja]

What she did is obviously wrong and very unprofessional if not illegal. However, I have to ask, why do you mind that she pulled them up?

 

[WicketsMom]

I am not sure I wouldn't....if she is looking up your sons, she is looking you up as well as DH and probably all her neighbors.

She just said it was the immunization database for the state. There shouldn't be anything on there at this point for my or my husband. I am waiting on a call back from my pediatrician to see if the immunization records are all that are online or if the full medical records are.

I definitely would not put it past her to look up anything she can get her hands on. My father-in-law was the physician and owner of this office until he died a few years ago, and she worked in the office with him for many years, so she is used to looking up whatever she wants. He was also my husband's physician so she has seen any records of his up to that point anyway.

I was very shocked that she just blurted out that she had looked it up at all. We weren't even talking about anything related to it. She may have done that just to see my reaction!

 

[Art 1]

Your lucky that she cares so much. Did she find any that you missed?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

While what she did was illegal, I would not start WW3 over it.

However I could care less if my MIL or my family knew my kids immunization records anyway. So it would not bother me in the first place.

 

[ccgirl]

If a clinic uses a patient information system and database that is also used by other clinics or a parent hospital, shouldn't there be security in place to prevent a user to access information for patients they are not currently treating? If not, that is a flaw in the software or a flaw in the health network's implementation of the software.

Correct. If you read my post further I said there is access in place to prevent those in one clinic from looking up visits from another clinic. Not a flaw in the software, more a flaw in the implementation of it.

I am not sure I wouldn't....if she is looking up your sons, she is looking you up as well as DH and probably all her neighbors.

This. SOrry, but that info is private and she should not have access to it. I would tell her directly that I felt very violated by what she does.

 

[disneyquestions]

While I would not want my MIL to be looking up my child's records, I would not report her. Your report could cause her to lose her job as well as her license.

This. And personally, though I wouldn't appreciate it, I wouldn't think if it as such a big deal. Just me....

 

[Andtototoo]

I don't know why she wanted to know. It's not like there is a question as to whether he is current or not because he is enrolled in preschool and therefore it is required (and I would have it current even if it wasn't).

She doesn't ask me anything. When she comes to our house she barges in and takes over like she owns the place. Drives me crazy, but her visits are becoming less frequent and usually just overnight so I'm learning to suck it up while she's here. I'm just glad she doesn't live closer!

As much as I would love to report her to put her in her place, it would cause more problems than it will solve. If she loses her job I'm not sure where she would live so it's not worth that risk. I am getting in touch with my child's pediatrician to alert them and see what I can find out and/or block from that end. She wasn't the least bit remorseful and thought I was out of line for getting angry with her.

Do you think ALL she accessed was your son's immunization records?

I doubt it.

If she had no remorse, I think I'd be explaining to her that if I chose to report her, she could lose her job asap.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am very understanding when it comes to MILs, but yours over-stepped her bounds. She has no business accessing your son's records.

I doubt I would cause trouble for her, but it is worth mentioning to your pediatrician to find out who has access to which records.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

What she did is obviously wrong and very unprofessional if not illegal. However, I have to ask, why do you mind that she pulled them up?

Because grandma is not the parent of the child.


I could not contain myself--I would say something to Grandma if after strongly urging my husband to do so, he didn't. Grandma would have to understand that what she did was quite illegal and she is darn lucky that I did not report her.

I tend to agree with others that it is unlikely she only looked up the one child's record.

Just because you "know" someone or are "blood related" to them, does not give you the right to abuse your access and look up private information, regardless of how "harmless" it is for them to know.

 

[hereyago]

Because grandma is not the parent of the child.


I could not contain myself--I would say something to Grandma if after strongly urging my husband to do so, he didn't. Grandma would have to understand that what she did was quite illegal and she is darn lucky that I did not report her.

I tend to agree with others that it is unlikely she only looked up the one child's record.

Just because you "know" someone or are "blood related" to them, does not give you the right to abuse your access and look up private information, regardless of how "harmless" it is for them to know.

Exactly. The grandmother knows what she did was illegal and wrong, and has no remorse. I say report her. and have a talk with the husband, about he needs to realize that she has to have boundaries since the OP has had boundary issues other then the sneaking a peak at records.

 

[bumbershoot]

Your report could cause her to lose her job as well as her license.

But she would *deserve* those things if they happened.

I told her that it was illegal and unethical for her to pull them up for someone that was not her patient. She does not think she did anything wrong.

If she's not following the law, she's not following the law. Which means she might be doing all sorts of other violations. Probably deserves to be reported and to take those consequences.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Exactly. The grandmother knows what she did was illegal and wrong, and has no remorse. I say report her. and have a talk with the husband, about he needs to realize that she has to have boundaries since the OP has had boundary issues other then the sneaking a peak at records.

I'm not sure if I would report her...

but if she said it weren't a big deal, I would ask her what her boss or the state licensing board would say? If she said they wouldn't care....I'd be tempted to say that I would double check for her.

 

[horseshowmom]

She just said it was the immunization database for the state. There shouldn't be anything on there at this point for my or my husband. I am waiting on a call back from my pediatrician to see if the immunization records are all that are online or if the full medical records are.

I would be careful here because it's possible that they will be required to report her.

I definitely would not put it past her to look up anything she can get her hands on. My father-in-law was the physician and owner of this office until he died a few years ago, and she worked in the office with him for many years, so she is used to looking up whatever she wants. He was also my husband's physician so she has seen any records of his up to that point anyway.

The fact that his dad was his doctor would indicate that your husband does not have an issue with them seeing his records - which I completely understand (and I would feel the same way).

I was very shocked that she just blurted out that she had looked it up at all. We weren't even talking about anything related to it. She may have done that just to see my reaction!

What she did was absolutely wrong. If it had been me, I would have looked at her in amazement and asked her why she had done that. I would have followed (in a calm tone) with the fact that I didn't think that was appropriate behavior and added that I doubt it was legal either.

I would not report her because while I might be annoyed, it would not be worth the damage it would cause (even though I realize she didn't bother to take that into consideration). As someone else said, she's your husband's mother and your child's grandmother.

Do I blame you for being mad? Definitely not. But I can also see why your husband doesn't see it as such a big deal (having grown up in a medical family).

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm not sure if I would report her...

but if she said it weren't a big deal, I would ask her what her boss or the state licensing board would say? If she said they wouldn't care....I'd be tempted to say that I would double check for her.

Very well put!

 

[Magic Mom]

While what she did was illegal, I would not start WW3 over it.

However I could care less if my MIL or my family knew my kids immunization records anyway. So it would not bother me in the first place.

What she said.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would be careful here because it's possible that they will be required to report her.




The fact that his dad was his doctor would indicate that your husband does not have an issue with them seeing his records - which I completely understand (and I would feel the same way).




What she did was absolutely wrong. If it had been me, I would have looked at her in amazement and asked her why she had done that. I would have followed (in a calm tone) with the fact that I didn't think that was appropriate behavior and added that I doubt it was legal either.

I would not report her because while I might be annoyed, it would not be worth the damage it would cause (even though I realize she didn't bother to take that into consideration). As someone else said, she's your husband's mother and your child's grandmother.

Do I blame you for being mad? Definitely not. But I can also see why your husband doesn't see it as such a big deal (having grown up in a medical family).

This issue aside, when does it become okay to not protect someone when they do something illegal?

Mom has a problem with it and that is enough. There is likely no existing written permission that gives MIL the right to look up the info regardless of how comfy DH may be with it.

While I don't favor reporting it--I would favor making sure she understands how inappropriate it was. And if she fails to see that, and DH fails to see that.....I'm not sure what I would do, but I would be quite angry.

 

[NaLisa]

Another vote for having DH explain to her how inappropriate her actions were. I'd also let her know that you won't report her THIS TIME but will not hesitate to do so should she ever violate your family's right to privacy again.

I agree that reporting her or taking action that could result in disciplinary action, revocation of her license or losing her job could cause serious problems among the entire family for years to come.

 

[horseshowmom]

This issue aside, when does it become okay to not protect someone when they do something illegal?

Mom has a problem with it and that is enough. There is likely no existing written permission that gives MIL the right to look up the info regardless of how comfy DH may be with it.

While I don't favor reporting it--I would favor making sure she understands how inappropriate it was. And if she fails to see that, and DH fails to see that.....I'm not sure what I would do, but I would be quite angry.

In my post, I commented that I would definitely make her aware that it was inappropriate and that I felt she had every right to be annoyed. I still say though that while her conduct wasn't appropriate, it's not something that I would report her over. The fallout would be much worse that the actual "crime". JMHO

 

[Cinderella94]

But she would *deserve* those things if they happened.



If she's not following the law, she's not following the law. Which means she might be doing all sorts of other violations. Probably deserves to be reported and to take those consequences.

This is worth repeating.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think that she overstepped but probably thought that since this was family it would be okay. I would never report her, honestly it would not bother me. If this bothers you tell her that.

Just a question, if this was your Mom would your reaction be the same?